and think the headline could be so much better?

並認為標題可以好得多？

I'll show you what I mean. It's time for "News and Improved."

我會告訴你我的意思。現在是 "新聞和改進 "的時間。

-♪ News and Improved ♪

-? 新聞和改進的?

-For example, check out this first photo.

-例如，看看這第一張照片。

The original headline was "Trump Greets Supporters."

原標題是 "特朗普迎接支持者"。

That headline could definitely be improved,

這個標題肯定可以改進。

because if you only looked at the photo,

因為如果你只看照片，

the headline could have been,

標題可以是：

"Drunk Friend Signals 'All Good' from Back of Cop Car."

"醉酒的朋友從警車後方發出 "一切正常 "的信號。"

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

Check out this next photo here. The original headline was,

在這裡看看接下來這張照片。原標題是。

"Giuliani Gives Press Conference,"

"朱利安尼召開新聞發佈會"

but if you only looked at the photo,

但如果你只看照片。

the headline could have been,

標題可以是：

"Just For Men Urges Customers to Follow the One Box a Day Rule."

"Just For Men敦促客戶遵循每天一盒的規則。"

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

Honestly, it looks like soy sauce.

老實說，它看起來像醬油。

-Yeah. -Up next, this headline says,

-是的 下一個，這個標題說：

"Biden Names First Cabinet Pick."

"拜登任命了第一個內閣人選。"

The headline could have been,

標題可以是。

"Man Tells Gripping Story about Recent Prostate Exam."

"男子講述了最近前列腺檢查的驚人故事"

See how it is? The headline --

看到了嗎？標題 -- --

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

The next headline was,

下一個頭條是。

"McConnell Proposes Shifting Funds."

"麥康奈爾提議轉移資金。"

Come on. The headline could have been,

來吧。標題可以是。

"Turkey Gives Closing Argument

"土耳其提出結論性意見

on Why He Should Be Spared This Year."

論他今年為什麼要防備"。

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

This next headline was, "Medvedev Wins Paris Masters."

接下來的這個標題是："梅德韋傑夫贏得巴黎大師賽"。

The headline could have been,

標題可以是。

"Man Vows Never Again to Go on Amazon While Drunk."

"男子發誓再也不酒後上亞馬遜了。"

"The heck is it?

"這到底是什麼？

Tie rack?"

拉桿架？"

Next headline was,

下一個頭條是。

"Iowa Celebrates After Winning Touchdown."

"愛荷華州在贏得觸地得分後慶祝。"

Headline could have been,

標題可以是：

"Iowa's had the Time of Their Lives

"愛荷華州是他們生命中最美好的時光

and They've Never Felt This Way Before."

他們從來沒有這樣的感覺。"

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

The next headline was, "Harris Briefed on Economy."

下一個標題是："哈里斯通報經濟情況"。

The headline could have been, "Woman Starting to Worry

標題可以是《女子開始擔心》。

About Friend Who Went to Bathroom 20 Minutes Ago."

關於20分鐘前去洗手間的朋友。"

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

Next headline was, "NASA Teams Up with Space-X."

下一個標題是，"NASA與Space-X合作"。

Headline could have been,

標題可以是：

"Old Navy Announces New 'Pandemic Chic' Line."

"Old Navy宣佈新的'Pandemic Chic'系列。"

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

The next headline was, "Chinese Demand for Crops Increases."

下一個標題是："中國對農作物的需求增加"。

Headline could have been,

標題可以是：

"Man Again Miscalculates How Much Pasta to Put in the Pot."

"男人又算錯了鍋裡該放多少麵條"

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

I don't know.

我不知道。

That much? Way too much.

這麼多？太多了

Did you ever buy those --

你有沒有買過那些...

I bet you bought one. -What?

我打賭你買了一個。-什麼？

-One of those -- They almost look like a ruler

-其中一個... ...他們幾乎看起來像一把尺子

or something like that, that have holes in it,

或類似的東西，有孔的。

and you put the pasta in the holes

然後你把麵條放進洞裡

that measures out how much --

衡量出多少 -- --

-Yeah, I know. No, no.

-是的，我知道。是的，我知道。 - 不，不。

-Have you bought one? -No.

-你買過嗎？-你買過嗎？

-I think Questlove has.

-我想Questlove有。

-Yeah, I just take a handful of pasta, snap it in half,

-是的，我只是拿了一把麵條，把它折成兩半。

and go for it.

並去做。

-Why do you snap it in half?

-你為什麼要把它折成兩半？

-I don't like super long noodles, you know?

-我不喜歡超長的麵條，你知道嗎？

-You're in the wrong game, dude.

-你玩錯遊戲了，夥計。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

You don't want to, like, do, "Lady and the Tramp" stuff?

你不想，像，做，"夫人和流浪漢 "的東西？

-I mean, nah, no, especially not during COVID.

-我的意思是，不，不，特別是在COVID期間。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-I'm talking about with your family,

-我說的是你的家人。

your wife, Michelle. -I mean, yeah.

你的妻子，米歇爾-我是說，是的

Hey, man, anybody can get sick now.

嘿，夥計，現在誰都可能生病。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

No, man.

不，夥計。

-That's the only way I eat my pasta now.

-這是我現在吃意大利麵的唯一方式。

-Oh, yeah? -Mm-hmm.

-哦，是嗎？-嗯，是嗎？

There's one giant noodle in a bowl,

碗裡有一根巨大的麵條。

and takes me and my wife about three hours. Yeah.

並需要我和我的妻子約三個小時。是的，我也是

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-Do you use a spoon to swirl your pasta around the fork or --

-你是用勺子在叉子周圍攪動你的麵條還是 --

-That is a good question. I --

-這是個好問題I --

Clearly, you don't, 'cause you have too short pasta.

顯然，你沒有，因為你的麵條太短了。

But --

但是...

But I -- Yeah, I started doing it,

但我... 是的，我開始做了。

and it kind of used to make my dad mad for some reason.

它曾經讓我爸因為某些原因而生氣。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

It's like, "Why are you getting mad?"

這就像，"你為什麼要生氣？"

He's like, "No one does that. You don't have to do that."

他的樣子，"沒有人這樣做。你不必這樣做。"

I go, "I don't have to do it, but I'm doing it."

我走了，"我不一定要做，但我要做。"

And then my mom was like, "Jimmy's been to Italy,

然後我媽就說，"吉米去過意大利。

so I think that's what they do."

所以我認為這就是他們的工作。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

So, yeah. It think it was the thing like,

所以，是的。它認為它是這樣的事情。

"Oh, Mr. Big Shot." -Show off.

"哦，大人物先生"-炫耀

-"You going to teach me how to eat pasta now, Mr. Big Shot,

-"你現在要教我怎麼吃意大利麵了，大人物先生。

huh? Go get me a beer!"

咦？去給我拿瓶啤酒！"

No. [ Laughter ]

沒有。 [笑]

Yeah, I'm just kidding.

是啊，我只是在開玩笑。

This next headline was, "Pompeo Visits Middle East."

接下來的標題是，"蓬佩奧訪問中東"。

Headline could have been, "Dad Bans Sleepovers

標題可以是 "爸爸禁止過夜"。

After Getting Pranked Into Gluing Hand To Head."

在被惡作劇到用手粘住頭之後"。

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

"Reginald!"

"雷金納德！"

-[ Laughs ] That's your kid's name?

-那是你孩子的名字？

-Yeah, Reginald is the --

-對，雷金納德是... ...

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

"Reginald!

"雷金納德！

No more sleepovers."

不再過夜了。"

Finally, this headline was,

最後，這個頭條是。

"Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Arrives."

"洛克菲勒中心的聖誕樹到了。"

Headline could have been, "Year Summed Up in Tree."

標題可以是："用樹來總結一年"。

There you go. That's all the time we have

這就對了這是所有的時間，我們有

for "News and Improved."

為 "新聞和改進"。