Thefirstthing I dowhen I wakeupsadlyis I checkmyphone, checkmyphone, checkmyphone I p andthen I'llcheckmyphone.
I am a teadrinker.
T alltheway.
I don't drinktea.
Teasucks.
Anybodywhodrinksteaisgonnagrowoldquick.
I am a high, high, highcaffeinecoffeedrinker.
I can't believe I'm tellingyouthis, but I have 3 to 4 cups a day.
Donotjudgeme.
Donotcomefrommeinthecomments.
Itismylife.
Yousee, I dosomethingveryspecialwithmyeggs.
Ifyouwantsomegoodeggs, yougottacookyourmeatfirst.
Andthenyouaddeggs, baby.
Thatflavormixeduptogether.
Unlikeanythingelse?
Okay.
Thankme.
Later.
Lately, I'vefalleninlovewithmyvitamixblender, and I'vebeenputtingallsortsoffruitsandvegetablesinittomake a morningsmoothieGrapes, Starbury, cabbage, orange, applesometimespairand I puthoneyandiceandwaterintheblender.
Andthen I lookedattheriver.
Lately, I'vebeendoing a bagel.
I cutthebagelinhalfandthen I scoopoutallthatextrabagelization.
Lately, I'vebeenwakingupand I makethisthingcalledbuttertoast, whichiswhere I meltlike a stickofbutteron a plate.
If I'm nothavingoneofthesechocolatesorsomethinglikethat, I'm probablyhaving a glassofsomethingbrown.
If I'm feelingthevibe, I don't mind a niceglassofwhiskeyorbourbon.
Itisoneofthemreallyroughdays.
I'm like, Oh, Lord, I don't evenwannathinkaboutnothing.
I'm gonnagoaheadandget a god.
TheyThat's why I callit a God.
Because, youknow, I'm biggest.
I'veliketequila.
Justjust a gob.
Justdrink a littlegob.
Tequilaisvegan.
It's a gobif I amhungover, whichdoeshappenoccasionally, althoughkindofveryoccasionallyatthispoint, because a I'm toooldThionotholdmyliquorandbe I'm toooldtoehave a hangover.
Then I trytoeatsomethinglike, youknow, likeaneggsandwichorsomethingthatwillsortofhelpmethroughit.
Youcanalwaysgetan I V two.
That's verygood.
Hangoverdrink.
Doyouevereatforpleasure?
I neverateit.
No, no.
Evenif, LikesomeonemakesyouWhogonnamakemedoit, DoctorSovereignlike I actuallydislikevegetablespointedly, butthey'reimportant.
Thio.
It's likevioletslikebroccoli.
Likewhat?
The I don't likenutsandchocolatebars.
I don't likeicecream.
I hateavocados.
Avocadosaretrash.
Avocadotoastisabsolutelydisgustingtome.
It's actuallydisgusting.
I don't knowanyoneeatsit.
Esodinner.
Dinner's onthetablelaterthansix.
Ralph, I willeatnoodleseverysingledayfordinnerwithoutfail.
Youcanfactcheckmeonitbecause I willdoit.
Ifyouopenmeup, youwouldjustseenoodles.
I'm deadserious.
I don't cook.
So I'm kindofatthemercyofwhoever's aroundmetocookforme.
ButmyhusbandOh, GodblessJustinbecausehecancook.
I'm reallyintothisweirdrecipe I madecalledsludge.
It's likeyoutakecouscous.
Youmakethecouscous.
Youactuallyactuallysaythisbecauseit's kindofgrow s youtakelike a tonofveganis a tonofsriracha, andyoujustmakethissludgelikethisCouscoussludgethat's likespicy.
It's likeweirdlygood.
I havequite a fewdifferentkindofcomfortmeals.
I lovefrenchfries, whichis a wellknownfact, Frenchfriesorsortofmyfavoritemeal.
Notthatthey're a mealthere.
Technicallyaside, I wanttosayinandout, either I'llalwaysdo a doublecheeseburgerwithjustspecialsauceandgrilledonions.
I'lleithergetitproteinstyleornot, dependingonthemoodfriesWelldonein a Coke.