and there's three things broken I don't tell you about.

- We're keeping up our fake professional demeanor

that we had when we were shown the place.

- Okay, if you need anything I don't pick up phone.

- We'll only see you on Red Slate.

(laughs)

- We could be making a huge mistake but

I stay at your place every night anyways.

- Let's not fuck this up for 12 months.

- I never have to pack an overnight bag again.

- [Male] We should have hired movers!

(panting) Oh, my masculinity has me pretending like my arms

aren't on fire.

Oh, explaining proper technique to you

while doing the opposite.

- (sighs) Well, still terrified that I'm losing

50% of my stuff and 50% of my independence.

- Oh, starting a really personal story about this gnome

and then realizing that it's a "you had to be there" story

and kind of just trailing off and giving up.

- I'm nodding my head but I'm actually ignoring you

trying to picture what you were like in college.

- Okay, picturing my parent's old furniture here,

but picturing them in totally different sizes

than they actually are.

- I'm putting this frame on the ground

because we won't get to actually hanging it for three months

- Yeah, I'm thinking we put this thing

that I got from a flea market for $4

right above an old Ikea rug I stole from my ex-roommate.

- Um, phrasing my opinion like it's a question

so as to not hurt your feelings?

- Insecurity about my design abilities.

Reconsidering what is and isn't my territory.

- I'm just excited to be finally throwing away

all of your junk, except for your really nice TV.

- Yeah, I just have an irrational, sentimental attachment

to a few crappy things from my childhood

and I'm going to take any attempt to get rid of them

as a personal affront.

- I'm saying that I'm not trying to change you,

but I'm just trying to change you.

- Oh, hey, I'm impressing you by saying

I'm going to paint this wall,

and then I'm going to put it off, and keep putting it off

and keep putting it off until eventually we move out

or we break up.

- Convincing you that this overpriced couch

is actually a steal.

- Yeah, pretending like $600 isn't that much money to me.

- I'm going to take up about 70% of the counter space

but call it 50/50.

- I'm going to be really clean for the first two months

and then I'll revert to my usual disgusting self.

- Oh yeah, I'm going to be real discrete

about gross body stuff for the first couple months

and then I'll revert back to my usual disgusting self.

- I never had handsoap before.

- Realizing that I'm going to start seeing you

every part of every day now.

- Second guessing whether I made the right decision.

Wondering if this will end us completely.

- Yeah, I'm just one of the people that kind of

like looks around when they're nervous

and thinking about things and inside their head.

- Changing your nervousness to excitement.

- Yeah.

- Through enticing possibilities.

Saying that we could get a puppy

even though it's irresponsible and unsafe

and not something I want to do at all, and ...

- [Together] Planning

- A housewarming party that won't happen for like six months

and then only like three of our friends will show up.

- Oh yeah, I'll have all my friends over for Game of Thrones

and we'll be way too loud while you're trying

to get work done.

- I'm gonna start farting in front of you.

- I just leave drawers and cabinets open constantly.

- You know, we're just gonna never have sex!

- [Together] And I'll cook and you'll do the dishes!

- This is just a step I've never taken with anyone before.

- But I'm coming home at the end of the night to one person

I'm glad it's you.

(farts)

And so it begins.

(upbeat music)

(laughter)