think in terms of children who are physically  harmed - beaten, underfed, sexually abused - or  

從兒童身體受到傷害的角度考慮----毆打、餵養不足、性虐待----或。

else treated with active contempt: screamed  at, blamed, put down, mocked and tormented.

其他被主動蔑視的人：被尖叫、被指責、被放倒、被嘲笑和被折磨。

Such harrowing images make it hard for us  to picture that there might be another,  

這樣慘不忍睹的畫面，讓我們很難想象，可能還有另一種。

in many ways more prevalent yet just as  damaging form of injury to which children may  

在許多方面，兒童可能受到的傷害更為普遍，但同樣具有破壞性。

be exposed. In this case, there is no physical  violence, there is no taunting or shouting.  

被曝光。在這種情況下，沒有肢體暴力，沒有嘲諷和叫囂。

It looks - at first glance - as if all must be  well. But that would be to miss the particular  

乍看之下，似乎一切都很好。但是，這將是錯過了特別的

kind of wound that can be inflicted through  what psychologists term 'emotional neglect.'

一種通過心理學家所說的 "情感忽視 "而造成的傷害。

We're so used to focusing on abuses that  spring from interventions, we forget those  

我們習慣於關注因干預而產生的虐待行為，而忘記了這些行為。

that can equally painfully flow from absence. The  emotionally neglected child isn't screamed at or  

同樣會因缺席而痛苦地流露出來。情緒上被忽視的孩子並沒有被尖叫或

hit, locked up or jeered at. they are just - often  very subtly - ignored. A parent doesn't smile at  

他們只是--往往很巧妙地--被忽視。父母不會對

them very much. There is never any time to take  a look at the drawing they just did or the story  

他們非常。從來沒有時間去看他們剛剛畫的畫，或者是故事。

they wrote. No one remembers their stuffed  animal's name. No one notices that they are  

他們寫道："沒有人記得他們的毛絨玩具的名字。沒有人記得他們的毛絨玩具的名字。沒有人注意到他們是

looking sad and that the first day at school might  have been very difficult. There's always something  

看上去很悲傷，上學的第一天可能會很辛苦。總有一些

more urgent to do than spend time with them  (perhaps another sibling to think about or the  

比花時間陪他們更緊急的事情（可能是另一個兄弟姐妹要考慮或

demands of work or of their partner. There might  be a lot of parties as well). The parent seems in  

工作或其伴侶的要求。可能也有很多當事人）。)父母似乎在

no way charmed or interested. There are no cuddles  or hair ruffles, there are no nicknames or terms  

絕不迷戀或感興趣。沒有擁抱或頭髮的褶皺，沒有暱稱或術語

of endearment. Birthdays get forgotten. Tears  aren't dried or consoled. The parent doesn't look  

的愛稱。生日被遺忘。淚水沒有被擦乾，沒有被安慰。父母不看

the child in the eye. They might, shortly after  the birth, go off and live in another household.

孩子的眼睛。他們可能在孩子出生後不久，就去了另一個家庭生活。

None of this may seem - at first  glance - to be especially bad,  

乍看之下，這些都不是特別糟糕。

particularly because the insidious  behaviour is largely invisible.  

特別是由於這種隱蔽的行為基本上是看不見的。

It is compatible with all kinds of  outward signs of healthy family life.

它兼容了各種健康家庭生活的外在跡象。

But that isn't to say that no damage is being  done. The psychologist William James presciently  

但這並不是說沒有傷害。心理學家威廉-詹姆斯有預見性地

observed that it might as bad, if not worse, to  be on the receiving end of indifference as of  

觀察到，如果不是更糟糕的話，接受漠不關心的待遇也可能和遭受漠不關心的待遇一樣糟糕。

physical torment: 'No more fiendish punishment  could be devised, were such a thing possible,  

肉體上的折磨：'再沒有比這更魔鬼的懲罰了，如果這樣的事情是可能的。

than that one should be turned loose in society  and remain absolutely unnoticed by all the members  

比起在社會上放任自流，完全不被所有成員所注意的情況下

thereof. If no one turned around when we entered,  answered when we spoke, or minded what we did,  

其中。如果我們進門的時候沒有人回頭，說話的時候沒有人回答，也沒有人管我們做什麼。

but if every person we met “cut us dead”,  and acted as if we were non-existent things,  

但如果我們遇到的每一個人都 "砍死 "我們，表現得好像我們是不存在的東西。

a kind of rage and impotent despair  would before long well up in us,  

一種憤怒和無力的絕望會在不久之後湧上我們的心頭。

from which the cruellest bodily  torture would be a relief.'

最殘酷的肉體折磨也是一種解脫

A crucial fact of psychological life is the  disinclination of any child to think there is  

心理生活的一個重要事實是，任何一個孩子都不願意認為有

something wrong with its parent; it will go to  almost any lengths to prevent the idea emerging  

它幾乎會不惜一切代價來阻止這種想法的出現。

that its parent may be mentally  unwell or fundamentally brutish.  

其父母可能精神不健全或根本上是殘暴的。

It will remain attached and obsessed  by the most vicious and uncaring figure  

它將繼續依戀和痴迷於最惡毒和最無情的人物。

whom an objective observer  might see through in an instant.

一個客觀的觀察者可能會在瞬間看穿他。

The child will do anything rather than  entertain the idea that an injury has been  

孩子會做任何事情，而不願意接受受傷的想法。

done to it by its own progenitor - especially  if the parent is charming to other people  

特別是如果父母對其他人很有魅力的話

and impressive in the professional sphere.  The child will just assume that there must  

並在專業領域令人印象深刻。 孩子就會認為，一定有

be something deeply wrong with itself to justify  the indifference. It must have failed in some way,  

是自己有什麼深重的問題，才會有冷漠的理由。它一定是在某種程度上失敗了。

it must in its essence be profoundly  ugly, repulsive, deformed or lacking.  

它在本質上必須是深刻的醜陋的，令人厭惡的，畸形的或缺乏的。

This is the only conceivable explanation for the  blankness with which their existence is received.

這是唯一可以想象的解釋，因為它們的存在被認為是空白的。

The adult who emerges from such a complicated,  veiled childhood is likely to be in a confused  

從這樣一個複雜的、蒙著面紗的童年中走出來的成年人，很可能會在迷茫的。

state. On the surface, they may experience  only good will and a continued desire to  

態。表面上看，他們可能只體驗到善意和持續的慾望。

please their early caregivers. But deep within  themselves, they may feel lacerating doubt,  

討好他們的早期照顧者。但在自己的內心深處，他們可能會感到撕裂性的懷疑。

paranoia and self-contempt. To numb such feelings,  they may take to drink or develop numbing, calming  

妄想症和自我蔑視。為了麻痺這種感覺，他們可能會採取飲酒或開發麻痺、鎮定的。

addictions to keep themselves from constant  encounters with their perceived repulsiveness.

上癮，以使自己不至於不斷遭遇自己認為的可惡。

A measure of resolution comes when we can  take on board the term 'emotional neglect'  

當我們能夠接受 "情感忽視 "這個詞時，就會有一定程度的解決。

and treat it, and thereby our own stories, with  requisite seriousness. Our childhood sorrows may  

並以必要的嚴肅態度對待它，從而對待我們自己的故事。我們童年的憂傷可能

not rank among the most obvious or newsworthy, but  they may be substantial and genuine nevertheless.  

雖說不是最明顯或最有新聞價值的，但也可能是實質性的、真實的。

Our levels of shame attest as much. We were not  hit, but we were injured. We failed to receive  

我們的恥辱程度證明了這一點。我們沒有被擊中，但我們受傷了。我們沒有得到

the love that makes people firm and whole, that  allows them to feel authentic and deserving,  

讓人堅定和完整的愛，讓他們感到真實和值得的愛。

that prevents them from being  impressed by those who mistreat them  

不讓他們對虐待他們的人留下深刻印象。

and that stops them wanting to  kill themselves when they mess up.  

而這也阻止了他們在搞砸的時候想要自殺的念頭。

We hear so much about the virtues of bravery,  we miss out on the importance of learning more  

我們聽了太多關於勇敢的美德，卻忽略了多學習的重要性

regularly to feel - with appropriate cathartic  intent - usefully sorry for ourselves.

經常性地感到--以適當的宣洩意圖--有用地對不起自己。