I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.

I JUST WANT TO START OFF TONIGHT BY SAYING I FORGIVE KATE

MIDDLETON FOR MAKING YOU CRY, I DON'T ME CRY, I DON'T BLAME HER,

SHE APOLOGIZE, AND I FORGIVE HER, SHE IS A WONDERFUL WOMAN

WHO I HOPE TO MEET SOME DAY.

LIKE EVERYONE ELSE A WATCHED OPRAH'S BOMBSHELL INTERVIEW WITH

MEGHAN AND HARRY, IF YOU DIDN'T CATCH T LET ME TELL YOU ME LORDS

AND LADIES THINGS GOT REAL, REAL QUICK.

>> THERE HAS NOT BEEN AN AGREEMENT, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I

AM GOING TO ASK.

>> NO.

>> AND THERE IS NO SUBJECT THAT IS OFF LIMITS.

>> NO.

>> AND YOU ARE NOT GETTING PAID FOR THIS INTERVIEW.

>> ALL OF THAT IS CORRECT.

>> Stephen: I AM FEAR FOR IT.

NOW COULD USE SOME BUTTER.

AS YOU WILL RECALL, THE COUPLE LEFT THE ROYAL FAMILY AFTER

MONTHS OF RACIST ATTACKS FROM BRITISH TABLOIDS WITHOUT ANY

SUPPORT FROM THE PALACE TRK WAS SO BAD THE DUCHESS SAID SHE WAS

AT THE BREAKING POINT.

>> I WENT TO ONE OF THE MOST SEN QUER PEOPLE JUST TO GET HELP.

AND THAT, YOU KNOW, I SHARE THIS BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE

WHO ARE AFRAID TO VOICE THAT THEY NEED HELP.

AND I KNOW PERSONALLY HOW HARD IT IS TO NOT JUST VOICE IT, BUT

WHEN YOU VOICE IT TO BE TOLD NO.

AND SO I WENT TO HUMAN RESOURCES.

>> Stephen: HOLD UP.

YOU'RE SAYING BUCKINGHAM PALACE HAS HR?

HOW LONG HAS THAT BEEN AROUND?

BECAUSE YOU WOULD THINK SOMEONE IN HUMAN RESOURCES MIGHT HAVE

STEPPED IN TO TELL HENRY THE VIII THAT CHOPPING OFF YOUR

WIFE'S HEAD COULD BE INTERPRETED AS A HOSTILE WORK ENVIRONMENT.

OPRAH WAS AMAZING.

ASKING ALL THE RIGHT FOLLOWUPS.

>> DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT GOING TO A HOSPITAL OR IS THAT

POSSIBLE, THAT YOU CAN CHECK YOURSELF IN SOME PLACE.

>> NO, THAT IS WHAT I WAS ASKING TO DO.

>> YEAH.

>> YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT, I COULDN'T, YOU KNOW, CALL AN UBER

TO THE PALACE.

>> Stephen: NO, IT IS TRUE FOR A PRINCESS YOU HAVE TO DM THE

FAIRY GODMOTHER TO TURN A MUST INTO YOUR UBER DRIVER AND AN

ACORN SQUASH INTO A TOYOTA CAMRY.

BEING A ROYAL WAS CLEARLY TOUGH FOR MEGHAN AS SHE EXPLAINED WITH

IN DISNEY ANALOGY.

>> YEARS AGO WE WERE SITTING I WAS SITTING IN NOTTINGHAM

COTTAGE AND THE "LITTLE MERMAID" CAM ON.

NOW WHO AS AN ADULT REALLY WATCHES THE "LITTLE MERMAID."

>> Stephen: I WANT TO BE WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE.

♪ I WANT TO-- SORRY.

GO ON.

>> BUT IT CAME ON.

I WAS LIKE WELL, I'M HERE ALL THE TIME, MAY AS WELL WATCH

THIS.

AND I WENT OH MY GOD, SHE FALLS IN LOVE WITH A PRINCE, AND

BECAUSE OF THAT SHE HAS TO LOSE HER VOICE.

>> Stephen: IT'S TRUE.

ARIEL AND MEGHAN HAVE A LOT IN COMMON.

WHO COULD FORGET THAT CRUEL HEADLINE IN THE DAILY MAIL,

PRINCESS ARIEL'S HAIR STYLE IS FORKED UP.

IT WAS CLEARED THAT THE DUCHESS DIDN'T KNOW WHAT SHE WAS SIGNING

UP FOR.

>> YOU WERE MARRYING A 1200 YEAR OLD INSTITUTION.

YOU WERE MARRYING THE MONARCHY.

WHAT DID YOU THINK IT WAS GOING TO BE LIKE?

>> WELL, I DIDN'T DO ANY RESEARCH ABOUT WHAT THAT WOULD

MEAN.

>> YOU DIDN'T DO IN ANY RESEARCH.

>> NO, I HAVE NEVER LOOKED UP MY HUSBAND ONLINE.

>> Stephen: WHAT?

LET ME INTRODUCE TO YOU THIS THING CALLED GOOGLE, OKAY.

OVER THERE I THINK IT IS CALLED ALREADIY IT IS FULL OF USEFUL

INFORMATION.

FOR INSTANCE, IT TURNS OUT YOUR HUSBAND NEW PRINCESS DI, THAT

MIGHT HAVE BEEN A HINT THAT THIS WOULD BE A ROUGH GIG.

ALSO WHILE YOU ARE GOOGLING, YOU MY WANT TO TRY THE COMBO ANDREW,

ISLAND AND EPSTEIN, IT WILL GIVE YOU AN IDEA WHAT THE ROYAL

FAMILY IS OKAY WITH.

OH, AND IF YOU DON'T GOOGLE THINGS, YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON

I CAN SHOW THIS THO.

IT A CAT WHO PLAYS THE ELECTRIC PIANO.

YOU HAD TO BE THERE.

IN 2007.

THINGS ARE NOT GREAT WITH THE INLAWS.

AS HARRY LET SLIP AT ONE POINT.

>> WHEN WE WERE IN CANADA I HAD THREE CONVERSATIONS WITH MY

GRANDMOTHER AND TWO CONVERSATIONS WITH MY FATHER.

AND BEFORE HE STOPPED TAKING MY CALLS.

>> Stephen: HE IS UK DIDDING HIS SON'S CALLS.

IT ALWAYS HURTS WHEN YOUR FATHER WON'T LISTEN TO YOU, ESPECIALLY

WHEN HE HAS THESE EARS.

REALLY A WASTE.

BUT THE COUPLE SAYS THEIR REAL IN-LAW PROBLEMS CENTERED AROUND

THEIR SON ARCHIE ESPECIALLY WHEN THE PALACE WANTED TO DENY HIM A

ROYAL TITLE AND THE ACCOMPANYING SECURITY DETAIL.

>> AND THE TITLE WAS HIM BEING CALLED A PRINCE, ARCHIE BEING

CALLED A PRINCE, WAS THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU?

>> IF IT MEANT HE WAS GOING TO BE SAFE, THEN OF COURSE.

ALL THE GRANDEUR SURROUNDING THIS STUFF IS AN ATTACHMENT THAT

I DON'T PERSONALLY HAVE, RIGHT.

I HAVE BEEN A WAITRESS, AN ACTRESS, PRINCESS, A DUCHESS, I

HAVE ALWAYS STILL BEEN JUST MEGAN HAN, RIGHT.

>> Stephen: NOT RIGHT, WERE YOU RACHEL ZANE PARALEGAL TURNED

ATTORNEY AT SPECTOR LITT, DOING THE LAW BY DAY, AND MIKE ROSS BY

NIGHT.

COME ON, ARE YOU TELLING ME THE SEVEN YEARS I SPENT WATCHING

"SUITS" MEANT NOTHING.

I'M BEING TOLD THEY MEANT NOTHING.

THE DUCHESS WAS GRACEFUL FOR HER COMMONER ROOTS.

>> THANK GOD I HAD THAT LIFE EXPERIENCE.

THANK GOD I HAD KNOWN THE VALUE OF WORKING.

MY FIRST JOB WAS WHEN I WAS 13, AT A FROZEN YOGURT SHOP CALLED

HUMPHREY YOGART.

>> EVERYONE KNOWS HUMPHREY AND THEIR FAMOUS SLOGAN I THINK THIS

IS THE BEGINNING OF A BEAUTIFUL FRO YO, IF YOU GO DON'T FORGET

TO GT YOUR SOFT SERVE IN A MALTESE FAL-CONE.

>> THAT IS RELATABLE.

I USED TO WORK AT LAUREN BACC-COLD CUTS.

ONE OF THE TRUE OUTRAGEOUS BOMB SHILS, REALLY HEARTBREAKING IS

WHEN MEGHAN RECALLED THIS TOWBL DID DG-- TOWBLING CONVERSATION.

>> IN THOSE MONTHS WHEN I WAG PREGNANT, ALL AROUND THE SAME

TIME, SO WE HAD IN TAN TELL THE CONVERSATION OF YOU WON'T BE

GIVEN SECURITY, NOT GOING TO BE GIVEN A TITLE.

AND ALSO CONCERNS AND CONVERSATIONS ABOUT HOW DARK HIS

SKIN MIGHT BE WHEN HE'S BORN.

>> WHAT?

>> Stephen: I AGREE.

WHAT?

AND LET ME JUST ADD, HUH?

I'M GOING TO GUT ON A LIMB HERE AND SAY THERE SAY POSSIBILITY,

JUST A POSSIBILITY, MIND YOU, THAT THIS MEDIEVAL SELECTIVE

BREEDING PROGRAM MIGHT BE RACIST ALSO IT'S NEVER GOOD WHEN THE

BRITISH RULING CLASS THINKS SOMEONE IS TOO DARK.

THEY STEAL THEIR LAND AND MAKE THEM PLAY CRICKET.

OPRAH TRIED TO FOLLOWUP ON THIS BOMBSHELL REVELATION.

>> AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL ME WHO HAD THE CONVERSATION?

>> I THINK THAT WOULD BE VERY DAMAGING TO THEM.

>> Stephen: AN CLEARLY THE LAST THING MEGHAN WOULD WANT TO

DO AS SHE EXPOSES HER INLAWS AS RACIST, EMOTIONALLY ABUSING

CAPTORS IS DAMAGE ANYONE.

SO OPRAH ASKED PRINCE HARRY.

>> MEGHAN SHARED WITH US THAT THERE WAS A CONVERSATION WITH

YOU ABOUT ARCHIE'S SKIN TONE.

WHAT WAS THAT CONVERSATION?

>> THAT CONVERSATION, I AM NEVER GOING TO SHARE.

BUT AT THE TIME, AT THE TIME IT WAS AWKWARD.

>> Stephen: AWKWARD IS FOUR PEOPLE IN THE BACKSEAT OF A CAR.

AWKWARD IS FORGETTING YOUR FRIEND'S CHILD'S NAISM IT ONE OF

YOUR RELATIVES ASKING YOU TO PLACE YOUR CHILD ON THE SHERMAN

WILLIAMS COLOR WHEEL IS OILILY [BLEEP].

HARRY WOULDN'T REVEAL A NAME BUT THIS MORNING OPRAH WENT ON GAYLE

KING AND THE KINGETTES TO DROP THIS BREADCRUMB.

>> HE DID NOT SHARE THE IDENTITY WITH ME.

BUT HE WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT I KNEW AND IF I HAD AN

OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE IT, THAT IT WAS NOT HIS GRANDMOTHER, NOR HIS

GRANDFATHER THAT WERE A PART OF THOSE CONVERSATIONS.

>> Stephen: SO IT IS NOT THE QUEEN OR PRINCE FILL LIP, SO

THAT NAR-- PHILLIP, SO THAT NARROWS IT DOWN TO EVERYONE ELSE

IN THE PALACE, COULD BE CHARLES, COULD BE CAMILLA COULD BE THE

CORGIS, THEY ARE A BUNCH OF BITCHES.

ANYWAY, IT WAS AN AMAZING INTERVIEW AND REFRESHING TO

LEAVE AMERICAN SELL ENRIT CULTURE BEHIND AND WATCH OPRAH

SIT DOWN WITH TWO HUMBLE CHICKEN FARMERS.

HEY, THERE IS POSITIVE NEWS ON COVID.

30 MILLION AMERICANS HAVE BEEN FULLY VACS NAILTED, 60 MILLION

HAVE RECEIVED AT LEAST ONE SHOT AND TODAY CDC DIRECTOR ROCHELLE

WALENSKY ANNOUNCED LONG-AWAITED GUIDE LINES FOR THE FULLY

VACCINATED, BUT SHE STARTED WITH A BIG ONE.

>> CDC RECOMMENDS THAT FULLY VACS NAILTED PEOPLE CAN VISIT

WITH OTHER FULLY VACCINATED PEOPLE IN SMALL GATHERINGS

INDOORS, WITHOUT WEARING MASKS.

>> OH YEAH, YOU HEARD THE DOCTOR, CDC APPROVED GERIATRIC

ORGY, GRAB AN EGG CREAM AND HEAD TO THE SCHALLERS HOUSE FOR STRIP

CRIBBAGE.

THOSE WHO HAVE GOTTEN THEIR SHOTS CAN RECORRECT WITH THEIR

FAMILIES, FULLY VACCINATED BRAND PARENTS MAY VISIT UNVACCINATED

HEALTHY ADULT CHILDREN AND HEALTHY GRANDCHILDREN WITHOUT

MASKS OR PHYSICAL DISTANCING-- DISTANCING SO THEY

CAN LORD IT OVER US.

MY SPRING PREAK WAS AWESOME.

I SPENT IT IN THE FOAM PITS OF IBIZA.

HOW ABOUT YOU, OH, YOU WATCHED MY OCTOPUS TEACHER ON NETFLIX?

WELL, I ALSO HAD EIGHT ARMS WRAPPED AROUND MY NAKED CHEST.

CDC ALSO SAYS IF YOU ARE VACS NAILTED THE INFECTION RISK IS

LOW FOR GOING TO THE BLM.

-- GYM.

WHAT ABOUT THOSE OF US WHO HAVE THE PREEXISTING CONDITION OF NOT

WANTING TO GO TO THE GYM?

FOR THOSE OF YOU STILL WAITING FOR YOUR JAB, WATCH OUT.

STATE DEPARTMENT IS WARNING THAT A NEW RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION

CAMPAIGN AIMED TO UNDERMINE CONFIDENCE IN THE COVID-19

VACCINE.

OH NO, THE LAST TIME RUSSIA SPREAD DISINFORMATION WE WOUND

UP WITH AN INFESTATION THAT TOOK FOUR YEARS TO CLEAR UP AND WE

STILL HAVE AN INFLAMED SOUTHERN BORDER.

ACCORDING TO A NEW REPORT, RUSSIAN INTELLIGENCE SERVICES

ARE PUBLISHING FALSE INFORMATION QUESTIONING THE VACCINE'S SAFETY

AND EFFICACY IN AN EFFORT TO PROMOTE THE SALE OF RUSSIA'S

RIVAL SPUTNIK V VACCINE WHICH EXPLAIN THIS NEW ADD FROM

MODERNA.

>> TAKE MODERNA VACCINE IF YOU WANT UGLY CHILDREN AND LOW BEAT

HARVEST.

WHOLE FAMILY IS DEAD.

TRY SPUTNIK V AND MAKE INJURE HOUSE SAFE.

>> WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

I WILL TALKK TO THE HOST OF DEADLINE WHITE HOUSE NICOLLE

WALLACE BUT WHEN WE COME BACK THE NBA DOES THEIR PART BY

SOCIALLY DISTANCING FROM GOOD TASTE.

STICK AROUND.

♪ ♪