And as a grandmother,

身為一個外婆

I want to share with mothers and fathers

我想要告訴所有的爸爸媽媽們

how important it is that we never hit our children,

不打孩子是多麼重要的一件事情

including spanking.

包括打屁股

My granddaughter just started kindergarten,

我的孫女剛開始上幼稚園

and she loves school--I mean, she loves everything about school,

她很喜歡學校--我的意思是，她喜歡學校的每個事物

except for this one thing: reminder sticks.

除了一個東西之外：便利貼

She tells me that if you don't do what the teacher tells you to do,

她告訴我，如果你沒有遵從老師所說的

you have to give her a reminder stick.

你必須要給她一張便利貼

But the trouble is you only have three, and if you give up

但麻煩的是，你只有三張，如果你三張便利貼

all three reminder sticks, you have to sit out recess,

都上繳給老師，你就必須坐在旁邊休息

and watch the other children play.

看著其他小孩玩樂

She's really worried that one day she's going to lose all three sticks.

她真的非常擔心有一天她這三張便利貼會用光

She says, "Jack--he loses all three sticks every day, grandma."

她說：「外婆，Jack每天都用光他所有的便利貼。」

I'm aware of how stressful this is, because she begins to play this game

我發現這壓力極大，因為她開始模仿她的老師

with me, where she's the teacher taking away reminder sticks,

跟我玩起拿走便利貼的遊戲

and I'm basically Jack.

很顯然的我是Jack

I believe that children do well when they can,

我相信小孩子可以守秩序

and the trouble is, with some kids like Jack,

但問題是，那些像Jack一樣的孩子

it's much harder to do well.

非常難做到

So you know, she takes me to school,

我孫女帶我去學校

and points out all of her friends, she points to the boy over there

她指出所有她的朋友，以及指向那邊一個男孩

and she says, "That's Jack. He's annoying."

跟我說：「他就是Jack，超討厭的。」

I'm like, "Is he now?"

我回答：「他現在一樣嗎？」

I work with kids with behavior problems,

我從事兒童行為輔導工作

so I'm interested in Jack, and I watch as the teacher says,

Jack讓我很感興趣，我觀察著，當老師說：

"Now, boys and girls, get out your crayons,

「孩子們，拿出你們的蠟筆，

we're going to make a portrait of your neighbor."

我們要來畫你鄰居的畫像。」

And all the children are coloring, and what's Jack doing?

所有的學生都在上色，但Jack在做什麼？

Oh, he's humming and he's picking the paper off the crayons,

他在哼歌，把蠟筆的包裝紙撕開

and breaking the crayons into pieces.

然後扳斷成好幾段

He takes this little nub of a black crayon and starts making this big fat scribble.

他拿一小段的黑色蠟筆，開始亂畫一通

Now, the rule is you don't have to keep the portrait if you don't like it--

教室有個常例，如果你不喜歡這張畫像

if it doesn't--if you don't like it.

你可以不用帶回家

And so, of course,

想當然爾

Jack's scribble portrait goes right into the trash can.

Jack的亂畫巨作丟進了垃圾桶

Then it's activity time, and you have to get an activity out of the cabinet.

之後活動時間到了，你必須從櫥櫃中找一個遊戲來玩

So Jack's rifling through the cabinet but can't find

Jack快速翻查櫥櫃，但他找不到

anything of interest, so he snatches the pieces

有興趣的事物，所以他將隔壁男孩

from the boy next to him, and sits on them.

手中的東西奪走，並坐在玩具上

And this goes on all day long.

持續了一整天

I mean, you've got to love Jack.

我要說的是，Jack需要被關愛

I had a mother once tell me:

曾經有個媽媽跟我說：

"You only love these kids because you know what to do with them,"

「你會喜歡這些孩子是因為你知道如何跟他們相處。」

Isn't that the truth, but I didn't always know what to do with them.

說的真對。但我並不是每次都知道如何跟孩子們相處

My son was one of those wiggle worms/squeaky noise-makers,

我的兒子以前像毛毛蟲一樣，是個噪音製造者

that always had to sit right next to the teacher.

總是被安排坐在老師的旁邊

Those of us that work with young children who struggle know that often

像我們長期和這種兒童互動的人都知道

they're from homes where the relationship to their parents is stressed.

這情況通常是因為親子關係造成他們很大的壓力

And I wonder: what stresses Jack?

我不禁思考：Jack有什麼樣的壓力？

I read a study that asked little children what worries them most.

我讀過一篇研究，訪問小孩什麼事情讓他們感到最擔心？

Do you know what the most common response was?

你們知道最普遍的回答是什麼嗎？

Being spanked.

被打屁股

Little children are worried about being hit by their parents.

小孩很擔心被父母打

And I'm worried, too, because spanking is a huge neurobiological stressor

我也很擔憂，因為毆打是一個強烈的神經生物學刺激物

that can have long-term negative consequences.

會帶來長期的負面結果

I learned about this

當我研究

when I was studying the effects of trauma on brain development.

創傷帶給大腦發展的影響時，我學到這個理論

Now, there's this monumental study that studies early stress, called

歷史上有份研究，專門探討早期壓力，稱之為

the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study,

「童年逆境經歷」

and what they're looking at, is that there's a dose-rate relationship

他們研究一種劑量率關係，也就是若是在童年時期

where the more early stress you have in childhood, family dysfunction,

遭受許多早期壓力、家庭機能不全

the greater your risk for all sorts of health problems.

健康出問題的風險就越高

So you can have a score of 0 to 10,

從0到10來打分數

and let's just say that your dad could be kind of mean

舉例來說，你爸爸可能很嚴格

and sometimes physical when he was drinking,

有時候喝醉時會動粗

and that your mother divorced him because of it.

你媽媽因為如此離婚

So your ACE score would be probably a four or more.

你的ACE(Adverse Childhood Experience)分數可能為4分以上

If you have an ACE score of four or more,

如果你的ACE分數為4分以上

you're two and a half times more likely to have cardiac disease,

你有心臟病的機率就高出2.5倍

you're four and a half times more likely to be chronically depressed,

4.5倍的機率有長期憂鬱

you are five times more likely to struggle with alcoholism,

5倍的機率酗酒

twelve times more likely to attempt suicide when you're a teenager,

12倍的機率在青少年時期嘗試自殺

and thirteen times more likely to be an IV drug user.

13倍的機率成為靜脈吸毒者

One in six middle-class Americans have an ACE score of four or more.

中產階級的美國人，6位中就有1位ACE分數為4分以上

And if your ACE score is 6 or more, your life expectancy is 20 years less.

如果你的分數是6分以上，你的壽命預估將少20年

My ACE score is an 8.

我的ACE是8

The findings of this study are that adverse childhood experiences

研究發現，童年逆境經歷

are the leading cause of illness, death, and poor quality of life

是美國生病、死亡以及生活質量差的

in the United States.

首要原因

So, what is at the root of this family dysfunction?

家庭機能不全的原因是什麼？

Well, it's family violence.

答案是家庭暴力

I worry: "Is Jack worried about being hit?"

我擔心：「Jack害怕被打嗎？」

After all, statistically speaking, either you or the person sitting next to you

畢竟，在統計上來說，不管是你或是坐在你周圍的人

on either side, has been physically abused by their parents as children.

可能曾經在孩童時期遭受父母的身體虐待

And I don't mean spanking.

我不是指打屁股

Domestic violence against children is over twice the rate of spousal abuse.

針對孩童的家庭暴力比配偶虐待高出2倍以上

And in this country several children will die today

在這國家有許多兒童今天就會

from physical abuse at the hands of their own parents.

因為身體虐待而死在自己父母親手上

And we know that physical child abuse, usually begins with physical punishment.

我們也知道被虐童經常從體罰開始

Now you might be wondering, "How does early violence lead

現在你可能在納悶：「早期暴力是如何導致

to all these long-term health problems?"

這些長期的健康問題？」

Well, it's because the impact of early adversity,

這是因為，早期逆境的衝擊

especially in the first five years of life,

尤其是出生後的頭五年

is more like a brain injury, than a psychological one.

更像是遭受大腦受損，而不是心理上的陰霾

So Jack, he's not just making poor choices,

所以Jack並不單是做出錯誤的選擇

his brain can't regulate.

他的大腦無法控制

Self-regulation is a neurobiological capability

自律是種神經生物學功能

to manage arousal, both physical and emotional.

掌管身體上和心理上的起伏

And children learn to self-regulate

孩童藉由與冷靜、有條理的家長合作

by co-regulating with a calm and regulated parent.

來學習自律

So of course the most serious problem is when the parents themselves

想當然爾，最糟糕的問題就是，當父母親本身

are the source of the stress.

就是壓力的來源

Now for Jack, he needs the close interaction of his teacher,

回過頭來看Jack，他需要老師親近的互動

which, you know, kindergarten is like crowd control--twenty-five kids.

但幼稚園就像是群體控制--25名小孩

So instead, what he does to self-regulate

所以，取而代之的，Jack自律的情況

is he chews on erasers, he wiggles, he makes noises,

是咬橡皮擦、不斷扭動、不停製造聲音

and he walks around the room.

以及在教室到處走動

These aren't bad behaviors. These behaviors regulate his brain.

這些並不是不好的行為，這些行為控制他的大腦

If you have self-regulation problems, it's like having a dimmer switch

如果你有自律上的問題，就如同你的亮度開關

that's turned way up high. And it gets stuck,

開得太過而且卡住了

and it's really hard to turn it back down.

要調回來很難

So how do we help Jack?

所以我們該如何幫助Jack？

The hardest thing to do is to stay calm and regulated ourselves.

最困難的點是我們要保持冷靜且有條理

To breathe, to remember to exhale,

要呼吸、記得吐氣

and when Jack is too difficult, to walk away.

當Jack太難處理時，就離開現場

But if you can hang in there, then you mirror him,

但如果你可以撐住，你可以模仿他的反應

like, "How awful that your artwork is in the trash can," and enjoy him,

例如：「你的畫作居然在垃圾桶裡，真是太可怕了。」

because mutual enjoyment is regulating to the brain,

因為共同的享受對大腦而言適有調節作用的

and is very nourishing to brain development.

而且對於大腦發展很有幫助

So self-regulation is the foundation to further development.

所以自律是長遠發展的基礎

If you have problems early on, like if Jack has trouble early on,

如果你在早期有問題，就像Jack一樣

it can affect the ongoing development of his brain, so the impact

會影響他正在前進發展中的大腦，所以早期

of early stress--sometimes you can't see it until Jack is a teenager.

壓力的衝擊 -- 有時候在Jack青春期前你無法發現

In neuroscience, they call it the time-bomb effect.

在神經科學中，他們稱之為定時炸彈效應

An example of this is a study of over 8,000 adolescents, and they found

有一個例子是，研究超過8000名青少年，他們發現

that the number of the times they're hit as children correlates directly

在兒童時期被打的次數，和他們將會

to the frequency that they will binge drink in adolescence.

在青少年時期酗酒的頻率直接相關

It just goes up and up and up. It's like, Whoa!

不斷地向上攀升，哇！

You know, Jack--he went from being annoying, to reaching adolescence

Jack從一開始很討人厭，到青少年時

and becoming a bully.

變成惡霸

He starts binge drinking because he can't feel good.

因為他不開心，所以開始酗酒

He beats up his girlfriend because he can't handle being angry.

因為他無法處理憤怒，所以毆打女朋友

He attempts suicide because he can't find enough comfort in relationships.

因為他找不到安逸的人際關係，所以嘗試自殺

It's like, what happened?

就好像，怎麼會這樣？

Well, whatever it was, it probably started before kindergarten.

不管如何，最早可能開始發生在幼稚園之前

So what's one thing we can do to help Jack?

那我們能幫助Jack的一件事情是什麼？

We can reject all forms of domestic violence,

我們可以拒絕所有形式的家庭暴力

including spanking.

包括打屁股

I mean, what is at the root of physical violence against children?

我是指，最根本針對孩童的肢體暴力是什麼？

Spanking is at the root.

就是打屁股

It is the belief that we think it's OK to hit them.

我們深信打小孩是可以的

Spanking is physical violence against children.

打屁股是針對孩童的肢體暴力

Now, many of you --most of you--I maybe would say,

現在，許多在座的你們 -- 大部分 -- 我可以猜測

have been spanked as children, and you turned out pretty well,

在小時候都被打過屁股，而你也很健康的成長

or reasonably well, like myself.

或就像我一樣

And yet there's this avalanche of research, with over 93% agreement

但有一個大量研究顯示，超過93%的人同意

that says that spanking cranks up the dial; it's related

打屁股提高了指標；這和

to aggression, emotional problems, and physical problems.

侵略、情緒問題以及生理問題有關

So why is this?

為什麼會如此？

Well, it's because spanking can dysregulate

這是因為打屁股會讓

the regulatory equipment. It can damage it.

管理機制失調，會造成損害

So you might be thinking,

你大概會認為

"Well, I spanked my child. Does that mean I damaged him?"

「我打我的小孩子，這表示我傷害他嗎？」

Well, I've had to ask myself that very question.

我曾經問我自己這個問題

When my stepson was small, he was jumping off the walls,

當我繼子還小的時候，他從牆上跳下來

mostly because he was really distressed about his parents' divorce.

大部分是因為他對父母親離婚感到很憂傷

I was 18 years old, I didn't have a clue what to do with him

我當時18歲，我不知道該怎麼跟他相處

and so, like many parents, I spanked him.

所以我就跟許多家長一樣，我打了他

It didn't work, you know, thankfully I found this counselor who helped me

這沒有用，你知道的，但好險我找到一名諮商顧問幫助我

get into my son's world and feel what it was like to be him.

了解我兒子的世界並且體會他的感覺

And once I was inside of his world, I never hit him again.

一旦我進入他的世界，我不曾再打他

Did spanking damage him? You know, my son is a very accomplished person.

打屁股讓他受傷嗎？你們知道我兒子是個非常成功的人

He's an incredible physical athlete.

他是一名出色的運動選手

He's one of our nation's heroes: he's served several tours in Afghanistan.

他們我們其中一名國家英雄：他在阿富汗參軍很多次

He's a professional firefighter. He's a loving husband and a loving father.

他是名專業的消防員，一位有愛的丈夫和父親

He's one of my favorite people.

他是我最喜愛的人之一

And he has trouble with self-regulation.

他在自律上有困難

He can get scattered, he can over-respond to threat.

他會分心，他會對威脅過度反應

Like, what about the time his high school teacher got in his face

如，當他的高中老師出現在他面前

and he was poking him in the chest, and he nearly broke his hand?

並戳了他的胸口，他幾乎折斷老師的手？

Even now my son has to physically exercise regularly.

即便現在我兒子需要規律的運動

Kind of like the adult equivalent of being a wiggle worm,

就像成人變成一隻亂動的毛毛蟲一樣

and needing to move.

需要扭動身體

And if he doesn't he gets scattered.

如果他不這麼做，他會分心

I just wish he didn't have to work so hard.

我只希望他不需要工作那麼辛苦

But the problem is: spanking is a family tradition.

但問題是：打屁股是家庭傳統

My grandmother's mom would say: "I'm going to give you some peach tea."

我外婆的母親會說：「我要給你一些蜜桃茶喝。」

And that meant my grandmother had to go out to a peach tree and cut off a stick

表示我奶奶必須到外面桃子樹折下一支樹枝

and take it to her mom to beat her with it.

拿給她的母親來打她

You know, my father's generation, they don't believe in

你知道在我父親的年代，他們不接受

hitting kids with sticks-- they spank them with a belt or a spoon.

用棍子打小孩 -- 他們用皮帶和湯匙來打

And my generation? We're still holding on to this idea

而我這個年代？我們依然保有這個觀念

that you can just smack them on the bottom with an open hand.

認為可以用手打他們的屁股

It's just watered down peach tea.

這只是沖淡的蜜桃茶而已

You know, it causes me a sickening sadness when I think about

當我想到我在我兒子還小的時候打他時

that I spanked my son when he was small.

這讓我感到厭惡的哀傷

And I understand mothers will feel defensive,

我知道做母親的防衛心重

because after all, "Society says it's OK." and, "I'm doing the best I can."

畢竟「社會大眾說這是可以的。」而且「我努力做到最好。」

I know, I know.

我懂，我懂

But I think we owe it to our children to reject spanking.

但我想我們應該拒絕毆打我們的孩子

We must stop giving stressed out parents permission to strike their children.

我們必須停止給予有壓力的父母打他們小孩的權力

You know 50% of toddlers are hit more than three times a week.

你們知道50%剛學走路的兒童一周被打超過三次

Can you just imagine how you'd feel

你可以試想

if your spouse were smacking you a couple times a week?

如果你的配偶一個禮拜毆打你好幾次，你會有什麼感受？

Spanking is sanctioned violence against children.

打屁股是針對兒童所認可的暴力

If we were to end spanking we would change the brains of an entire generation.

如果我們可以停止打屁股，我們可以改變這世代的大腦

How do we help Jack?

我們該如何幫助Jack？

Oh, we've got to slow down.

這時我們要放慢腳步

We've got to get down on the floor with Jack, and touch him

和Jack一起蹲在地板上，觸摸他

and be present, and let go of what we need Jack to do

陪伴著他，停止要求Jack

and engage in what he's actually doing.

並參與他正在做的事情

Treasure his scribble portraits and mirror his frustration

珍惜他的潦草畫像，模仿他的挫折

and pick the paper off the crayons with him.

和他一起撕開蠟筆的包裝

And let him feel just how much we really love being with him.

讓他知道我們真的很喜歡和他相處

And if you see another child being hit,

如果你看到有小孩被打

Stand up and say, "Stop!"

站出來說：「住手！」

Thank you.

謝謝

(Applause)

(掌聲)