DECEMBER IS HALF VER.

12月是半月，也是我的生日。

WE'RE HALFWAY THROUGH.

我們已經過了一半了。

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

我不明白。

IT FEELS LIKE THE OTHER DAY, IT WAS THE FIRST.

感覺就像其他的日子，這是第一次。

WE DON'T DO ANYTHING, WE COME HERE, WE'RE TRAPPED

* We don't do anything anything, we come here, we're TRAPPED * 我們什麼都不做，我們來到這裡，我們被困住了。

BUT TIME SEEMS TO BE GOING SO FAST?

但時間似乎過得太快了？

REGGIE, WHAT EVEN IS "TIME?" >> Reggie: YOU KNOW, IT'S A

>> 雷吉，"時間 "到底是什麼？>> 你知道，這是一個。

GOOD QUESTION.

好問題。

IT'S REALLY THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I GUESS I'M

這真的是唯一讓我覺得我想我是...

HERE.

這裡。

>> James: YEAH.

>> 詹姆斯。YEAH.

ARE WE HERE, THOUGH?

我們在這裡嗎？

>> Reggie: I DON'T THINK WE ARE.

>> 我不認為我們是。

I THINK WE'RE EXPERIENCING THIS FROM A VERY DISTANT PLACE, BUT

我想我們是在一個很遙遠的地方體驗到的，但是...

IT'S FUN.

它的樂趣。

>> James: DO YOU THINK THEN, GENUINELY, BECAUSE DO YOU

>> James:你覺得呢，真正的，因為你...

REMEMBER WHEN WE -- >> Reggie: YES, I REFERENCE

記得當我們 -- >> 雷吉：是的，我指的是。

THIS ALL THE TIME.

這所有的時間。

>> James: WE WERE SAYING NONE OF THIS IS HERE, NONE OF THIS IS

>> 詹姆斯。我們說這一切都不在這裡，這一切都不在這裡。

REAL, WE'RE ALL LIVING A SIMULATION OF SOMETHING ELSE,

真實的，我們都生活在一個模擬的其他東西。

AND I NEVER FORGET, HE SAID TO US, HE SAID, ANTS IN AN ANT FARM

我永遠不會忘記，他對我們說，他說，螞蟻農場裡的螞蟻。

DON'T KNOW THAT THEY'RE IN AN ANT FARM.

不知道他們是在螞蟻農場。

THEY THINK THAT'S THE WORLD.

他們認為這就是世界。

>> Reggie: YES.

>> 雷吉：是的。

>> James: AND I WAS, LIKE, SO HANG ON, IS IT A SIMULATION?

>> 詹姆斯。我是，喜歡，所以掛， 它是一個模擬？

HE WAS, LIKE, THE CHANCES OF YOU BEING HERE AND ME BEING HERE AND

他是，就像，你在這裡的機會，我在這裡，並。

ANY OF THIS IS REAL OR THE FACT THAT YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT FREE

這些都是真的，或者你認為你已經得到了免費的事實。

WILL IS ABSURD.

意志是荒謬的。

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> 雷吉：YEAH。

>> James: SO I ROBBED A BANK.

>> 所以我搶了一家銀行。

( LAUGHTER ) I DID.

我做到了。

I WENT STRAIGHT OUT.

我直接出去了。

I SAID, WELL, IF NONE OF THIS IS REAL, IT'S FINE.

我說，好吧，如果這一切都不是真的，它的罰款。

ROBBED A W BANK, GOT AWAY WITH I $36,000 CASH.

搶劫了一家W銀行，拿走了36000美元現金。

>> Reggie: WOW.

>> 雷吉：WOW。

>> James: TWO BAGS OKAY, OTHER OPENED, COVERED IN INK.

>> 詹姆斯。兩袋還好，另一袋打開了，蓋著墨水。

>> Reggie: OH.

>> 雷吉：哦。

>> James: AND I BOUGHT A LOT OF BITCOIN.

>> 詹姆斯:我買了很多比特幣。

( LAUGHTER ) LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT HEADLINES.

讓我們來看看頭條新聞。

IT'S OFFICIAL, ATTORNEY GENERAL BILL BARR IS RESIGNING.

這是官方的，總檢察長BILL BARR辭職。

BARR MET WITH THE PRESIDENT LAST NIGHT AND SAID HE WILL LEAVE

巴爾昨晚會見總統，說他會離開。

OFFICE NEXT WEEK.

下週辦公。

MAYBE NOW HE'LL HAVE TIME TO FINALLY READ THAT MUELLER

也許現在他有時間讀完那本《穆勒》了吧？

REPORT.

報告：

LAUGHTER ) BILL BARR HAS RESIGNED AS

鮑磊已辭去政府的職位。

ATTORNEY GENERAL.

總檢察長。

AS OPPOSED TO BEFORE, WHEN BARR WAS SIMPLY RESIGNED TO HIS FATE

而不是以前，當巴倫只是簡單地接受他的命運。

OF DEFENDING EVERY STUPID THING DONALD TRUMP HAS EVER SAID.

為唐納德-特朗普說過的每一句蠢話辯護，

I LOOKED AT IT -- BARR AND TRUMP, THEY COULDN'T

我看了一下 -- 巴爾和特朗普，他們不能。

HAVE BEEN THAT CLOSE, OTHERWISE BARR WOULD HAVE GOTTEN

本來就差那麼一點，否則巴爾就會被打倒

CORONAVIRUS.

CORONAVIRUS：

( LAUGHTER ) HE'S THE ONLY ONE THAT DIDN'T

他是唯一的一個，沒有

GET COVID.

得到COVID。

HE WAS NEVER IN THERE.

他從來沒有在那裡。

HIS RESIGNATION LETTER DIDN'T GO INTO MUCH DETAIL, BUT BARR DID

他的辭職信並沒有詳細介紹，但巴爾卻介紹了。

SAY HE PLANS TO SPEND MORE TIME BEING MISTAKEN FOR ELTON JOHN

說他打算花更多的時間被誤解為埃爾頓-約翰。

WITH REGULAR GLASSES.

搭配普通眼鏡。

( LAUGHTER ) TRUMP ANNOUNCED BARR'S

特朗普宣佈了巴爾的任命。

RESIGNATION ON TWITTER, WRITING "JUST HAD A VERY NICE MEETING

RESIGNATION ON TWITTER, WRITING "JUST HAD A VERY NICE MEETING"(剛剛舉行了一次非常好的會議)

WITH ATTORNEY GENERAL BILL BARR AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

在白宮與總檢察長BILL BARR一起。

OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN A VERY GOOD ONE, HE HAS DONE AN

我們的關係是非常好的，他做了很多事情。

OUTSTANDING JOB!

出色的工作!

BILL WILL BE LEAVING JUST BEFORE CHRISTMAS TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS

比爾將在聖誕節前離開，去過節了

WITH HIS FAMILY."

與他的家人。"

OUR CONDOLENCES TO BILL BARR'S FAMILY AT THIS DIFFICULT TIME.

在這個艱難的時刻，我們向比爾-巴爾的家人表示慰問。

( LAUGHTER ) BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, THAT'S A

但你必須承認，這是一個。

PRETTY GLOWING REVIEW COMING FROM TRUMP, WHICH MEANS BARR

特朗普的漂亮評價，意味著巴爾的意思

MUST HAVE SOME REALLY SORDID BLACKMAILABLE MATERIAL ON HIM.

他身上一定有一些非常骯髒的黑郵材料。

>> Reggie: YES.

>> 雷吉：是的。

>> James: THE NEW INTERIM ATTORNEY GENERAL WILL BE JEFF

>> James:新的臨時總檢察長將是JEFF。

ROSEN, OR AS TRUMP CALLS HIM, "LESS-HOT

羅森，或如特朗普所說的 "不那麼熱"。

MIKE PENCE."

MIKE PENCE"

( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, LAST NIGHT JOE BIDEN

（笑） 在那個時候，昨晚喬比登

GAVE A SPEECH SHORTLY AFTER THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE CONFIRMED HIS

在選舉學院確認他的身份後不久就發表演講

VICTORY, AND HE TOOK LOTS OF VEILED, AND NOT-SO-VEILED,

勝利，他採取了大量的veiled，和不那麼veiled。

SWIPES AT PRESIDENT TRUMP.

揮舞著特朗普總統。

>> IN AMERICA, POLITICIANS DON'T TAKE POWER.

>>在美國，政治家不奪權。

PEOPLE GRANT POWER TO THEM.

人們賦予他們權力。

THE FLAME OF DEMOCRACY WAS LIT IN THIS NATION A LONG TIME AGO,

民主的火焰很久以前就在這個國家點燃了。

AND WE NOW KNOW NOTHING, NOT EVEN A PANDEMIC OR AN ABUSE OF

而我們現在什麼都不知道，甚至不知道有什麼問題。

POWER CAN EXTINGUISH THAT FLAME.

權力可以熄滅那火焰。

>> JAMES: I'M NOT SURE, BUT I FEEL LIKE HE WAS DIRECTING THAT

>> 我不確定，但我覺得他好像在指揮... ...

AT DONALD TRUMP.

在唐納德・特朗普。

( LAUGHTER ) AND THIS WAS NICE, BIDEN'S TEAM,

（笑），這是很好的，比登的團隊。

THEY'VE ALREADY REPURPOSED THAT CLIP AS A WAY TO TRY TO APPEAL

他們已經把那段短片重複使用了，想以此作為上訴的手段。

TO YOUNG AMERICANS.

給年輕的美國人：

>> THE FLAME OF DEMOCRACY WAS LIT --

>> 民主的火焰被點燃了----。

>> DAMN, SON!

>> 該死的，兒子！

WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS?

你在哪裡找到的？

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ >> James: LATER IN THE SAME

>>詹姆斯。後來在同一

SPEECH, BIDEN EXPLAINED HOW TRUMP USED EVERY LEGAL RECOURSE

演講中，比登解釋了特朗普如何使用一切法律手段。

AVAILABLE TO HIM AND IT WAS STILL SHOT DOWN EACH TIME.

可供他使用，但每次都被擊落。

>> THEY WERE HARPED PI MORE THAN 80 JUDGES AND NO CAUSE WAS FOUND

>> 他們受到超過80名法官的騷擾，但沒有找到任何原因。

TO REVERSE OR QUESTION OR DISPUTE THE RESULTS.

對結果進行反轉、質疑或爭論。

>> James: YEAH, SURE, IF YOU TRUST THE COURTS.

>> 詹姆斯。是的，當然，如果你相信法庭的話。

( LAUGHTER ) YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

你知道我的意思嗎？

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

你知道我在說什麼嗎？

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

你知道我在說什麼。

WHEN HE HEARD THIS, TRUMP IS LIKE, YEAH, I'VE USED EVERY

當他聽到這個，特朗普是這樣的，是的，我已經使用了每一個。

LEGAL RECOURSE AVAILABLE TO ME BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON

我可以利用法律手段，但我還沒有開始。

THE ILLEGAL RECOURSES YET, YOU WAIT.

非法的資源，你等著。

I LIKE BIDEN STATING FACTS IS THE NEW ULTIMATE DISS.

我喜歡比登陳述事實是新的終極DISS。

HE LOST HIS LAWSUITS, NO VOTER FRAUD, THE EGGNOG IS, LET'S BE

他輸掉了他的訴訟，沒有騙選民，蛋黃醬是，讓我們成為

HONEST, A LITTLE TOO RICH.

誠實，有點太有錢了。

( LAUGHTER ) BUT I LIKE A FIRED-UP BIDEN.

（笑）但我喜歡一個火熱的投標人。

I LIKE WHEN HE JUST SPEAKS AND SAYS THIS.

我喜歡他說話的時候，說這個。

I BET HE WALKED OFF STAGE, OPENED A SAC PRILL LA WITH

我打賭他走下舞臺，打開了一個SAC PRILL LA與。

HIS',, CRUSHED THE CAN ON HIS HEAD, LET'S MOVE ON, LET'S GET

他的，，粉碎罐在他的頭上， 讓我們繼續前進，讓我們得到

OUT OF HERE.

離開這裡。

( LAUGHTER ) MEAN WHILE, PRESIDENT TRUMP

(笑)我的意思是，特朗普總統......

STILL REFUSES TO CONCEDE.

仍然拒絕認輸。

ACCORDING TO ONE INSIDER, TRUMP HAS DECIDED THAT HE WILL AVOID

據一位內幕人士透露，特朗普已決定將避免

SAYING THAT HE LOST.

說他輸了。

INSTEAD, TO SAVE FACE, HE'LL SAY HE "DIDN'T WIN."

但是，為了保住面子，他會說他 "沒贏"。

MAN, THIS GUY HAS AN ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING.

男人，這傢伙有一個答案 為一切。

EXCEPT HOW TO PROVE ELECTION FRAUD.

除了如何證明選舉舞弊。

TRUMP THEN ADDED, AND IT'S NOT I WON'T BE PRESIDENT, IT'S JUST

特朗普接著補充說，這不是我將成為總統，只是。

I'LL STOP NOT NOT BEING PRESIDENT.

我不會再當總統了。

AND DID YOU SEE THIS?

你看到了嗎？

EARLIER TODAY, THE F.D.A.

今天早些時候，F.D.A.

CONFIRMED THAT MODERNA'S COVID-19 VACCINE IS SAFE AND

證實現代的COVID-19疫苗是安全的，並且是安全的。

EFFECTIVE, WHICH MEANS WE MAY HAVE TWO APPROVED VACCINES B

有效，這意味著我們可能會有兩種經準許的疫苗B。

THE END OF THE WEEK.

本週結束。

INJECT THIS NEWS STRAIGHT INTO MY VEINS.

把這個新聞直接注入我的靜脈。

REGGIE?

雷吉？

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> 雷吉：YEAH。

>> James: I'M GOING TO GET BOTH!

>> 詹姆斯。我要去得到這兩個！

PFIZER, MODERNA, BANG!

PFIZER, MODERNA, BANG!

LET'S GO!

我們走吧！

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> 雷吉：YEAH。

>> James: PFIZER, MODERNA!

>> 詹姆斯。PFIZER, MODERNA!

>> Reggie: TIME FOR A VAX-CATION.

>> 雷吉：是時候去VAX-CATION了。

>> James: ARE YOU GOING TO GET IT?

>> 詹姆斯。你會得到它嗎？

>> Reggie: I'M GOING TO MAX THE VAX.

>> 我要把VAX的容量放大。

>> James: YEAH, MAX THE VAX.

>> 詹姆斯:是的，最大的VAX。

>> Reggie: YEAH ( LAUGHTER )

>> 雷吉：YEAH（笑）。

>> James: CHEERS, MAN.

>> 詹姆斯。乾杯，夥計。

>> Reggie: YEAH!

>> 雷吉：YEAH!

>> James: EVEN THOUGH THE F.D.A. HAS

>> 詹姆斯。即使F. D. A. H.

CONFIRMED BOTH VACCINES ARE SAFE, I'M SURE IT WILL TAKE NO

確認兩種疫苗都是安全的，我確信它不會採取任何。

TIME FOR PEOPLE TO PICK A FAVORITE.

是時候讓大家選一個喜歡的人了。

"YOU HAD THE PFIZER?

"你吃了氟化機？

NO WAY.

沒辦法。

I DON'T TRUST THE PFIZER ONE BIT.

我一點也不相信全息機。

I'M ALL MODERNA.

我是所有現代人。

( LAUGHTER ) BUT PFIZER AND MODERNA ARE LIKE

（笑）但PFIZER和MODERNA都喜歡

THE PS5 AND XBOX SERIES X OF THE VACCINE WORLD-- IT DOESN'T

在PS5和XBOX系列X的疫苗世界--它不

MATTER WHICH ONE YOU WANT, YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT GETTING

無論你想要哪一個，你都可能得不到。

EITHER UNTIL JUNE.

直到6月。

( LAUGHTER ) AND WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.

（笑），我們想告訴你這一點。

A WOMAN IN AUSTRALIA BOUGHT A PRE-MADE GINGERBREAD HOUSE.

澳洲的一位婦女買了一間預製的薑餅屋。

IT ALREADY HAD A RESIDENT.

它已經有了一個居民。

I LIKE MY GINGERBREAD TO HAVE A BITE BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH.

我喜歡我的薑餅有一個雞冠，但這是太多了。

IT'S LIKE THE GOTH VERSION OF THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS.

這就像聖誕節十二天的GOTH版本。

INSTEAD OF A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE THEY HAVE A SPIDER IN A

他們不是在梨樹上養了一隻鸚鵡，而是在梨樹上養了一隻蜘蛛。

GINGERBREAD HOUSE.

GINGERBREAD HOUSE.

MUST HAVE BEEN FRIGHTENING, BUT THEN THE AUSTRALIANS SAID STEVE

一定很嚇人，但後來澳大利亞人說史蒂夫。

THE STOCKING SPIDER?

襪子蜘蛛？

NO, THAT'S AN AUSTRALIAN CHRISTMAS ORIGINAL, MATE.

不，這是一個原汁原味的 澳洲的聖誕節，夥計。

AND FINALLY, A FAMILY IN KANSAS IS WARNING OTHER PARENTS AFTER

最後，在堪薩斯州的一個家庭在警告其他父母后

THEY HID THEIR "ELF ON THE SHELF" DOLLS INSIDE THE OVEN

他們把 "ELF on the SHELF "的娃娃藏在爐子裡。

THEN FORGOT THEY WERE THERE, AND TURNED THE OVEN ON LATER IN THE

然後忘記了他們的存在，並在晚些時候打開了爐子。

DAY.

天。

HERE ARE THE DOLLS WHEN THEY WERE FIRST HIDDEN:

這裡是娃娃們第一次被藏起來的時候。

AND HERE THEY ARE AFTER THE OVEN WAS TURNED ON:

爐子打開後，他們在這裡。

( LAUGHTER ) WELL, I HOPE DAD'S FROZEN

（笑）好吧，我希望爸爸的凍傷

LASAGNA WAS WORTH IT.

LASAGNA是值得的。

( LAUGHTER ) IT'S NOT A TOTAL LOSS.

（笑）這不是一個完全的損失。

THEY'RE ALREADY MAKING A CHRISTMAS HORROR MOVIE ABOUT THE

他們正在拍攝一部關於聖誕恐怖片的聖誕恐怖片。

WHOLE THING, "NIGHTMARE ON ELF STREET."

整個事情，"夜幕下的ELF街"。