That was in the first wave.

In the second wave, I lost count, going home every day.

It was like my prayer in the United Spark outside the car.

Lord, please get rid of all the jobs that saved me.

The last 12 months has been the most difficult in the NHS that I've ever worked.

I'll never forget things I've seen and the things I've done never.

It's impossible to speak about the last year without talking about the coronavirus pandemic and moved shortly before that started before the lockdown, You're in a new place, away from family, away from friends.

You're alone Back home.

Everyone was like, Oh my God, You left at such the wrong time.

My name is Rachel A do so I joined the NHS in January of 2020.

My name is Sheeba Sheeba Philip and one of the stroke nurse consultant working for East Lancashire teaching hospitals.

And I've been in my role here since 2017 Emily smack Mellon MPs Patient Services assistant.

Um and I've been with the NHS bottom rail for coming up to 12 months.

I worked on the critical care Corvids Ward.

The first time I ever went on that ward, I really didn't know what to expect.

Yeah, we saw it on TV.

We saw film camera going in.

But to actually be there and actually see, it is something totally different.

My name is Maxine, a paramedic for Northwest Ambulance Service for the last 13 years, based in the Northwest area of Button.

It's been the worst year that I've ever known.

Working for the ambulance service would sign on at 7 a.m. You put all your pee pee on the vehicle, check everything off and then pretty much straight away, your radio will go off and you'll know pretty much it's going to be covid related patient.

We pretty much work eight hours before we get a break, and then you have half an hour and then you back out again.

The hardest thing is that thing of taking someone away from the family and thinking you're not coming, you know, they're not coming home and they're saying to you, Will that be all right?

Well, I see them again and you're thinking No, I don't think you will.

When I started in December.

It was so, so busy and my eyes was actually I was just like, Oh my Lord, what is going on?

I can't believe how bad it is.

There was a passion, a gentleman and he think you come off into election.

I'm not medically trained.

But I always try to you know, if if your patients then I'm cleaning around I am leases, alright to clean around and then his father of his family.

And I said, Is this your family?

And he said, Yeah, well, thumbs up.

So I turned it so we could see it.

And so I brought a beautiful family.

You have, and I'm like hanging the keep going.

Keep going.

And then, um But I went off letter, his family came in and he was passing, you know, and the screen with his daughter.

But I'll live with me forever, forever When he finally went, humbled, challenging and yet rewarding.

Tough growth, traumatic people.

My mom and dad's age on there, and the kids are obviously the same age as me, and I just couldn't believe it.

And that made me want to help instead of running away.

Obviously, patients aren't seeing the visitors.

So we've had a few end of life little requests.

It might just be a bacon sandwich.

You know, it might just be the fancies and chips at the wrong time of the day.

But if we can do it, we will do it.

You know, that's what's important, you know, just giving somebody a little bit of happiness with food.

My my mom has been living with me, so she actually had multiple long term conditions.

So she was diabetic, high blood pressure.

And she was also on dialysis every day.

The thought that you could be taking home it was very difficult.

Oh, God.

Sorry.

And it was very real.

You knew that you you have to take precautions.

But you also knew that as a professional, you have a responsibility to your patients and out there.

So you couldn't say that I am going to shield as well because my mom is such a high risk.

And I want to stay at home, even though my heart wanted to in a in a little bit selfishness.

But I couldn't do that.

And you don't want to push the stuff to for make them.

Um well, and just having to do extra shifts all the time, so that's been very difficult.

And then obviously at home, it's difficult.

I've got three Children.

Oh, I'm very sure, Yeah, I'm not usually a crier at all.

We are worried about what it's going to be like after actually for the nurses, because it's been quite traumatic scene the things that we've seen on the unit, you're kind of going through it alone, even though the phone makes everyone seems so close.

But really, they're still far away.

You can see them.

You can hug them.

You can't just that physical presence is missing, so that makes it hard.

The whole family ended up having covid all of my Children, my husband.

We all recovered because our health conditions was we were not having comorbidities or anything.

But when she got it and she had to be admitted, I think like I said, as a nurse, I knew she might not be coming home, But as a daughter, I was literally praying every day that God, if it is your will, let Mom come home.

When she was in those last moments of her life in her mind, she was prepared and she her faith helped her a lot.

Yes, there's been times when we've cried, but we've also had times when when we've laughed when we've talked and you know we've we've got through this through humor.

Uh, we've got through this by working with each of, you know, being kind and compassionate towards each other.

I have a really good team that I work with, and that's one of the things I love about working here.

The team, they're amazing and they just keep going every day.

Despite what's through now, they really are amazing.

Cheap.

The department.

I mean, it was really amazing.

People banded together.

I've seen lots of different staff members grow through this pandemic really come out of their own, Um and really, you know, develop developed, absolutely amazing.

They really, really proud of them, have learned teamwork.

I've learned that I'm resilient.

Have learned that the people around me are resilience as well.

You feel more confident and a bit more bold, like yes, I can face anything else that comes my way, and I'm very grateful for that faith.

Emotional, bittersweet, Long.