And if you're wondering why I'm in such an awesome mood today.

It's because I just found out some incredible news.

Orange will not be joining me today.

Q The celebration.

Ah that's right.

He's sending someone else to tell the story with me today.

Which means this episode will be 100% not annoying.

Fantastic news.

Wait, should we get started your oranges replacement?

Sure am orange.

You glad?

No, no, I'm not glad.

You're practically worse.

Oh come on pear.

Give me a chance.

No, please, no, please my fine fine.

Just take a breath already.

You're turning blue.

I know it.

You're gonna ruin this episode.

Just like orange always does.

No, no, no, I promise.

I'll be good.

You Pinky promise.

Pinky promise.

Okay, so today's story is charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Once upon a Time.

Wait, I just remembered something.

What?

I don't have a pinky I uh anyway, once upon a time there was a gigantic Chocolate factory run by the brilliant and reclusive Willy Wonka.

No one had ever been allowed inside to see how his candy was made.

But that all changed one day when Willy Walker announced that inside five Wonka bars he had placed laser gun.

Really sis, you know very well that there wasn't laser guns inside the candy bar wrappers.

Yeah, I know but the story was getting kind of boring.

This is an incredible story since it's not boring.

Well sure now it's not because five lucky kids just nearly got killed by laser guns.

Now this is cinema laser laser laser laser, this isn't supposed to be cinema sis.

It's a book.

And the kids did not find laser guns.

They found golden tickets.

Not very visually stimulating.

Oh, you know what?

This story needs some audio stimulation.

Stop trying to stimulate the story.

It's a very good story.

It doesn't need your help.

I can't help it.

I had a soda earlier.

Now then Willy Wonka invited all five ticket holders into the Chocolate Factory and gave them a tour of the wondrous things inside three course meal, bubble gum trained squirrels busy lifting drink.

Walk a vision.

And of course you pollux pas everything was going great.

That is until the greedy gluttonous augustus blue fell into the chocolate river and got sucked up a tube.

Whoa.

Okay, now we're talking.

So let me get then the other kids call the cop and they busted in laser guns.

A blazing Willy Wonka didn't go down without a fight though.

You use ass, you do this.

That's not what happened.

What do you mean there wasn't a laser gun fight?

I mean, nobody even called the cops after augustus group got sucked up that tube.

The tour group just kind of carried on as planned.

You're kidding me.

Oh and also the epa lupus did a song and dance number.

They danced after a kid got sucked into a tube.

What kind of sociopathic story you this?

Yeah.

You know what?

This book could really use more of empathy for Children, nope lasers.

Uh yeah, now we're talking, you stop it, stop it!

The couple lupus did not have laser cannon strapped to their heads bummer.

This story could have been a classic.

It already is a classic No way classic.

Be the cops busting in with laser guns and chasing.

Really want them through the entire Chocolate Factory, which is elaborately booby trap.

It's not that kind of story, sis it is now fair.

Yeah, everywhere you look, cops with laser guns are getting wasted and Oprah Loompa throws some three course dinner chewing gum down a cop throat and he turns into a blueberry, then wankel squirrels attack and throw another cop down the garbage chute just when the cops think they have walked a corner, he escapes over their heads and a million tiny pieces via Wonka vision.

This is an abomination, but I honestly kind of want to know how it ends.

It ends with the cops tricking Willy Wonka into drinking some fizzy lifting drink and he floats up into that huge overhead fan.

Yeah, Super grizzly demise pair.

This book is not recommended for Children.

Wait, so what happens to charlie?

You know, particular character?

Oh, he plays off in a glass elevator at the end.

Oh well that's a relief.

Glad it's a happy ending.

Not really.

What if those laser beams is in there with him?

Um No.