IT'S TRANSFORMED.

(APPLAUSE) OKAY.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ENTHUSIASM, GUYS, WENT REALLY BIG ON THAT.

(LAUGHTER) I FEEL THE SAME AS YOU, I'M LIKE

YEAH, OKAY, GOOD, NO, BRILLIANT, IS IT, IS IT CHRISTMAS?

I DON'T KNOW, IT COULD BE MARCH, IT COULD BE 2022, WHO KNOWS, BUT

LOOK AT THIS, AS ALWAYS, LOU, INCREDIBLE SET DESIGNER HAS DONE

A BEAUTIFUL JOB.

I LOVE IT I DO.

I LOVE IT.

I CAME IN, I WAS LIKE OH, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW PARIS HILTON

MADE CHRISTMAS TREES.

BUT WE'RE HERE GUYS.

DECEMBER IS HERE.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

ONLY 24 MORE SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

AND THEN ONLY ABOUT 180 MORE SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL WE CAN ALL

SAFELY GO SHOPPING AGAIN.

ARE YOU IN IT, REG, ARE YOU GETTING THE CHRISTMAS FEEL?

ARE YOU-- .

>> Reggie: YOU KNOW, YEAH.

>> James: I THINK, DO I THINK THAT IS THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

THISSIER.

>> Reggie: THAT IS THE MAX RIGHT THERE.

>> James: THAT IS AS GOOD AS IT ET GOES.

IS JUST YES, I GUESS.

I'VE BEEN SO-- I THINK SO.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS IT.

WE'RE DOING IT, PANDEMIC OR NOT WE CAN STILL KEEP THE SPIRIT OF

THE HOLIDAY, YOU KNOW?

EXCEPT FOR MISTLETOE, GONE THIS YEAR, OUT.

NO MISTLETOE.

I HOPE MISTLETOE MAKES A COMEBACK IN 2021 AND COMES IN

WITH A VENGEANCE, YOU KNOW.

>> ALL YEAR, YEAR ROUND MISTLETOE, AUGUST 159, MISTLETOE

Y NOT, LET'S GIVE IT A WHOLE YEAR.

>> James: ALTHOUGH I DO WORRY ABOUT YOU IF YOU MAKE THAT PACT.

I THINK IT WOULD LOOK REALLY CREEPY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

>> FOURTH OF JULY, FIREWORKS IN THE AIR, HOT DOGS ON THE GRILL

AND LOOK WHAT WE HAPPEN TO BE STANDING UNDER.

>> James: HEY GUYS.

IT'S SEPTEMBER 8th.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

>> EASTER IS UPON US AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HAS RISEN, A

LITTLE BIT OF OF MISTLETOE.

>> James: I DO THINK THAT COULD BACK FIRE BUT HAVE I GOOD

HOPES.

I THINK NEXT YEAR MISTLETOE WILL BE BACK AT IT.

WE WILL ALL TALK ABOUT OH, REMEMBER WHEN WE COULDN'T HAVE

MISTLETOE.

PROBABLY WON'T.

IS (LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT, LET'S MOVE ON WITH THE HEADLINES, SOME BIG NEWS OUT

OF DVMENT YVMENT, ATTORNEY GENERAL WILLIAM BARR JUST

ANNOUNCED THAT HES HAD NOT UNCOVERED ANY EVIDENCE OF

WIDESPREAD VOTER FRAUD THAT WOULD CHANGE THE OUTCOME OF THE

2020 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION.

IT IS SO WEIRD THAT THEY DIDN'T FIND EVIDENCE OF THE VERY THING

THEY NEVER BACKED UP WITH ANY EVIDENCE.

OF COURSE PRESIDENT TRUMP IS STILL CONTINUING HIS DESPERATE

ATTEMPT TO DELEGITIMIZE THE ELECTION AND THINGS SEEM TO HIT

A NEW LOW LAST NIGHT AS HE RETWEETED THREE TIMES AN ACCOUNT

CALLED CAT TURD.

NOW TO BE HAIR,-- FAIR, THE CAT IS WEARING GLASSES SO IT MUST BE

SMART.

THE ACTUAL TWITTER HANDLE FOR THE ACCOUNT IS CAT TURD 2-RBG

AND I FOR ONE CANNOT WAIT TO SEE WHAT IS IN STORE FROM CAT TURD

3.

CAT TURD SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE SWROA BIDEN WOULD HAVE BOUGHT

AFTER A SPEECH DURING THE PRIMARY.

LICENSE WHEN I WAS GROWING NEWSPAPER SCRANTON THERE WAS A

REAL MEAN SON OF A GUN, WE USED TO CALL HIM CAT TURD, CODO DOO

WOP AND BEBOP LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS.

WHAT WAS A TALKING ABOUT?

OH YEAH CLAIM AT CHANGE SWRZ MANY WHILE MORE AND MORE STATES

ARE CERTIFIEDING THEIR OFFICIAL RESULTS WHICH LED TO THIS,

YESTERDAY REPUBLICAN SENATOR TED DOESY'S PHONE WENT OFF, HE SAID

IF HE HAD CHANGED HIS RING TON TO HAIL TO THE CHIEF WHENEVER

TRUMP CALLED HIM.

LACK AT WHAT THE GOVERNOR OF ARIZONA DOES AFTER HE PHONES

GSH-- HIS PHONE STARTED PLAYING THAT SONG.

♪ >> Reggie: YES.

>> James: TRUMP JUST GOD FRIEND-A-ZONAD.

>> IT IS A SAVAGE MOVE, SAVAGE MOVE FROM ANYONE WHO STILL USES

CUSTOM RING TONES.

WHO USES CUSTOM RING-- DO YOU?

DO YOU HONESTLY.

YOU USE A CUSTOM RING TONE?

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> James: BUT DON'T YOU STILL JUST LOOK AT YOUR PHONE ANYWAY?

>> Reggie: YEAH, BUT THERE IS A COUPLE OF PEOPLE AND I ALSO

HAVE THE CUSTOM, YOU KNOW, THE TAP, LIKE THE VIBRATION WILL

GO-- .

>> James: AND YOU WILL SET THAT FROM SOMEONE ELSE.

>> SO IN YOUR POCKET YOU KNOW WHO IT IS WHEN THEY CALL.

>> James: I DON'T THINK I WOULD EVER BE ANYWHERE WHERE I

AM LIKE WHAT IS THAT, WHO THE LET THE DOGS OUT, OH THAT'S

WAS' THAT, WHAT'S THAT?

-- LEV THAT.

IGNORE THAT.

ARE YOU A CUSTOM RING TONE GUY?

>> NO, I HAVEN'T ANSWERED MY PHONE SINCE LIKE 2010.

>> James: YOU ARE A BIG TEXT GUY TEXT ONLY.

>> FACETIME SOMETIMES BUT TEXT OR FACETIME.

I DON'T NEED THE PHONE STUFF, WHAT AM IS IT, A LEKSZ ANDER

GRAHAM BELL CALLING, THO THANK YOU.

>> James: IT IS WEIRD BECAUSE I THINK THE LAND LINE PHONES,

THE HOME PHONES IS NOW THE EQUIVALENT OF THE DOOR BELL.

SO WHEN I WAS GROWING UP AND WE WERE THE DING DONG, EVERYONE

GOES WHO IS THAT.

WHO?

WHO COULD THAT BE.

AND WE WOULD SPEND LIKE 20 SECONDS BEFORE ANYONE GOT UP AND

YOU WOULDN'T EVEN OPEN THE DOOR, YOU DO A QUICK PEEK AROUND THE

WINDOW.

NOW THE LAND LINE PHONE IS THAT IN OUR HOUSE, BRR, WE GO-- WELL

WHO COULD IT BE.

AND I'LL GO, MAYBE ANSWER IT, AND THEY'LL DP OOM'S NOT GOING

TO ANSWER IT.

NO ONE HAS GOT THAT NUMBER.

THERE IS NO REASON.

>> IT'S YOUR PHONE'S NUMBER, THEY THE ONLY RUNS ONES WHO

HAVE THAT.

>> WE MISSED THE MOMENT TO I VAC YAIT OUR HOUSE DURING THE FIRE.

WE ARE IN-- WE'VE GOT TO EVACUATE, NO ONE TOLD US, OH, WE

IGNORED THE HOME PHONE, THAT WILL BE IT.

AND HERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS TO KICK OFF OUR DECEMBER, SOUTH

KOREA JUST PASSED A SO CALLED BTS LAW WHICH DELAYS THE

COUNTRY'S REQUIRED MILITARY SERVICE FOR THE OLDEST MEMBERS

OF THE GROUP.

THAT IS A NO-BRAINER FOR ME.

AN ABSOLUTE NO-BRAINER, WHEN YOU HAVE HAIR THAT BEAUTIFUL YOU

DON'T COVER IT WITH A HELMET.

THE DID LAYING MILITARY SERVICE FOR MEMBERS OF BTS.

CAN YOU IMAGINE, BTS WITH EVEN MORE DISCIPLINE AND TRAINING?

DON'T BE ALARMED THE NEW LAW DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT

THEM-- YOU KNOW PREVENTING THEM FROM BECOMING TOTALLY-- TOTALLY

ADORBS IN MILITARY OUTFITS IN A RECENT INTERVIEW BARACK OBAMA

SAID IF THEY MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT HIS LIFE HE WOULD LIKE DRAKE TO

PLAY HIM.

OUR THOUGHTS GO OUT TO WILL SMITH DURING THIS DIFFICULT

TIME.

OBAMA APPROVED IT AND APPARENTLY DRAKE IS INTERESTED SO I GUESS

NOW IT IS ALL GOING FLAT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT, THAT SARCASTICALLY.

THAT, I KNOW YOU THINK YOU'RE BEING, THAT WAS A SARCASTIC, YOU

HIT THAT SYMBOL TOO HARD.

YOU DID YOU KNOW HE DID.

THAT WAS LIKE OH [BLEEP] YOU.

I LIKE THAT OBAMA ISN'T EVEN TRYING TO BE MODEST.

HE'S LIKE OF COURSE DRAKE WILL PLAY ME, YEAH, 100 PERCENT.

IF SOMEONE ASKED ME WHO SHOULD PLAY ME IN A BIOPIC I TRY TO

PRETEND THAT I DIDN'T WANT MATT DAMON TO DO IT YOU KNOW WHAT I

MEAN, OH, WOW, I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT T MAYBE SOME YOUNG

UNDISCOVERED ACTOR, SOMEONE ROUNDER, I DON'T KNOW, LIKE MATT

DAMON.

MATT DAMON.

THAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH SACK-- CHEEK BONES IT IS GREAT

UNTIL YOU HAVE TO TALK.

>> TELL ME ABOUT THE PROTECT, I'M LIKE-- I DON'T REALLY-- I'M

VERY PROUD OF IT.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

IAN, WHO WOULD PLAY NEW A MOVIE WHO WOULD YOU GET WHO WOULD YOU

GO TO?

>> NEITHER OF US ARE HAPPY ABOUT IT BUT JOSH GAD PROBABLY

(LAUGHTER).

>> James: YOU MEAN HE'S NOT HAPPY, YOU'RE NOT HAPPY.

>> NOBODY, IT'S THE TRUTH BUT THAT IS LIKE A COMPROMISE,

NOBODY IS HAPPY WHEN IT'S OVER.

>> James: WHO WOULD YOU GO TO REG, WHO WOULD PLAY YOU IN A

MOVIE.

>> PROBABLY ANTONIO BANDERAS.

>> James: YES, I'M SO GLAD YOU SAID THAT, BECAUSE I'VE BEEN

STRUGGLING ALL DAY WHEN I KNEW WE WERE DOING THIS TOPIC.

I WAS LIKE WHO IS THE PERSON I'M THINK BEING TO PLAY REGGIE

WATTS.

I NOW UNDERSTAND.

I CAN HEAR THE VOICE BUT I COULDN'T REMEMBER WHO IT WAS.

>> YEAH, EXACTLY.

>> James: WHAT ABOUT YOU, STEVE?

>> DUCKY FROM PRETTY IN PINK.

>> James: DUCKY FROM PRETRY IN PINK.

NEVER LET IT BE SAID YOU'RE NOT UP WITH THE TIMES, STEVE.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN PICK HIS ROLL FROM LIKE TWO AND A HALF MEN.

YOU WENT BACK BEFORE THAT.

COMMITTED TO THE MARK, DID YOU JUST PERFORM THE SURGERY.

>> STRAIGHT FROM THE SURGICAL WARD HERE, SORRY GUYS, RUNNING

LATE.

CLEAR.

OKAY.

THEY SHOULD BE GOOD, HAVE I TO GET TO THE SHOW.

AND WE WANTED TO TELL BUT THIS.

GERMAN POLICE ARE NOW INVESTIGATING THE DISAPPEARANCE

OF A SCEF ENFOOT TALL MOUNTAIN TOP SCULPTURE OF A PEANUT.

HERE IT IS HERE-- PENIS, THE CULTURE APPEARED SEVERAL YEARS

AGO WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATION AND IT VANISHED OVER THE WEEKEND.

LOOK, A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE LONELY DURING THE PABD BUT THIS IS

RIDICULOUS.

NOW THEY ARE SAYING IT DISAPPEARED I AM LIKE OR IS IT

JUST COLD OUT?

THERE IS TALK OF REPLACING IT BUT THE MOUNTAIN IS OLDER SO

AUTHORITIES THINK IT MIGHT TAKE LONGER TO GET A NEW ONE ERECTED.

AND FINALLY, GUYS, SOME ODD NEWS OUT OF JAPAN OR AS THEY CALL IT

IN JAPAN, NEWS.

A GIANT 60 FOOT TALL ROBOT THAT CAN WALK AND MOVE ITS ARMS WAS

UNVEIL THE IN TOKYO YESTERDAY.

THE ROBOT IS PART OF A TOURIST ATTRACTION WHICH WILL OPEN LATER

THIS MONTH.

THIS IS THE ROBOT HERE.

>> THE A TRANQS WILL OPEN BY THE END OF DECEMBER AND WILL HAVE

DESTROYED MOST OF TOKYO BY THE END OF JANUARY.

>> WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?

WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?

YP-- LET'S JUST-- I SAW A THING TALKING ABOUT ARTIFICIAL

INTELLIGENCE AND HE SAID ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE WILL

ABSOLUTELY WIPE OUT HUMANITY WITHIN A HUNDRED AREAS T IS NOT

EVEN UP FOR DE-- DEBATE, WELL THEN WE SHOULD STOP, LET'S STOP,

ALL HUMAN BEINGS, YOU KNOW, WE'RE GOOD.

LET'S NOT BUILD AI, RIGHT?

WE WATCHED THE VIDEOS OF THE BOSTON DYNAMIC ROBOTS GO FROM

WALKING CLUMSILY TO NOW THEY ARE DOG THAT CAN CLIMB UPSIDE DOWN

ON A CEILING AND WE ARE ALL JUST LIKE OH, THEY'RE DOING IT AND

EVEN THE PEOPLE BUILDING IT ARE LIKE YEAH-OF-I KNOW, IT'S

ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING.

LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER IF THERES WITH A RON OT.

WE DON'T NEED THEM.

ARE YOU THE PROBLEM, WHAT DO YOU WANT A ROBOT FOR?

>> I JUST WANT A ROBOT FRIEND BUT YOU HAVE A REAL FRIEND.

>> YEAH, I HAVE REAL FRIENDS BUT SOMETHING ABOUT A ROB AT THAT

JUST, NO REPLACEMENT.

>> James: BUT THERE IS A REPLACEMENT BECAUSE ARE YOU

REPLACING OTHER THINGS WITH IT.

>> YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.

BUT I HAVE A ROOMBA AND I'M REALLY GLAD FOR THAT ONE.

>> ROOMBA, PERFECT, FINE.

ANYTHING PAST THAT DESTROY IT RIGHT NOW.

>> James: I AM COMFORTABLE WITH ROBOTS IF THEY ARE NOT

BIGGER THAN THIS.

LIKE WHAT IS THAT, 6 INCH.

>> YEAH.

>> James: LIKE A QUHIK EN.

I'M COMFORTABLE AT CHICKEN SIZE THE ROBOTS WHAT I'M NOT

COMFORTABLE IS ROBOT SIZED CHICKENS AND THAT IS WHERE I

THINK WE ARE HEADED.