OLIVER, STAR OF "JOHN OLIVER IS ON TV THIS WEEK."

JOHN OLIVER.

SO ENGLAND HAS THE PREMIERE LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP OVER THERE,

AND OVER THE SUMMER, THEY HAD THEIR WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP THAT

THE ALL WHOLE WORLD PLAYS IN, RIGHT?

OR WAS IS THAT JUST IN-- IT WAS JUST GREAT BRITAIN PLAYING EACH

OTHER?

>> THAT'S THE WORLD CUP.

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE WORLD CUP THERE.

>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW.

>> YOU REALLY DON'T KNOW.

>> Stephen: I'M TRYING TO BE NICE.

I'M JUST TRYING TO BE NICE, MAN.

>> YOU KNOW SOMETHING -- >> Stephen: CROSS-PLATFORM

SYNERGY.

>> THEY DON'T KEEP YOU UP AT NIGHT WE'RE GOING LIVE AFTER THE

WORLD CUP.

SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THAT AND MENTION BUDWEISER.

THEY DON'T SAY THAT TO YOU?

>> NOT YET.

BUT THANKS FOR GIVING THEM THE IDEA.

WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS ON PARAMOUNT-PLUS.

THAT'S ALL ANYONE IS TALKING ABOUT.

THAT'S IT.

THAT'S THE NATIONAL CONVERSATION.

MOST OF MY MONOLOGUE TONIGHT WAS ABOUT PARAMOUNT-PLUS.

OH, THE IMPEACHMENT.

LAST YEAR, YOU WERE HAPPY BECAUSE YOUR SERIES DIDN'T START

UNTIL AFTER IMPEACHMENT WAS OVER, RIGHT?

IT WAS OVER AT THIS POINT LAST YEAR, SO YOU MISSED THE WHOLE

THING.

BUT NOW THEY CAME IN, THEY JUST SNAGGED YOU AT THE END.

DID YOU WATCH ANY OF THE PROCEEDINGS TODAY?

>> I'VE JUST-- I'VE JUST BEEN CATCHING UP ON IT.

AND IT SEEMED LIKE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE NOTHING, RIGHT?

>> Stephen: RIGHT, IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE JUST

PARLIAMENTARY PROCEDURE OR ARGUING OVER THE

CONSTITUTIONALITY-- SUPER CRY.

>> IT WAS A PERFECT ECHO OF THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY-- SOMETHING

THAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE NOTHING IS MADE VERY MUCH SOMETHING.

I GATHER THAT THE FIRST LAWYER ENGAGED IN THE KIND OF

FREE-STYLE BEAT POETRY FOR A WHILE.

>> Stephen: I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST TRYING TO RUN OUT THE

CLOCK.

HE WAS LIKE, "OKAY, I GOT TO DO AT LEAST AN HOUR HERE.

YOU KNOW, THE ANCIENT GREEKS WERE VERY...

GOOD WITH THE...

AND WHO CAN FORGET HOW THE ROMANS DID IT."

>> MAYBE HE HAD A STAGE MANAGER LIKE YOU'VE GOT MARK JUST

STANDING BEHIND THE CAMERA GOING, "YOU HAVE TO GO.

YOU HAVE TO GO LONGER."

>> Stephen: WHAT PEOPLE DON'T KNOW IS MY STAGE MANAGER IS YOUR

STAGE MANAGER.

BUT HE DOESN'T DO THIS FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE GUESTS.

>> YEAH,■ç THAT'S TRUE.

>> Stephen: RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW, MARK IS GOING...

>> HE DOES THE OPPOSITE.

HE GOES LIKE THIS.

"GO FASTER.

GO FASTER.

GO FASTER."

LIKE A JOCKEY.

"GO, GO, GO.33 TALK FASTER."

>> Stephen: YOU'RE NOT THAT SMALL.

YOU'RE NOT JOHN CEENA, BUT YOU'RE NOT A JOCKEY.

HAVE SOME SELF-RESPECT.

>> NO, MARK IS THE JOCKEY.

I'M THE HORSE.

>> Stephen: OH, HE'S THE JOCKEY.

>> HE'S THE JOCKEY.

>> Stephen: OKAY, SEASON STARTS SUNDAY.

VALENTINE'S DAY.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE-- WOULD YOU RECOMMEND YOUR SHOW

FOR A FIRST DATE?

>> I MEAN, I WOULD-- IT DEPENDS.

I WOULD RECOMMEND IT FOR A LAST DATE.

THAT'S FOR SURE.

VALENTINE'S DAY IS NOT JUST FOR PEOPLE IN HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS.

IT'S ALSO FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO FIND A WAY TO GET OUT OF A

RELATIONSHIP.

AND I DON'T THINK THERE'S A CLEANER WAY OUT OF A

RELATIONSHIP THAN SAYING, "LET'S SIT DOWN AND ENJOY THE ROMANTIC

STYLINGS OF 'LAST WEEK TONIGHT' ON HBO.

YOU WANT TO GET OUT?

I'LL GET YOU OUT."

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A ROMANTIC SUBJECT THIS WEEK OR DO

YOU NOT KNOW YET?

IS IT STILL COOKING?

>> I LIKE TO THINK THAT EVERY-- EVERY SUBJECT WE TOUCH ON HAS A

KIND OF ROMANTIC TO IT, WOULD YOU NOT AGREE WITH THAT?

>> Stephen: SURE, SURE.

>> THERE'S A KIND OF I THINK SEXUAL TENSION CRACKLING THROUGH

ANY STORY THAT WE DO.

SO I CERTAINLY HOPE THAT-- I HOPE THAT WILL BE PRESENT,

WHATEVER IT IS.

>> Stephen: I'LL TELL YOU WHO-- I'LL TELL YOU WHO MIGHT

GET A LITTLE TURNED ON BY YOUR SHOW IS ANYONE IN THE FURRY

COMMUNITY.

>> OH, RIGHT.

>> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU HAVE QUITE FAMOUSLY-- LIKE, YOU DON'T

HAVE A LOT OF GUESTS.

>> ALMOST NONE.

>> Stephen: ALMOST NO GUESTS, BUT YOU DO HAVE A LOT OF

MASCOTS.

>> YES.

>> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.

WE HAVE THE SPACE GEKO.

JEFF THE DISEASED LUNG.

MR. NUTTER BUTTER AND HIS BARBER SHOP SQUIRREL QUARTET.

AND QIONG.

AM I PRONOUNCING THAT CORRECTLY?

>> YOU ARE.

>> Stephen: THESE LOOK EXPENSIVE.

I-- I-- DO YOU MAKE THEM YOURSELVES?

I MEAN, DOES YOUR SHOW-- I ASSUME YOU DON'T SEW THEM.

>> NO, NO.

A MAGNIFICENT MASCOTT MAKER CALLED BOB FLANAGAN MAKES THEM.

HE'S VERY, VERY BEAUTIFUL.

AND HBO WILL NEVER FIND OUT HOW MUCH THEY COST.

>> Stephen: WHERE DO YOU KEEP THEM?

WHERE DO YOU KEEP THEM WHEN YOU'RE NOT USING THEM?

I IMAGINE THE STORAGE COSTS ARE CONSIDERABLE.

>> WE USED TO KEEP THEM IN OUR OFFICES.

REMEMBER OFFICES, WHEN YOU WOULD GATHER IN ONE BUILDING.

>> Stephen: WITH PEOPLE.

>> YEAH, THAT.

WE USED TO HAVE A ROOM WHERE WE PUT ALL OF THEM.

BUT WE EVENTUALLY MOVED THEM AFTER, LIKE, THE THIRD CHILD WHO

HAD BEEN BROUGHT TO OUR OFFICE KIND OF OPENED THE DOOR,

SCREAMED.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW, PUPPETS AND MASCOTTS WHEN■ç THEY'RE ANIMATED

ARE THE MOST MAGICAL THING ON EARTH.

A DECAPITATED MASCOTT HANGING FROM A HOOK IN A MEAT LOCKER IS

NOT SOMETHING A CHILD IS LIKELY TO FORGET.

>> Stephen: THEY SMELL FANTASTIC INSIDE.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE CONDITION ANY MASCOTT WORK BUT

THEY KEEP THE JUICES IN.

>> THERE IS SOMETHING TRULY MAGIC.

I LOVED THE MUPPETS -- YOU KNOW TIM CARAVEL.

>> Stephen: YES.

>> TIM CARAVEL, WE'RE MASSIVE, MASSIVE FANS OF THE MUPPETS.

I THINK WHAT WE WANTED TO DO WAS MAKE OUR VERSION OF "THE MUPPET

SHOW."

>> Stephen: WHO ARE YOU?

IF YOU'RE A MUPPET, ARE YOU KERMIT?

WHO ARE YOU?

>> IAM NOT SO SELF-CONFIDENT TO BE KERMIT.

I LIKED ROLF.

HE DOES GOOD, TAKES THE CAMERA.

HE WOULD GET A LAUGH ANY TIME HE DID THAT.

I LIKED THE SWEDISH CHEF, NATURALLY FUNNY.

>> Stephen: HEY, I HAVE A TRIVIA THING.

WHAT IS UNUSUAL ABOUT THE SWEDISH CHEF'S HANDS?

>> WHAT?

>> Stephen: THEY'RE THE ONLY-- HE'S THE ONLY MUPPET WITH HUMAN

HANDS.

THEY'RE ACTUALLY-- JIM HENCEN IS THE SWEDISH CHEF, OR WAS THE

SWEDISH CHEF, AND FRANK OZ WAS THE HANDS.

AND I WAS TALKING WITH FRANK ABOUT THIS.

AND HE SAID THEY HAD ACTUALLY DONE IT FOR, LIKE, A MONTH

BEFORE THEY WENT, "HOLY COW!

WHAT ARE WE DOING?

WE FORGOT TO GIVE HIM HANDS."

>> I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

>> Stephen: YEAH, IS THAT THE SWEDISH CHEF.

I THINK IT IS.

IT'S THE SWEDISH CHEF HAS HUMAN HANDS.

AND IT WAS JUST A MISTAKE.

>> THOSE TWO WERE INCREDIBLE.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE-- THAT CAMERA TEST OF THEM JUST TESTING OUT

THE CAMERAS, WHEN YOU'VE GOT FRANK OZ AND JIM HENSON, TESTIN

THE CAMERAS FULL DEEP IN CHARACTER.

DANIEL DAY LEWIS ON MUPPETS.

INCREDIBLY FUNNY, CONSTANTLY IN CHARACTER.

THE UTTER GREATNESS.

>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER BREAK, BUT WHEN WE

RETURN, WE WILL REVEAL WHAT MUPPET JOHN OLIVER WOULD BE IF

JOHN OLIVER WERE A MUPPET.

THE ANSWER MAY SURPRISE HIM.

♪ ♪ ♪