I once got plastic surgery, and I totally regret it.

And this is back story.

This all started in my freshman year when I was in college, growing up in Shanghai thing.

My teenage years there.

I always thought I was not good looking enough, and I still remember when I was just a couple of years old.

My own grandma actually called me ugly.

She said, I'm the ugliest cousin out of all three female cousins, the beauty standards in China just like pretty harsh.

Like you have to be a size double zero.

You have thio where excess s and clothes, and you have thio basically looked like a Barbie doll or you'll be considered ugly.

When I got to college, I got in a relationship and it was all wrangles and butterflies.

I felt like I was finally being loved unconditionally being loved for who I am until I realized that I had difficulty having sex with my boyfriend.

We tried a couple of times, and I started thinking that is it because I'm not pretty enough?

Is that why he couldn't get up when he sees me?

And every single time I try.

It's not even about the sex anymore.

It's more about Can I make him want me again?

Can I make him feel attracted to me again?

And the summer with my freshman year, I decided Thio, go get plastic surgery.

I had always had some insecurities around my nose and I always felt like my side Pro apologies look good enough.

And so I added this.

We shot person.

We've had this kind of like messenger here.

And so initially I was just looking at the pictures, scrolling to find beauty, inspiration.

And then I saw this we chop person is representing Ah hospital.

I saw the before and after pictures and the changes were just so drastic.

And so that made me feel like, Wow, this is almost like a kind of get rich quick but get pretty quick procedure.

And so, yeah, I just remember following that account for a while and finally deciding to bite the bullet when it's summertime and I go back to Shanghai.

So my family did not know.

And of course, I sneaked out that day.

I just told my parents Hey, I'm just seeing a friend.

It was definitely one of the scariest things I've ever done in my life.

And looking back, I'm just so glad that I didn't die because honestly, I don't think that hospital is even legit.

I just remember going there and they didn't even test my blood.

They didn't do anything.

And the same day I checked in, that was the day I have my procedures.

The procedure that I got done is bridal plastic surgery.

They take an implant.

It doesn't hurt that much during the procedure because you're numbed.

But afterwards you do feel quite a lot of pain over here.

The toughest thing is Thio breathe because I have to breathe my mouth and it makes my mouth really, really dry.

And I'm not a mouth breather, so I'm not used to it.

I don't know why I was, like, so naive.

I thought I could just go home and hide in my room and no one would see me during the recovery period, which is like 10 to 15 days, which is like, not short.

Like, why would I think that my family wouldn't know?

I just remember wearing a mask and a cap, and it just go back home Normally, of course, my dad, I think he first noticed.

And he was like, What's up with your face?

Like, why do you have bruises?

E mean, I couldn't explain it, and I can't say I got enough because that would be even worse.

And so I just told my dad Yeah, I got my nose done.

And he was so angry, I've never seen him so angry.

And I think part of it is because he thinks that by me, getting work done.

I don't look like him anymore.

Hey, thought that I was not grateful of what he has given me, which is, like, I guess, my face.

At that time, I just felt like all sorts of emotions coming towards me all at the same time.

The plastic sugar itself also came with its complications.

The implant that I got in my nose started kind of poking out a little bit, so you can kind of see the shape of the implant.

And under the sun, my nose was red and transparent, and that again triggered another Siris of insecurities.

I felt like Oh, my gosh, people are gonna know I got plastic surgery.

They're gonna know that, you know, even even if they concern me as pretty, that be fake and I'd be an imposter.

I also felt strange having a strength substance in my body, and I have no idea how my body is going to react to it, like years from now.

And that fear really kept me up at night reading articles after articles about how to deal with your nose implant that has signs of poking out.

And in the end I decided to take it out, and now my nose doesn't have any implant anymore.

But it's still not the same as before, because there are scarring tissues, so my nose still feels like harder than before.

But at least there's no implant inside.

At least I can not worry about stuff hooking up my notes and it really took me so many years.

I would say, at least five years after that initial incidents with my boyfriend at the time that made you realize that it's probably not my face, it's probably not my nose.

It's something else, like, it's not about me, It z not about the way I look, and it took me a long time to finally accept that the way I am, the way I'm born, it's alright.

Since I also make personal finance YouTube videos, sometimes I would look at my face and the Oh my gosh, what is this double chin doing?

Even though it's like a personal finance channel?

Who cares about my double chin?

That's still something that I'm working on.

But overall, I don't feel as insecure about my face anymore.

Try not Thio.

Give yourself too hard of a time because you're already going through a lot.

Don't forget to practice self love because you deserve it.

Mhm, Yeah!

Mhm, yeah.