many ways - frustrated and disappointed by the  person they've chosen to share their lives with.  

許多方面 - 沮喪和失望的人，他們已經選擇分享他們的生活。

If pressed for details, they will have  no difficulty coming up with a list:  

如果追問細節，他們會不難得出一個名單。

their partner, they might complain: Is too loyal to their irritating family 

他們的伴侶，他們可能會抱怨。是太忠誠於他們惱人的家庭

doesn't share their views on  the layout of the living room 

不謀而合

Never wants to go on camping holidays Plays tennis every Wednesday evening,  

從不願意去露營度假，每週三晚上打網球。

no matter what Doesn't like Moroccan food 

無論什麼都不喜歡摩洛哥食物。

Doesn't share their enthusiasm  for 19th century Russian novels 

不像他們對19世紀俄國小說的熱情。

Has a habit of adding 'actually' to every  second sentence, when it's actually redundant  

有一個習慣，每隔一句話就會加上'其實'，其實這是多餘的。

As the list gets longer, they sigh; they  still love their partner and long to be happy  

隨著名單越來越長，他們嘆息，他們仍然愛著自己的伴侶，渴望幸福

together, it's just that it seems impossibly  complicated to make this relationship work.  

在一起，只是要把這段關係搞好，似乎不可能很複雜。

What's driving the frustration isn't that  they've sadly fallen for an idiot as a mate;  

促使他們沮喪的不是他們不幸愛上了一個白痴做伴侶。

it's rather that we have all  inherited needlessly complicated ideas  

而是我們都繼承了不必要的複雜的思想。

of what a relationship is supposed to be for. We  are told that love is meant to involve the almost  

的關係應該是什麼。我們被告知，愛情是要涉及幾乎

total merger of two lives: we expect that a  loving couple must live in the same house,  

兩種生活的完全合併：我們期望一對恩愛的夫婦必須住在同一個房子裡。

eat the same meals together every night, share the  same bed, go to sleep and get up at the same time;  

每天晚上一起吃同樣的飯菜，同睡一張床，在同一時間睡覺和起床。

only ever have sex with (or even sexual  thoughts about) each other, regularly see  

只和對方發生過性關係（甚至有性念頭），經常性地見。

each others' families, have all their friends  in common - and pretty much think the same  

彼此的家庭，有所有共同的朋友--並且幾乎有同樣的想法。

thoughts on every topic at every moment. It's a beautiful vision, but a hellish one too,  

每時每刻都在思考每一個話題。 這是一個美麗的願景，但也是一個地獄般的願景。

for it places an impossibly punitive burden of  expectation on another human. We feel the partner  

因為它給另一個人帶來了不可能的懲罰性期望負擔。我們感到夥伴

must be right for us in every way, and if they're  not, has to be prodded and cajoled into reform.  

必須在各方面都對得起我們，如果不對，就要督促和哄騙他們改革。

But there's another perspective: relationships  don't have to be so complicated and ambitious  

但也有另一種觀點：感情不必那麼複雜，也不必那麼雄心勃勃。

if we keep in view what in the end actually  makes them fulfilling. If we boil matters down,  

如果我們考慮到最後真正讓他們滿足的是什麼。如果我們把事情歸結為：

there might really just be three essential  things we want from one another:  

可能真的只有三件我們想要的重要事情。

Kindness: a partner who is gentle  with our imperfections and can  

善良：是一個溫柔對待我們的不完美的夥伴，可以。

good-humouredly tolerate us as we are. Shared vulnerability: someone with whom  

善意地包容我們的現狀。共同的脆弱：與之相處的人

we can be open about our anxieties, worries  and the problems that throw us off balance:  

我們可以坦然面對我們的焦慮、擔憂和讓我們失去平衡的問題。

someone we don't have to put on a good front for;  someone around whom we can be weak, vulnerable and  

一個我們不需要裝作很好的幌子的人；一個我們可以在其身邊軟弱、脆弱和的人。

honest - and who will be the same around us. Understanding: someone who is interested in,  

誠實的人--在我們身邊也會是這樣的人。理解：對的人。

and can make sense of, certain obscure features  of our minds: our obsessions, preoccupations  

並能理解我們頭腦中某些晦澀的特徵：我們的執著，專注於...

and ways of seeing the world. And whom  we are excited to understand in turn.  

和看待世界的方式。而我們激動地依次瞭解誰。

If we have these three critical ingredients to  hand, we will feel loved and essentially satisfied  

如果我們掌握了這三個關鍵要素，我們就會感到被愛，基本滿足了。

whatever differences then crop up in a hundred  other areas. Perhaps our partner's friends or  

無論什麼差異，然後在其他一百個方面出現。也許我們伴侶的朋友或

routines won't be a delight, but we will be  content. Just as if we lack these emotional  

例行公事不會是一種享受，但我們會很滿足。就像我們缺少這些情感

goods, and yet agree on every detail of European  literature, interior design and social existence,  

商品，卻在歐洲文學、室內設計和社會存在的每一個細節上達成一致。

we are still likely to feel lonely and bereft. By limiting what we expect a relationship to  

我們仍然有可能感到孤獨和失落。 通過限制我們對關係的期望

be about, we can overcome the tyranny and  bad temper that bedevils so many lovers.  

是關於，我們可以克服暴虐和壞脾氣，困擾著許多戀人。

A good, simpler - yet very fulfilling -  relationship could end up in a minimal state:  

一段好的、簡單的--卻又非常充實的關係，最終可能會以一種最小的狀態結束。

we might not socialise much together. We might  hardly ever encounter each other's families.  

我們可能不怎麼在一起社交。我們可能很難遇到對方的家人。

Our finances might overlap only at a few points.  We could be living in different places and only  

我們的財務可能只在幾個點上有重疊。 我們可能住在不同的地方，而只是

meet up twice a week. Conceivably we might not  even ask too many questions about each other's  

每週見面兩次。可以想象，我們甚至可能不會問太多關於對方的問題。

sex life. But when we would be together it  would be profoundly gratifying, because we  

性生活。但當我們在一起的時候 會讓人非常滿意，因為我們... ...

would be in the presence of someone who knew  how to be kind, vulnerable and understanding.  

會在一個懂得善良、脆弱和理解的人面前。

A bond between two people can be deep and  important precisely because it is not played out  

兩個人之間的感情可以很深很重要，正是因為它不是玩出來的

across all practical details of existence.  By simplifying - and clarifying - what a  

在所有實際存在的細節上。 通過簡化--澄清--什麼是。

relationship is for we release ourselves  from overly complicated conflicts - and  

關係是為了讓我們從過於複雜的衝突中解脫出來--而。

can focus on our urgent underlying needs to  be sympathised with, seen and understood.

可以關注我們迫切的潛在需求，讓我們得到同情、看到和理解。