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  • - Maybe we can compete on some sort of like duo,

  • like work together cooking show.

  • - I would love that,

  • I would just be dragging you down.

  • - Do you know how fast I would get competitive

  • and start screaming at you?

  • (blonde woman laughs)

  • I would get this close to your ear and be like,

  • "You are not gonna (beep) this up for me.

  • Don't (beep) with me."

  • (bells chiming)

  • Hi it's me Trixie Mattel

  • - And I'm Katya.

  • - And we are two Queens who like to watch.

  • And today we have the very distinct all day pleasure

  • of watching The great British Baking Show Holiday.

  • - Baking is cool, do you bake?

  • - I've never turned on my oven.

  • - Sometimes preheat at night, you'll turn it on.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • And that's nice.

  • (dramatic music)

  • Now, spoiler alert, there might be some British people

  • and some baking and some holidays

  • and I don't wanna ruin any of that for you so.

  • - Would you go on the show?

  • - I think you and I are more of a nailed it category,

  • you know what I mean?

  • - I would love to do, but with the knowledge that

  • no matter how hard I tried or prepared,

  • everything I made would come out totally (beep).

  • - Or at the last second, like, no matter what you do

  • they swap your dish for like the display dish,

  • and you're like, "And what?

  • Sorry about it.

  • Good luck."

  • (bells chiming)

  • - [Narrator] As the cast of the hit sit-com

  • "The Derry Girls" have descended on the tent.

  • - We've got the cast of "The Derry Girls"

  • we've got Nicola and Callum.

  • - Callum.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • - I feel like in the UK everybody's name's Callum and Gemma.

  • Literally I have (beep) like 10 guys in the UK

  • I swear to God they're always named Callum.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • I swear to God.

  • Hi, what's your-- let me guess you're Callum.

  • My name's Callum,

  • get in the car.

  • You know,

  • let's just get this going.

  • - This morning I had a feeling

  • something terrible was gonna happen

  • and also that

  • essentially deep down I'm kind of an evil person.

  • - It's called a hangover Claire you'll be grand.

  • - They seem like wild whores,

  • I bet they're a lot of fun.

  • - Yeah the Derry Girls seem like

  • they'd be fun to go out with.

  • - Fun at a party, turned fucking lit.

  • - I'm pretty nervous but at the same time

  • I'm like a savage, come on like,

  • yeah-- - What?

  • - Like at the end he just stopped talking.

  • I'm pretty nervous but at the same time I'm a savage.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • You know what though, hot people do that,

  • hot people, words are so optional.

  • - Judges would like you to make a large sharing trifle.

  • - Trifling, girl, everybody in my life is trifling.

  • - Trif-- no, what is that?

  • - I have no idea.

  • - I guess we'll find out.

  • - I hope they say trifle

  • and one of these girls just starts

  • pouring straight booze into a bowl.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • It's like a wop, right?

  • Like we all just put fruit in it,

  • okay, great.

  • By the way the hair on this show is all different journeys.

  • It looks like everybody's showing up

  • to a different show that day.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • - You have two and a half hours.

  • - On your marks.

  • - Get set. - Get set.

  • - Trifle is one of those classic--

  • - Oh who is that?

  • I've just been informed that

  • the hot judge's name is Paul Hollywood.

  • (Katya sighs)

  • Which means he's done porn.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • - Stop

  • - He's done pornography.

  • She's struggling.

  • - The perfect texture of a trifle--

  • - I love her with that scarf on.

  • - Old woman, fun glasses,

  • is she like the Martha Stewart of the UK?

  • Did she go to prison?

  • Did she do time?

  • - And of course the other key

  • is a good deal of Cherry or Brandy or whatever they like.

  • - Always back to the booze with these people.

  • - Is every activity in the UK just an excuse to drink?

  • - They're not being dehydrated by sunlight,

  • they need something else.

  • - You got one minute!

  • (dramatic music)

  • - It is really hard to bake off, it's really, really hard.

  • - Oh my God, hot tea and celebrities

  • having to do something for themselves for once.

  • - Oh I know.

  • - It could have been a bowl of cereal

  • and they would've been like,

  • "I can't believe this is going on."

  • - [Narrator] The Derry Girls' trifles

  • will now face the judgment of Paul and Pru.

  • - Let's have a look, shall we?

  • - Oh God!

  • (Katya wretches)

  • What are British people doing with food?

  • (Katya wretches)

  • We're gonna take these raw ingredients

  • and we're just gonna (beep) ruin them.

  • - That's literally everything.

  • - That's horrible.

  • That looks so gross.

  • - Oh God, they're gonna hate it.

  • - I think that tastes amazing.

  • - Oh really?

  • - Yeah,

  • it does. - Thank you.

  • - That literally looks like sour cream

  • and like green chilies or something.

  • - It looks like a (indistinct).

  • - I mean, I think it is a bit of a mess.

  • - Wait until you try it

  • you're gonna like it king

  • you're gonna liquor all over.

  • - Irish liquor all over

  • - Jesus.

  • She's talking to him like I would be.

  • And when you finish that spoon,

  • you're gonna lick this spoon until I'm cross-eyed bitch.

  • - You're gonna lick this (beep) clean.

  • - I do think it's delicious.

  • - They hate her for it.

  • - Just the right amount-- - They're all shocked.

  • - And the textures are spot on.

  • - Thank you so much.

  • - They're pissed.

  • - I'm livid.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • - Absolutely fuming,

  • I'm Absolutely (beep) fuming.

  • - Cool.

  • - See, that looks good.

  • - Don't you think?

  • It's like a cake with pudding on it.

  • - I hope it's not too stiff.

  • - Oua.

  • - Oua. - Oua, what is oua?

  • Does he know words?

  • How does he do acting?

  • It looks beautiful.

  • (mumbles)

  • It looks lovely, I love the layers,

  • (Trixie mumbles)

  • - Thank you, thanks guys.

  • - What an adorable, beautiful little man.

  • - Did a great job.

  • (Trixie and Katya clap)

  • (bells chiming gently)

  • - I like this show, this is very chill, chill energies.

  • - Yeah, good vibes only.

  • - This is a little more like everybody can bake.

  • If this was American

  • it would be like only one of you

  • will be leaving with your life.

  • You know. (Katya laughs)

  • - Seriously.

  • - Today we have to make a blood sausage

  • using blood from your daughter.

  • - And they just slit her throat right on TV.

  • - And you scramble to the ground to catch the blood.

  • - To catch the blood.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • - Yeah, you trying to scoop it into a glass.

  • (bells chime)

  • - They're making salmon and beetroot bleenies

  • which are like pancakes with--

  • - [Narrator] Into the technical blind.

  • - Hello bakers it's time for your

  • technical challenge-- - I love him.

  • - He has the best older goth fashion.

  • - 100%, by the way there's nothing kind of sexier

  • than like an older goth guy

  • who still likes to put on a little,

  • you know what I mean?

  • (Katya laughs)

  • I'm gonna be 19 wearing (indistinct), but guess what

  • I'm a goth bitch.

  • Like I hope he wears like a little boot with a heel,

  • you know what I mean?

  • - Yeah, I think he does.

  • - I hope so.

  • - Pru, any words of advice?

  • - Do as you're told.

  • - And you won't die.

  • - Why have you chosen bleenies?

  • - This is just such a nice dish for New Year,

  • cream cheese, beetroot and horseradish.

  • (Katya wretches)

  • - Is this crazy?

  • 'Cause this looks crazy.

  • - This is crazy.

  • - Today we're making ritz crackers

  • with toothpaste and bubblegum.

  • (beep) me up, literally Michael Myers choked me out

  • and stick his (beep) knife up my ass.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • I don't wanna live,

  • I don't wanna make it through.

  • How did she die?

  • Paul Hollywood dicked her down

  • before her eyeballs popped up out of her skull,

  • she's dead now.

  • She died doing what she loved.

  • (bells chime)

  • - Now all the contestants are rushing to finish the show

  • their nasty bleenies to the judges.

  • - Please bring your bleenies

  • and place them behind your photograph on the table.

  • - Holy (beep), I'm a vegetarian,

  • I wouldn't even been able to taste the food.

  • They would be tasting this

  • and I would just be like,

  • (Katya laughs)

  • panicked.

  • 'Cause I know they're gonna hate it,

  • I'd be leaving.

  • - Who's this?

  • They are both under browned

  • and yet slightly over cooked.

  • - Well done.

  • - Everything you've done is completely incorrect.

  • (Katya and Trixie clap)

  • Which means that--

  • (contestants clap)

  • - It's so delightful.

  • - It is very joyous.

  • And so like, no, you were great,

  • no, you were great.

  • If these were drag queens,

  • somebody would have hit someone already.

  • - I know.

  • - You'd have a girl lighting a cigarette on the open flame

  • someone drying weed in the oven,

  • someone just doing some stretches with headphones in

  • in the back.

  • And then somebody like me a (beep) nerd being like

  • you guys need to take this more seriously.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • (bells chime)

  • - Oh wow okay so for the final Show Stopper Challenge

  • they have to make a cake based on their favorite decade.

  • - Show Stopper Challenge.

  • Are you excited?

  • (contestants cheering)

  • Now as we slip towards--

  • - Are you excited?

  • (Trixie imitates contestants cheering)

  • (Katya laughs)

  • These people are weird.

  • Are you excited?

  • (Trixie yodels)

  • - The judges would like you to make a cake

  • based on your favorite decade?

  • - I like the 60s.

  • - I like the 60s.

  • - Yeah the 1860s so--

  • - You doing bits.

  • - Workshop it, take you down to the comedy store

  • and do a little 10 minutes slide, see how it goes.

  • - My cake is 60s camper van

  • kind of summer love.

  • - [Narrator] Dylan's decade cake

  • is made of a hill-- - Ah cool.

  • - [Narrator] made from Victoria Sands.

  • - Why don't you come over to my house

  • I got a nice oh oh.

  • (both laugh)

  • What, we found out he doesn't speak

  • why do I have to use words?

  • I can just use sounds.

  • Bleh, bleh!

  • - It's obvious what you're making.

  • - I'm not making lemon cake.

  • - I know you're making jam.

  • - I'm not making the jam.

  • - What exactly are you making?

  • - I love that he said, I'm not doing none of this,

  • but I'm gonna be here while it happens.

  • That's hot people though,

  • hot people are like,

  • I'm gonna win this cooking competition by not cooking.

  • - Go on girl, give us nothing.

  • - What are you gonna be doing

  • while you're supposed to be cooking?

  • He's like modeling, I'm gonna be modeling.

  • If you had to make a cake based on your favorite decade,

  • which decade are you picking?

  • - Maybe like the 70s.

  • - Oh, put weed in it?

  • - Just put a bunch of cocaine on it or something or,

  • (both laugh)

  • cocaine frosting.

  • I guess that would be the 80s.

  • - I want them to cut into one of the cakes

  • and be like, well my dad was incarcerated in the 90s

  • so there's actually a razor blade in that one.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • I would probably do the 60s,

  • or actually you know what?

  • I feel like if you're gonna do a dessert,

  • do 50s because you can go so off the (beep) rails

  • and weird with it, 'cause those desserts look crazy.

  • Neon, orange, Turkey.

  • - Hot dog cupcakes.

  • - With yellow pineapple stuck to a weird (beep) like that

  • I'd be like,

  • what are you doing? - Yeah.

  • (bells chime)

  • - All right so the Derry Girls present their Show Stoppers

  • to the judges.

  • I have to say give credit where it's due,

  • these are non bakers

  • and I think they're doing a (beep) good job.

  • - Yeah they're incre--

  • (both laugh)

  • I'm going to take back,

  • Wait a minute,

  • is that an Amelia Earhart little head?

  • - Deep into that--

  • - It looks like a crashed plane.

  • - The plane quite sitting quite deep into that--

  • - 'Cause it crashed.

  • - Oh my God.

  • Oh my God.

  • Oh my God.

  • - That's incredible.

  • - It's the Amelia Earhart crashed plane.

  • - It looks like a little Easter egg

  • (Trixie laughs)

  • That's fantastic.

  • Oh, wait a minute.

  • - Wasn't that supposed to be tie dye?

  • - Yeah, it was supposed to be tie dye.

  • - It looks like a gravestone.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • - Oh my God.

  • - She is.

  • - Baking is hard.

  • - I know.

  • - And they're not making simple (beep).

  • If one of them did a simple looking cake

  • and made a taste of that she could probably win.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Rather than present something that looks crazy.

  • - Well, the colors are a little bit washed out.

  • - It's a metaphor

  • because peace isn't always what you imagine it to be.

  • - Really.

  • - Okay.

  • Okay.

  • You know what we're gonna do today?

  • Here's what we're not gonna do,

  • we're not gonna make up stories,

  • we're not gonna make excuses.

  • Just say you were in the cake Mary.

  • - Oh, is the taste good?

  • - I think your cake is delicious.

  • - Oh!

  • - Well done Saoirse.

  • - Thank you very much.

  • (contestants clap)

  • (festive music)

  • (Trixie and Katya laugh)

  • - Is that a bowler hat?

  • - Yeah.

  • - That (beep) bowler hat, it looks like a big (beep) turtle.

  • - You know what I would do?

  • I would go big.

  • They would go, "What is that?"

  • I would go, "You know when I'm baking,

  • I like to put on a show."

  • And I would grab the fondant hat and put it on.

  • Do you wanna have fun?

  • I mean, that hat looks--

  • - It looks like a helmet of a fallen soldier.

  • - Like, oh my God,

  • completely this looks like a helmet after a blast.

  • Jesus Christ. - Yeah seriously.

  • - What's in that cake?

  • - Cocoa powder,--

  • - Coffee.

  • I do like the design

  • and you have gone to a lot of effort to create--

  • - Are you kidding me with this?

  • They need to have me in this show.

  • I need to come in and like balance out the energy.

  • "I think the cake tastes like coffee

  • and it doesn't even taste like chocolate

  • and it looks (beep) but you're wonderful

  • and your whole fondant is wonderful."

  • And I'd be like, "(beep) her."

  • And if he doesn't (beep) unload in me

  • in about eight minutes, I'm leaving.

  • I'm leaving.

  • Paul Hollywood, get over here.

  • He would walk into this pink 60s paradise

  • and his pants would drop

  • and that (beep) 12 inch uncut thing

  • would roll out on the floor and it would be over.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • It would be over.

  • It'd be over.

  • I'd throw it over my shoulders, like a mink stole

  • and I do a number of frankly.

  • (Trixie laugh)

  • God, I'm so gross.

  • - You're gonna get gay rights taken away from all of us.

  • - I know.

  • I would love to judge a baking show.

  • - I would love to judge.

  • - This is what's gonna happen.

  • They're gonna do an episode

  • where they have to cook for a same-sex couple,

  • and you and I are gonna judge the gay wedding cakes.

  • - Yeah, points off for any choreography done.

  • - Yes, please.

  • If you at all feel the urge in a wedding proposal

  • to incorporate choreography or a costume change,

  • you've gone too far.

  • - Too far.

  • - Oh wow.

  • - What is (beep) that?

  • - This is my rendition,

  • (sobs) it's took my life.

  • (Trixie and Katya laugh)

  • - This is the, this is my rendition,

  • oh my God!

  • Look at it.

  • - It's so nasty.

  • - What if it tastes amazing?

  • Who knows?

  • - I know it's gonna taste amazing.

  • - Paul Hollywood is so hot.

  • The way he looks at these people

  • when he's judging their cakes,

  • he just he looks like he just is so sexual.

  • - Yeah it's really good.

  • - I'm trying to empty out a custard into a bowl

  • walk by and slipping me the finger Paul.

  • (Katya laughs)

  • (bells chime)

  • All right so we're gonna see who wins.

  • Now this is the UK

  • so I believe they win literally a hug.

  • - Oh, The Derry Girls.

  • - What worries me is blood appears to be spurting

  • out of Amelia Earhart's neck here.

  • - She has just crashed.

  • - I think--

  • - Look at the smile.

  • - Done it really well.

  • - So good.

  • - I don't think we've ever had more fun.

  • Thank you for the crack.

  • - Thank you for the crack?

  • - The crack, the good time.

  • - And by the way, thank you for the crack.

  • - You're all winners in my eyes

  • but there can only be one real winner

  • and the winner is,

  • Saoirse.

  • (all cheer)

  • - If you can read, you can bake.

  • - Way to make some of us feel very excluded.

  • - Wait, why did, because instructions.

  • - Yeah, okay.

  • This show has got ovens,

  • scarves, glasses, Derry Girls.

  • - Irish men, English men.

  • - Hot old daddies.

  • - Bleeding historical figures, in grass.

  • - Yes.

  • So tune into The Great British Baking Show Holidays

  • on Netflix.

  • (festive music)

- Maybe we can compete on some sort of like duo,

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