I promise I will do everything in my power.

I will not relent until we beat this virus.

But I need you, the American people.

I need you.

I need every American to do their part.

Every American, including Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.

Sorry I'm out.

Otherwise great speech.

Joe Biden signed a declaration of war on bipartisanship, completely bypassing Republican members of Congress and instead nakedly pandering to their voters.

Minority Leader Mitch McConnell didn't mince words were doing damage to the future of this country.

We're about to have a boom, and if we do have a boom, it will have absolutely nothing to do with this $1.9 trillion.

Absolutely.

If the economy starts working for everyday people, it will be because the last 40 years of supply side economics finally kicked in.

Well, I think that the American rescue plan is going to be a boon for American families.

It is going to help schools reopen, and it's going to help put vaccines in the arms of Americans and I think that's what Minnesota families and American families need right now.

First rule of politics never make the poor well fed enough to kill you.

Do you know how many protein deficient kids with axes I've outrun in my lifetime?

Moving on UK TV personality and Herod's dressing room bench sniffer Piers Morgan continued to defend his critical comments of the Duchess of Sussex.

Megan Markle.

I don't believe almost anything that comes out of her mouth, and I think the damage she's done to the British monarchy and to the queen at a time when Prince Philip is lying in hospital is enormous.

Absolutely.

If 99 year old Prince Phillip dies within months of this interview, Meghan Markle will have blood on her hands.

We here at the establishment wanted to do our part to honor this free speech crusader or what is clinically known as raging sociopath with narcissistic tendencies.

We present this statue of Piers Morgan.

Something happened to the torso, but I think it looks great and also who gives a shit question for the panel.

Will the left's bashing of Piers Morgan have a chilling effect on big, dumb, loud opinions?

You know I feel for Pierce because I, too, have publicly nurse personal vendettas against beautiful, powerful women wholly unrelated to them, turning me down for dates.

We must continue to defend our indefensible institutions.

I can't back that up.

But it's true, Senator.

Any words of comfort to offer Piers Morgan?

You can't address them to the statute.

Well, I think Pierce he just sounds so upset.

Maybe he should just settle down a little bit.

You know, a lot of times men get a little bit upset when they hear strong women express their opinions.

And a lot of times women are told to just be quiet and be patient and to try to be polite.

Well, nothing is quieter and more patient than a statute.

All right, time to humanize the people who don't treat us like humans.

It's Beltway gossip.

Listen, Marjorie Taylor greens mission to gum up Congress is still going on.

I saw her on C SPAN swapping her desk on the house floor for a whale giving birth so no one could hear the presiding officer.

Oh my God, that's breaking.

Hey, did you hear Tucker Carlson dresses an electric meter reader to get into Taylor Lorenzo's backyard map out all the entrances and exits for his viewers.

Well, I happened to walk by Senator Kirsten Cinema volunteering at a cow slaughter house.

Never seen her happier.

Senator, you have any hot gossip?

I do think that we should all pay a little bit more attention to the amazing clothes that Kirsten cinema wears.

I mean, she is really changing how the Senate is dressing these days.

No shop girls helping her pick out her outfits deserve a heck of a race, and that is your Beltway gossip moving on.

The pandemic might be winding down, but an even larger crisis looms ahead.

Filibuster reform, Senator, you tweeted.

I've made up my mind.

We need to move this country forward.

And that's why I've decided to come out in support of eliminating the filibuster.

Strange that this tweet was able to get through Twitter's domestic terror filters.

Senator struggling Americans want food safety and health care, not filibuster reform.

Why are you fighting so hard for something no one's asking for?

Well, the problem is with the filibuster, the Senate is the place where good ideas go to die.

There's so much work that we have to do, and we can't get it done if we have to get 60.

Senators all to agree.

I kind of think that what we ought to do is to do what we do every place else in this country when it comes to elections and when it comes to the way legislatures work.

Which is to say that a majority should decide that's the most democratic thing to do.

Senator, you might not realize this, but ending the filibuster could have consequences far beyond Washington.

It starts with small stuff.

A pothole gets filled, an entire generation regains hope.

But then suddenly everyone has free healthcare and no longer appreciates the monetary value of life.

Grocery store lines are miles long because suddenly everyone can afford food.

What?

We passed some free poutine.

No way what you done, Senator, you monster Promise you won't end the filibuster.

It's the only thing standing between us and the world.

We want to live in.

Filibuster is the only thing that's standing between us and progress, and I'm on the side of progress, and I think that's what most Americans want to.

Let's make progress on these things so that people can see it and feel it in their everyday lives.

People don't care about the rules of the Senate.

Alright.

You heard it.

She's out of her mind.

Respectfully.

I mean, Senator confirmed.

It's good.

Mm.