♪ Everybody that you meet has an original point of view ♪

(laughing)

♪ And I say, hey ♪ Hey.

♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we could learn to work and play ♪

♪ And get along with each other ♪

♪ You got to listen to your heart, listen to the beat ♪

♪ Listen to the rhythm, the rhythm of the street ♪

♪ Open up your eyes, open up your ears ♪

♪ Get together and make things better by working together ♪

♪ It's a simple message, and it comes from the heart ♪

♪ Believe in yourself ♪ ♪Believe in yourself♪

♪ For that's the place to start ♪ ♪Place to start♪

♪And I say, hey♪ Hey.

Hey. ♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

♪ If we can learn to work and play ♪

♪ And get along with each other ♪

Hey. ♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

Hey. ♪ What a wonderful kind of day ♪

Hey.

ARTHUR (on TV): Hey, D.W.

Hey.

Whoa. (loud thud)

(letters shattering)

BUSTER: Elwood City--

a place where any crazy thing can happen, and usually does.

Something was in the air that night...

(sniffing) as tantalizing as a fresh-baked cherry pie

cooling on Grandma's windowsill.

(sirens blaring) A crazy stew was brewing,

the ingredients boiling in a pressure cooker

like a can of soda ready to explode.

All this talk about food was making me hungry.

I grabbed an apple...

(door squeaks)

And then she walked in.

(gasps)

You've got to help me.

(laughing evilly)

My Supercoolossal Slushcupatron

will give you a bionic brain freeze.

ANNOUNCER: New! New! New!

From Rabid Dog Extreme.

The Radically Rabid Big Boss Bar.

So full of super-energizing goodness,

your mouth might just explode!

A million sparkles in every bite.

You'll flip for the spark.

Rabid Dog!

(dog growling)

We have just witnessed greatness.

Don't you want to watch the rest of the cartoon?

Got. To. Have. It.

27, 28, 29...

Oh, yeah!

Sweet, sweet candy bars, mine, all mine.

Aw, I'm too late!

Aha!

"A million sparkles in every bite."

I wonder what would happen if I swallowed it whole.

Oh, it looks so good.

I gotta have it.

But it's the last one.

So good.

Last one.

Maybe I'll save it for lunch.

(laughing)

MRS. MacGRADY: Tofu stew with organic veggies

and the merest whisper of ground cardamom.

Enjoy!

I'm more interested in dessert.

May I see it?

"Azoshintetratarticmonoxide acid,

"concentrated monopazomidetetradioxide substitute,

Tri-Enzomated Zorn Jelly?"

What's that?

Beats me, and I know food.

Be wary of ingredients you've never heard of

and can't pronounce.

You're better off with this.

Fresh off the tree and on the house.

Oh.

Well, maybe I'll try to find out what it is.

It's probably harmless.

BINKY: Sorry, but I can't help you out.

Come on, Binky.

I'll pay you back.

George, I'm not a charity.

I need to take care of my paying customers.

FERN: More sparkles, if you please!

Thanks.

Later.

BUSTER: I was getting a funny feeling about this candy.

Sure, kids are sweet for sweets,

but something about this bar wasn't on the up and up.

Spill it, Sugar.

What's the beef?

I said, mixing my food metaphors.

They're spreading lies about me.

Horrible lies.

Bum rap, huh?

Who's spreading lies, Cupcake?

The Candy Man.

He knows the truth, but he won't say.

BUSTER: Whoever this Candy Man was,

I bet he had answers, and I had questions.

Plenty of them.

I'm on the case, Sweetheart.

What are you looking at, fruit snack?

(dog barking)

(tires squealing, engine revving)

(horn honks)

BUSTER: The slippery sucker got away clean,

and all I was left with...

(sputtering)

was a soggy fedora.

(kids all talking excitedly)

More sparkles! More sparkles!

(squealing with delight)

It's all there.

I swear.

It better be.

Mmm.

Yay!

It contains an impressive array of chemicals.

Most of the Periodic Table of Elements is included here.

Even some of the radioactive ones.

(Fern squealing and giggling)

That would explain some things.

Look.

Oxylavamonotrine.

That's a coloring agent.

It's made out of bugs.

Could you repeat that?

I thought you said "bugs."

I did say "bugs."

That blood red color

comes from boiled female cochineal insects.

There are bugs in this?

What about this... Tri-Enzomated Zorn Jelly?

Is that made from bugs, too?

I don't know.

I've never heard of it.

But whatever it is, there's a whole lot of it in there.

See? You can tell

because it's one of the first ingredients listed,

which means there's more of it than the ones listed below it.

This egghead stuff was too much for me.

It was going to take some old-fashioned detective work

to crack this case.

The Candy Man was a wash,

but I figured I might pick up a clue if I followed the dame.

We ended up in the seedy section of town,

a nasty neighborhood where the worst ingredients hung out.

Suddenly, the Candy Man slithered out of the shadows.

What was she doing with these creeps?

I'd have to dig deeper to find the answers.

(snoring)

Okay, let's see what the Rabid Dog homepage has on...

"Tri-Enzomated Zorn Jelly."

(dog barking and growling)

(raucous music; wheels whirring loudly)

Shh!

(noise stops)

Okay, let's see: "Candy: An Important Part of Every Meal."

Ah. "Ingredients."

(gasps)

The type is so small.

Ah, here we go.

"Tri-Enzomated Zorn Jelly."

Huh? What happened?

Weird.

(kids groaning)

(both groaning)

I feel hot and dizzy.

Is somebody spinning the library?

BUSTER: This candy bar was starting to smell rotten,

no matter what a pretty package they put her in.

It was time for me to have a heart-to-heart

with Little Miss Sweetness.

BUSTER: Everywhere you go,

you leave a trail of misery.

Can I help it if people like me?

I was born delicious.

You're mixed up with a bad crowd, and I want to know why.

What do you want me to say?

That I'm sweet and pure like Suzie Applecheeks there?

Well, I'm not.

I'm exciting and unique and... and... complicated.

(sobbing)

I'll say.

Here.

I hate to see candy cry.

Wow!

You are delicious!

Told you.

Want some more?

I felt myself getting sucked in.

There was only one person left I could turn to.

A "Big Boss Bar"?

Buster, you don't want to eat this.

Yes, Mom, I do.

At least I think I do.

I just want all the facts first.

Well, you've come to the right place.

Want to take a tour with me

of Rabid Dog corporate headquarters?

You can do that?

I've got a few favors I can call in.

(phone dialing)

(dog growling)

ANNOUNCER: Every Rabid Dog product is made with the finest ingredients.

Our Tri-Enzomated Zorn Jelly comes from pure zorn extract.

Each TEZJ molecule is lovingly crafted by over 100 scientists.

But what is it?

It's our special ingredient.

I'd tell you,

but then it wouldn't be a secret.

(clears her throat)

Bitzi Baxter from theElwood City Times.

Thank you for meeting us, Mr....?

Just call me Supreme Dog.

We're very informal here.

Well, if it's all right, Mr. Supreme Dog,

my son has a few questions about your Big Boss Bar.

Like why they're so darn tasty?

No.

Like why my friends can't stop eating them.

Oh, that's easy.

I'll show you.

When you bite into a Big Boss Bar,

molecules of Tri-Enzomated Zorn Jelly attach themselves

to parts of your brain and make you happy.

But when the little molecules die,

your brain gets sad until you eat some more.

Are you saying these candy bars are... addictive?

Certainly not.

I'm saying they're delicious.

Whatever you're saying, I don't want this anymore.

Here. You eat it.

Oh, no, no, thanks.

I just had one.

No, you didn't.

You'd still be sparkling.

Or jumping.

Easy, little feller.

Just put the bar down.

Take a bite.

It's your product.

No, keep it away from me!

Keep it away from me!

"We are sorry to inform you

"that Supreme Dog has had to take a personal day.

The interview is over."

I think I know what tomorrow's headline is going to be:

"Candy Company Cons Kids."

BUSTER: The ace reporter had a new story

and I had lost my sweet tooth.

(chatter on police radio)

Sorry, kiddo, but I'm gonna cut you loose.

I thought you were my friend,

but you're just like all the others.

You made me feel like a million bucks, baby,

but now I know that was

the Tri-Enzomated Zorn Jelly talking.

And the polytartaric diglycemade.

(sobbing)

BINKY: Big Boss Bars!

Two for a quarter!

Ever since this newspaper article came out,

no one's buying.

It'll take me years to unload this junk.

BUSTER: Don't worry.

With the amount of chemicals in them,

they'll stick around for centuries.

I sunk plenty into this scam, and now I'm eating it.

It beats eating those.

You said a mouthful, Buster.

A big, sparkling mouthful.