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  • guess what?

  • Here's good news.

  • It's time to start the monologue.

  • Yes, way Right now we are in the final full week of the Trump presidency.

  • Final week.

  • Yeah, but apparently after the awful display that we saw last week, 57% of Americans now want President Trump removed from office immediately.

  • The other 43% were busy dry cleaning their American flag kilt in Buffalo.

  • Hatton couldn't be reached for comment.

  • 57% of Americans would like Trump out.

  • Did we need this poll?

  • Anyone I honor, I thought This is what elections of all.

  • But basically this is the part of the movie where America has finally decided that they're over there.

  • Toxic ex.

  • They get a new haircut, you know, unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield starts playing, and they just stride purposefully down the road, just letting the world know that they're starting a fresh.

  • Today, Trump went down to Texas to visit the border wall.

  • White House build Trump's visit as a chance to quote marked the completion of more than 400 miles of border wall.

  • Well, that's a wrap on a flawless administration.

  • Trump went to visit the border wall.

  • What a nice reminder of how much the President hates people storming barriers on entering places they aren't legally allowed.

  • Remember three years ago when we thought the most insane thing we'd have to worry about with Trump was that wall like, That's what we thought.

  • I look upon that as great times now.

  • Oh, yeah.

  • Meanwhile, the corporate backlash against Donald Trump continues.

  • Trump's banks have now cut him off, and they are refusing to do any future business with him.

  • I guess you could say that these banks lost interest.

  • Thank you.

  • It wasn't even impromptu.

  • Wrote out myself.

  • Oh, May One of the financial institutions is Deutsche Bank.

  • You know that you've screwed up when you force giant multinational banks to make morally correct decisions.

  • That's it.

  • We're out of the carriage.

  • Were back in the studio, were allowed back in.

  • That's right.

  • So get get ready to be upgraded from an underwhelming show to a whelming shudder.

  • Prepare to be weld big news.

  • You know what I'm gonna say?

  • Donald Trump just became the first president in history to be impeached twice.

  • Twice?

  • Yeah, I gotta say, I hope trump supporters don't suddenly become angry and volatile about this.

  • That's it.

  • To impeachments, to impeachments.

  • And just like Trump Sons, the second one is the most embarrassing.

  • His time around a Senate impeachment trial could be a bit rocky for the president.

  • Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is apparently pleased about Trump's impeachment because he thinks it will make it easier to distance Trump from the Republican Party.

  • It's official Mitch McConnell has turned his back on Trump, which means someone should probably help him.

  • Because usually when Mitch McConnell flips onto his back, it's a yeah, it is hard for him to get back up on the right side again.

  • Big news.

  • Apparently, President Trump isn't taking his second impeachment well, according to reports, Trump is quote isolated and angry.

  • I don't like hearing this.

  • What happened to that joyful social butterfly we all know and love?

  • Imagine, try imagine.

  • Trump is sitting in the Oval Office just writing angry notes of paper, crumpling them up, just yelling tweets.

  • That would have been a good tweets.

  • Trump is also reportedly so angry with his lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, that he's instructed his aides not to pay Giuliani's legal fees.

  • Aled that good lawyering for nothing.

  • This is this is like the end of Jurassic Park when the Raptors and the T Rex just turn on each other at the end and get this.

  • Trump has even demanded that he personally approved any out of pocket reimbursement for expenses Giuliani incurred while he traveled the country, challenging election results on You know Trump's upset when he's starting to make careful decisions with his money.

  • Rudy is really getting screwed, Trump says.

  • He's only willing to pay for two seasons worth of total landscaping.

  • On with Giuliani on the outs, Trump is looking for a new lawyer to defend him at his impeachment trial.

  • Trump's reportedly considering hiring John Eastman.

  • If you don't know who John Eastman is, he's here speaking at Trump's rally right before the riot.

  • He basically looks like a TV lawyer who specializes exclusively in people who got injured during Jimmy Buffett concerts.

  • You know things are bad.

  • If you're in a photo with Rudy Giuliani on, Did you look like the crazy one?

  • Now that guy might be Trump's new lawyer.

  • At least Eastman is gonna do all of the work pro bono.

  • He doesn't know that yet, but he is.

  • This morning.

  • New York City announced that its severing, all contracts with the Trump organization start spreading.

  • The new one of the contracts included operating the carousel at Central Park.

  • I feel like I should have asked this four years ago.

  • What does the Trump organization do exactly?

  • It's like shady real estate deals, unsavory international transactions, America Rounds.

  • What would another surprising what what business would you be surprised by if the Trump Organization organized that in New York?

  • Like maybe a group of people that just say, like, Hey, hey, I'm walking here just to perpetuate the stereotype of New York because they're all paid employees of the city, you know that.

  • Just give it a flavor.

  • Hey, I'm walking here.

  • I think I could play a good canister in the movie.

  • I think that you should.

  • You think I could do that?

  • You should.

  • Hey, Tommy, relax and forget about it.

  • Yep, they call him.

  • They call him short arm Jimmy.

  • That's what I'm saying.

  • God, forget about.

  • That's exactly what I'm saying.

  • Here's some good news for those of us here in Los Angeles.

  • Starting tomorrow, Dodger Stadium will be converted into a cove in 19 vaccination site.

  • Yeah, a lot of people will be going on if you need help using the needle.

  • Most baseball players from the nineties should be able to assist you.

  • They won't be playing any baseball at the stadium, which really cuts down on the chances that you could die of boredom before getting your vaccine aunt.

  • To make things the safest possible, Clayton Kershaw will be administering the vaccines from 60 ft away.

  • You don't even get it.

  • You don't even get out of the car.

  • You drive your mask on, you drive up.

  • Then someone says, You advise.

  • They said, Just wind the window and you drive around the parking lot and he just bang like that Bang in the arm and that's it done.

  • Church in Brazil has opened a tourist attraction, which is being called the world's worst waxwork museum, because but the figures are so bad that visitors can't recognize the celebrities.

  • Do you have an idea of how bad it is?

  • This is supposed to be Marilyn Monroe.

  • The scented candle in my office looks more like Marilyn Monroe than that.

  • I've studied the other exhibits, and I gotta be honest.

  • They wouldn't be so bad if they just labeled them properly.

  • So the museum, they say that this is Elvis, right?

  • Well, it's obviously sure.

  • Mendez.

  • They say This is Princess Diana, but it's obviously television host Laura Ingraham on Finally Band.

  • I want your guesses.

  • Have you any idea who this is supposed to bay?

  • Right?

  • Dennis Rodman?

  • Dennis Rodman?

  • You think Dennis Rodman Anyone else?

  • Kareem Abdul, Kareem Abdul.

  • What you think you think Kareem Abdul Jabbar E.

  • You're all wrong.

  • It's Nelson Mandela.

  • Look at that.

guess what?

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