It's just a piece of paper. (film reel clicking)

(soft mellow music) We gotta keep it's integrity

'cause it's gonna hold everything together.

This right here, this is us, this is the American people.

We're special, we're magic.

Hello, yay, we all live in here.

(celebratory orchestral music)

What up, homies?

- Welcome to-

- [Both] Cunnilingus class!

- I'm Shaboose Michaels. - I'm T-Ray Tombstone.

- And we're here to teach y'all how to-

- [Both] Go down on bitches right!

- Now, bitches ain't being satisfied, so check it.

- Quit (beep) on that clitoris so damn hard.

- Bitches don't like that nonsense.

- That's like putting the tip of your penis in a vacuum.

- Y'all need to-

- [Both] Chill on the clitoris!

- Go around that business.

- It's like a button made of a million penis tops.

- Now every bitch like her cunnilingus

a little bit different.

- Vaginas are like snowflakes.

- Snowflakes is different.

Learn your bitch's snowflake.

- Ask your bitch what she wants-

- [Both] Then do what she say!

- Some bitches like it in a circle!

- Some bitches like it up and down.

- Some bitches like it hard.

- Some bitches like a soft.

- [Both] Communicate with your bitches!

- Make the alphabet with your tongue.

- A, B,

C, D.

- And when she grab your hair

like she gon' pull your damn head off-

- [Both] Stick with that letter!

- I'm talking about B (babbles), B (babbles), B (babbles).

- Or D, D-D-D (babbles), D D-D-D-D.

- [Both] Vaginas deserve respect!

- You don't want someone slapping around your little homey.

(comic slapping) (T-Ray screaming)

- You with the hat.

- Yo. - How you like your BJs?

- Damn, dawg, all the time!

(all laugh)

- Shut the (beep) up!

- [T-Ray] That's 'cause penises is easy.

- And vaginas is hard.

They're-

- [Both] Confusing!

- Imagine there's and explosion at the envelope factory.

- Flaps everywhere, a world of flaps.

- And you need to lick your way out the factory.

- But every bitches' flaps is different.

- Learn your bitch's particular flaps.

- Flaps be-

- [Both] Crazy!

- Every flap need to be listened to.

- And then you will get out of the factory alive.

- Stay down there.

- [Both] Plan your breathing like you're swimming!

- You gotta be talking about-

- [Both] Stroke, stroke, breathe!

Stroke, stroke, breathe!

(men panting)

- Alright, let's take a five minute break.

- And when we come back,

we gonna talk about warming your bitches up

before you get busy.

- And how to last for more than two damn minutes.

- Take a peach and practice.

- Practice on a peach.

- Take a peach and practice. - Practice on a peach.

- Take a peach and practice. - Practice on a peach.

(door thuds)

(slow footsteps) (men sighing)

(Shaboose sighs) (dramatic music)

(flesh masks squelch)

- Ah.

- I think it's gonna work.

- 30 down, three billion to go.

(women cackling manically) (dramatic music)

(men snapping) ♪ One, two ♪

♪ Doom-bada doom doom doom ♪

♪ There goes the girl who owns my heart ♪

♪ I knew she was the one right from the start ♪

♪ Our love is here to stay ♪

♪ Each and every day ♪

♪ We know that we will never part ♪

♪ Bo bo-lo bo bo bow ♪

(men laugh) - Wow!

(men clap) Great work, everybody.

Troy, I love that little Motown outro thing, super soulful.

- Cool, thanks, Lyle.

Yeah, it just came to me so I went with it.

- Wow, that's crazy. (men chatter)

- Hey, is this where the acapella group meets?

- Oh, hey, Mark! - Hey, Lyle,

what's going on, buddy? - Mark, get over here.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Guys, this is

my buddy, Mark.

He just transferred from Minnesota.

I thought he could sit in on a few practices.

I don't know, maybe join the group?

- Maybe.

(dramatic music) (men chuckle)

- Alright, guys, let's do "Always Been My Girl" again

from the top. - "Always Been My Girl," okay,

I know that, yeah. - And, Mark,

show us your stuff (chuckles). - You got it, man.

- Alright, guys, ready?

♪ One, two, three ♪ (men snapping)

♪ Doom-doom doom doom doom ♪

♪ There goes the girl who owns my heart ♪

♪ I knew she was the one right from the start ♪

♪ Our love is here to stay ♪

♪ Each and every day ♪

♪ We know that we will never part ♪

♪ Bo bo-do bo bo bow ♪

♪ Ooh wee-ee-ee-ee-ooh ♪

(Mark sputters)

(men laughs) (men applaud)

- [Lyle] You gotta be kidding me, Mark.

That was out of this world.

- Gosh, okay, well hey, I just,

it just came to me so I just went with it.

(dramatic music) - Great,

well keep going with it.

Guys, have a safe weekend, alright?

See you on Monday.

- Nice to meet you guys, man. (men chatter)

That was awesome. - Isn't he the best?

- Cool, guys, great practice.

- Troy, good effort. - Alright (laughs).

♪ Ooh wee-ee-ooh ♪ (Mark claps)

- Yeah, check you later, guys.

See you later, alligators!

(men's chatter fades)

(dramatic music)

The (beep) you think you doing, (beep)?

- I'm doing my thing, (beep).

The (beep) you doing?

- (chuckles) See, this my seven white boys, (beep).

(dramatic music) (Mark scoffs)

You need to back the (beep) up.

- (beep) that (beep), I'm 'bouts to get mine.

- Do you have any idea how long it took for me

to infiltrate this group, (beep)?

(dramatic music)

25 minutes.

(dramatic music)

You think I'm gonna rollover for some falsetto ass (beep)?

Pfft. (dramatic music)

- Well you know what, (beep)?

White boys is gon' do what white boys is gon' do.

And if they wanna run

with a high-ass singing falsetto (beep),

then that's on them.

- Oh, that's on them then?

- Oh, that's on them then. - Alright,

so it's like that?

- Oh, it's so like that.

- Well, watch your back, (beep)!

- Okay. - Watch your back, (beep)!

- Alright. - 'Cause you (beep)

with my (beep), I (beep) with your (beeping)!

(dramatic music)

(men laughing) - And improvise!

- Oh, it's so cold out and it's gonna be dark soon.

- Oh my God, yeah, we should build a fire!

- Yeah. - Yeah,

oh, I can (mumbling)...

Oh, fire!

- Oh, oh! - Fire!

- Freeze (claps)!

Oh no, it's a black cat!

- (sighs) Hey, man, why the cat gotta be black?

(all laugh)

- Freeze! (dramatic music)

(door clicks)

Man, I guess I gotta put my dick away.

(all laugh) (dramatic music)

(slow motion laughing)

- Well, what you think it is? (men chuckling)

- Hey, what's up, y'all?

- Oh, Goose! - Say, Goose!

- Hey, what you guys playing?

- Oh, man, just a little DVD, right, you know?

- What DVD?

- It came for you in the mail.

It says, "To my fresh dope son, from MC Mom."

(men laugh)

- I can't wait to see it! - Hilarious.

- Oh, no, no, no, wait! - Wait, hey, ho, ho!

- No! - Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- Come on, please, hey, guys- - If there's one thing

we're gonna do today- - Guys!

- We are playing that DVD, come on.

(men giggle)

- Come on, man.

- Oh yeah. - Oh yes.

(juvenile hip hop music)

- Oh God, please, man- - Did you produce this track?

- Can we just- - No, no, no, no!

- Hold on, no, no. - No, ooh, ooh.

- Yo. (men laugh)

- Okay, got on the mom jeans. (man cheers)

- [Friend] Look at the sweater!

♪ I'm the M to the C to the M O M ♪

♪ And when it comes to mom rappers ♪

♪ I'm the biggity best of them ♪

- Wow, is she rapping? - Oh my God, what?

No. ♪ I'm sending out this rhyme ♪

♪ To my homey number one ♪

♪ His name's Carl Stewart ♪

♪ But to me, he's just a son ♪

♪ Word up ♪

- Oh my God. - Oh!

Okay, she got that running man down.

- Look at mom! - Can we please turn this off?

- You said turn it up? - Your mom is white?

- No. - He meant turn it up.

- Turn up! - Turn up.

♪ You left some stuff behind that I can send you if you need ♪

♪ Like your best friend bear and your magazines ♪

♪ Going through all this stuff ♪

♪ But it looks pretty risky ♪

♪ You use so much lotion ♪

♪ But your socks sure are crispy ♪

(men laughing)

- Mom!

Come on, mom!

♪ I've been cleaning with the broom and the vacuum ♪

♪ And found Victoria's Secret is she's hiding in your room ♪

♪ Every nook and cranny ♪

♪ There are wads of tissue ♪

♪ I can't even open this swimsuit issue ♪

(men laughing)

- Man, what is wrong with you, bro?

- I spilled a soda on that magazine.

- Right. ♪ I'm getting your sheets ♪

♪ So nice and clean ♪

♪ Like when you wet your bed ♪

♪ Till you were 16 ♪ - Why?

♪ I overreacted ♪ (men laughing)

♪ Sorry I spanked you ♪

♪ Look, another crispy sock ♪

♪ (sniffs) No thank you ♪

- Oh, no! - Why?

- She sniffed you. - That is wrong.

- How many crispy socks she gon' find, dawg?

♪ Crispy socks here ♪

♪ Crispy socks there ♪

♪ Crispy socks with some mystery hair ♪

- We gotta turn it off right now, come on you guys.

Come on. - We started it,

we gonna finish it.

(Carl sighs) (juvenile hip hop music)

(rhythmic hip hop music)

- Oh, oh the beat changed out.

(MC Mom clears throat)

♪ I got the kitchen and the basement and the living room ♪

♪ And since your dad met that bitch, I got his office too ♪

♪ Got my juices going ♪

♪ My rhymes flowing ♪

♪ My back blowing, showing no signs of slowing ♪