And this isn't just any old weekend.

This is the weekend

SpongeBob and Patrick go camping.

You've waited a long time for this.

[giggling]

What the?

[laughing]

SpongeBob, aren't you two supposed to be camping?

We are camping.

SpongeBob, it's not camping

if you're 10 feet from your house.

Ah, it doesn't matter where you are

as long as you're outdoors.

While all those soft city folk

are safe in their beds reading books,

we're out here pitting ourselves

against the formidable forces of nature.

I'll show you camping!

Squidward's gonna come camping with us!

Now you'll see how a real...

[grunts]

outdoorsman does it!

Here we are.

My remote-controlled, self-assembling tent.

Watch and learn.

[grunting]

[tearing] Huh?

- Customization! - Genius!

[grunting]

He's tenderizing the ground!

Of course!

[grunting]

Write that down!

[screaming]

But what could compare to just lying out under the stars?

[cheering]

After a long day of camping,

it's nice to unwind with a nice relaxing campfire song.

I call this one the "Campfire Song Song".

♪ Let's gather 'Round the campfire ♪

♪ And sing our campfire song ♪

♪ Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song ♪

♪ And if you don't think That we can sing it faster ♪

♪ Then you're wrong ♪

♪ But it'll help If you just sing along ♪

♪ Bum, bum, bum... ♪

♪ C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song ♪

♪ C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song ♪

♪ And if you don't think That we can sing it faster ♪

♪ Then you're wrong ♪

♪ But it'll help If you just sing along ♪

♪ C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song ♪

♪ Patrick! ♪

♪ C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E ♪

♪ Squidward! ♪

♪ Good! ♪

♪ It'll help, it'll help... ♪

♪ If you just sing along! ♪

♪ Aww, yeah! ♪

[sighs] Now, wasn't that relaxing?

No.

This is relaxing.

[playing the clarinet]

Oh, no!

I'll save you, Squidward!

[playing off-key]

Squidward, are you alright?

I was just fine until you launched

that ballistic junk food into my windpipe!

But I had to!

It's too dangerous to play the clarinet badly

out here in the wilderness.

It might attract...

a sea bear.

A sea bear?

You mean like the ones that don't exist?

What are you saying?

There is no such thing!

They're just a myth!

Oh, no, Squidward. Sea bears are all too real.

It says so in The Bikini Bottom Inquirer!

I should be more careful!

In fact, why don't you tell me all of the things I shouldn't do

If I want to keep the sea bears away?

Okay, that's easy. First off, don't play the clarinet.

OK, then what?

- Never wear a sombrero... - In a goofy fashion.

- Or clown shoes. - Or a hoop skirt.

- And never... - Ever...

- Ever... - Ah!

[both] Screech like a chimpanzee!

Wow! It's amazing how many things can set a sea bear off!

[both] They're horrible!

And... and suddenly I have the sense we're all in danger!

Why?

I don't know...

Just a feeling!

- No. - Yes.

No.

[begins making chimp noises]

[both] Squidward, please don't!

[screaming like a chimpanzee]

SpongeBob, what are we gonna do?

A sea bear's sure to come and eat us!

Don't worry, Patrick.

I'll draw us an anti-sea-bear circle in the dirt.

Good thinking!

All the experts say it's the only defense

against a sea bear attack.

[laughing]

You guys are so gullible!

See? I did everything that attracts a sea bear,

and nothing happened!

Maybe it's because you're not wearing your sombrero

in a goofy fashion.

You mean like this?

[laughing]

No, like that.

[roaring]

[screaming]

[roaring]

[screaming]

Squidward, are you okay?

No.

Quick! Jump inside our anti-sea-bear circle

before he comes back.

Yeah. Sea bears often attack more than once.

Are you crazy?

A dirt circle won't stop that monster.

I'm running for my life!

No!

[screaming]

Don't run! Sea bears hate that!

Thanks for the tip.

I guess I'll just limp home, then.

No!

[screaming]

They hate limping more than running!

Well, I guess I'll just have to...

[screaming]

I should have warned you about crawling.

[screaming]

What'd I do that time?

I don't know! I guess he just doesn't like you.

Move over!

[growling]

[growling]

Hey, it worked!

You guys saved my life.

- Hurray! - We did it, yay!

Yeah, I'm glad it was just a sea bear.

This circle would never hold back a sea rhinoceros.

What attracts them?

The sound of a sea bear attack.

[chuckles] Good thing we're all wearing

our anti-sea-rhinoceros undergarments,

right, Squidward?

Hah...