Blood soaked fosters Top story.

Our nation's beautiful and beloved infant Donald President Number 45 Magnum condom buyer.

Trump invited his colleagues from Pfizer Moderna to come celebrate him inventing science, but they didn't wanna look short next to him.

Both Pfizer and Moderna have rejected invitations from President Trump to appear at a White House vaccine summit.

The event appeared to be an effort for the administration to claim credit for the rapid development of a covert 19 vaccine.

Pfizer Moderna.

I hope you choke.

If Dr Trump Insigne invites you to the castle, you go and you let him turn you into his monster slave.

Now let's bring in actor and activist Cal Pen.

What's up, Cal?

How you doing?

Hungry.

So Cal radical Hollywood leftist like you refused to give Trump credit for everything.

Let me guess.

You won't give him credit for creating the vaccine with his spit and a dash of paprika.

William, I think that's fair to say.

Yeah, I don't think I don't feel comfortable giving him credit If he didn't think the virus was really heck, I'll say it.

It's the last episode of the year.

I hope the vaccine kills everybody.

I know Trump is responsible for the vaccine, but do we really want people thinking government can improve their lives?

The Republicans should not sell out their guiding philosophy merely to keep the nation in existence.

That's right.

So since Pfizer and Madonna could get for being rude, I have created my own vaccine.

It's called Tyler's high intensity Rhino shaft, and it's basically Bench Shapiro's brain blast powder covered in something called torpedo peppers, administered via flashlight, as most drugs are for me.

Meanwhile, George's secretary of state continues to insist Joe Biden won the state, even though I don't think he did.

We have now counted legally cast ballots three times, and the results remain unchanged.

Something's not right here.

When have you ever counted the same thing three times in your life and not have a wildly different result each time?

As Trump's reelection proves more elusive, the more we find out who are the true followers of his lord beef Penis.

Now let's separate the heretics from the true believers with a hot take loyalty play, Lourdes all the Penis of Condi Long John Silver menus.

We pledged to fight from the eternal recounts and legal challenges in perpetuity until Earth is nevermore.

Upon that blessed day, I will crush myself into a fine paste.

So you may smoke me and keep me with you forever.

And then, Cal, I don't hear someone pledging their life to trump.

I got the sentiment, and I did say in Amen.

So I'm with you now.

Big press on campus Almighty Trump graciously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to wrestler Dan Gable, despite the fact that Trump could beat his ass anytime, anyplace.

No masks in sight.

Your liberal hoax virus is no match against the buff freedom antibodies spewing from Trump's glands.

This is the eighth 10th Presidential Medal of Freedom Trump has awarded to man.

He's only awarded one to a woman, Miriam Adelson, wife of the largest Republican Party donor on Earth.

I could only assume she's just holding on to it until her husband gets home.

Now that's all well and good.

But where are the medals of freedom for our troops?

They never get medals, except for all the other medals they're always getting.

Now I think the president should award a fictional character.

My vote is for the namesake protagonist of Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray.

I'm sure many can relate toe having a mystic portrait that records their every sin cow.

Do you have a mystic portrait that records your every sin?

I wish I did.

Well, I wish to God I didn't.

Now pimp Daddy trumps Big lawyer guy Rudy Giuliani got too close to the truth, so the deep State honeypot it in with a covert positive 58 year old nympho meter maid with Triple D's and 80 birthmarks.

He can't help it.

He's only human were so sad about it.

So we set up a vigil.

I'm pouring one out Rudy style, which means the whole team filled this bedpan so we could pour a shot of piss on the floor.

Now, in times of need, you should always turn to family unless they ask anything of you, of course.

So let's call my Uncle Squirrel and ask him what body parts he's willing to give to Rudy Giuliani to make him better.

Hello?

Shut the fuck up, squirrel.

I'm calling Cost The life of Rudy Giuliani a man I know exclusively through television is more important to me than yours.

I need some of your organs.

I don't know, Tyler.

My organs been on the fritz.

And to be honest, I'm not sure how much longer I have got David squarely for Forget it, Cal.

Tell Uncle Squirrel that we need his organs.

And if he loved me, he do it.

It sounds like your organs are in need.

Uncle Squirrel.

See, even Cal thinks you're a fat, lazy pieces.

Now I'm hanging up on your ass and send those organs now.

I love you.

I love you to shut up my Yeah, yeah.