Siri's nailed it the TBS, Siri's wipe out as well as five podcasts, including Why won't you date me?

Which is now part of the team?

Coco Podcast network.

We're thrilled to have her.

Please welcome my good friend Nicole Buyer.

Hey, Nicole.

How are you?

Oh, Conan, I'm great.

I had surgery this morning on my ankle.

I still have my hospital bracelets on.

I forgot to take them off.

That's right.

So what?

That's what you hurt your ankle.

What did you do?

You broke it.

I dislocated my ankle and broke my fibula because I fell down the stairs because I'm I don't know.

I guess I'm a little clumsy.

Okay, so there was no, like drinking involved at the time.

No.

Unfortunately, it's the least interesting story.

I was just holding address, and then the dress kind of fell down and I slipped on the dress address was trying to take me out.

Um, you should sue the dress manufacturer.

You should sue the people that made the stairs.

You should sue gravity.

You should sue everybody.

Everybody should get sued.

I'm a super gravity first.

You know, let's talk about something pandemic.

I know you.

You're someone that likes to have fun.

You like to have a good time.

How are you entertaining yourself while you're locked inside?

What are you doing?

Ah, lot of things.

Well, since I broke my body, it's a lot of sitting, scrolling through instagram and buying everything.

I confined.

I bought a sexy burger costume because why not that?

A sexy burger costume like the buns, the titty parts, the buns and there's little sesame seeds.

And then there's a little burger part at the bottom.

And then there's lettuce and tomatoes is very cute.

Here it is, and this is you in the burger costume, and I have to say it's sexy.

This is a sexy outfit.

You and some people commented.

They're like, Why didn't you get it as a bikini?

And I was like, It's literally on over my clothing.

It is a bikini.

So let me ask you, would you ever wear this at the beach?

See, I don't think I would ever wear it at the beach because I feel like the saltwater in the sand might ruin it, but I do think I'm gonna wear it, pulled dancing and then put a nice, jaunty McDonald's tune under it like, but I may be.

You know what McDonald's people might be happy with that they might be cool with?

Yeah, And then you get a little something, you get a little paid.

Oh, yeah, lots of cheese.

Borghi's.

Oh, I meant money.

Yeah, milkshakes.

No, no, no.

You don't want to get paid.

The food is fine, But you want money from McDonald's?

No, no, you don't want to need that.

Hey, let me ask you about this.

You posted this.

It looks like you're really getting into fashion while you're in quarantine.

I guess it's just I like in November when I felt ill about like, now I truly just looked like trash.

So I was like, Let's dress up.

And that's from Fashion Brand company.

This dress I'm wearing is also from Fashion brand company, and I came downstairs and the nice man who lives with me was like, Nicole, you look like patenting to goes to jail.

I've never seen Paddington to, but I went on the Internet.

I Googled and I looked just like Paddington to goes Thio see it right here.

That's not just sort of like it's a direct rip off of Paddington to E found it.

I was like, Oh, man, there's a real tree So funny too.

May have you watched Paddington, too, by the way.

No, I haven't seen it yet, but I think I'm gonna watch it.

People say it's very good.

Let me tell you something.

This is a complete side note.

Someone explain to me whose opinion I really respect, that it's the perfect movie in every respect.

And I thought that can't be true.

And I watched it.

And it is.

I'm not kidding.

It is the perfect movie on every level.

I've also been told Paddington two is better than Paddington, you know?

Yeah.

No, It's like godfather to Godfather one.

The only other film to achieve that status.

Paddington.

Who'd a thought?

Uh, now someone told me you're getting into farming.

Yes, I'm a farmer.

I have tomatoes, cherry tomatoes and heirlooms.

And now my cherry tomatoes.

They are giving me a pretty fruitful bounty.

I'm having lovely harvests.

Just a real treat.

My heirlooms.

On the other hand, I am not getting a fruitful bounty.

My harvest are very small and few in between.

I also have a watermelon that I grew incorrectly.

Too much Rhine.

Not enough meat.

My cucumbers.

One was good.

One got all left up, messed up.

And then, uh, the other one died on Ben.

My carrots.

I don't know what I'm doing.

They're not thriving.

Um, what else do I have?

Oh, I got peppers.

That just won't grow.

Okay, this is what I'm gonna say.

Here's the effect of quarantine on you, Nicole.

Over the years, you and I have spoken many times, and you always talked at great length about your well, raunchy sex life.

Uh, sexual matters.

You're very explicit about gentlemen that you've hooked up with, and you go into great detail, and I get very embarrassed.

Now, after almost a year of quarantine, you're talking about tomatoes and carrots and how they're not thriving.

Is this the Is this the new Nicole buyer?

No, no, no, no, no.

When life goes back to normal, which it will, I will hop back on the dicks and I will be writing them all day long.

I cannot wait.

But for right now, as a lady who's scared of Corona and refuses to die for Medio farming.

Phallic things like my cucumbers, my parrots, I was told zucchinis or good growers so I might get some zucchinis, but it's getting It's getting to be a lot.

But you think that because you're getting into this farming language that when you get into dating again, you're going to talk about your dating life.

But you're gonna be using farming terminology.

You're gonna be saying like, Well, lately I've been dating a Penis is not thriving.

They're not thriving.

You're not developing.

I don't know what the problem is.

This Penis is not ready to harvest.

Uh, e don't think it's ready right now.

Let me see your nails.

Let me see those nails.

Nicole, look at those now.

What's going on there?

So I got into fake nails.

I miss having my long nails.

Can't go to a salon.

I refuse to die for my nails.

So I ordered them online and they look pretty good.

That makes me happy.

You look fantastic.

Can I see a close up of the It looks like there's translucent ones.

Yes, this one.

It's like see through.

Look at that.

It almost looks like you could have little goldfish in there swimming around.

I wish because then I could take my little pet goldfish everywhere with May.

Let me ask you a question.

Why is it that women get to do that?

But men can't.

I mean, why can't I get fake nails?

You can get fake nails.

Gender is a construct.

Gendered clothing is insane.

You can wear whatever you want.

Promise you're not gonna dio funny, but just go.

Hello.

I'm Conan O'Brien.

I'm thriving.

I'm doing well.

I want fake nails, and I'm living.

You know what?

Next time that you and I are together in the same space, I want to get fake nails put on do that fully and drag.

You want me fully and drag?

Yeah, heels and everything.

You'd be the tallest drag queen.

You've also got a nice, slender body.

So clothing, but just hang off of you.

You've got a full head of hair.

So maybe we could do like a little like a short maybe slick.

Do I see it for you?

So you think I'd make a great drag queen?

Yes.

I think you'd be stunning.

I actually might be a lot more attractive in drag.

I think it's common.

You gotta stop with this whole self deprecating thing.

You're stunning.

You have all of your teeth.

Your skin is so smooth and you have two eyes and look at that.

But thank you for setting the lowest bar ever for me.

Nicole, you have functioning eyes.

Your ocular jelly is in the orbits, and it's functioning.

So you're gorgeous.

You're right.

Well, you've pumped me up.

I now think I'm a male model, so thank you very much for that.

I want to congratulate you.

Also, because your podcast why don't you date me?

Which, by the way, I do want to mention, uh is now part of the team Coco Podcast network.

And we're thrilled to be working with you because you are hilarious and lovely and very entertaining.

Always.

But your podcast one a big award.

You won best female host for a podcast.

There's like a million podcasts out there and you won and you beat out some huge competition.

Yes, it's because I host four podcasts at this point.

So they were like, I don't know, she has them all.

We have to give her an award.

You're being a little modest.

I think you did deserve to win.

Well, I'm happy for you.

I'm glad that your leg is on the mend.

Why won't you date me?

Is available wherever you can get your podcasts and wipe out is gonna be coming soon to TBS.

Congratulations on that.

You are a crazy busy.

I don't know how you do it, but I'm glad you're doing it.

Oh, well, thank you, Koenen.

All right.

And I will talk to you soon.

Yes, OK.

Bye.

Bye, Konen.