WELCOME, BABY!

OH, I'M HERE ON THE PLANET!

WELCOME TO IT!

I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!

WHOO!

WHOO!

IT'S THAT OR GO TO SLEEP.

TWO CHOICES, AND I WANT TO BE HERE FOR YOU.

SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

YOU KNOW, FOLKS, IT WAS NOT EASY.

WE MADE IT THROUGH THE FINAL DAY OF THE DEMOCRATS' CASE AGAINST

THE EX-PRESIDENT AND, TODAY, I DIDN'T CRY -- YET.

SAVING THAT FOR A BEDTIME TREAT.

I'M GOING TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THEIR CLOSING ARGUMENT IN MY

UNFORTUNATELY STILL ONGOING, BUT SOON TO BE GONE SEGMENT

"DON AND THE GIANT IMPEACH 2: GO FAST, WE'RE FURIOUS."

>> I AM A TREMENDOUS EMBARRASSMENT TO OUR COUNTRY.

THE LAST FOUR YEARS WERE TRAGEDIES.

( GROWLING ) OOH!

OOH!

THIS IS KIND OF DOING IT FOR ME.

OOH!

OOH!

I LOVE YOU >> YUCK!

>> YOU'RE GONNA GET $130,000.

>> WEIRDO!

>> Stephen: I'M GOING TO MISS THAT A LITTLE.

AS THE DAY WAS LARGELY SUMMARY BY THE HOUSE

MANAGERS, THERE WAS A LOT OF EVIDENCE, BUT THERE WAS ALSO

APPEALING TO A COMMON HUMANITY.

FOR INSTANCE, CALIFORNIA CONGRESSMAN TED LIEU POINTED OUT

JUST HOW CALLOUS THE FORMER PRESIDENT WAS IN THE DAYS

FOLLOWING THE ATTACK.

>> WE'RE ALL AWARE THAT A VIOLENT MOB MURDERED A POLICE

OFFICER.

IT TOOK PRESIDENT TRUMP THREE DAYS BEFORE HE LOWERED THE FLAG

OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

THREE DAYS.

AND PRESIDENT TRUMP WHO WAS COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF AT THE TIME

DID NOT ATTEND AND PAY RESPECTS TO THE OFFICER WHO LAY IN STATE

IN THE VERY BUILDING THAT HE DIED DEFENDING.

>> STEPHEN: WOULDN'T PA HIS RESPECTS.

I GUESS ALL HIS BLUE LIVES MATTER TALK WAS BULL, OR HE WAS

JUST TALKIN' ABOUT THE SMURFS.

CONGRESSMAN LIEU THEN SPELLED OUT THE VERY REAL CONSEQUENCES

OF ACQUITTING NUMBER 45.

>> YOU KNOW, I'M NOT AFRAID OF DONALD TRUMP RUNNING AGAIN IN

FOUR YEARS.

I'M AFRAID HE'S GOING TO RUN AGAIN AND LOSE.

BECAUSE HE CAN DO THIS AGAIN.

>> STEPHEN: YEAH, I'M NOT REALLY AFRAID OF HIM RUNNING EITHER.

I'M REALLY AFRAID OF HIM SHAMBLING DOWN A RAMP WHILE HIS

DERANGED GOONS GO PODIUM SHOPPING.

THEN IT WAS TIME FOR COLORADO REPRESENTATIVE AND AUTHOR OF THE

SELF HELP BOOK YOUR MOM JUST READ, DIANA DEGETTE.

DeGETTE DRESSED THE REAL PURPOSE OF THIS TRIAL.

>> IMPEACHMENT IS NOT TO PUNISH BUT TO PREVENT.

WE ARE NOT HERE TO PUNISH DONALD TRUMP.

WE ARE HERE TO PREVENT THE SEEDS OF HATRED HE PLANTED FROM

BEARING ANY MORE FRUIT.

>> THOUGH BASED ON HIS DIET, I'M PRETTY CONFIDENT THE LAST THING

HE WANTS IS FRUIT.

RASKIN EXPLAINED THE PRESIDENT'S RIOT SQUAD WAS NOTHING NEW.

SOMETHING SIMILAR HAPPENED MONTHS BEFORE JANUARY 6 WHEN A

MOB OVERTOOK THE MICHIGAN CAPITOL.

>> THIS TRUMP-INSPIRED MOB MAY INDEED LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU.

CONFEDERATE BATTLE FLAGS, MAGA HATS, WEAPONS, CAMO ARMY GEAR.

JUST LIKE THE INSURRECTIONISTS WHOSHOWED UP AND INVADED THIS

CHAMBER ON JANUARY 6.

>> STEPHEN: PROMPTING "US WEEKLY" TO ASK, "WHO TREASONED

IT BETTER?" THEN JOAQUIN CASTRO REMINDED THE

JURORS THAT DEMOCRACY TAKES WORK.

>> THE WORLD IS WATCHING AND WONDERING WHETHER WE ARE WHO WE

SAY WE ARE.

WE MUST STAND UP FOR THE RULE OF LAW BECAUSE THE RULE OF LAW

DOESN'T JUST STAND UP BY ITSELF.

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S RIGHT.

DEMOCRACY IS FRAGILE.

IT NEEDS HELP TO STAND, LIKE A BABY DEER, OR A SUPER BOWL

QUARTERBACK.

MORE ON THAT LATER.

AND EARLIER.

RASKIN EVOKED A CONSERVATIVE ICON OF THE SUPREME COURT TO

PROVE THAT THE FORMER PRESIDENT CAN'T USE THE FIRST AMENDMENT AS

AN EXCUSE.

>> JUSTICE SCALIA GOT IT EXACTLY RIGHT ON THIS.

HE WROTE ON THESE CASES ABOUT HOW THE FIRST AMENDMENT AFFECTS

PEOPLE WHO TAKE ON A PUBLIC OFFICE, WHO TAKE ON PUBLIC

EMPLOYMENT.

AND HE SUMMED IT UP LIKE THIS.

HE SAID, "YOU CANNOT RIDE WITH THE COPS BUT ROOT FOR THE

ROBBERS."

>> STEPHEN: A GOOD ANALOGY, BUT LET ME PUT IT IN TERMS THE

FORMER PRESIDENT CAN UNDERSTAND: YOU CAN'T RIDE WITH RONALD

MCDONALD AND ROOT FOR THE HAMBURGLAR.

LATER, RASKIN POSED A QUESTION DIRECTLY TO THE DEFENSE.

>> I'LL ADD A LEGAL QUESTION THAT I HOPE HIS COUNCIL WILL

ADDRESS.

IF A PRESIDENT DID INVITE THE VIOLENT INSURRECTION AGAINST OUR

GOVERNMENT, AS WE ALLEGE AND THINK WE HAVE PROVEN IN THIS

CASE, BUT IN GENERAL, IF THE PRESIDENT INCITED A VIOLENT

INSURRECTION AGAINST OUR GOVERNMENT, WOULD THAT BE A HIGH

CRIME AND MISDEMEANOR?

>> STEPHEN: MAN, HE ACTUALLY HAD TO ASK THAT!

THE BAR'S GOTTEN SO LOW.

AND SOMEONE SHOULD PICK IT UP QUICK BEFORE A PROUD BOY USES IT

TO BEAT A COP.

AND HE CLOSED WITH AN APPEAL TO THE SENATORS.

>> OUR FRIENDS MUST WORK TO ANSWER THE OVERWHELMING,

DETAILED, SPECIFIC, FACTUAL AND DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE WE'VE

INTRODUCED OF THE PRESIDENT'S CLEAR AND OVERWHELMING GUILT

INCITING VIOLENT INSURRECTION AGAINST THE UNION.

>> Stephen: AGAINST THE UNION.

NOT ONLY IS HE POWERFULLY EVOKING THE CIVIL WAR, BUT HE'S

MAKING A CLEAR REFERENCE THAT THE FORMER PRESIDENT NEVER TRIED

TO PRESERVE A UNION.

CONGRESSMAN NEGUSE REMINDED EVERYONE THAT THE FORMER

PRESIDENT VERY CLEARLY TOLD US WHERE HIS ALLEGIANCE LAY.

>> WHEN THEY, THE POLICE, STILL BARRICADED AND BEING ATTACKED

WITH POLES, HE SAID IN HIS VIDEO, TO THE PEOPLE ATTACKING

THEM, "WE LOVE YOU.

YOU ARE VERY SPECIAL."

WHAT MORE COULD WE POSSIBLY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT PRESIDENT TRUMP'S

STATE OF MIND?

>> STEPHEN: MAYBE, HOW MUCH THIS COULD'VE ALL BEEN AVOIDED IF HIS

DAD HAD EVER HUGGED HIM?

NEGUSE CLOSED BY SAYING THIS ISN'T JUST ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED

IN JANUARY, IT'S WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE.

>> WE HUMBLY, HUMBLY ASK YOU TO CONVICT PRESIDENT TRUMP FOR THE

CRIME FOR WHICH HE IS OVERWHELMINGLY GUILTY OF.

BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, IF WE PRETEND THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN--

OR WORSE, IF WE LET IT GO UNANSWERED-- WHO'S TO SAY IT

WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN?

>> STEPHEN: IF WE DON'T STOP HIM, IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN.

IT DID HAPPEN AGAIN, BECAUSE THIS IS HOW ADAM SCHIFF CLOSED

OUT THE LAST IMPEACHMENT!

>> YOU CAN'T TRUST THIS PRESIDENT TO DO THE RIGHT THING,

NOT FOR ONE MINUTE.

HE HAS BETRAYED OUR NATIONAL SECURITY AND HE WILL DO SO

AGAIN.

HE HAS COMPROMISED OUR ELECTIONS AND HE WILL DO SO AGAIN.

YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HIM.

YOU CANNOT CONSTRAIN HIM.

HE IS WHO HE IS.

>> STEPHEN: I TAKE NO PLEASURE IN PLAYING THAT CLIP.

I TAKE NO PLEASURE IN PLAYING CONGRESSMAN NEGUSE'S CLIP.

AND I'LL TAKE NO PLEASURE PLAYING THE CLIP NEXT YEAR WHEN

THEY'RE TRYING THE EX-PRESIDENT FOR SENDING SUPPORTERS TO SACK

DISNEY WORLD SO HE CAN MOVE INTO CINDERELLA'S CASTLE AND DECLARE

HIMSELF "THE EMPEROR OF FANTASYLAND."

ONE THING ALL THE HOUSE MANAGERS SEEMED TO HAVE IN COMMON: THE

-- TODAY, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY WERE CLOSING, IS THEY

WEREN'T GRANDSTANDING FOR THEIR OWN EGO.

THEY WERE SINCERELY, DESPERATELY TRYING TO MAKE A HUMAN

CONNECTION AS FELLOW CITIZENS TO THE REPUBLICAN SENATORS IN THAT

GALLERY AND CONVINCE THEM TO PUT COUNTRY BEFORE PARTY.

SO, DOOMED FROM THE START.

BECAUSE AFTER WATCHING THE HORRIFIC IMAGES AND DAMNING

TIMELINE FROM YESTERDAY'S PRESENTATION, SENATE REPUBLICANS

ARE DOING EXACTLY WHAT THEY DID ON JANUARY 6: RUNNING AWAY FROM

WHAT THEY HELPED CREATE.

TAKE SOUTH CAROLINA SENATOR AND PILLSBURY PROUD BOY, LINDSEY

GRAHAM.

AFTER YESTERDAY'S SESSION, GRAHAM HAD THIS REVIEW:

>> I THINK MOST REPUBLICANS FOUND THE PRESENTATION BY THE

HOUSE MANAGERS OFFENSIVE AND ABSURD.

>> STEPHEN: (AS GRAHAM) "THAT MATERIAL WAS OFFENSIVE AND

ABSURD!

I HEARD SWEARS, I SAW THE Q-SHAMAN'S NIPPLES!

A GENTLEMAN WOULD PUT ON A PAIR OF SLACKS AND A POLO SHIRT

BEFORE POOPIN' IN THE ROTUNDA."

GRAHAM ALSO HIT THE G.O.P.'S FAVORITE NEW TALKING POINT:

MAYBE TRYING TO MURDER NANCY PELOSI WAS ALL NANCY PELOSI'S

FAULT.

>> HERE'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW: WHAT DID NANCY PELOSI KNOW AND

WHEN DID SHE KNOW IT?

IF IT WAS WIDELY KNOWN BY THE F.B.I. AND THE CAPITOL HILL

POLICE PEOPLE WERE PLANNING TO COME TO WASHINGTON BEFORE THE

SIXTH, TO CREATE VIOLENCE, I WANT TO KNOW, DID SHE IS KNOW

ABOUT THAT?

>> STEPHEN: AND WITH THIS ARGUMENT, GRAHAM JOINS A

PANTHEON OF OTHER REPUBLICANS TRYING TO PIN THE CAPITOL RIOT

ON SPEAKER PELOSI.

IT'S JUST GOOD TO KNOW THAT THE G.O.P. HAS CONDUCTED THEIR OW

INVESTIGATION, AND AFTER CLOSE, FORENSIC RECONSTRUCTION OF THE

EVENTS OF THAT DAY, THEY DISCOVERED: THERE'S A WOMAN TO

BLAME!

MA-HA!

ANOTHER COMPLETE DUMB-ASS IS FLORIDA SENATOR AND PET PYTHON

WATCHING A MOUSE DROP INTO THE TERRARIUM, RICK SCOTT.

SCOTT WAS ONE OF THE SEDITIONIST SYMPATHIZERS WHO VOTED TO THROW

OUT THE ELECTION RESULTS, AND AFTER VIEWING THE EXPLICIT

VIDEOS OF THE ATTACK YESTERDAY, SCOTT CALLED THE TRIAL, "A

COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME."

BUT HE DOES BELIEVE THERE SHOULD BE SOME CONSEQUENCES, SAYING, "I

HOPE EVERYBODY THAT CAME INTO THE CAPITOL AND DID THE WRONG

THING GETS PROSECUTED TO THE FULL EXTENT OF LAW."

OKAY, YOU HEARD THE MAN.

SOMEBODY ARREST RICK SCOTT!

MIGHT WANT TO USE ONE OF THOSE LONG POLES AND PIN HIS HEAD DOWN

FIRST AND WRAP AROUND YOUR ARM.

ANOTHER LAWMAKER WHO BLEW OFF THE PROCEEDINGS WAS MISSOURI

SENATOR AND SURFER SAYING "HANG TEN MIKE PENCES," JOSH HAWLEY.

LAST NIGHT, AFTER THE HOUSE MANAGERS' PRESENTATION, HAWLEY

SAID THIS: >> I THINK THAT IT'S, THERE'S

NOTHING NEW HERE.

>> STEPHEN: YOU'RE A JUROR!

EVIDENCE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE NEW TO BE DAMNING.

"UM, THEY SAID IT WAS ARSON AT THE TOP OF THE TRIAL.

WHY ARE THEY SHOWING US ALL THESE PICTURES OF BURNING

BUILDINGS?

BORING!

COME ON, GIVE ME ONE BABY YODA UP IN THIS THING!

NOBODY HAS CLAWS!

WHERE'S THANOS?

WAA!

IT'S NO SURPRISE HAWLEY AND OTHER REPUBLICAN SENATORS

WEREN'T MOVED BY YESTERDAY'S EVIDENCE.

THEY WEREN'T PAYING ATTENTION!

IN FACT, RAND PAUL WAS SPOTTED TRACING THE WATERMARK OF THE

CAPITOL ON A LEGAL PAD, TIM SCOTT APPEARED TO READ A

MAGAZINE ARTICLE, CINDY HYDE-SMITH GAZED AT A 2021

CALENDAR, AND RICK SCOTT WAS STUDYING WHAT APPEARED TO BE A

MAP OF SOUTHEAST ASIA.

(AS RICK SCOTT) "HUH!

THEY GOT LOTS OF FLORIDAS OVER THERE.

THIS ONE'S CALLED MALL-ASIA.

I WONDER WHAT LANGUAGE THEIR MICKEY MOUSE SPEAKS!"

BUT THERE'S STILL PLENTY OF HEART-WRENCHING TESTIMONY TO GO,

AND YOU CAN ONLY READ SO MANY CALENDARS BEFORE THEY START TO

GET REPETITIVE.

LUCKILY, THERE'S A NEW PRODUCT TO HELP THESE REPUBLICANS TUNE

IT ALL OUT.

JIM?

♪ ♪

>> TODAY, EVEN THE MOST PARTISAN SENATOR CAN FIND IT CHALLENGING

TO IGNORE DAMNING TESTIMONY.

HELLO.

I'M MENDELSEAN SOUND TECHNICIAN FOR QUADRUPLE, INTRODUCING

CONSCIENCE-CANCELING HEADPHONES.

THE ONLY HEADPHONES THAT CANCEL BOTH AMBIENT NOISE AND YOUR OWN

SENSE OF WHAT'S RIGHT.

THESE ARE BEAUTIFULLY DESIGNED WITH AN ATTRACTIVE MESH STITCHED

"R" FOR REPUBLICAN.

HERE'S HOW THEY WORK -- THE HEADPHONES USE ULTRA SENSITIVE

MICROPHONES TO LOCATE THE TINY VOICE OF REASON IN YOUR HEAD.

THEY SUBDUE IT, WHIP IT INTO SUBMISSION UNTIL ITS BUTT IS SO

SHINY YOU CAN SEE YOUR FACE IN IT.

THERE IS NO SAFE WORD.