unflattering social media post about ourselves, when we are given harsh feedback on a project

在社交媒體上發佈關於自己的不光彩的帖子，當我們在一個項目上得到嚴厲的反饋時

or hear that we are being gossiped about by strangers.

或聽到我們被陌生人說閒話。

However, the question of how much criticism needs to hurt depends on something which has

然而，責備需要多大程度的傷害，這取決於一些已經

nothing to do with the specific attack we happen to face: how much we happen to like

與我們碰巧面臨的具體攻擊無關：我們碰巧有多喜歡

ourselves.

我們自己。

The degree to which we buckle in the wake of negative comments reflects how we, deep

我們在負面評論後退縮的程度，反映了我們如何在深層次上

down, feel about ourselves. When we carry within us a sufficient ballast of love, criticism

下，對自己的感覺。當我們的內心帶著足夠的愛的壓艙物時，責備

need never be very much more than niggling. We can overcome it by dinner time - or at

不需要太多，只需嘮嘮叨叨。我們可以在晚餐時間克服它--或者在

least the end of the week. We can take on board with relative good humour that we are

至少在本週結束時。我們可以用相對良好的幽默感來接受我們是

not necessarily loved by everyone, that not everything we do is perfect and that there

不一定受到所有人的喜愛，我們所做的一切並不完美，而且有

may be one or two outright enemies, who would prefer us dead - even while most people tolerate

可能有一兩個徹頭徹尾的敵人，他們寧願我們死掉--即使大多數人都容忍

us easily enough. There need be nothing surprising or terrifying in being doubted by a few others.

我們很容易。被其他幾個人懷疑並不令人驚訝或害怕。

But for the more vulnerable ones among us, there is no option but to experience criticism

但對於我們中更脆弱的人來說，除了經歷責備，別無選擇

as an assault on our very right to exist. We don't hear that we are being mildly upbraided

作為對我們生存權利的攻擊。我們沒有聽到我們正在受到溫和的指責

for an aspect of our work; we at once feel that we are being told to disappear. It isn't

為我們工作的一個方面；我們立刻感覺到，我們被告知要消失。這並不是

just one or two people who are mocking us, the whole world is apparently thinking only

只是一兩個人在嘲笑我們，整個世界顯然只想著

of how ridiculous we are. We will never get past this moment of negative assessment; the

我們是多麼的可笑。我們將永遠無法超越這個負面評價的時刻；而

hatred will never end. It's a catastrophe.

仇恨永遠不會結束。這是一場大災難。

If criticism from outside proves devastating, it is because it so readily joins forces with

如果來自外部的責備被證明是破壞性的，那是因為它是如此輕易地與 "中國 "聯合起來。

an infinitely more strident and more aggressive form of criticism that has long existed inside

一個長期以來存在的更加尖銳、更加激進的責備形式。

of us. We are already struggling so hard to tolerate ourselves against inner voices that

的我們。我們已經在努力地容忍自己，對抗內心的聲音，而這些聲音

confidently assert how undeserving, ugly and devious we are, that there is no room left

自信地宣稱我們是多麼的不配，多麼的醜陋，多麼的狡猾，沒有任何餘地了

for us to take on further reminders of our awfulness. The key of present criticism has

為我們進一步提醒我們的可怕之處。目前責備的關鍵是

inserted itself into a lock of historic hatred - and let loose an unmasterable surge of self-loathing.

將自己插入歷史仇恨的鎖中--並釋放出無法控制的自我厭惡感。

When we are suffering, we should remember that we aren't exceptionally weak; we almost

當我們受苦時，我們應該記住，我們並不是特別軟弱；我們幾乎是

certainly had a far worse childhood than the average person.

當然，他的童年比一般人要糟糕得多。

Once upon a time, we were probably humiliated and shamed without being soothed, held or

曾幾何時，我們可能在沒有得到安撫、擁抱或的情況下被羞辱和恥辱

reassured, and this is why we now take current criticism so much to heart. We don't know

放心，這就是為什麼我們現在對當前的責備如此重視。我們不知道

how to defend ourselves against our enemies because we have never been deeply appreciated.

如何抵禦我們的敵人，因為我們從來沒有得到過深刻的讚賞。

We already hate ourselves so much more than our worst enemies ever will. A part of us

我們對自己的憎恨已經比我們最壞的敵人要多得多。我們的一部分

is responding to adult challenges with the vulnerability of a child who faced disdain

在應對成年人的挑戰時，他像一個面臨輕視的孩子一樣脆弱。

on a scale they couldn't master. The present challenge feels like a catastrophe because

在一個他們無法掌握的規模上。目前的挑戰感覺像是一場災難，因為

catastrophe is precisely what was once endured.

災難正是曾經忍受過的。

We may not easily be able to stop feeling unhappy about criticism, but at least we can

我們可能不容易停止對責備的不快感，但至少我們可以

change what we feel unhappy about. Our vulnerability need not be - as we initially, instinctively

改變我們感到不快樂的事情。我們的脆弱性不需要--正如我們最初本能地

think - a sign that we are actively awful. It is evidence that we were, long ago, denied

認為--是我們積極可怕的標誌。這是我們在很久以前就被剝奪了的證據。

the sort of love that we would have needed in order to remain more steadily and generously

我們需要這種愛，以保持更穩定和慷慨的

on our own side at moments of difficulty.

在困難的時候，我們自己的一方。