a lot been going on in the present,

but I think it's time

we just paused for a second

to look

into the future.

The future, Conan?

(audience cheering)

That's right, Sarah Silverman!

Let's look to the future

all the way to the year 2000.

(audience applauding)

♪ In the year 2000 ♪

♪ In the year 2000! ♪

(audience applauding)

(audience laughing)

George W. Bush's last month as President

will be considered a rousing success,

when Bush decides to leave office a month early.

(audience applauding)

♪ In the year 2000 ♪

Barack Obama will announce his pick

for Secretary of State.

Domestic terrorist, Bill Ayres.

Dammit, why didn't we listen!?

(audience laughing)

♪ In the year 2000 ♪

Sarah Palin's kids' names,

Track, Trig,

Bristol, Willow,

and Piper

will seem normal when we hear

what she wanted them to be,

Foof, Gimlet,

Anus, Lay Lay,

and Son of Sam.

(audience laughing)

♪ In the year 2000 ♪

I will launch my own version

of YouTube called "JewTube,"

which only features videos

of my Uncle Morty clearing

his throat in a deli.

(audience laughing)

♪ In the year 2000! ♪

In a misguided attempt to be edgy

America's beef producers will change

their slogan from,

"Beef. It's what's for dinner."

To, "Beef. Get in the van

and don't ask any questions."

(audience laughing)

♪ In the year 2000 ♪

A secret admirer will send

Barack Obama a dozen roses.

They will come with a note

promising anything and everything.

He'll have no idea who they're from

unless he's watching this show right now.

(audience laughing)

(audience cheering)

♪ In the year 2000 ♪

The FDA will demand

that fast food chains list

the health benefits associated with their foods.

Unable to think of any

the management at Taco Bell

will settle for, "deep rectal burning."

(audience laughing)

♪ In the year 2000 ♪

An elderly woman will slip in the shower

and break her hip.

Only God will see it,

so only God will laugh.

(audience laughing)

♪ In the year 2000 ♪

(clears throat) The question of,

which came first,

the chicken or the egg

will be answered by an actual eyewitness,

Larry King.

(audience laughing)

♪ In the year 2000 ♪

After discussing the matter privately

with dozens of people,

Conan O'Brien will realize

that he's the only person

who faces the tank

when he makes number two.

(audience laughing)

♪ In the year 2000 ♪

I thought everyone did that!

(audience laughing)

It's more comfortable.

Try it!

(audience laughing)

♪ In the year 2000 ♪

The phrase, "erect clitoris" will be uttered

for the first time ever

on late night television.

However, the phrase, "itchy (bleeps)...

will be bleeped.

(audience laughing)

(audience cheering)

♪ In the year 2000 ♪

(audience cheering)

[Conan] Sarah Silverman, everybody!