Why do we have to pretend to be sorry when we have nothing to be sorry about?

Why do we have to pretend we're not hungry when we're hungry?

Women are not allowed to fail, And when we finally get an opportunity to do something that isn't normally done by our sex, we get one chance.

What?

How come men fail when people say you gave it the old college try?

But women fail and they say you gave it the old college try.

But you shouldn't be in college.

There's a new thing called a birth control pill.

Have you heard of it?

It's just a little pill, and when you take it, you can have sex all you want and not get pregnant.

However Onley married women are allowed to take it.

You know women who don't wanna have sex.

Who says the Food and Drug Administration doesn't have a sense of humor?

What do you mean, Big dick jokes?

You know what a leper convict lives with big dicks have in common?

They're hard to find it incredibly lucky or his dick was so big.

The Moyle had to bring a machete.

Okay?

His dick was bigger than Disneyland.

Better rides, too.

His dick was so big.

It wasn't Addicott all.

It was a Richard who?

His dick was so big.

Even when he cheated on me, his dick was bigger.

Dick, He said no dick jokes.

Keep it clean.

Jump!

No, Susie, you won't.

I swear.

Okay, So you are.

I will.

You're lying.

Was he just jump?

You jump.

You're acting like a four.

You're acting like a four year jumped to me.

You jump, you jump to me.

For the record, they said nothing about paying us in Tampa A lifetime supply.

But they do this to a man, huh?

Well, they pay him whatever tampon equivalent is for a guy and don't even have a tampon.

MENSA.

Really good.

Do not make me cry at this stage deli.

I don't want you to fucking cry.

You're starting to cry.

I'm not starting.

You are to starting to cry, and that's gonna make me cry.

Shit!

There's like water on my face.

Those are tears.

What does this look like?

You got a mirror?

We're going shopping?

Yeah, Right now I have dresses to buy and hats to buy and shoes to buy and purses to buy.

Should we maybe make some money before we go broke and have to blow job our way across Europe?

You want some lemonade?

No, I don't want any lemonade.

So look, like I'm sitting here thinking about some goddamn looking, sucking, whacking lemonade.

Just one, please haven't been anywhere near the beach.

And I have sand in my ass that says more about you than it does about Florida.

That was a big mistake, kid.

Big mistake.

Oh, my.

Excuse me, sir.

Did you throw a tomato with me?

There is no food, and I'm literally starving.

Miriam, I have to go.

I just heard the words Potato salad.

There's only so much a man can take in his own house.

Can I get you anything?

No, Rose.

Just just have to let this pass.

I'm not wearing pants.

I need to ask you something.

Can't ask me from there.

No.

Do I need to put on pants?

Yes.

All right.

Even though it's Wednesday and Wednesday is the day I stay home and work without pants, I'll admit that sometimes I tune people out, but mostly because they rarely have anything useful or interesting to say.

I don't have a 4 30 every day.

You know how much you could accomplish getting up at 4 30 every day.

No one's bothering.

You were 4 30 in the morning.

It's dark.

It's quiet.

No one's calling you on the telephone.

One more.

Sure.

Believe me, if there's anything you want to get done that you don't want anyone else to know about, you get up at 4.

30 in the morning to do it.

I knew this fell out of Jersey cement business.

He always said, If you want to kill someone, you do it in 4.

30 in the morning.

Um, yeah.

Okay.

I am gonna be all of them the rest of my life.

Amazing, isn't it?

You know what?

I am sorry, Mama.

I'm sorry that you are so disappointed in how my life turned out.

I'm sorry that you can't understand the turn.

It's taken.

I have certainly tried to explain it to you to include you in it.

But you don't want to understand or be included.

You just want to be disappointed.

The world is full of disappointments.

And sometimes people let you down You can't just run away And I don't wanna be alone Not tonight.

Tonight Just for tonight I really need to be with someone who loves me I fell in love with you the moment I asked you out And you said no Pointless no First time I laid eyes on you That was it for me Until you left.

I never left I don't know what I did I never really left.

Women are funny.

Your wife must have a sense of humor.

She's seen you naked.

Uh, don't like you Come back.

Do I call you or do I just commit a crime?

Probably committing a crime would get me to Ukraine.

This is me and my most inviting Thank you and good night.