- [Man] I bet your just some little boy

stinking up his mom's basement.

- Well, this boy is a man

who was at your mom's place last night.

Came through the side door

and let me tell ya, her basement

(smacking lips)

tasted great.

Boo yah!

- [Man] Oh, damn it. (laughing)

- [Computer] Victory!

- Game set and match.

You catch that verbal curbstomp, Zeke?

- [Zeke] You mean, did I catch you getting

into that guys head by telling him

you tasted his mother dookie shoot?

Yes, sir.

How do you do it, Son?

- Well, I hate to say it

but it all started when my dad barged into my room

and changed my life with five incredible words.

(electronic music)

- Son, you're a man.

(tense electronic music)

Now!

- That's right, Zeke, I'm a man

and you know how men beat little boys

at online video games?

- [Zeke] Tell me please.

- First they avoid saying anything racist,

homophobic, sexist, or disparaging

of the less fortunate.

- [Zeke] It's a woke world.

- Then they say they had sex with their mom.

- Son!

Pack your bass guitar and your board shorts,

we're jogging to Cancun.

Your papi chulo scored VIP tickets to the Aztec jamboree.

Winner gets to sacrifice the losing bands bass player

on top an ancient ruin.

I've always wanted to do that.

Again.

(man screaming)

- Watch the master at work.

No can do, daddy-o.

I'm tits deep helping my boy Urinold level up.

- Who's Urinold, a computer guy?

- Nope, he's you.

'Cause you're an old geezer who can lick my boys.

(Zeke laughing)

Got him.

- [Zeke] Lick your Sons actual balls, Blark.

- Whoa, ever since I called you a man

you've been a real ass H to your pappy.

I might just have to dump you in the wild

like I did to my first son

when he started acting out.

Luckily he was a chimpanzee,

so abandoning him was a lot less illegal.

- Really, Dad, a chimp baby?

- Don't believe me, eh?

(grunting)

(tense reflective music)

♪ Ocarina from the woods ♪

(Ocarina whistling)

(screaming) (glass shattering)

Chimpy!

(laughing) (hooting)

- [Zeke] Hey, Son.

Taking wild guess here,

but sounds like you just found out you have chimp brother

your dad summoned with clay flute

who may or may not challenge the notion

that you're a man.

- Who's a strong strong monkey?

- [Zeke] So, I'll let you deal with that.

- Thanks, Zeke.

(upbeat music)

- Son. - Not now, Dad.

- Hey, Son. - Get out!

- I love you, Son.

(grunting)

(upbeat music)

(laughing)

Chimpy, you're the best.

- Dad!

As much fun as it's been

watching Chimpy shower the house with primate piss,

I think it's time to rent a monkey to the dick circus

so you and I can log some serious grown ass man time.

- Way ahead of you, son.

We're whittling dope stuff

out of spare chunks of wood

from our homes structural beams.

(wood creaking)

- What the hell is that?

- Your big brother paid his rent

by long arming us an albatross.

Hope you like bird bacon.

I'm just happy one of my sons

is man enough to put food on the table.

- Do you want some of my gummy worm?

- Chimpy, what a beautiful minature desk you've carved.

(tense flute music)

- That desk looks like Chimpy holding a giant spike

that's killing me.

- It's a miniature, mid century roll top work station, Son.

- Uh, Dad, that is a red flag.

Chimpy might be dangerous.

- Chimpy is family.

Just because one drop of his blood

contains more man mojo

than you're entire custard filled dough body

does not mean you can be a meanie to him.

Plus, now that he's back,

I can finally have that Gilmore Girls relationship

with my child.

(screeching)

Oh, Chimpy.

You're such a Rory.

- Fine, I will be in my room until I legally emancipate.

Chimpy, I trust I will never see you again.

(tense music)

(soft mobile music)

- Well looky here.

My two cherub babies

snoozing in the warm nest of love.

Chimpy, wining you from that Kansas City zookeeper

in a game of freeze tag

was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I love you, Chimpy.

You're cool, too, um.

Shane?

(groaning)

- Stupid Dad making me life with this stupid monkey.

(laughing)

- Me no monkey.

- What the hell.

You can talk?

- Me can do much more than talk, boy.

Me Blark first son.

Me man.

You baby boy.

Weak, tiny.

- You're evil.

Dad!

(shushing)

- You tell Blark, you die.

Scared, little boy?

You no win this game.

I in your head now.

(laughing)

(upbeat music)

- So, what are you guys doing?

- Chimpy and I are gonna go up on the roof

and jump around.

(hooting)

- Cool?

Before you go, could you get me a soda from the garage?

It's dark in there and because I'm little,

it's scary.

- Anything for my soft boiled boy.

- Hey, monkey man.

I'm leaving.

My dad is yours.

- Smart move from child baby.

- Yeah, I'm thinking of moving to Kansas City.

- Kansas?

- Yeah.

Got a sexy little simian waiting for me at the zoo there.

- Simian?

- Yeah, like monkey.

You might know her actually.

This super old female with a white patch of fur

right above her hot chimp ass.

- Mama?

- Oh, is that your mom?

I didn't catch her name last time I was there.

Hard to hear her while she was gagging on my banana.

- Ba-banana?

Banana look like penis?

(tense music)

Banana mean Son penis?

- Uh huh.

- Banana mean penis!

- Dad, help!

I told you this (bleep) ape was crazy.

Where are you?

(screeching)

- This no desk.

- No (bleep), Sherlock.

(screeching)

(grunting)

- You can thank your brother

for catching a knock out dinner.

- You gotta be (bleep) kidding me.

(upbeat music)

Can't believe this whole thing

was one of your stupid lessons.

- Son, what better way to prove your manliness

than to force you to best your simian sibling

in a deadly game of wits?

- So I'm still a man, right?

- He did beat you.

So, hell no.

And to keep your delicate balloon body

from being popped into guts,

we're releasing my precious Chimpy

back into the wild.

Now, watch as he slowly lumbers past the tree line,

turns around, and gives his poppy a coy,

bittersweet look that says,

I love you, father and I forgive--

(screeching)

(shouting)

(hooting)

- [Chimpy] Revenge!

- Papa loves you, too.

- He's gonna kill us all, isn't he?

(bell dinging)

- Oh, bird bacon's ready.

Let's nosh.

Come on, Shane.

(eerie tense music)

(upbeat funk music)