has given me the thickest of skins.

A decade on the internet has given me the thickest of skins.

Oh, wow.

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A decade on the internet has given me the thickest of skin.

You're (beep) long (beep) section is (beep) crazy

and you can (beep) go (beep) yourself in the (beep) butt.

Wow. I have not heard that one before.

I'm going to like it, it's very inventive.

And I thought I was impervious to being upset

about something silly on the worldwide web, but then

Hmm, she unfollowed me.

So I found out recently that my friend's good friend

does not like me.

What?!

That's crazy.

And as you can imagine, I spiraled.

You know I'm really used to dealing

with the dislike of strangers in my professional life.

But this is a friend of a friend.

I know her personally.

We've hung out several times.

I helped her during a particularly rough juncture

in her life, but it was made clear

there would be no clarification.

If you're there, I would love to communicate with you.

I open a portal between this world and the next

so that your presence

and more importantly why you don't like me

can be known.

Please spirit, communicate with me.

(spirit wooshes)

Wait, okay. So did I do something wrong?

Okay then why did you unfollow me from Instagram?

Come on. Why don't you like me?

Dude, Come on.

It's very colloquial for a ghost.

You better believe I spent a full hour therapy session

just dissecting why this was driving me crazy.

And I was replaying every interaction we'd ever had

in my head over and over again.

Wondering if I came across a certain way.

I pored over our text conversations

to see if I could glean any kind of a hint.

I could not let it go.

And then my therapist, bless her patient heart, said to me

- It doesn't matter why she doesn't like you.

Not everyone will like us.

You know that.

But the one question we can ask ourselves

when we meet dislike is

how much can I tolerate being misunderstood.

- The Oracle hath spoken.

And since that encounter

how much can I tolerate being misunderstood

is something that I ask myself all the time.

In professional situations.

I would like to talk about a raise.

Wow, you're being really difficult.

Well, I can tolerate you perceiving me like that

because I know my value.

And awkward social conversations.

- I mean, anyone with that many cats

is probably crazy and will die single and alone.

- Okay. Well, I can tolerate that assumption

because I know I have helped cats and cats have helped me

and I've made my peace with dying single and alone.

Thank you very much.

And it turns out we can tolerate a lot of misattunement

and it feels so much more empowering

to come from a place of knowing yourself well enough

that someone's dislike or upset or frustration

is something that you can exist in.

It doesn't to be fixed or pushed away.

It doesn't have to feel like

someone's criticizing your character.

We can understand that we are going to be misunderstood

and operate in a more authentic self-assured way.

Of course. I mean, it's always good to reflect

on constructive feedback and be introspective

about how we can do better, but you know

we take each situation as they come

and I trust you to make that call in the moment.

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

(spirit whooshes)

Wait, you don't like me because

I post really personal stuff online.

Well, I can tolerate being misunderstood

because that ain't never going to change.

I'm Anna Akana.

And thank you to the Patreons who supported this video.

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