"THE LATE LATE SHOW."

HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL DAY.

THANK YOU FOR STAYING UP LATE WITH US TONIGHT.

WE HAVE A FUN SHOW, WE WILL BE SPEAKING WITH THE ALWAYS

BRILLIANT ALISON BRIE AND THEN WITH BEST SELLING AUTHOR AND

PHILOSOPHER YEW VAL NOAH HARARI.

NOT OFTEN WE HAVE A PHILOSOPHER ON THE SHOW.

>> Reggie: I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM, I WILL TELL YOU.

>> James: HE IS SUCH A GREAT DUDE.

>> Reggie: THE COOLEST.

>> James: HE CAME ON RIGHT AT THE START OF THE PANDEMIC, MADE

US ALL FEEL A BIT LIKE-- HOW DO YOU BECOME A PHILOSOPHER?

LIKE HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN, YOU NEVER SEE LIKE AN AD IN THE BACK

OF A PAPER LIKE PHILOSOPHER NEEDED.

22 TO $35,000 A YEAR.

LIKE DO YOU JUST SPEND A LOT OF THE DAY SAYING SOMETHING, PEOPLE

GOING, IT'S ACTUALLY PRETTY SMART, YOU SHOULD-- .

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> James: YOU SHOULD DO THIS FOR A LIVING.

I DON'T KNOW.

>> IS IT A THING?

>> A LOT OF COMPANIES NEED PHILOSOPHER, LIKE BOEING, WE

BUILT THE PLANE, THEY'RE LIKE BUT DID YOU.

>> James: IS THAT IT?

THAT IS WHAT YOU CONSIDER PHILOSOPHY TODAY?

>> THAT'S RIGHT.

>> James: WITH YOU DO I.

HMMMM.

>> DO I CONSIDER THAT TO BE PHILOSOPHY.

>> James: I WONDER IF THAT WOULD BE A GOOD THING FOR ME

WHEN ALL OF THIS IS DONE.

>> Reggie: YES.

>> TO.

>> James: HOW CAN YOU ANSWER SO FAST.

>> I LOVE YOU.

>> James: I THINK THAT WOULD BE ALL RIGHT, IF I CHANGE MY

HAIR.

THIS IS NOT A PHILOSOPHER'S HAIRCUT.

>> Reggie: NO, IT IS NOT.

>> James: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

THIS IS THE HAIRCUT OF SORT OF A 14 YEAR OLD WHO'S ON THE

SIDELINES OF THE SOCCER TEAM.

>> BUT IT BEGS THE QUESTION, IT BEGS THE QUESTION, WHY ARE WE

GIVING ORANGE SLICES.

>> James: AGAIN, I THINK IT IS OUT OF YOUR REACH BUT I DO FEEL

LIKE-- I DO THINK I MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO IT, YOU KNOW.

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> James: MAYBE I REALLY COMMIT TO IT.

BECAUSE ALSO WHO CAN PROVE YOU WRONG, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A

PHILOSOPHER, ARE YOUS.

WELL, EXACTLY.

ARE ANY OF US.

ANYWAY, FANCY A DRINK.

LET'S GET INTO SOME NEWS.

PRESIDENT TRUMP IS STILL LASHING OUT AT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING

RELATED TO THE ELECTION.

YESTERDAY HE EVEN FIRED A TOP CYBERSECURITY CHIEF CHRIS KREBS

FOR CALLING THE ELECTION QUOTE THE MOST SECURE IN AMERICAN

HISTORY.

UNFORTUNATE LEIGH THIS PRESIDENT IS THE LEAST SECURE IN AMERICAN

HISTORY.

YEAH.

JUST WITNESSED A TAKEDOWN.

YOU NEVER RECOVER FROM THAT NOW.

THAT'S RIGHT.

TRUMP SAID THAT CHRIS KREBS STATEMENT WAS HIGHLY INACCURATE

AND I HAVE TO SAY GENUINELY CHRIS KREBS DIDN'T DESERVE TO BE

FIRED.

CHRIS REBS DID HIS JOB AND CHRIS KREBS IS BEING TREATED

UNFAIRLY, I LOVE SAYING CHRIS KREBS.

IT IS NOT A JOKE, I JUST REALLY LOVE SAYING CHRIS KREBS, WHAT A

GREAT NAME, CHRIS KREBS.

HEY, CHRIS KREBS, HOW ARE YOU DOING.

>> THAT GUY NEVER SAYS HEY, I'M CHRIS, THAT IS A FULL NAME EVERY

TIME.

>> James: CHRIS KREBS.

SOUNDS LAKE A GAME YOU PLAY IN A YARD AT SCHOOL, WANT TO PLAY

CHRIS KREBS.

CAN'T, I HURT MY ANKLE PLAYING CHRIS KREBS YESTERDAY.

ST HARD TO KNOW WHO TO TRUST HERE, CHRIS KREBS, CHRIS KREBS,

I LOVE THAT, THAT BAND CHRIS KREBS.

>> Reggie: AMAZING.

>> James: USED TO WEAR THEIR CLOTHES BACKWARDS, DO YOU

REMEMBER.

>> Reggie: I DO REMEMBER THAT.

>> James: YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER, JUMP, JUMP,.

♪ YEAH, CHRIS KREBS.

>> CHRIS KREBS WILL MAKE YOU JUMP.

>> James: EXACTLY, CHRIS KREBS WILL MAKE YOU HAWAII, REAL HIGH,

HAVE YOU LISTENED TO THAT SONG RECENTLY, ABSOLUTE BANGER.

ANYWAY.

HARD TO KNOW WHO TO TRUST HERE CHRIS KREBS WAS HEAD OF THE

CYBERSECURITY AND INFRASTRUCTURE SECURITY AGENCY WITHIN THE

DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY BUT REMEMBER TRUMP ONCE TOUCHED

THE GLOWING ORB.

THIS IS CRAZY, TRUMP CLEARLY ONLY WANTS TO BE SURROUNDED BY

YES MEN WHICH I THINK IS RIDICULOUS, DON'T YOU THINK IAN.

>> YOU'RE THE BEST IN THE BIZ, CORDEN.

>> James: THAT'S WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

RIGHT STEVE.

>> OF COURSE.

>> James: MADNESS RIGHT.

>> YEAH.

>> James: RIGHT HAGAR, TO JUST HAVE YOUR EMPLOYEES COMPLETELY

AGREE WITH YOU ALL THE TIME.

>> MADNESS YZ DOANT THINK GUILLERMO.

>> NO.

>> James: GET OUT.

IT'S LOOKING MORE AND MORE LIKELY THAT WE'RE GOING TO GET

WIDE ACCESS TO A CORONAVIRUS VACCINE IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS

AND ACCORDING TO REPORTS TRUMP IS FURIOUS BECAUSE HE THINKS JOE

BIDEN WILL GET ALL OF THE CREDIT FOR IT.

I WILL A YOU HAVE TO GIVE CREDIT WHERE CRED SIT DUE AND IT IS

DEFINITELY NOT DUE TO THE GUY WITHOUT SAID THAT ALL OF THIS

WOULD DISAPPEAR BY EASTER.

AND IF THIS IS WHAT TRUMP IS WORRIED ABOUT WHO GETS THE GLORY

FOR A VACCINE.

SOMEONE OPENS A SWRAR OF PICKLES AND YOU ARE LIKE YEAH, WELL I

LOOSENED IT.

WHICH IS SOMETHING I DO.

ACCORDING TO A REPORT, TRUMP'S MOOD HAS BECOME INCREASINGLY

BLEAK TO THE POINT THAT HE HAS EVEN DECIDED TO CANCEL HIS

ANNUAL THANKSGIVING DINNER AT MAR A LAGO AND STAY AT THE WHITE

HOUSE INSTEAD.

SO WE KNOW THERE IS AT LEAST ONE RACIST GRANDPA WHO WON'T BE

SHOWING UP FOR THANKSGIVING THIS YEAR.

TRUMP LOCKED HIMSELF AWAY, HE IS ALONE IN HIS ROOM SULKING, NOT

TRAVELING FOR THANKSGIVING.

FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE HE IS ACTUAL LEIGH BEING COVID SAFE.

TRUMP IS SO UPSET THOSE TWO TURKEYS, THE PRESIDENT USUALLY

PARDONS HAVE GONE STRAIGHT TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR.

TRUMP'S AIDES HAVE DESCRIBED HIS MOOD AS BLEAK, IT'S BLEAK.

AND YOU CAN TELL THAT JUST BY LOOKING AT HIM.

(LAUGHTER) >> I MEAN WHAT DO THEY THINK

TRUMP IS GOING TO DO, ON HIS LAST DAY IN THE WHITE HOUSE?

WHAT SORT OF DAMAGE IS HE GOING TO DO, IAN?

>> I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS SO MUCH A LAST DAY OF SCHOOL THICK.

THIS IS GOING TO BE MORE LIKE THE SLOW EROSION OF BEING

DISGUSTING OVER FOUR YEARS, IT IS LIKE THE GRAND CANYON BUT OF

LIKE COUCHES THEY ARE GOING TO HAVE TO THROW A WHICH.

>> WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL DO IN THERE.

WHAT WILL HE DO, REG.

>> I THINK HE'S GOING TO HAVE A BUNCH OF WHOOPIE CUSHIONS,

LOOSEN THE NAILS ON SOME OF THE PICTURES.

>> I WOULD LOVE IT IF HE DID.

>> JUST LIKE GAG IT OUT, YOU KNOW.

>> I JUST, I DON'T THINK THAT IS, I DON'T THINK THAT IS HIS

VIBE BUT I DO FEEL LIKE THAT IS THE SORT OF STUFF THAT THE

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES SHOULD DO.

I'M SO SICK OF-- ALL THESE PEOPLE ON TWITTER GOING WHOA,

THIS IS THE LETTER THAT BUSH LEFT FOR OBAMA OR CLINTON OR

WHATEVER.

LIKE NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, WHOOPIE CUSHION.

>> YEAH.

>> CLING FILM, SARAN WRAP OVER THE TOILET, THAT IS WHAT I WOULD

DO.

>> LIKE A NUCLEAR FOOTBALL WHEN YOU HIT LAUNCH IT SPRAYS WATER

IN YOUR FACE.

>> James: ALL OF THAT STUFF, THAT IS WHAT HE NEEDS.

>> I'M NOT GETTING A SUNG EL LAUGH, I DON'T KNOW IF IT IS THE

HOODIE IS ZIPPED UP TOO FAR OR IF I LIKE-- I HAVE NOT BOMBED

THIS HARD SINCE I DID STANDUP STILL AND THAT IS-- WERE.

>> James: I DON'T THINK-- IT'S DIFFICULT, I THINK YOU HAVE SUCH

A BIG SHOW YESTERDAY, THAT WAS A THING, YOU HAD-- YOU HAD KID

ROCK, YOU HAD SOME BREAT BITS, I THINK YOU COME IN ABSOLUTELY

RIPPING AND NOTHING.

>> NOTHING.

>> James: NOTHING, TRY SOMETHING ELSE.

>> CAN'T TAKE A SINGLE JUMPER.

>> James: TRY ONE MORE.

WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO, IAN, THAT IS WHAT I AM THINKING, WHAT

TRUMP GOING TO DO, IAN ON HIS LAST DAY IN THE WHITE HOUSE?

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT FRUMP IS GOING TO DO BUT I WILL TELL YOU

WHAT MY EX-WIFE DID.

(LAUGHTER).

>> James: HE'S BACK.

>> YEAH.

>> James: AND DID YOU GUYS SEE THIS, IVANKA TRUMP'S FORMER BEST

FRIEND HAS JUST WRITTEN A TELL-ALL ESSAY ABOUT THEIR

RELATIONSHIP.

AND IN IT SHE CLAIMS THAT SHE ONCE RECOMMENDED A BOOK TO

IVANKA WHO RESPONDED QUOTE, WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME TO READ A BOOK

ABOUT [BLEEP] POOR PEOPLE.

WHEN SHE HEARD ABOUT THE ESSAY IVANKA RESPONDED THIS ISN'T

TRUE, WE LOVED POOR PEOPLE IN OUR HOUSE, ALMOST EVERY MORNING

JARED EATS ONE FOR BREAKFAST.

NOW HERE'S WHAT I THINK ABOUT THIS, WHAT KIND OF PERSON WRITES

THIS STORY WITH ONE MONTH LEFT OF THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION, YOU

KNOW?

AS A GENERAL RULE I DON'T TRUST ANYONE WHO CLAIMS TO HAVE OR BE

AN EX-BEST FRIEND.

IMMEDIATELY THAT IS A VERY SPECIFIC TYPE OF PERSON.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, WHO USES THE WORD EX-WEES FRIEND,

LIKE MY EX-BEST FRIEND TRISHA WAS ALWAYS HOGGING THE

SWRELO-SHOTS, SHE WAS A TOTAL BITCH.

OH YEAH, I HAVE UNFOLLOWED HER.

BY THE WAY THE BOOK ABOUT POOR PEOPLE IVANKA'S FRIEND IS

RECOMMENDING WAS THIS ONE.

MOVING ON, A LARGE SUPERMARKET CHAIN IS NOW APOLOGIZING AFTER

THEY RAN AN INSENSITIVE AAD ENCOURAGING PEOPLE TO HOST

THANKSGIVING GATHERINGS.

THE AD SAYS HOSTING, PLAN A SUPERSPREAD.

IT IS A VERY INSENSITIVE AAD CAMPAIGN BUT A SOLID JOKE.

(LAUGHTER) I THINK IT'S OKAY TO BE

DISAPPOINTED IN THE CAMPAIGN BUT ACKNOWLEDGE SOLID JOKE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I CALL THE AAD, VIERL MARKETING.

-- VIRAL MARKETING.

CAN WE SEE IT AGAIN.

I MEAN CAN YOU IMAGINE EATING ORANGE SLICES WHEN YOU'VE GOT A

GIANT SHRIMP PLATTER AND A PERFECTLY GOOD CHEESE BALL.

>> AND WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS, A COMPANY IN CANADA IS

GETTING A LOT OF ATTENTION ONLINE FOR ITS SIGNS ENCOURAGING

PEOPLE TO WEAR A MASK BECAUSE WELL YOU'LL SEE IT WHEN YOU SEE

IT.

SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR, I'VE GOT A PENIS IN MY EAR.

I MEAN TALK ABOUT GRAPHIC DESIGN RIGHT, PLAY ON WORDS, A PLAY ON

WORDS.

CAN WE SEE THE SIGN AGAIN.

LOOK AT THAT.

THAT'S A GUY YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE AROUND IF HE SNEEZES.

COME ON.

DID YOU ONLY JUST SEE IT?

IT CAME UP A SECOND TIME AND ALL I HEARD WAS SUSAN GO OH!

HOW DID YOU NOT SEE IT, SUSAN.

IT IS A GIANT [BLEEP] I SAY GIANT [BLEEP]-- AND FINALLY, WE

TALKED ABOUT THIS YESTERDAY AND NOW WE'VE GOT AN UPDATE.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE TOLD YOU ABOUT THE POPE'S OFFICIAL

INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT, HOW IT LIKED A PHOTO OF A BRAZILIAN BIKINI

MODEL.

HERE IS THE PICTURE THAT THE POPE LIKED HERE.

WELL, THE VATICAN HAS NOW LAUNCHED AN VEX INTO THE

INCIDENT SAYING QUOTE AN INTERNAL PROBE IS UNDER WAY.

I'M SURE IT IS.

I MEAN IMAGINE PUTTING OUT A PRESS RELEASE, DID NO ONE AT THE

VATICAN GO GUISE I KNOW WE HAVE TO RESPOND PUBLICLY BUT MAYBE WE

SHOULDN'T USE THE PHRASE INTERNAL PROBE.

THE VATICAN SAYS THAT THEY ARE GOING TO LOOK VERY CLOSELY AT

IT, VERY CLOSELY, LIKE FOR A LONG TIME.

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE HBO IS ALREADY CAPITALIZING ON THE DISIBT.

THEY JUST ANNOUNCED THIS NEW SHOW FOR THE SPRING.

THE HORNY POPE.