What have you been doing?

What's the vibe?

How's it going?

Well, dyed my hair red.

I had a breakdown.

Oh yeah, we call it a breakdown.

I realized something about my life and myself and the way I react to certain things and I realized it was part of past trauma and big can of worms open, have a lot of stuff to figure out and deal with and that's all part of life's journey and it's just, it just takes a long time, but it's been interesting, I'm tired, but you know, I had to take a little break and now I'm back, I don't want to come back and just be like, hey, if I'm into it also everything's fine, you know, I am fine, it's just part of life, I think, you know, everybody has certain things that maybe at some point it will come up and it's like, oh this is like a really big life thing, that to be the best version of myself and to be somebody who I wanna be, I gotta get through this thing and like figure out myself more, you know, it's all about learning myself, it's a journey, blah blah, blah, mhm, mm, mm.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh no, I'm so sad.

I would like to be done with this stage of life and I know I just have to wait and learn things.

I want to live in ignorant bliss, but that's unhealthy.

Uh anyway, we should leave the house, so happening somewhere.

Oh good.

Can you hear it?

I guess it's the town bell.

Okay.

Yeah.

Mhm.

It wasn't, I want a blessed life kind of depressed.

I have to cut that bit up.

Okay, we're back where we started back at my house, unfortunately, I still feel the same.

So yeah, I go now.

Good night everybody.

I'll see your tour I think.

Right?

Oh, tell my hair, thanks, cute.

I like it.

I'm feeling a lot better.

It's good to see my friend Emily today, I'm getting my life back together, cleaning the apartment, cleaning everything, playing some music, getting everything fresh to start a fresh day tomorrow, where I don't feel like absolute garbage for the whole day.

And I really like there.

I really like it.

Sorry, microwaving food right now.

So if you can hear that, that's the microwave.

Yeah, there's a pattern in my life that is unhealthy.

This is all the stuff that I figured out in the past two days.

It's caused by stuff that has happened to me in the past.

Uh and it's very comfortable loop.

I mean it hurts, but it's it's kind of just like a cycle.

Um and I know that I can break out of the cycle now, that I know that it's there and I think it's going to take a long time, a lot of efforts, but it's a lot of, you know, there's a thing that's missing and I have been trying to find that thing in certain places and it's something that I need to be able to provide myself, which is so annoying.

I know you're done.

Uh it's so annoying because that's a lot of effort uh and I naturally don't want to be able to provide that for myself.

I just want to go back into being comfortable and relying on other things to provide this for me, but it's now part of my life journey to to uh yeah, love myself and give myself the kind of love that I'm looking for um which I've been told before and it's, I've listened to the words, but it never really went in and I think now it's starting to be like, oh, oh, this is very necessary uh for my life and it's gonna be really hard, but I know that it's a next step and I also know that it feels better to know that I'm more in control.

I just thought things kept happening to me, why do these things keep happening?

It's just, you know, it's something that I have a bit more control over.

I don't really know how exactly yet, but I think this is the next step into healing some stuff because I think overall, yeah, this is how this is incredibly necessary to me as a person.

I'm ready to be the best version of myself that is not held back so gradually coming back to life, can we back the life and do my best and it's gonna be okay.

But I got a lot to learn.

I would like to get through long journey, made it for the long run, whole flight of life.

I'm gonna eat this spy.

Oh, okay.

But it's been an interesting time learning about myself, learning about my stuff and my biz uh and overall it's very good for me as a human and I'm just gonna keep on learning and now I want to keep on learning whilst also making videos, not about that.

Maybe sometimes if I really want, probably not.

No, I got to see lots of friends and I'm just like taking it easy ish, you know, tell you doing relatively, that's the only thing I'm very lucky that I am able to take it easy and yeah, just figure out life and stuff.

I think this past year and a half is, you know, a perfect time to have a breakdown.

I just wanted to say, I think that it's like, there's a lot of reasons, a lot of factors and a lot of stress is in the world that mean that other things can come out.

It's like, you know, it's not it's not one of those things where it's like, oh, I went through something and now I'm better and I'm not here to be like, I'm better, I'm coming back, I'm just like, I'm in the middle of this journey, so it'll be more specific, you know, it's personal business, but like, you know, it's like, I'm in the middle of figuring out stuff about myself and it's just gonna keep on going forever so that I'm coming back while I figure stuff out.

I hope you're all okay out there.

I know that, you know, going through all these times is you are probably going through your own business and figuring out your own stuff.

And it's an arduous journey.

And also, sometimes, you know, with this kind of thing with like, Covid, you never really know when the end is gonna be or what's going to happen.

So you just, you know, we'll, we'll figure it out.

But yeah, I'm just gonna be taking it easy.

Come out with videos when I have a video and come out with videos I don't want to make.

And yeah, that's pretty much it.

Anyway, that's me.

I'll see you guys in the next video, which is gonna be the apartment tour.

I hope you're doing okay out there.

Give you lots of love from me to you.

And uh, yeah, thank you for your patience and understanding.

And I'll see you again very, very soon.

No, john f for you, not this time, next time there will be but not this time.

This time I will just say bye and have a great rest of your day or night.