Billie Eilish.

My name is Billie Eilish.

[upbeat music]

This is getting out of hand, I am Billie Eilish.

I'm doing this shit till I'm 90.

So get ready for it.

I think it's October 18th, 2017.

It's October 18th, 2018.

October 18th, 2019.

October 18th, 2020.

I'm 15.

I'm 16.

I'm 17.

I'm 18.

I have 257,000.

I have 6.3 million.

40.7 million.

67.5 million.

Where are these people coming from?

Like that's my question.

The most followed person that follows me

is Chloe Grace Moretz.

Katy Perry maybe.

Justin Bieber.

Ariana Grande my baby, with 204 million followers.

It's a picture of me and Charli XCX.

Isn't it the one about me smiling.

10 million, that's a lot.

Five grummys, won five grummies [laughs].

Wow, I will be 18, I never thought I'd be 18.

Hopefully I look fly.

What is that quote?

Well, I have accepted the things I cannot change,

and well I have changed the things that I cannot accept.

It's a good thing think about.

What changes?

You know, what endings?

What new beginnings?

[Billie laughing]

Oh God that's did not age well.

Girl, please.

[Billie laughing]

Talk about what's gonna change,

what's gonna be different?

[Billie laughing]

Your whole life will have gone.

But not just you everyone because coronavirus.

Definitely not where I thought that I would be currently,

but I'm also not mad at it.

I'm very, very lucky to have had this year play out the way

it did, because for a lot of people, it was literal hell,

and I'm very aware that I have been pretty blessed

for the fortune that I've had this year.

Even though the year has sucked,

it's still, you know, whatever, we're alive still, you know.

I don't know, the thing is like I don't really have

any free time, but then also kind of, it's weird,

I contradict myself, because I kind of don't really like

having a day off, because I get off

the hustle, [laughs] I get out of the groove.

You know, I get out of like my vibe.

I hope, whatever amount of off days

I want next year I get.

Like if I want 100 off days next year, I hope I get that.

I hope I'm listened to.

That's basically it.

I really said 100 days, 100 days I said.

Oh, you got what you wish for, you happy?

[Billie laughing]

You happy, coz damn.

This is the most amount of time off that I've had in,

you know, five years now.

I think that goes for a lot of people, but that

was even true for like the first month of quarantine.

You know, we had three weeks off and I was like,

wow, this is the most time off I've ever had.

I can't believe it.

It's so great, it's like a free vacation.

And it'll we'll go right back out on tour in a week.

And we'll be fine.

And clearly we were all wrong with that.

And we look like clowns now.

But I will say I have made and created things that I don't

think I ever would have created without this period of time.

This amount of time and this is just life itself.

I would like things to be normal though.

Again, I would like that.

But I will say that I'm grateful for what it's given me.

I really wanted to go on that world tour.

We started it, got three shows in canceled,

flew back home.

I really wanted to get a Lamborghini.

But I have a Lamborghini.

It's not that I couldn't have I just there were

so many other things that were so much more important.

There's more people to give that money to.

There's way more and I cannot stress it enough way

more important things going on than the fucking Lamborghini.

So one thing I have now that I did not have a year ago,

is my little pooch puppy shark.

Shark.

This is shark my son.

He is so silly like oh he's wagging his tail.

This is shark didn't have him a year ago

because he's only eight months old.

Alright, I'll let you go bud.

The people that support me.

My fans, which I don't like to call fans,

you know, my family.

You know, finishing this album and doing the most crazy

shows like I'm capable of doing in the next month.

Maintaining my happiness which I've been experiencing

for like the first time in many years.

I want to stay happy.

That's a big goal for me.

So cute I love that those are all very genuine,

those were 100% what I was feeling very strongly.

It's so weird like what we take for granted like I would

never have thought that I wouldn't be able to do shows

one day, you know.

So much time spent me dreading to,

dreading press, dreading this, dreading that.

And like I had no idea that I was dreading something

that I would one day not even be legally allowed to do.

Like that's what's crazy to me.

The shows are like the one thing

that I feel like I've ever been good at.

I know that sounds stupid but it's like the only thing

I've ever done that made me feel like I belonged.

Maybe it's cliche, I don't know.

Lord keeping my family safe and, you know, staying up there

isn't much else to do right now.

Everything matters differently now than a year ago.

Honestly everything I really can't even think

of one thing like all the things that I felt

like mattered most a year ago, matter less.

All the things I felt like mattered

at least a year ago matter more.

I learned so much more about just the way people

are living that I wasn't aware of climate crisis

and social injustices and, you know,

kind of all the bad things.

And I think made me think differently.

It's not like I wasn't aware, I just learned more

and thought about it differently and, you know,

was more open to learning.

And it's been a crazy year.

People think I'm pregnant.

A lot of people thought I was pregnant for a second.

That I sold my soul to Satan.

There's this picture of me like running from my car

to my brother's front door on like 110 day degree day

in a tank top and everyone's like damn Billie got fat.

I'm like nope this is just how I look.

You've just never seen it before.

So that's like the most current one but whatever.

I don't know.

I think that's not really for me to decide.

I think yeah, the reason people are looking up to you

is because you're you.

They're not looking up to you so that you'll tell them

something that you would never actually tell them.

They're looking up to you so that you tell them

something that you would tell them yourself.

So I love having kids.

Kids relate to me and tell me

that I make them feel comfortable in their bodies

like that if I can do anything I want to do that.

So it's really hard to talk about my life

and have it not sound like I'm bragging.

Sometimes I'll catch myself in a conversation

with someone acting like I'm in an interview,

and in interviews you're trained to talk about yourself

and not ask the other person about themselves.

And so I'll catch myself in conversations

where I'm like shit like I'm not being interviewed.

I'm acting like I'm being interviewed

instead of acting like I'm talking to a human being.

Such a good point I will never stop talking about that.

I'm glad that I was definitely aware of it a year ago.

I feel so much better about it now.

I was so insecure about where I was.

So I felt like I was always having to prove

like what I did and what I do and like who I am or whatever.

But something about it getting bigger and bigger makes me

almost more comfortable not proving myself.

For a while now I've been really

having an identity crisis a little.

I think it was December.

I did some like radio show performance, and the entire show

I felt like I was pretending to be Billie Eilish.

Like I felt I completely wasn't looking at myself as myself.

I was just like totally seeing it

from not my own perspective and it was so weird.

Happened multiple times at like award shows and whatever.

I just felt like a parody of myself.

I've felt a little bit better about it lately

just like you forget like I'm literally 18.

It's funny that I'm expected to have found myself

and stick with it.

You know it's like, you know, I'm having,

I'm trying different things out.

I'm trying different ways of living and styles

and personalities, and, you know, hairstyles and clothing

and shoes and like I'm just trying it all out

because I'm like a growing fucking girl.

I've definitely had like moments of like reaching out

to a couple people but every time I do it

I kind of like stop myself because I'm like this is.

So weird.

You know, I've had some conversations with Bieber about this

where we just, you know, talk about the craziness

of our lives and whatever

like Ariana's been really cool about stuff.

Those are some people that I feel like have really shown me

support and like, you know, even like Katy Perry told me

that I could reach out to her whenever

and talk about it because it's crazy.

And, you know, that's really important

and I think it's good.

God has said it to me before.

It's, you know, it's nice to to hear from people

that like have gone through this and know what it's like

and went through the shit of it

and went through the amazing parts of it.

And it's like it's nice to hear people with me.

But at the same time like no matter like how many people

are there for you and have gone through similar things.

It's like, nothing ever happens twice.

A tattoo maybe, no face tattoos.

The only two tattoos I want to get are the ones

that barely anyone could see.

I did get a tattoo.

But you won't ever see it.

I did what I said I do what you expect.

Okay, well I looked at my phone, that's what I did.

This morning when I woke up I looked to my phone.

I think I made myself a burrito for breakfast

with a gluten-free tortilla.

I woke up and then pooped.

[Billie laughing]

That's what I did.

Hey it's the first thing I did dude.

You asked I looked at my phone, that's what I did.

I looked at my phone classic day.

Face recognition like there's no home button.

What the heck?

They've made monograms crazy.

What the hell is a monogram?

A hologram is what I meant.

It's crazy that you can charge your phone

by like putting it on that little disc.

Robots dog like please.