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It's a corruption Kiki as Donnie Doofus takes a break from peeing on his P tape with his baby, Porcini Chode to ponder preemptive pardons for his prolifically prosecutable progeny.

I I think these pardons are just radical expressions of self care, like how every night I forgive myself for in the cover of darkness shoving a rotting carp Fujio today, Llorente's mail slot us if our the president's actions just as innocent and victimless as mine, I think he's working towards pardoning himself eventually.

So I think he's getting closer and closer to that.

Eventually, you know, he pardons his Children.

Does he have a dog?

I don't know if he has a dog that he could pardon Famously does not have a dog.

Forgiveness is what the Thanksgiving season is all about.

It's what Amelia Earhart preached when she landed on Plymouth Rock with her three ships.

The piano, the Grigio and the sauvignon blanc.

Now get ready for a new character in the crown because our Justice Department just anointed a new woke king.

Attorney General Bar spilled the tea, saying there was no widespread voter fraud.

Right wing radio host Sebastian Gorka took a break from trying to win an eBay auction for Joseph Goebbels.

A sock garters to politely descent.

How the hell do you know William Barr?

Have you spent a ZMA much time on this as I have in just the last eight minutes, you have become a yellow bellied coward.

You're not a swamp creature, but you're a coward.

Wow.

I mean, eight minutes is an eternity for Gorka, since that's how long he has to keep his face still while his beard dyed rise.

Now, Asif, do you want to take a minute to apologize to Bill Bar for not seeing the woke hero hiding behind all the tear gas?

I know, I really I really feel like we owe him an apology.

He clearly turned out, uh, to be, uh, not just a great Elton John impersonator, but also a man of integrity.

This was the rial Bill bar waiting toe come out when he tear gassed those protesters in law.

I had square.

He was trying to show us the tears that he wished he could cry.

He might have just been running with the wrong crowd.

I worry about that with my own daughters.

So I always ask their friends if they are narcissistic white supremacist autocrats who self deal at the expense of the taxpayer.

Okay, it's time to talk about a cute little thing called male Friendship, which actually is not cute.

It's very serious.

Check yourself, y'all.

According to The Washington Post, male friendships are often rooted in shoulder to shoulder interactions, such as watching a football game or playing video games, while women's interactions are more face to face.

Because of this, many men have probably had a harder time than women figuring out how to adapt their friendships in a pandemic.

Now, obviously, we have a huge male audience.

Before the pandemic, guys would gather every Sunday to pound natty light and get signal boosted.

So we need to do what we can to help these vulnerable, lonely, pitiful men.

Let's start with you, Brian.

What's going on with you and be honest.

Okay, well, lately I've been thinking a lot about the passage of time, how every moment that passes is one will never get back.

How the more you try to hold on to those moments, the quicker they slip away.

Not a good look, especially coming from a man now.

Awesome.

Show him how to be a vulnerable man in touch with his feelings.

You know, like, talk about some guys stuff like your balls or something.

Well, honestly, if Brian if if you were here with me right now, I would, uh I would massage your shoulders.

Um, your shoulder would be right here, and I would I would touch it, and I would caresses it.

Hopefully there'll be another shoulder on this side of me as well.

I volunteer as tribute.

I'm sorry I'm getting so uncomfortable in this is not okay.

Conversation to be having in my workplace.

Aasif Now, the show's not 10 hours long, so let's move on to something more important.

Tis the season to talk holiday movies.

Let's share our favorite Christmas films.

As for me, I like to put on my coziest sweater, start a little fire, settle onto the couch with some hot apple cider and watch my holiday classic Moonlight Lila Oh, I didn't know that moonlight was a Christmas movie.

Oh, yeah, I guess an important movie that has nothing to do with Christmas Can't be a Christmas movie now.

Interesting.

Look, Lila.

Uh, Okay.

Well, literally.

It's not Christmas if I don't singe my retinas from watching Miracle on 34th Street, Uh, directed by a white man starring a white male Santa Claus.

Interesting.

Brian, Are you doing this to me?

I know it's not a traditional Christmas film, but every year my family watches Hotel Rwanda.

Don Cheadle's performance fills me with more warmth and wonderment than any capitalist Christian propaganda film ever could.

It also serves as an important reminder during America's most indulgent season of the injustice practiced by America's unearned role.

As global police say, ALF Brian.

Jesus.

Okay, cool.

I also saw Do the Right Thing in theaters when I was two years old.

So Aasif, what is your favorite Christmas movie?

Jaws?

Okay, nice.

Anyway, I'm more of a book person.

Yeah, I've read the book to Honestly, I just cannot read Jaws, that thinking about the climate change crisis.

Now we have to move on.

It's time for your signal boost.

After tapping women front number of senior Cabinet positions, President elect Joe Biden now is also considering one for defense secretary veteran Pentagon official Michelle Floren Oy.

It's a seminal moment for so many of us in the media who believe in progress.

Nominating a woman toe lead, the Pentagon would send a long overdue message that girl's conduce stabilize the Middle East and burn a trillion taxpayer dollars per year just as well as boys.

And when will there be enough women involved in the dozens of ongoing US conflicts?

To paraphrase the late, great RBG, when women lead each and every one of our intractable quagmires, women can coordinate the drone strikes, turned villages into craters and secure the billion dollar covert Saudi arms deals.

And yes, we can do it in heels.

One girl interrogator at Guantanamo is just tokenism, But in all female torture camp, that's the future.

Just picture an all female extralegal death squad with no identity paid in diamonds, busting down the door of whatever name they were handed the night before and executing them while their Children watch your smiling.

Aren't you me to look?

Just because a torturer doesn't have testicles doesn't mean she can't connect electrodes to them.

And just because she doesn't have a Penis doesn't mean she can't feed a detainee his own rectal rehydration.

How about rectal?