If you find this recording,

don't feel bad about this.

But... don't be overly thrilled about it, either.

If there's an afterlife, I'm watching you.

Food and water ran out... four days ago.

Um... Sparkling water, that is.

I have enough still water for a further six months,

but I'd rather die than touch a drop of that bourgeois bilge.

When I drift off...

slash, die...

I will dream about you.

The 26-year-old version.

Device storage full.

Delete files to free up space.

What?

When did you stop recording? I've been talking for three hours!

DANG IT!!

I saw all these people die.

"Dust" vadanya!

It was a great workout for my new eyeball, but...

also, tragic.

Thanos did...

exactly what he said he was gonna do.

Which is more than I can say for you, Steve.

That laundry tap is still dripping.

I've called a plumber but it's coming out of your pay.

We lost, all of us.

We lost friends.

We lost family.

We lost three guys in Chinatown but I don't think that was Thanos.

Clint, 50% of humanity was wiped out.

That wasn't enough for you?

The said...

They said I was too old for this haircut.

You... are...!

I keep telling everybody they shouldn't move on.

Some do.

But not us.

We dwell.

We bristle.

We seethe.

We simmer.

We stew.

We sulk.

That's not us, Steve. That's just you.

Hence why we started calling you Grievin' Steven.

This is gonna work, Steve.

I know it is.

Cos they've already announced Spider-Man 2, Black Panther 2 and Guardians 3.

Hi! Uh, is anyone home?

This is Scott Lang!

We met a few years ago?

In Deutschland!

Is this an old message?

I got really big!

Yeah, it's from three weeks ago.

I got bored and started watching old tapes.

I'll switch it back to the live stream.

Can you buzz me in?

Hey. Hey! HEY!

Did that camera just turn on??

Geez, he's still there?

I'll say this for him: he's tenacious.

Why haven't you let him in?

Cos we just had this building fumigated.

I don't want him bringing a million of his six-legged buddies in here.

Plus he's a criminal.

I originally came here...

to help save the universe!

But right now...

I'll settle for a hot meal!

And some dry clothes!

Even if there's a... small chance,

we owe it to everyone who's not in this room

to wait until they get here.

We need something that'll distract Thanos for at least 40 minutes.

Clint. Any ideas, off the top of your head?

It's bow time.

Whatever it doth taketh.

Whatever it takes.

Hopefully guns.

Whatever it takes!

Whatever it takes!!

No! More! Wiping!

Things! From! Existence!

Scott!

That's an eraser, you idiot.

Oh.

Hey!

I haven't met Thanos yet, so,

maybe take that into consideration before you call me an idiot!

Trust me, it was worth spending 12 months creating these matching uniforms.

This way we won't mistakenly kill each other instead of Thanos.

Thanks, Nat.

Triple shot.

I require a strong hit.

That's OK! That's fine!

It's a... It's a new hammer!

It's... still learning the ropes!

OK, Dad.

You didn't like my friends at school and you sure as hell won't like 'em now.

Hey, Nebby.

Did you come to help your old Pa with the harvest?

Father?

What the hell?

Is this Thanos or Thin-arse??

Don't expect Mr Rogers to take a bullet for you.

The best he can hope to do is slow it down a little.

What happened to your sexy thicc body?

Oh, that.

Well I accomplished my mission so I stopped hitting the gym.

I'm a farmer now.

Carrots, spuds and swedes.

My only enemy is the weather.

A cold snap wiped out half my crop this winter.

Uh... Do we still have to fight him?

It don't seem fair anymore.

Take that, Thin-os!

There goes my hip!

They say you never quite recover!

This really takes the shine off avenging.

Will you do whatever it takes to subscribe to this channel?

Cos all it takes is one click.

Some people move on before the video gets to the very end.

But not us.

We linger.

We loiter.

We lurk.

Moving on.

[CAPTAIN AMERICA] We should make a public announcement.

[BLACK WIDOW] Good idea.

The world needs to know that we're still here.

- And we're gonna fight-- - [CAPTAIN AMERICA] No.

The world needs to drink lots of Yakult.

Cos Thanos wiped out half the good bacteria in our guts.

[BLACK WIDOW] Steve, why are you crying?

[CAPTAIN AMERICA] Cos it's always the good ones, you know?