PUPPET THEATER.

小狗劇場：

I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT, THAT WILL MAKE SENSE LATER.

我是你的主持人Stephen COLBERT，稍後會有意義的。

NOW I HOPE YOU ALL HAD A GOOD WEEKEND, NOT THAT I AM CONCEDING

現在我希望你們都過了一個愉快的週末，而不是說我要認輸。

THAT THERE WAS A WEEKEND, THAT IS FOR THE COURTS TO DECIDE,

有一個週末，這是由法院決定的。

THE CORONAVIRUS CONTINUES TO SURGE ACROSS THE COUNTRY, AND

冠狀病毒繼續在全國範圍內激增，並且

I'LL TELL YOU THE LATEST IN MY VIRAL SEGMENTS:

我將告訴你我的病毒部門的最新情況。

CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS BUMMER.

捕捉第三波：無盡的繁榮。

>> HOT BLOODED, CHECK IT AND SEE.

>> 熱血沸騰，看看就知道了。

YOU'LL HAVE A FEVER OF A 103!

你會有103度的恐懼！

HAHA, YEAH!

哈哈，YEAH！

>> Stephen: GET OUT, GET OUT.

>> Stephen:滾出去，滾出去。

>> Stephen: THE BAD IS GETTING WORSE.

>> Stephen: 壞事越來越多。

THIS WEEK ALONE, THE U.S. ADDED ONE MILLION NEW CORONAVIRUS

僅本週，美國就新增了100萬個冠狀病毒。

CASES.

案例：

BUT TOP MAGA SCIENTISTS HAVE A SOLUTION:

但頂尖的MAGA科學家有一個解決方案。

>> STOP THE COUNT!

>> 停止計數！

STOP THE COUNT!

停止計數！

STOP THE COUNT!

停止計數！

>> Stephen: AND THE WORST PART IS, THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE WORST,

>> 最糟糕的是，這可能不是最糟糕的。

BECAUSE THE HOLIDAYS ARE APPROACHING.

因為假期快到了。

AS ONE HOSPITAL DIRECTOR WARNED: CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR'S EVE

一位醫院院長警告說：聖誕節和新年前夕。

PARTIES COULD LEAD TO A "GIANT, INTERGENERATIONAL CLUSTER."

各方可能會導致一個 "巨大的、全球性的聚類"。

NORMALLY IF YOU WANT TO SEE A GIANT INTERGENERATIONAL CLUSTER,

通常情況下，如果你想看到一個巨大的通用衣架。

YOU HAVE TO ASK SANTA FOR PORNHUB PREMIUM.

你必須問聖誕老人要色情網站的高級服務。

SO I'VE HEARD.

所以我聽說。

LOCAL OFFICIALS ARE SCRAMBLING TO STOP THE SPREAD.

當地官員正在努力阻止蔓延。

LOS ANGELES MAYOR ERIC GARCETTI ISSUED A STATEMENT, TELLING

洛杉磯市長Eric GARCETTI發表聲明，告知

CITIZENS, "CANCEL THOSE VACATION PLANS RIGHT NOW.

公民，"取消這些度假計劃，現在。

DO NOT SNEAK IN OTHER HOUSEHOLDS FOR THANKSGIVING."

不要在感恩節時偷偷溜進其他家庭。"

I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND SAY THAT SECOND THING IS JUST GOOD ADVICE

我要先說第二件事是個好建議。

UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

在任何情況下。

THERE'S A REASON YOU DON'T HEAR THIS AROUND THE HOLIDAY TABLE;

你在節日餐桌上沒聽到這個消息是有原因的。

"OH, MY TURN?

"哦，輪到我了？

UH, I GUESS I'M THANKFUL THAT YOU LEFT THE BASEMENT DOOR

呃，我想我應該感謝你把地下室的門留了下來

UNLOCKED."

UNLOCKED."

THANKFULLY, THERE'S ADVICE FROM PEOPLE WHO KNOW STUFF.

幸好，有懂行的人提供的建議。

FOR INSTANCE, THE C.D.C. IS SUGGESTING AMERICANS HAVE

目前，中紀委是在暗示美國人已經有了

THANKSGIVING OUTSIDE.

感恩節外。

OKAY, LATE NOVEMBER COULD GET LITTLE NIPPY.

好吧，十一月下旬可以得到小尼普爾。

SO INSTEAD OF A TURKEY I RECOMMEND SERVING EACH GUEST TWO

所以我建議不要吃火雞，而是給每位客人上兩份。

CORNISH GAME HENS, ONE FOR EACH HAND.

CORNISH GAME HENS, one for each hand.

NOW ONCE YOU ARE OUTSIDE, THE CDC HAS PLENTY OF ADDITIONAL

現在，一旦你出了門，疾控中心就有大量的補充資料。

SAFETY RECOMMENDATIONS SUCH AS USE DISPOSABLE ITEMS.

安全建議，如使用一次性物品。

LIKE UTENSILS.

像UTENSILS。

I'M SORRY, WHY?

對不起，為什麼？

DO OTHER PEOPLE SHARE THEIR SILVERWARE AT THANKSGIVING.

在感恩節時，其他人會分享他們的銀器嗎？

NANA COULD YOU PASS THE PEAS, ALSO YOUR FORK, THESE CARROTS

奶奶能不能把豌豆，還有你的叉子，這些胡蘿蔔遞給我？

AREN'T THE SAME WITHOUT THE SWEET ZING OF FIXODENT.

都是一樣的沒有甜美的叮囑FIXODENT。

I DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT AT ALL.

我完全不明白。

I DON'T.

我不知道

CDC ALSO RECOMMENDS BRING YOUR OWN FOOD.

疾控中心還建議自帶食物。

SO JUST TELL YOUR AUNT YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY OF HER HOT FRUIT

所以告訴你姑姑，你不能吃她的熱果。

CASSEROLE THIS YEAR BECAUSE IT IS DR. FAUCI'S ORDERS, NO OTHER

CASSEROLE今年，因為它是博士。FAUCI的訂單，沒有其他訂單

REASON, I LOVE HOT FRUIT.

理由，我愛熱果。

THEY ALSO ADVISE USING SINGLE USE OPTIONS LIKE SALAD DRESSINGS

他們還建議使用一次性使用的選項，如沙拉醬。

AND CONDIMENT PACKETS.

和調料包。

I KNEW TRA DREW I KNEW THAT DRAWER OF CONDIMENT

我知道特拉-德魯，我知道那抽屜裡的調味品。

PACKETS WOULD COME IN HANDY.

包裹會很方便。

"UNCLE CARL, HERE'S YOUR MASHED POTATOES AND A PACKET OF

"卡爾叔叔，這是你的土豆泥和一包...

TERIYAKI SAUCE FROM 1997.

1997年的TERIYAKI SAUCE。

IT'S GOT A PICTURE OF FRASIER ON IT.

上面有弗拉西爾的照片 It's got a picture of FRASIER on it.

REMEMBER FRASIER DAYS AT PANDA EXPRESS?"

"還記得FRASBER DAYS AT PANDA EXPRESS嗎？"

SO, HOW DID THINGS GET SO BAD WITH COVID?

那麼，事情是如何變得如此糟糕 與COVID？

WELL, FOR STARTERS, THERE'S A COMPLETE VACUUM OF LEADERSHIP,

好吧，首先，有一個完整的上司真空。

AND NOT JUST BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT SUCKS.

不僅僅是因為總統很糟糕。

IT TURNS OUT HE HAS NOT ATTENDED A CORONAVIRUS TASKFORCE MEETING

原來他沒有參加過冠狀病毒工作隊的會議。

IN "AT LEAST FIVE MONTHS."

在 "至少五個月"。

OKAY, S IT'S NOVEMBER 16, FIVE MONTHS AGO WAS JUNE 16.

好吧，S它是11月16日， 五個月前是6月16日。

I'M SORRY, WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE OP-ED THAT THE HEAD OF THE

對不起，《紐約時報》的頭頭叫什麼名字的專欄文章？

CORONAVIRUS TASK FORCE MIKE PENCE WROTE IN "THE WALL STREET

CORONAVIRUS TASFOR MIKE PENCE在 "華爾街日報 "上寫道："我是說，我是說，我是說，我是說，我是說，我是說，我是說，我是說。

JOURNAL?" "THERE ISN'T A CORONAVIRUS

JOURNAL？""沒有一個冠狀病毒，

SECOND WAVE."

SECOND WAVE。"

NO, JUST ONE GIANT TSUNAMI OF CRIMINAL STUPIDITY.

不，只是一個巨大的TSUNAMI犯罪的愚蠢。

DR. FAUCI TRIED TO EXPLAIN THAT DR. FAUCI, EXCUSE ME, OH, THAT

博士。FAUCI試圖解釋，博士。FAUCI，對不起，哦，那...

JOKE BACKED UP ON ME.

開個玩笑，支持我。

DR. FAUCI TRIED TO EXPLAIN THAT THE PRESIDENT IS STILL GETTING

FAUCI博士試圖解釋說FAUCI博士試圖解釋說，主席仍然得到了。

VITAL INFORMATION, KIND OF SORT OF.

重要的資訊，有點像。

>> WHEN WE HAVE A TASK >> WHEN WE HAVE OUR TASKFORCE

>> 當我們有任務時 >> 當我們有任務部隊時

MEETING, IT'S RUN, AS YOU KNOW, BY VICE PRESIDENT PENCE.

會議，如你所知，是由副總統彭斯主持的。

AND THE VICE PRESIDENT THEN TRANSLATES THAT TO THE PRESIDENT

副主席再把這句話轉達給主席。

HIMSELF.

自己。

>> Stephen: GOD, I WOULD LOVE TO BE A FLY ON THE WALL, OR ON THE

>> Stephen: 上帝，我很想成為牆上的一隻蒼蠅，或者是牆上的一隻蒼蠅。

PENCE, WHEN HE TRIED TO TRANSLATE THIS INFORMATION.

彭斯在試圖翻譯這些資訊的時候，

(AS PENCE) "MR. PRESIDENT, THIS IS DR.

(彭斯) "先生主席，我是博士。

BADNEWS BURGER.

BADNEWS BURGER.

HE HAS SOME INFORMATION TO SHARE WITH YOU."

他有一些資訊要和你分享。"

(SILLY VOICE) "THIS IS AMERICA'S DARKEST HOUR!

（SILLY VOICE）"這是美國最黑暗的時刻！"。

HUH-OH-OH!" I'M DELICIOUS.

"HUH -OH -OH！"我很美味。

>> Stephen: WE MIGHT NEED THIS AGAIN.

>> Stephen:我們可能需要這個。

THAT WAS THE TOUGHEST PART.

那是最艱難的部分。

THANKFULLY THERE IS SOME GOOD COVID NEWS.

幸運的是，有一些好的COVID新聞。

THIS MORE-MING, PHARMACEUTICAL GIANT MODERNA ANNOUNCED THAT

這更明，醫藥巨頭摩德納公司宣佈

ACCORDING TO PRELIMINARY RESULTS THEIR CORONAVIRUS VACCINE IS

根據初步結果，他們的冠狀病毒疫苗是。

94.5 PERCENT EFFECTIVE.

94.5％有效。

THE GOOD NEWS IS THERE ARE AT LEAST TWO COVID VACCINES ON THE

好消息是，至少有兩種病毒感染的疫苗。

HORIZON.

HORIZON：

THE BAD NEWS IS THE PRESIDENT MAY NOT LET EVERY AMERICAN HAVE

壞消息是總統可能不會讓每一個美國人都有。

THEM.

他們。

HERE IS WHAT HE SAID ON FRIDAY.

這是他在星期五說的話。

>> AS SOON AS APRIL THE >> AS SOON AS APRIL, THE

>> 儘快於4月，《公約》第3條第1款的規定。

VACCINE WILL BE AVAILABLE TO THE ENTIRE GENERAL POPULATION, WITH

疫苗將提供給所有的普通人群，並提供以下服務。

THE EXCEPTION OF PLACES LIKE NEW YORK STATE.

像紐約州這樣的地方例外。

>> Stephen: SO YOU'LL HAVE TO GET THE VACCINE IN NEW JERSEY,

>> 所以你必須在新澤西州打疫苗。

BUT JUST PICK IT UP ON YOUR WAY BACK FROM GETTING YOUR NEW LEGAL

但只要在拿到新的法律文件後回來的路上拿起它就可以了。

WEED, WHICH PRELIMINARY TESTS SHOW IS 94.5% DANK.

雜草，初步測試顯示是94.5%的丹克。

SO THE PRESIDENT IS THREATENING TO WITHHOLD A LIFE-SAVING

所以總統威脅要扣留救命稻草。

VACCINE FROM HIS HOME STATE, BUT DON'T WORRY, HE HAS A GOOD

疫苗從他的家鄉，但不要擔心，他有一個很好的。

REASON: GOVERNOR CUOMO HURT HIS FEELINGS.

理由：庫奧莫總督傷害了他的感情。

>> FOR POLITICAL REASONS, THE GOVERNOR DECIDED, THEY SAY-━

>> 出於政治原因，總督決定，他們說--。

AND, YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK IT'S GOOD, POLITICALLY; I THINK

而且，你知道，我不認為這是好的，在政治上，我認為...

IT'S VERY BAD FROM A HEALTH STANDPOINT-━ BUT HE WANTS TO

從健康的角度來看，這是很糟糕的--但他想要

TAKE HIS TIME WITH THE VACCINE.

把他的時間與VACCINE。

HE DOESN'T TRUST WHERE THE VACCINE IS COMING FROM.

他不相信 疫苗是從哪裡來的。

>> Stephen: WHAT THE GOVERNOR ACTUALLY SAID IS THAT NEW YORK,

>> 史蒂芬：政府實際說的是，紐約。

LIKE CALIFORNIA, NEVADA, OREGON, AND WASHINGTON, WANTS TO VERIFY

像加州、內華達州、俄勒岡州和華盛頓州一樣，想要驗證。

THE FINDINGS.

調查結果：

FOR SOME REASON, CUOMO DOESN'T AUTOMATICALLY TRUST THE GUY WHO

出於某種原因，CUOMO不自動信任的傢伙誰的

TOLD US TO DRINK BLEACH AND JAM SUNSHINE UP OUR BUTTS.

叫我們喝啤酒，把陽光灑在屁股上。

SPEAKING OF WHICH, IT'S BEEN ALMOST TWO WEEKS SINCE THE

說到這裡，已經過了兩個星期了，自從上次事件之後，我就開始了我的工作。

ELECTION, AND THE PRESIDENT STILL CAN'T FACE THAT HE LOST.

選舉，和總統仍然不能面對 他輸了。

AND I'LL GIVE YOU THE LATEST IN TONIGHT'S EDITION OF OUR SEGMENT

我將在今晚的節目中為大家帶來最新的消息。

THAT JUST WON'T LEAVE: >> YOU VOTED FOR ME!

這就是不會離開。>> 你投了我的票！

YOU VOTED FOR ME!

你投了我的票！

YOU VOTED FOR ME!

你投了我的票！

YOU VOTED FOR ME!

你投了我的票！

>> "THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE."

>> "白宮之路"。

>> YOU VOTED FOR ME!

>> 你投了我的票！

>> Stephen: WELL, IN A STUNNING RESULT THE PEACH STATE

>> 斯蒂芬: 好吧，在一個令人震驚的結果中，桃花州。

GEORGIA HAS FINALLY BEEN CALLED MACKING THE ULTIMATE TALLY IN

格魯吉亞終於被稱為 "MACKING "的終極高大。

THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE BIDEN WINNING WITH 306 TO 2326789

選舉學院比登以306比2326789獲勝

COINCIDENTALLY, THE EXACT SAME NUMBER OF ELECTORAL VOTES AS

巧合的是，完全相同數量的選舉票數，以及

20167.

20167.

SO, HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE THAT FINAL RESULT?

那麼，你如何描述這個最終的結果？

>> WE WON BY A LANDSLIDE.

>> 我們以絕對優勢贏得了勝利。

A LANDSLIDE.

地梯：

A LANDSLIDE.

地滑梯：

A LANDSLIDE.

地梯：

A LANDSLIDE.

地梯：

A TREMENDOUS LANDSLIDE.

一個巨大的滑坡。

>> Stephen: ♪ AND THE LANDSLIDE BROUGHT YOU DOWN ♪

# 地滑把你摔倒了 # # And the LANSLIDE BROUGHT YOU DOWN #

( LAUGHS ) ♪ I ALSO HAD SEX WITH-- THAT IS

（笑）也發生了性關係與 - 這是

RIGHT UP THERE -- WITHOUT IS THE GUITAR CHRISTIE McVEE.

就在那裡 - 沒有是吉他克里斯蒂麥克維。

>> SORRY LINDS SEE BUCKINGHAM I HAD SOMETHING W IT WAS VERY

>> 對不起，LINDS SEE BUCKINGHAM，我有一些東西，它是非常

DARK, IT WAS VERY DARK, ALL I KNOW IS MUK FLEETWOOD CAN KEEP

黑暗，它是非常黑暗的，我所知道的是穆克-弗利特伍德可以保持。

TIME, MAN.

時間，人。

BIDEN, BIDEN FLIPPED FIVE STARTS, GEORGIA, ORAZIETTI

比登，比登翻轉五星，喬治亞，奧拉齊埃蒂。

ARIZONA, MICHIGAN, PENNSYLVANIA AND WISCONSIN, JOE FLIPPED

亞利桑那州、密歇根州、賓夕法尼亞州和威斯康星州，JOE FLIPPED。

STATES IN THE SUN BELT AND THE RUST BELT.

太陽帶和鏽帶中的國家：

I GUESS THERE IS NOTHING SUBURBAN WOMEN LIKE MORE THAN A

我想沒有什麼比郊區女人更喜歡的了。

REVERSIBLE BELT.

反向皮帶。

FACED WITH THE OVERWHELMING WHAT T

面臨著巨大的壓力。

FACED WITH THE OVERWHELMING "WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED,"

面對令人震驚的 "實際發生了什麼"，

YESTERDAY, THE NOW LAME-DUCK PRESIDENT QUACKED, OF JOE BIDEN,

昨天，現在的跛腳鴨總統呱呱叫，對喬-比登。

"HE WON BECAUSE THE ELECTION WAS RIGGED."

"他不會的，因為選舉是被操縱的。"

YOU HAD ME AT "HE WON."

你讓我在 "他贏了"。

THE REST OF IT I JUST KIND OF GOT ALL WARM AND DREAMY FOR.

其餘的我只是有點得到了所有的溫暖和夢想的。

BUT THEN, THE DENIER-IN-CHIEF DECLARED BACKSIES, TWEETING,

但隨後，否認者主帥宣佈反擊，推特：

"I WON THE ELECTION!" THAT IS THE DIGITAL EQUIVALENT

"我贏得了選舉！"那是數字等價物

OF WAKING UP TO FIND GRANDPA SCREAMING ON THE LAWN.

一覺醒來發現爺爺在草坪上尖叫。

SCREAMING ON THE LAWN IN HIS UNDERWEAR.

在他的內衣在草坪上尖叫。

YOU CAN'T GIVE A STANDARD MENTAL COGNITION TEST BECAUSE THE FIRST

你不能提供標準的精神認知測試，因為第一項是

QUESTION IS WHO IS THE PRESIDENT.

問題是誰是主席。

NOW REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE SOON TO BE NOT PRESIDENT TWEETS, THE

現在，不管即將成為總統的人在微博上說些什麼，都會有很多人在關注。

ELECTION IS OVER AND THERE SHOULD BE NO DOUBT ABOUT THE

選舉已經結束了，毫無疑問的是。

SECURITY AND FAIRNESS OF THE VOTING IN FACT FEDERAL AND STATE

投票的安全性和公平性，事實上聯邦和州政府

GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS ISSUED A JOINT STATEMENT THURSDAY SAYING

政府官員週四發表聯合聲明，稱

THAT THIS YEAR'S ELECTION WAS THE MOST SECURE IN AMERICAN

今年的選舉是美國最安全的選舉。

HISTORY.

歷史：

KIND OF IRONIC KIND OF IRONIC, SINCE IT

某種程度的諷刺 某種程度的諷刺，因為它

DEFEATED THE MOST INSECURE PRESIDENT IN AMERICAN HISTORY.

擊敗了美國曆史上最不安全的總統。

BUT ONE MEMBER OF THE ADMINISTRATION IS COMING TO

但有一位行政當局的成員要來這裡。

THEIR SENSES: NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER AND ANDERSON STUPOR,

他們的感覺。國家安全顧問和安德森-斯圖普爾：

ROBERT O'BRIEN.

ROBERT O'BRIEN.

TODAY, O'BRIEN DARED TO SAY THIS ABOUT A POSSIBLE TRANSITION TO A

今天，奧布萊恩敢於這樣說，關於一個可能的過渡到一個。

BIDEN ADMINISTRATION.

BIDEN行政機構。

>> WE MAY HAVE POLICY DISAGREEMENTS, BUT, LOOK, IF

>> 我們可能有政策上的分歧，但是，看，如果

THE BIDEN-HARRIS TICKET IS DETERMINED TO BE THE WINNER AND

BIDEN-HARRIS票被確定為獲勝者，並將於2012年1月1日在北京舉行頒獎典禮。

IT'S-━ OBVIOUSLY THINGS LOOK THAT WAY NOW-━ WE'LL HAVE A VERY

很明顯，現在的情況是這樣的，我們將有一個非常的

PROFESSIONAL TRANSITION FROM THE NATIONAL SECURITY COUNCIL,

國家安全委員會的專業過渡。

THERE'S NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.

這是毫無疑問的。

>> Stephen: NO SURPRISE THAT O'BRIEN IS STARTING TO EASE THE

>> Stephen:奧布賴恩開始緩和，並不奇怪。

BIG MAN OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE.

大人物出白宮：

BEFORE SERVING AS NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER, HE WAS

在擔任國家安全顧問之前，他是

SPECIAL PRESIDENTIAL ENVOY FOR HOSTAGE AFFAIRS.

難民事務特別特使：關於難民事務的建議

SO WE KNOW HOW THIS IS GOING TO END.

所以，我們知道這是怎麼回事結束。

"SIR, LEAVE THE BUILDING NOW, AND WE WILL FULFILL YOUR LIST OF

"先生，請你馬上離開大樓，我們會滿足你的要求。

DEMANDS: LEGAL IMMUNITY, A HIGHLY INACCURATE BATHROOM

要求：合法的免疫力，高度不準確的浴室。

SCALE, A BOTTOMLESS BUCKET OF K.F.C., YOU GET TO MEET THE

秤，K.F.C.的無底桶，你可以去見他。

COLONEL, A LETTER FROM YOUR DAD SAYING THAT HE LOVES YOU, A

上校，你爸爸的一封信說他愛你，是的。

LETTER FROM THE COLONEL SAYING THAT HE LOVES YOU, AND A SECOND

上校的信說他愛你，還有第二封。

BOTTOMLESS BUCKET OF K.F.C., AND A SECOND EVEN FALLER

K.F.C.的無底桶，以及第二個偶數落水者。

SKYSCRAPER IN NEW YORK WITH YOUR NAME ON IT THAT ALSO, IF I AM

在紐約的天窗上寫著你的名字，如果我是

READING THIS RIGHT, HAS-- HAS-- -- THINK ABOUT THIS,

讀到這裡，有... 有... 思考這個問題。

MEANWHILE INSTEAD OF ARGUING WITH A TOLDER, BIDEN IS CALMLY

但比登卻沒有與持證人爭論，而是冷靜地...

PREPARING TO TAKE THE REIGNS OF THE GOVERNMENT, UNFORTUNATELY

準備奪取政府的權力，不幸的是

THE GOVERNMENT HASN'T BEEN COMPANY RATING HE HAD HAS BEEN

政府沒有被公司評級，他已經是。

DENIED OFFICE SPACE AND DIN-- WOMAN EXPLAINING WHY SHE

WILL CALL THE COPS ON THIS COOKOUTK EMILY MURPHY.

會打電話給警察在這個COOKOUTK EMILY MURPHY。

MURPHY WAS INSTALLED BY THE RESIDENT IN 2017 AND HAS

MURPHY於2017年由居民安裝，並已。

REMAINED A LOYALIST.

仍然是一個忠誠的人。

EVEN THOUGH BIDEN HAS AN INSURMOUNTABLE LEAD MURPHY HAS

即使比登有一個不確定的領先優勢，但默菲有

SO FAR REFUSED TO CERTIFIED BIDEN AS THE ELECTIONS WINNER AS

迄今拒絕認證為選舉獲勝者的投標人，作為。

THE PRESIDENT ATTEMPTS TO OVERTURN THE ELECTION RESULTS IN

主席試圖扭轉選舉結果，使之成為現實。

COURT.

法院：

THAT COULTER THAT COURT CASE IS, OF COURSE,

該庫爾特，法院案件是，當然。

SNOWBALL'S CHANCE V. HELL.

SNOWBALL'S CHANCE V.HELL。

BUT MURPHY DOESN'T SEEM TO THINK THIS ADMINISTRATION WILL LAST

但墨菲似乎不認為這屆政府會持續下去。

MUCH LONGER, BECAUSE A NEW REPORT SAYS THAT SHE RECENTLY

更長的時間，因為新的報告說，她最近。

SENT A MESSAGE TO AN ASSOCIATE INQUIRING ABOUT EMPLOYMENT

給同事發了一條資訊，詢問工作情況。

OPPORTUNITIES IN 2021.

2021年的機會：

THIS IS SO UNFAIR!

這是不公平的！

SHE WON'T LET AMERICA MOVE ON, BUT SHE'S SEARCHING FOR THE NEXT

她不會讓美國繼續前進，但她正在尋找下一個。

JOB?

JOB?

WELL, SHE SHOULD FIND SOMETHING SUITABLE ON EnableAMonster.com.

好吧，她應該在EnableAMonster.com上找到合適的東西。

THIS WEEKEND THERE WAS SOMETHING CALLED THE "MILLION MAGA MARCH,"

這個週末，有一個叫做 "百萬大遊行 "的活動。

A PROTEST IN SUPPORT OF THE PRESIDENT'S FALSE CLAIM THAT HE

為支持主席的虛假說法而舉行的抗議活動，即他

WAS CHEATED OUT OF AN ELECTION WIN.

被騙了選舉勝利。

NOW, THE THING ABOUT THE MILLION MAGA MARCH: IT WASN'T QUITE A

現在，關於百萬馬加爵遊行的事情：它並不完全是一個。

MILLION.

百萬。

INSTEAD, ATTENDEES NUMBERED SOMEWHERE IN THE TENS OF

相反，與會者人數約為幾十人。

THOUSANDS RANGE.

千萬元範圍內。

10,000, A MILLION, THAT'S JUST HOW THEY COUNT.

一萬，一百萬，這就是他們的計算方式。

YOU ROUND UP FOR MARCHES, ROUND DOWN FOR COVID DEATHS.

你把遊行隊伍圍起來，把科維德的死亡圍起來。

IT'S ALL IN THEIR TEXT BOOK, "BASIC ARITH-MAGA."

這一切都在他們的文字書， "基本的藝術表演"。

ONE PERSON CLEARLY NOT IN THE POCKET OF BIG REALITY: WHITE

一個明顯不在大現實的口袋裡的人：白種人。

HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY AND THIRD SISTER FROM "FROZEN" WHO

內務部新聞發言人和 "冰凍人 "的三姐是誰？

ACTUALLY WANTED THE TOWN TO DIE, KAYLEIGH McENANY.

其實是想讓這個鎮子死掉，KAYLEIGH McENANY.

McENANY TWEETED, "MORE THAN ONE MILLION MARCHERS FOR PRESIDENT

麥肯尼在推特上說："超過一百萬人為總統遊行。

DESCEND ON THE SWAMP IN SUPPORT."

在沼澤地上支持。"

SO THE ADMINISTRATION ENDS AS IT BEGAN, LYING ABOUT CROWD SIZE.

所以，行政當局就像一開始一樣，在人群規模上撒謊。

THEY'VE COME FULL CIRCLE.

他們已經來了滿滿一圈。

THAT'S JUST BASIC GEOM-MAGA.

這只是基本的GEOM -MAGA。

OF COURSE, THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO MARCH.

當然，他們有權利遊行。

AND IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE TO WANT TO HAVE ONE LAST MAGA.

想來一次最後的馬加爵，這很容易理解。

NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, IT'S NO FUN TO LOSE.

不管你是誰，輸了都不好玩。

AND IF YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE HANGING UP YOUR MAGA HAT, HERE

如果你在掛上你的馬加爵帽子時遇到了麻煩，請看這裡