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  • - Men are in crisis, being too pushy,

  • crying at parks,

  • Alfonso Ribeiro,

  • spending time at Arby's when they're not eating.

  • It's a mess.

  • Thankfully, I'm here to help.

  • Now why am I qualified?

  • Coz I've got a a gender neutral haircut,

  • a popular podcast, and time to kill.

  • I'm still in community college.

  • This is Man Up.

  • (rock music)

  • This week I got a call from Lauren in Culver City,

  • or Lau-ren, as she says it.

  • And she said that her and her man

  • are having some commitment issues,

  • something I know a lot about.

  • I think I do.

  • I don't know if I do,

  • I can't even, fuck,

  • I can't even commit to this.

  • (upbeat music)

  • What's up man? I'm Theo.

  • - Hey, how's it going?

  • - Good, nice to see you today.

  • Lauren, how are you?

  • - Hi, I'm good.

  • How are you?

  • - Very lovely.

  • Thank you guys for meeting me out here.

  • Obviously we arranged to meet you guys out here,

  • by this ledge.

  • Lauren's reached out to me via my podcast,

  • which is about helping men

  • take that (screeches) off the universe

  • and really get that, you know,

  • that male gestation going on inside of our lungs and heart.

  • - So, I called Theo because you

  • bought an engagement ring.

  • - This is true.

  • I did.

  • - A year ago and you've been sitting on it.

  • - Yeah.

  • - You've been mother henning that thing.

  • They call that mother henning.

  • - Do they?

  • Okay.

  • - And, I feel like you thought that

  • you could just buy it and mother hen it,

  • instead of taking that next step to actually propose.

  • Like, you act like you've proposed already.

  • But you haven't.

  • - Well, I wouldn't say I act like I proposed

  • because, I mean, I'm not strutting around

  • you know, talking like I'm--

  • - You act like it's a huge step though.

  • - Well, it was kind of a--

  • - The huge step would actually be proposing.

  • - It was an interim step, you know?

  • - Okay.

  • It shouldn't take a year.

  • - You're probably right about that.

  • - As men we have a lot of invisible hurdles,

  • some of them that you can't even see as women,

  • just coz we have our own blinders on.

  • You know we're the only animal in the kingdom

  • that runs forward at top speed with blinders on.

  • You can't name another animal that can do that,

  • unless it's a blind animal.

  • Buying a wedding ring

  • and not giving it to a girl is,

  • well now you're just a dude that owns a ring,

  • a jewelry boy.

  • Alright so this is streets of?

  • - Rogue, yeah.

  • Streets of Rogue, this is my baby.

  • - And you made this.

  • - Yeah, over the course of four plus years.

  • - Wow.

  • How many levels are on this game.

  • - 15, I'd say.

  • - And so if asking Lauren to marry you is like level 15,

  • what level do you feel like you're on?

  • Honestly.

  • - Probably 14 and three quarters ish.

  • I mean, it's pretty close.

  • But here's the thing,

  • it's been on 14 and three quarters

  • for like a year or two.

  • - Wow, how much sex were you getting

  • before you guys settled down.

  • Do you feel like you got enough sex

  • out there in the world?

  • - I mean, I wasn't the best at dating.

  • I don't think, it wasn't the worst,

  • but, you know, I'm no player, you know?

  • - Yeah, I was good at dating,

  • but I wasn't good at sex.

  • - Oh.

  • - I am the worst at sex.

  • I'm very bad.

  • - Yeah, what do you think the problem is there?

  • - I just get nervous.

  • I'm like one of those,

  • you ever seen those animals that

  • faint when they get nervous, you know?

  • - (laughs) No.

  • What animals are these?

  • - Yeah they're like goats on the internet,

  • and they faint when they get nervous,

  • and that's how I am,

  • like I hold my breath when I'm having sex,

  • and then Ill just kinda faint.

  • - It's a problem.

  • - Yeah, I'm not that good at it.

  • It sounds like he thinks his ding

  • hasn't had enough ling, you know?

  • He hadn't done enough tippy-tappy

  • in that drippy-drappy.

  • (ambient music)

  • You've been sitting on the ring for

  • 2 and a half years, right?

  • - Yeah.

  • - If you're afraid to make that jump,

  • one of the reasons could be

  • because you're worried about,

  • not being able to be single again.

  • - Right.

  • - So I thought I'd give you the environment

  • of what it's like to be single.

  • - Yeah it's not really an environment

  • that I'm familiar with--

  • - That's okay.

  • I don't think anybody is comfortable in it,

  • you know?

  • I think sometimes that's just

  • this idea we have that

  • there's a guy out there

  • that's comfortable in this.

  • Only a shark is comfortable in these waters,

  • you know?

  • It's not that hard.

  • Hey, how's it going?

  • - Oh, hi, sorry.

  • - Sorry I'm gonna wave my hand at you.

  • I'm not a harassment person.

  • - I'm Courtney, nice to meet you.

  • - Theo. Nice to see you.

  • This is my friend Matt.

  • - Hey.

  • - Hi Matt, how are you?

  • - How's it going?

  • - Good.

  • - I have, actually, adult asthma.

  • - Oh no.

  • - Do you have it?

  • - I don't, no.

  • - I thought we might have some of the same

  • issues and diseases.

  • - Oh, no.

  • Have a good night.

  • - Okay, if you see me struggling to breathe,

  • you know what's up.

  • So, I think it went okay.

  • - Yeah, it went alright.

  • It's a little weird.

  • - Yeah. Here's the thing,

  • she hated me before she got here.

  • She'll hate me later.

  • But I conversated, I won right?

  • - Yeah.

  • - So at least if I go home tonight,

  • and masturbate by myself,

  • at least I still have her voice in my ears.

  • - Yeah.

  • - You feel me?

  • - Yeah, I mean, you're still a winner in that sense.

  • - Yes, you gotta take a win where you can get a win, right?

  • - Yeah.

  • - So being single is just about

  • getting little wins.

  • So to have that single vibe,

  • you can go out in here,

  • I want you to meet a couple of girls.

  • - We gonna go together, or?

  • - I'm gonna stay here and hold down the nest,

  • you know?

  • - God, I'm a jar of just,

  • I don't even know.

  • I'm, God, freaking the fuck out right now.

  • - Are you really?

  • - Yeah.

  • - You're fine.

  • Bro, you're big semen, I'm big semen.

  • We were semen look how far we've come.

  • - Semen?

  • - You got this.

  • - Alright.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Hi.

  • - Hi.

  • - I'm Matt.

  • - Hi, Brie

  • - Good to meet you, Brie.

  • - Jess.

  • - Jess, hey, good to meet you, Matt.

  • - Nice to meet you too.

  • - Hey, so how's it going tonight?

  • - Good, how are you?

  • - Not bad.

  • Can't complain too much.

  • You guys having a girls' night here?

  • - Yeah, we are actually.

  • - I could maybe do that.

  • (women laugh)

  • What's the plans here?

  • - Probably go to Malibu.

  • - The Bu?

  • Okay, that sounds like fun.

  • You guys gonna do like lines of cocaine there

  • and all kinds of crazy crap?

  • - Yeah.

  • - I'm sorry, that's a little forward.

  • I don't mean to like--

  • - I'm sorry we're just like talking,

  • me and my girlfriend.

  • - Yeah.

  • - It's girls night.

  • - Oh, I'm sorry.

  • I don't wanna interrupt you.

  • What kind of girls night are we talking here?

  • - We just haven't seen each other

  • - What do you mean?

  • - I have no idea what I mean.

  • I'm sorry, awesome, okay.

  • - Have a good night.

  • - ALright, you too.

  • (whistles)

  • - Hi. - Hi.

  • - How's it going?

  • - Good. - I'm Matt.

  • - I'm Elaine, nice to meet you.

  • - Good to meet you.

  • - What do you do?

  • - I'm a video game developer.

  • - Oh, cool.

  • Sounds fun.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Sound very smart.

  • - Some people have maybe said that in the past.

  • (Elaine laughs)

  • I guess I'm, yeah, I'm alright.

  • - Do you do well for yourself?

  • Do you make good money?

  • - Yeah, I do alright.

  • My game is doing alright, yeah.

  • - You obviously have like a cool job,

  • it seems like you do well,

  • I'm like really really struck for cash right now.

  • And I could like hardly afford this drink

  • to be honest.

  • Its really embarrassing but like,

  • is there any way you could spot me like

  • 1000 dollars?

  • - I mean I gotta say, I literally just met you.

  • - I know, I know.

  • - It's like a big request,

  • and I know this is Los Angeles

  • filled with like billionaires,

  • but I do alright.

  • I'm not like a,

  • I don't have fuck you money, you know?

  • - Oh, you don't?

  • - No.

  • (laughs)

  • Listen, I'm really sorry.

  • I can't really do that.

  • I gotta get to my friend.

  • - Oh okay.

  • - It was really nice to meet you.

  • - I'm so sorry.

  • I didn't mean for that to come across weird.

  • - I'm sorry about that.

  • - Okay, alright.

  • - Matt got thrown to the lions,

  • female L.A. lions.

  • The kind that eat cocaine instead of meat.

  • And they, they're naughty.

  • How'd it go?

  • - I'm gonna have to go with bad.

  • - Really?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Dude, I'm glad you got a taste of the single life man.

  • Sometimes it's a naughty taste.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Okay, it's like licking yourself when you shouldn't.

  • And the kicker is,

  • while you've been here being single with me

  • the whole time, of course,

  • Lauren has been out being single as well.

  • I'm not trying to trick you or anything,

  • but I just want you to know that

  • that's how it would work.

  • I sent over my boy Tasty Jimmy,

  • he's chill, he's Italian.

  • - Tasty Jimmy?

  • - Yeah, I don't know how he got the nickname.

  • A lot of chicks give it to him.

  • But that's his life.

  • - I didn't know this was the deal.

  • - Right.

  • Well how would you feel

  • if you're girl were with some guy right now?

  • - Not so great, not so great at all.

  • - Okay,

  • well I say we go and check out

  • what's going on with them.

  • How about that?

  • - Alright.

  • - Let me get this.

  • (romantic music)

  • - You look really nice.

  • - Thank you.

  • Oh I was going to say this is vintage.

  • - It is very vintage.

  • It actually reminds me of my favorite emoji,

  • the senorita one?

  • - Oh yes.

  • - Yes.

  • - I'm a walking senorita emoji.

  • - Which is a compliment in the biggest way.

  • - Look man, that's what single life is like,

  • you know?

  • - Yeah, real disappointing.

  • - Right, and so I wanted to show you

  • if that's what single life is like there,

  • then of course if you were single,

  • then Lauren would be single as well.

  • - What kind of position do you like,

  • I know we're at a cat place,

  • but what about doggy-style?

  • - I mean, (laughs).

  • - It's Tasty Jimmy?

  • - Yeah it's him.

  • He's Italian.

  • - Sounds like a great time in there.

  • - Right, I didn't wanna have to show you this,

  • but it's like you know sometimes we don't,

  • we can't see what we can't see.

  • - Yeah.

  • - You know until you see what could be

  • if you don't make a move on a special girl,

  • then you don't know.

  • And this is what that would look like man.

  • - This dude I don't know and a bunch of cats?

  • - Oh that's Jimmy dude.

  • - Yeah.

  • - And he's definitely, I mean,

  • already has some, a little bit of ED,

  • erectile dysfunction, but

  • he makes up for it with his hands.

  • His great grandfather was a pianist.

  • - Oh God.

  • - So I'm just saying, sometimes look man,

  • I know you design games,

  • sometimes you gotta design that final level.

  • - Alright.

  • - And I'm gonna be level with you.

  • Last night, I broke into your house

  • and borrowed these.

  • - I don't recognize those at all actually.

  • - Oh well these are somebody's.

  • - Alright well, who?

  • - I also got this man.

  • Is this yours?

  • - That actually is mine.

  • That's the ring I was gonna give to Lauren, yeah.

  • - Gonna give when, you know?

  • - I, oh God.

  • - How does it make you feel whenever you see that,

  • you know?

  • - I don't know, I don't feel good at all.

  • - No time like the present guy.

  • - If you wanna bring another pussy

  • in the relationship already, I will.

  • (Lauren laughs)

  • - You can't design this,

  • but you gotta live it dude.

  • - Yeah, yeah.

  • - No time like the present guy.

  • - Yeah, I guess you're right, yeah.

  • - Final level.

  • No more Tasty Jimmys.

  • You got this.

  • - Hey Tasty, take a hike.

  • Coz this pussy's mine.

  • - (laughs) Matt?

  • - Alright, Lauren hey come up come up.

  • - What are you doing,

  • I have a cat treat in my hand, hold on.

  • - This is not really how I pictured

  • doing this here,

  • but Lauren, I'm sorry I took so long to do this.

  • And you know this is pretty weird way to do it.

  • But, you know, you've been waiting a long time

  • and I do love you.

  • - Aww (laughs).

  • - Lauren, I--

  • - Yeah?

  • - Yeah, hold on a sec,

  • Jesus Christ, Lauren--

  • (Lauren screams)

  • Yeah, will you marry me?

  • - Yeah.

  • Yes, yes, yes,

  • I didn't think you would do this (laughs).

  • - Yeah, I know.

  • This is a real thing.

  • - I can't believe this is happening.

  • Is this real?

  • - Yeah, this is a real thing.

  • - Man this week was really really special.

  • You know, they're committing to a lifetime of

  • love and matrimony and, you know,

  • sharing mail.

  • But, Matt's not the only one who walked out of that cafe

  • with a new piece of puassy.

  • I met this person,

  • Sugar.

  • ♪ It's human nature ♪

  • - Men are in crisis.

  • Mansplaining, manspreading, mayonaise, times up,

  • Woody Allen, Dave Nevaro,

  • we've got a lot of issues guys.

  • Thankfully I'm here to help.

  • Now why am I qualified, because I've got a

  • popular podcast, a gender neutral haircut,

  • and I've dealt with every problem that a man can have.

  • I've got erectile dysfunction right now.

  • I'm Theo Vonn and this is Man Up.

  • So this weeks episode is about growth.

  • And I got a call from Calila,

  • who is a girlfriend of an old friend of mine

  • named Bobby Lire or Bob Li.

  • And some of you guys have seen him,

  • and he hasn't really exhibited growth very well in his life.

  • So first things first, I went over there to help out.

  • - He's the absolute love of my life.

  • I don't see a future without him,

  • but there are some barriers to our relationship.

  • Namely, my step dad.

  • My step dad's a little bit more traditional

  • and he has some concerns.

  • - Say if I were a peeping tom right,

  • and you're not here.

  • And I show up, 'cause I got a ladder,

  • and I got everything I need right.

  • I got the gloves, I got a thermos,

  • you know I got time to kill,

  • you know I'm unemployed.

  • And I'm here watching through the windows

  • and I see Bobby, what's he gonna be doing.

  • What am I gonna see him doing?

  • - 16 hours of video game play

  • with the occasional intermittent break

  • of masterbatory activities.

  • - Jesus christ.

  • I know when I see somebody

  • that needs to evolve a little bit.

  • - Right.

  • - And for me it just seems like Bobby

  • just wants to play this child forever.

  • - He's a man baby.

  • - He's a man baby.

  • - When I first moved in here,

  • I would walk out to the balcony

  • and I would always get this strong smell of ammonia.

  • Then I see this massive jug of yellow fluid.

  • So I asked him, Bobby what is that?

  • - His natural urine isn't it.

  • - His natural urine.

  • - That's an easy one.

  • - He says it's a Korean thing,

  • I don't buy it.

  • - Yeah I don't buy that either

  • I've watched a lot of Korean shit online,

  • I've never seen anything like that.

  • And I used to pee in my girlfriends sink at night

  • and the cats would show up

  • and they started peeing in there and that's

  • how her mom knew I was peeing in there.

  • So it's you know there's a lot of ways

  • to get caught up in that.

  • - Let me give you an example of my step dads 70th birthday.

  • - Okay.

  • - Six people in the table, fancy dinner,

  • I asked Bobby hey no gadgets,

  • so he didn't know what to do with his hands.

  • So naturally his hands found my breasts.

  • - Oh wow.

  • - During dinner.

  • - Crotch too or just breasts? Honestly.

  • - Mostly breasts. Mostly waist up.

  • - Did he witness some of it.

  • - He witnessed all of it.

  • - Jesus dude.

  • That makes my fucking neck hurt.

  • - That 70th birthday fiasco is what I want to erase

  • out of everyone's memory.

  • - Right.

  • - So I want to have a dinner with my step dad.

  • I want a re do.

  • - Yes I got a good idea.

  • If you don't mind I'd like to maybe

  • take him aside for a little bit

  • and see if we can't do some things.

  • Crack into that jaundice phenomemon

  • that's going on behind his eyes.

  • And see what we can create.

  • - Please.

  • - Okay.

  • Look I can relate.

  • Bobby has extra urine around the house, I've been there.

  • You know I've done a lot of poor choices.

  • I've got two bags of body hair under my sink right now.

  • One of them is mine.

  • But I know that I have to change.

  • The mission now was getting Bobby to know

  • that he needs to change as well.

  • - [Theo] I hear him, I hear him.

  • Stand up straight.

  • - Hey honey.

  • - Sup Bob.

  • He has nothing crazy.

  • - What's deal? What is this?

  • - Uh just hanging out man, seeing if you were home.

  • - Yeah I am home I'm here.

  • - Yeah you weren't home.

  • - Okay.

  • - What's going on man

  • - hey

  • - good to see you bro

  • - What's going on.

  • - Yeah you look good.

  • - What is this?

  • - Just like a little, it's gonna be like,

  • kind of like an intervention,

  • but nobody's here but us.

  • - Intervention? I've been sober for

  • like 15 years so I'm good.

  • - It's not about that though. Right?

  • She's good, nobody's pregnant.

  • Let's go outside. If it's alright man.

  • - What

  • - Yeah bro we're not being crazy I promise.

  • I mean some people are crazy, but we're not them.

  • - You're not gonna call me and tell me.

  • - About 80 feet it looks like.

  • - Dude, dude, just call me and tell me that

  • you're going to do this.

  • - My bad.

  • - What do you mean your bad?

  • Is this like just call me.

  • - I'm saying I feel bad now.

  • - Yeah but there's a crew in my house it's weird.

  • - Well Calila, first of all Calila reached out to me.

  • Okay I'm not trying to be rude but.

  • - She called you?

  • - She said something to me yeah, on the phone.

  • She called.

  • - Weird.

  • - She said straight up.

  • - Everything's fine.

  • - Well that's not exactly how she framed it.

  • - Yeah but how did she frame it?

  • - I'll say it.

  • Bobby masturbates around the house,

  • different places, urinates outdoors,

  • - And.

  • - Dude there's people that live out here.

  • Neighbors man. That could be

  • - Yeah I'm also

  • - Is that a school.

  • - Oh can I just say this though

  • - Yeah. Say it.

  • - I just defend myself alright.

  • In society we make these rules like etiquette.

  • - Okay.

  • - Right. But these rules are made to be broken.

  • - Yeah, in high school Bobby, in junior high.

  • You know in kindergarten, in pre-K.

  • People shitting off the balcony and you know

  • pissing in front of people.

  • There's 60 people living over there.

  • - Alright.

  • - So I'm just saying let's try this bro.

  • We go to this thing today with me.

  • And then we go to another event with his family.

  • And we see if you can step it up bro.

  • It's her step dad!

  • She's already down to her second dad.

  • - I gotta go places with you? Alright.

  • - She's already down to her second dad Bobby.

  • - Next time though, seriously next time,

  • you call me and you tell me that you're going to do this

  • because it's fucking bullshit.

  • - Okay is your phone on? I tried to text you.

  • - No it's not on.

  • - Because of my southern roots

  • I know that manners are important.

  • And what Babbabear here is missing

  • is a little bit of them manoirs.

  • So I took little Bobby to a Cotillion class

  • with some high society types.

  • You ready?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Alright, sayonara.

  • - Say hello everyone to our gues-

  • oh we're going in for a hug.

  • Okay I actually went for that because I didn't

  • want to be rude, but we're gonna work on introductions.

  • - You don't like ethnic storm.

  • - No it has nothing to do with ethnicity.

  • I'm an all inclusive person.

  • - I just went in a little too hot I think.

  • - You went in like we-

  • a little too familiar I would say.

  • We are all here to actually teach you some manners today.

  • - I know all the manners but alright.

  • - Well I'm here to teach you all of things that you

  • don't know that you don't know.

  • - Like if I lived in England in a castle?

  • - No this is actually what I like to call

  • real life skills.

  • These are everyday courtesy's that you should know.

  • And anyone should know.

  • For both your personal and your professional life.

  • - Alright.

  • - Alright that's- we're gonna work on that.

  • No that's not happening.

  • Anytime you meet someone,

  • you need to know the proper greeting.

  • You want to have one arms length distance

  • which is about 18 inches between another person.

  • We are not going to flap our wings like a birdie.

  • We're going to pretend we have books on

  • either side of our waist.

  • And we are going to act as if we are

  • conducting an orchestra.

  • - This is ridiculous, I've never

  • - Okay here we go, here we go.

  • - It's absolute ludicy.

  • - Here we go, stop, stop, stop.

  • - I made all these arrangements for Bobby

  • to take a moment to not think about himself

  • and to listen to somebody else,

  • and to actually display a little bit of congeniality.

  • - Chew and swallow, chew and swallow.

  • - And I was just bool.

  • - And honestly he didn't really show up.

  • - I swear to god I farted twice already,

  • but it was quiet.

  • (kids squealing)

  • - Okay this is so not a regular manners class.

  • - In America we are told to chew quietly.

  • - Oh here in America, I did not know that.

  • - Yeah well.

  • - Thank you so much, white lady for telling me

  • how to eat in America.

  • - I am not teasing him.

  • - Look I think our last hope is to see if Bobby

  • can properly know how to make a toast,

  • otherwise I don't even see how he's gonna survive

  • this tomorrow dude.

  • - Yeah you're not placing good bets on, or good odds.

  • - You want me to do a toast.

  • Hear hear.

  • - Hear hear.

  • - I would like to salut.

  • - Excuse me I have to interrupt.

  • You open with the lines,

  • I would like to propose a toast.

  • Hear hear is at the end of the toast.

  • Let's try it again.

  • - Bobby.

  • - You're laughing, but this is serious business.

  • - This is the worst human experience

  • I've ever had in my life.

  • - How does that make me feel.

  • - That's your problem.

  • - No I think you're great.

  • - That makes me feel so badly.

  • (laughter)

  • I'm going to cry.

  • - Now he's laughing.

  • - It's not funny guys.

  • So things hadn't gone well,

  • the big dinner had arrived and I realized that

  • Bobby was gonna need some assistance.

  • - That was weird.

  • - Okay hello.

  • - How you doing/

  • - You alright.

  • - Yeah I feel fine.

  • - You don't always pull out my chair.

  • - I know because I'm a different man.

  • - Before we start, I called the both of you

  • to have dinner because the last dinner

  • that we had together didn't go so well.

  • - When we go out to eat you are constantly

  • groping her in front of everyone.

  • - Can I say something.

  • - No just wait a second, just hear this out.

  • - Okay.

  • - When you do this, it's kind of insulting.

  • - Okay that's good, I understand that.

  • - Good evening guys, my name's chuckie,

  • I'll be your waiter this evening.

  • - What's your name?

  • - Chuckie.

  • - Hey Chuckie.

  • - Nice to see you, just the three of you guys tonight?

  • - Mm hmm,

  • - Awesome, welcome to The District,

  • have anybody told you about our specials.

  • - Not yet.

  • - No you're the first guy to say hi.

  • - Excellent tonight we have a seven ounce duck,

  • - Yeah that's it?

  • - That's it.

  • - Yeah that's gonna be it.

  • - And what's on it?

  • - The duck comes natural,

  • it comes in its own sauce and it's

  • - What kind of sauce is it?

  • - I can ask the chef for you sir.

  • - Well you should know that right as a waiter.

  • - I'm new here sir.

  • - Okay.

  • Alright thank you very much.

  • - Thanks man.

  • - I know it's, I'm just gonna.

  • 'cause my girlfriend's so pretty.

  • Okay.

  • - Suck it in, suck it in a little.

  • I need your belly to go down a bit.

  • Okay there we go.

  • Oh god.

  • - Bobby.

  • I knew that Bobby might need some help,

  • so I slipped him an ear piece.

  • Bobby, time for the toast.

  • - Time for the toast.

  • Hear, hear.

  • Calila, Roger, Both of you,

  • I am grateful to have you in my life.

  • Calila you are my native American love sister.

  • - I'm not Native American.

  • - You look like Pocahontas right now though.

  • And that's what- you know exactly what I'm saying.

  • - I don't.

  • - Let me start over.

  • Calila, I just want to say I'm sorry,

  • because I spend a lot of time thinking about myself.

  • You are my angel.

  • - Come here, give me your face.

  • - You are special to me.

  • And I am so happy to have you in my life.

  • - Thank you sweetie that means a lot.

  • - And I am grateful to Roger,

  • because just like me he recognizes

  • amazing women when he sees them.

  • Even though you're dating her mom and not her.

  • You know what I mean.

  • I love you.

  • Hear hear.

  • - Cheers.

  • - Everyone says hear hear.

  • - Hear hear.

  • - Everyone in the restaurant, hear hear.

  • - What I learned from watching Bobby

  • is you have to take your problems seriously.

  • You have to step into the situation

  • and you have to do it.

  • You have to do the work.

  • And did Bobby do the work today, no.

  • I don't think he did, but he at least showed up.

  • - Cheers

  • - And hopefully, you show up, you show up, you show up.

  • - I did it.

  • - And sometime you feel comfortable enough to man up.

  • And maybe next week we will have a different outcome.

  • But thank you guys for being here with me,

  • I'm Theo Vonn, and this has been Man Up.

  • - Men are struggling.

  • Chewing with their mouths open,

  • sexual harassment, being, um, Shia LaBeouf.

  • Thankfully, I'm here to help.

  • Now why am I qualified?

  • 'Cause I got a gender neutral hair cut,

  • a popular podcast, and I've had scoliosis.

  • Welcome to Man Up.

  • (upbeat rock music)

  • This week we're talking about stress.

  • You know, the silent killer.

  • It's like a hungry mouse inside of a cheese heart.

  • I got a call from Josh, one of our long time

  • listeners, and he says he's seriously stressed out.

  • And, seriously appears to be an understatement.

  • Let's take a look, baby, get that head up.

  • (yelling) (hitting)

  • Josh really needed a new way to relax

  • and I knew exactly what to do.

  • (upbeat music)

  • Theo.

  • - Josh.

  • - Yeah, nice to finally meet you man.

  • - Nice to meet you.

  • - Yeah, how's everything?

  • - I'm doing as best as can be, you know.

  • - [Theo] Yeah.

  • - Morning traffic and all that.

  • - Yeah.

  • Yeah, man, thank you for making the drive.

  • I appreciate it.

  • - No problem.

  • - So I know you reached out.

  • A lot of stress going on in your life.

  • What's going on with that?

  • - Um.

  • About 14 years ago, I was planning on making

  • a road trip to all the open major league try outs.

  • - For baseball?

  • - For baseball.

  • And I was working at (bleep) Electronics,

  • and I had half a palette of computers following me.

  • Screwed up my back.

  • - No way.

  • Desktops, or?

  • - Yeah.

  • Big boxes, about like that big.

  • - Oh.

  • - That instantly just screwed up my dream

  • career ideas, and, so just everything is stressing

  • me out now.

  • - So the stuff you're doing right now,

  • the metal with the bat and everything,

  • I get it.

  • You know, but it's just kind of old school.

  • - Yeah.

  • - You know, it's Roman.

  • It's very used car dealership violent.

  • Those ideas are, I made this chart.

  • - Wrong.

  • - Wrong.

  • And it said wrong until I accidentally--

  • - Scribbled 'em out?

  • - Scribbled 'em out.

  • Yes, thank you.

  • But sometimes when you have wrong ideas,

  • you gotta fold up those wrong ideas,

  • and when you make wrongigami and you fold up

  • those wrong ideas, what do you get left with?

  • - Ron?

  • - R-O-N.

  • Ron.

  • - Ron.

  • - An adult's name.

  • I'm gonna introduce you right now

  • to a man named Ron, the most stress free guy ever.

  • - Alright. - And he's gonna help us.

  • You get it?

  • - [Josh] Yeah.

  • Sounds good.

  • - Alright, thanks for being here today, Josh.

  • - Thanks for having me.

  • - Yeah.

  • Ron is the chillest dude that I know.

  • - Ah.

  • Namaste, gentlemen.

  • - Honestly, if I had to just curl up inside

  • of a dude and take a nap,

  • it would be in Ron.

  • - Josh.

  • - Pleasure to meet you.

  • - Pleasure to meet you.

  • - He's just a smooth, silky, dark, polyester,

  • chocolate throat lozenge of a man.

  • No shades, eh?

  • - Yeah.

  • - [Theo] You got nice eyes, too, I feel like.

  • I'm just guessing.

  • - Don't hide 'em.

  • Don't hide 'em.

  • Let us see the windows into your soul.

  • - See, I told you he's calm.

  • - He is calm.

  • - For me, a part of relaxing is learning to let go.

  • Learning to deal with loss and learning to

  • give up expectations, but never give up hope, you know?

  • - Yeah.

  • - There's always needs to be found.

  • - 'Cause he struggles, this man.

  • - Oh, I can see it, I could feel the energy

  • as soon as he walked in.

  • It changed.

  • My plants starting leaning away from him.

  • - [Theo] You're not a bad person, though.

  • - No.

  • You got a good spirit.

  • It's with you, I see it.

  • You just got hurt a little bit.

  • - Yeah.

  • - And it's tough for you to let that go.

  • I understand that.

  • I couldn't imagine what it would be like

  • if all of a sudden they were just like,

  • "Hey, you just can't do comedy anymore."

  • So I understand it and I appreciate it

  • and we're gonna get you through it.

  • Let's just meditate a little bit right now.

  • (humming)

  • - Yeah, maybe we'll go around the room

  • and each release something.

  • - Sounds great.

  • (humming)

  • Reflectionism.

  • - Being on a first name basis with different

  • insects in my apartment.

  • - LA traffic.

  • - Having to buy a gift for my assistant

  • that normally purchases the gifts that I give out.

  • It's like,

  • who picks out your gift?

  • - Yeah, part of me kind of,

  • wants to fuck with you guys a little.

  • - Okay.

  • Okay, I think we're done.

  • - That's a real one I can resonate with.

  • - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • Let's just remember that one.

  • I can tell you're just in a deep need

  • of relaxation and luckily for you, I mean,

  • we're in an era where there's just so many

  • different ways to relax.

  • There's so many different options,

  • especially here in LA.

  • You got so many things you can do.

  • You can hike.

  • You can meditate.

  • Yoga.

  • There's all types of exercise.

  • And if that doesn't work for ya,

  • there's always weed.

  • - Weed is a great relaxer.

  • Even when Bob Marley, they told him he had cancer,

  • he just said, "Whatever," and died.

  • - Sure, there are a lot of problems in the world.

  • A lot of famine.

  • A lot of murder.

  • But it's also, like, there's cartoons and shit,

  • and we could be watchin' them.

  • - That's a good point.

  • It's crazy to think how many cartoons

  • are out there and that we're not watching

  • them at all times.

  • - Mhm.

  • Or, I'm a firm believer, if, uh,

  • every TV that has the news on like at an airport

  • or something, if you just turned it

  • and then put it on like the Muppet Babies or something,

  • the whole world would be a lot less stressed.

  • - [Theo] 100%.

  • - We wouldn't know what was going on, but,

  • who cares?

  • - Hm.

  • Yeah, the problem with Muppet Babies is it never,

  • you don't know what happened next, you know?

  • - [Ron] Yeah, yeah.

  • - I just assumed that Muppet Babies became the Muppets.

  • - Oh yeah.

  • Damn.

  • (soft music)

  • I fuckin' love weed, dude.

  • - Well a lot of your issues stem from the fact

  • that you lost something that was very important to you,

  • a dream of yours.

  • But, I'm here to tell you that you can have

  • all types of dreams and that's what

  • we're gonna work on today.

  • We're gonna build a little dream board.

  • Come up with some new goals

  • to help you refocus.

  • You cool with that?

  • - Yeah.

  • (upbeat music)

  • - Side boob.

  • - Okay, well I want to encourage you to think

  • a little bit outside the boob.

  • - I'll save this for home, okay?

  • - Now, when it comes to pickin' the right picture,

  • to go on your vision board,

  • you gotta make sure it's something

  • that speaks to you directly.

  • - [Theo] Look what I got.

  • - [Josh] Poodles.

  • - Twin poodles.

  • - I got me a cruise ship 'cause I wanna go on a cruise.

  • - Okay.

  • We're leaving a little stress already.

  • - [Theo] Ooh.

  • A Bulgari emerald and diamond necklace.

  • - Ooh, that would look good on you.

  • - Thanks.

  • - It's fun to do crafts together as men.

  • - Yeah people forget how much fun this

  • kind of stuff is, man.

  • Lowkey, yolked out fellas.

  • - And they don't get it.

  • They're like, "Oh what are you guys up doing?

  • "You're out at the club, you're out drinking,

  • "you're out at the race track."

  • It's like, no, I'm out making dreams with my friends.

  • Coming up with goals.

  • That's what we're about.

  • - How do you feel Josh?

  • - Less stressed.

  • This helped.

  • - Yeah.

  • Envisioning stuff is fun, man, but I think

  • maybe we light into a couple of massages, bruh.

  • Like some true gentlemen, you know.

  • Like some adults.

  • You know, nothing crazy.

  • Like make your own pizza kind of thing?

  • You had 'em before?

  • - Uh yeah.

  • - And who was the person?

  • Do you remember who they were, what they looked like?

  • - Uh.

  • I think their name was Tim.

  • (laughing)

  • - He sounds like a good person.

  • - Yeah, you gotta remember, if a man touches

  • your body like that, it's helpful to remember their name.

  • They prefer it.

  • - [Theo] Yeah.

  • - Probably.

  • - Yeah, I remember the man that touched me.

  • Dale.

  • - [Ron] That's beautiful.

  • - So let's get this--

  • - [Ron] Are you still thinking about it?

  • - I don't know what I'm thinking about, man.

  • (laughing)

  • I wish I had a vision board in my head right now.

  • Yeah, we should get one man.

  • We should get a massage.

  • Massage?

  • - Massage.

  • - Mhm.

  • - Man, you got a lot more body than I thought.

  • (soft music)

  • You feel that full pressure?

  • - [Josh] Mhm.

  • ♪ I am most happy ♪

  • - [Theo] How you feelin' playa?

  • - [Josh] Good.

  • ♪ On the quicksand ♪

  • ♪ Things change rapidly ♪

  • ♪ With an-- ♪

  • - [Ron] Theo.

  • - Yep?

  • - You gotta get those thighs, man.

  • - Gang, gang, bro.

  • I get it.

  • (clearing throat)

  • Alright.

  • - Now we're talkin'.

  • - Right there in the dorsal, huh?

  • - Yeah, now you workin'.

  • - [Theo] Oh, that's that old polis

  • birthday party right there.

  • - Don't be afraid of that butt meat.

  • - Give him that old American Werewolf in Paris, bro.

  • Like that.

  • - Make that a loaf of bread.

  • What you got?

  • What is he, rye?

  • Sourdough?

  • What is he?

  • - He might be that cinnamon raisin, baby.

  • - Ooh.

  • - [Theo] You know what I'm sayin'

  • - Yeah.

  • Good for breakfast or lunch.

  • - Oh yeah.

  • - That's your old television.

  • - My turn, brother.

  • I got next, man.

  • (soft music)

  • ♪ I am most happy ♪

  • ♪ Playing in the quicksand ♪

  • ♪ Things change rapidly ♪ (laughing)

  • Marco.

  • - [Josh] Polo.

  • - Marco.

  • - Polo.

  • ♪ With an ever so slight ♪ - Marco!

  • Oh, I got you! (laughing)

  • - You got me, dude.

  • - Wanna go get some ice cream?

  • - [Josh] Ice cream?

  • Yeah. - Yeah.

  • (laughing)

  • Now rollerblading is one of the lamest things

  • that you can do, but for some reason when you're high,

  • it's fuckin' awesome.

  • It's really just like trying to walk around

  • in wheeled feet.

  • (laughing)

  • We had fun.

  • We got wild.

  • I mean, we wore helmets, but,

  • we acted like we didn't.

  • (laughing) (upbeat music)

  • (laughing) (upbeat music)

  • Good job, pal.

  • Good job, Josh.

  • You had a good time today?

  • - Oh yeah.

  • - Cool man.

  • How do you feel?

  • - Less stressed.

  • - Honestly, so long as you're just spending time

  • with other people.

  • - It's true.

  • - You know, and a lot of things you were

  • talking about before, it didn't really include those things,

  • you know?

  • - Yeah.

  • - I mean, traffic's a sedentary environment.

  • You know, beating metal with a bat.

  • That's something you do by yourself.

  • Masturbation.

  • That's usually something you do alone

  • unless you're a part of a club or synchronized group.

  • It's funny man.

  • Something when you get out and about

  • and get going with other people,

  • you know, if we quit listening to the voice in our heads,

  • sometimes that voice can be so stressed out

  • and we just listen to somebody else.

  • That calm, passive, beautiful dark dolphin himself.

  • Only one thing left to do.

  • - What's that?

  • - [Theo] I feel like I'm just pettin' a bubble bath.

  • - [Ron] Ooh you strong but gentle, I like it.

  • Oh yeah boy.

  • Ooh, I had a dream that started just like this.

  • Yeah.

  • - Today was a lesson in that you have to open up

  • to let the stress out.

  • So how are you gonna open up?

  • Well, you can dream board.

  • You can go look for treasure with your cousin.

  • You can swim.

  • You could eat ice cream with somebody from

  • another country.

  • A lot of different options.

  • But try one.

  • Josh did, and look what happened to him.

  • He had a good day.

  • Your comfort zone can be your coffin.

  • I'm Theo Vaughn.

  • Thank you for listening.

- Men are in crisis, being too pushy,

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