Y'KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME SOURCING THE FINEST, MOST

你知道嗎，我花了很多時間去尋找最好的，最重要的。

TOPICAL SLABS OF NEWS MARBLE, CAREFULLY CHISELING OUT A WIDE,

主題板塊的新聞大理石，小心翼翼地鑿出一個寬闊的。

DEEP BASIN, AND SCULPTING THE MOST EXPRESSIVE NEOCLASSICAL

深層盆地，以及雕塑最富表現力的新古典主義。

JOKE FIGURES, THEN ENGINEERING AN AQUEDUCT CONNECTING IT TO

笑話圖，然後設計一個水路連接到它。

"CURRENT EVENTS MOUNTAIN," THEREBY DIVERTING ITS

"當前事件山"，從而將其轉移到了

CRYSTALLINE STORY WATERS INTO THE BREATHTAKING ITALIAN PIAZZA

CRYSTALLINE STORY走進令人窒息的意大利PIAZZA。

FOUNTAIN THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

泉，是我的獨白。

BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETIMES, FOLKS, I HIDE MY MEDS UNDER MY

但有時，只是有時，夥計們，我把我的藥物藏在我的下面。

TONGUE SO THE ASYLUM NIGHT NURSE CAN'T SEE ME NOT SWALLOW THEM,

TONGUE所以ASYLUM夜班護士不能看到我不要吞噬他們。

THEN SLIP INTO THE NIGHT, BREAK INTO A MECHANIC'S SHOP TO

然後溜進夜裡，闖進一家機械師的商店，去找他。

FASHION A SNORKEL OUT OF A RUSTY EXHAUST PIPE AND SOME ARM

時裝：用生鏽的排氣管和一些臂膀打造出一把鼻涕壺

FLOATIES OUT OF OLD INNER TUBES, THEN STEAL A RECYCLING BIN FROM

從舊的內胎中取出漂浮物，然後偷取一個回收箱，再將這些漂浮物扔掉。

BEHIND A MIDDLE SCHOOL AND FILL IT WITH MOONSHINE AND REGRET

在一所中學的背後，充滿了月光和悔恨。

BEFORE I SUBMERGE US ALL IN THE PAROLE-VIOLATING MAKESHIFT

在我把我們所有人都歸入PAROLE-VIOLATING MAKESHIFT之前

KIDDIE POOL OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:

孩子們的新聞池，這是我的部門。

>> QUARANTINE-WHILE!

>> QUARANTINE-WHILE!

>> Stephen: QUARANTINE-WHILE, BIG NEWS FOR ALL YOU ROLE

>> Stephen:QUARANTINE-WILILE, BIG NEWS FOR ALL YOU ROLE.

PLAYERS OUT THERE: THESE L.E.D.

玩家在那裡，這些L:這些L. E. D.

DICE COULD ELECTRIFY YOUR NEXT DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS CAMPAIGN."

DICE可能會給你的下一個《龍與野獸》的廣告做電擊。"

HERE'S A LOOK AT THEM IN ACTION.

以下是他們的行動。

WOAH!

WOAH！

PLUS FIVE SPARKLE!

PLUS五彩斑斕!

OF COURSE, THE LIGHTS ARE A LITTLE LESS BRIGHT WHEN YOU'VE

當然，當你有了這些東西，燈光就不那麼明亮了。

BEEN FORCED TO SWALLOW THEM AND THEN STUFFED IN A LOCKER.

被迫吞下它們，然後被塞進鎖具裡。

( LAUGHTER ) THE DICE DRAW POWER WIRELESSLY

骰子以線狀方式抽出力量。

FROM A CASE, AND "CAN GO FOR AROUND FIVE HOURS ON A SINGLE

從箱子裡拿出來，"單次可持續5個小時"。

CHARGE, OR MORE IF YOU'RE WILLING TO LIVE WITHOUT THE

收費，或更多，如果你願意生活在沒有的。

LIGHTING."

照明。"

SURE, IF YOU WANT TO CALL THAT "LIVING."

當然，如果你想稱之為 "生活 "的話。

AND LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT: WHEN THEY'RE CHARGED, THESE DICE

讓我直說吧，當他們被指控時，這些骰子...

LIGHT UP, BUT IF YOU'RE WILLING TO NOT HAVE THEM LIGHT UP,

點亮，但如果你不願意讓它們亮起來。

THEY'RE WILLING TO STILL BE DICE.

他們願意繼續做骰子。

IN A RELATED STORY, IF I DON'T CHARGE MY PHONE, IT'S STILL

在相關的故事中，如果我不給我的手機充電，它仍然是。

WILLING TO BE SOMETHING THAT I CAN SHATTER.

願意成為我可以粉碎的東西。

OF COURSE, YOU DON'T GET PERFORMANCE LIKE THAT WITHOUT

當然，你不會得到這樣的表現，沒有。

PAYING FOR IT.

支付它。

ONE DIE, INCLUDING CHARGER, STARTS AT $39, OR YOU CAN GET A

一件模具，包括充電器，起價$39，或者你可以得到一個...。

SET OF SEVEN DICE AND A CHARGING CASE FOR $199.

一套7個骰子和一個充電盒，售價199美元。

BUT THE LOOK ON YOUR SPOUSE'S FACE WHEN YOU TELL THEM YOU

但是，當你告訴你的配偶你的時候，他們臉上的表情。

DROPPED A WEEK'S GROCERY BUDGET ON LIGHT DICE THAT MAY OR MAY

掉了一個星期的雜貨預算，輕的骰子，可能或可能。

NOT LIGHT UP?

不亮？

PRICELESS.

無價之寶。

QUARANTINE-WHILE, THERE'S A NEW HOTEL IN CHINA RECEIVING

BACKLASH BECAUSE IT'S BUILT AROUND A CENTRAL POLAR BEAR

反擊，因為它是圍繞著一箇中心極點的熊而建立的。

ENCLOSURE FOR THE NON-STOP VIEWING PLEASURE OF ITS GUESTS.

為客人提供不間斷的觀景樂趣的封閉式空間。

IT'S THE PERFECT LODGING FOR ANYONE WHO'S THOUGHT, "I LIKE

對於那些認為 "我喜歡 "的人來說，這是一個完美的住宿。

THE ZOO, BUT I WISH I COULD SEE THE ANIMALS SAD AT NIGHT."

動物園，但我希望我可以看到動物 悲傷的夜晚。"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, SCIENTISTS HAVE RECENTLY CONFIRMED THAT THE

QUARANTINE--雖然，科學家們最近證實了這一點。

EARTH HAS A HIDDEN LAYER, AND NO ONE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.

地球上有一個隱藏的層，沒有人知道它到底是什麼。

PLEASE BE NOUGAT, PLEASE BE NOUGAT, PLEASE BE NOUGAT.

請是NOUGAT，請是NOUGAT，請是NOUGAT。

( LAUGHTER ) SO FAR, SOUNDWAVE EXPERIMENTS

到目前為止，聲波的體驗

CAN'T TELL US MUCH ABOUT ITS MAKE-UP.

不能告訴我們更多關於它的組成。

THE STUDY REVEALS THERE IS MORE COMPLEXITY TO THE INNER CORE

研究發現內芯更復雜

THAN PREVIOUSLY APPRECIATED, AND EARTH MIGHT HAVE MORE LAYERS

而地球可能有更多的層數。

THAN SCIENTISTS THOUGHT.

比科學家認為的。

YOU HEAR THAT?

你聽到了嗎？

THE EARTH IS MORE COMPLEX IN ITS CORE THAN WE APPRECIATED.

地球的核心比我們想象的要複雜得多。

WE SEE IT AS JUST THIS BIG SPINNING ROCK, BUT MAYBE IT'S

我們認為它只是這塊旋轉的大石頭，但也許它是。

NOT SPINNING.

不旋轉。

MAYBE IT'S DANCING.

也許是跳舞吧。

SO DON'T BE SURPRISED IF THE EARTH GETS FED UP AND GOES

所以，不要驚訝，如果地球得到了FED UP，並去

BACKPACKING THROUGH ANDROMEDA, THEN COMES BACK AND WANTS TO GO

揹包通過安多美達，然後回來，想去。

TO CLOWN SCHOOL, DAD!

到小丑學校，爸爸！

QAWRN WHILE, IN DEEP SOUTH YOGA HAPPENINGS, OF

QAWRN WHILE，在深南瑜伽發生，的

OVERTURN ITS 28-YEAR BAN ON YOGA IN SCHOOLS.

扭轉其28年來對學校瑜伽的禁令。

GREAT NEWS FOR FITNESS-CONSCIOUS ALABAMANS.

對於注重健身的阿拉巴馬人來說是個好消息。

BAD NEWS FOR ILLEGAL YOGA DEALERS.

非法瑜伽經銷商的壞消息。

( AS DRUG DEALER ) "PSST, HEY KID.

（作為藥品經銷商） "PSST，嘿，小子。

YOU WANNA ACTIVATE YOUR CHAKRAS?

你想激活你的查克拉嗎？

WHAT ARE YA INTO?

你在做什麼？

SHAVA-SANA?

SHAVA-SANA？

CHATUR-ANGA?

CHATUR-ANGA？

I GOT 'EM ALL.

我得到了他們所有。

FIFTY BUCKS, I'LL GIVE YOU A WARRIOR TWO THAT'LL UNLOCK YOUR

五十塊錢，我給你一個戰士二號，會解開你的鎖。

PRANA LIKE CRAZY."

PRANA像瘋了一樣。"

APPARENTLY, IN 1993, THE ALABAMA BOARD OF EDUCATION BANNED YOGA

顯然，1993年，阿拉巴馬州教育委員會禁止瑜伽

BECAUSE OF "OPPOSITION BY CONSERVATIVE GROUPS OVER ITS

由於 "保守派團體對我的反對"。

HINDU ROOTS."

HINDU根。"

GOT TO BE TOUGH TO TEACH AT A SCHOOL THAT BANS ANYTHING HINDU,

在一所禁止任何印度教的學校裡教書一定很辛苦。

SINCE THE HINDUS INVENTED NUMBERS.

自從印度人發明了數字，

( AS TEACHER ) "OKAY, SO IF A TRAIN LEAVES

（作為教師）"好吧，所以，如果火車離開，

A STATION GOING...

一座車站正在...

A LOT OF MILES PER HOUR, AND ANOTHER TRAIN LEAVES A STATION

每小時很多英里，另一列火車離開了一個車站

GOING...

去...

A LITTLE MILES PER HOUR...

每小時一小英里... ...

HOW CLOSE WILL THE SUN BE TO THE MOUNTAIN WHEN THEY MEET?"

當太陽與山峰相遇時，太陽離山峰有多近？"

QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN WALRUS TOURISM NEWS, A WALRUS WAS

SPOTTED FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER IN IRELAND.

第一次在愛爾蘭被發現。

IT IS BELIEVED THE ARCTIC CREATURE COULD HAVE FALLEN

相信北極星的創造者可能已經隕落了。

ASLEEP ON AN ICEBERG BEFORE BEING CARRIED ACROSS THE

在冰山上睡著了，然後才被抬著走。

ATLANTIC OCEAN.

大西洋：

WAIT, ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS WALRUS IN IRELAND

等等，你是在告訴我這個愛爾蘭的華勒斯嗎？

PASSED OUT AND WOKE UP SOMEWHERE IT DOESN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE?

昏迷了，醒來時，它甚至沒有識別的地方？

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

HAPPY ST.PATRICK'S DAY!PATRICK'S DAY!

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH LUPITA NYONG'O.

我們馬上回來與LUPITA NYONG'O。

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