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  • Okay, now I don't want to alarm anybody in this room,

  • but it's just come to my attention

  • that the person to your right is a liar.

  • (Laughter)

  • Also, the person to your left is a liar.

  • Also the person sitting in your very seats is a liar.

  • We're all liars.

  • What I'm going to do today

  • is I'm going to show you what the research says about why we're all liars,

  • how you can become a liespotter

  • and why you might want to go the extra mile

  • and go from liespotting to truth seeking,

  • and ultimately to trust building.

  • Now speaking of trust,

  • ever since I wrote this book, "Liespotting,"

  • no one wants to meet me in person anymore, no, no, no, no, no.

  • They say, "It's okay, we'll email you."

  • (Laughter)

  • I can't even get a coffee date at Starbucks.

  • My husband's like, "Honey, deception?

  • Maybe you could have focused on cooking. How about French cooking?"

  • So before I get started, what I'm going to do

  • is I'm going to clarify my goal for you,

  • which is not to teach a game of Gotcha.

  • Liespotters aren't those nitpicky kids,

  • those kids in the back of the room that are shouting, "Gotcha! Gotcha!

  • Your eyebrow twitched. You flared your nostril.

  • I watch that TV show 'Lie To Me.' I know you're lying."

  • No, liespotters are armed

  • with scientific knowledge of how to spot deception.

  • They use it to get to the truth,

  • and they do what mature leaders do everyday;

  • they have difficult conversations with difficult people,

  • sometimes during very difficult times.

  • And they start up that path

  • by accepting a core proposition,

  • and that proposition is the following:

  • Lying is a cooperative act.

  • Think about it, a lie has no power whatsoever by its mere utterance.

  • Its power emerges

  • when someone else agrees to believe the lie.

  • So I know it may sound like tough love,

  • but look, if at some point you got lied to,

  • it's because you agreed to get lied to.

  • Truth number one about lying: Lying's a cooperative act.

  • Now not all lies are harmful.

  • Sometimes we're willing participants in deception

  • for the sake of social dignity,

  • maybe to keep a secret that should be kept secret, secret.

  • We say, "Nice song."

  • "Honey, you don't look fat in that, no."

  • Or we say, favorite of the digiratti,

  • "You know, I just fished that email out of my spam folder.

  • So sorry."

  • But there are times when we are unwilling participants in deception.

  • And that can have dramatic costs for us.

  • Last year saw 997 billion dollars

  • in corporate fraud alone in the United States.

  • That's an eyelash under a trillion dollars.

  • That's seven percent of revenues.

  • Deception can cost billions.

  • Think Enron, Madoff, the mortgage crisis.

  • Or in the case of double agents and traitors,

  • like Robert Hanssen or Aldrich Ames,

  • lies can betray our country,

  • they can compromise our security, they can undermine democracy,

  • they can cause the deaths of those that defend us.

  • Deception is actually serious business.

  • This con man, Henry Oberlander,

  • he was such an effective con man

  • British authorities say

  • he could have undermined the entire banking system of the Western world.

  • And you can't find this guy on Google; you can't find him anywhere.

  • He was interviewed once, and he said the following.

  • He said, "Look, I've got one rule."

  • And this was Henry's rule, he said,

  • "Look, everyone is willing to give you something.

  • They're ready to give you something for whatever it is they're hungry for."

  • And that's the crux of it.

  • If you don't want to be deceived, you have to know,

  • what is it that you're hungry for?

  • And we all kind of hate to admit it.

  • We wish we were better husbands, better wives,

  • smarter, more powerful,

  • taller, richer --

  • the list goes on.

  • Lying is an attempt to bridge that gap,

  • to connect our wishes and our fantasies

  • about who we wish we were, how we wish we could be,

  • with what we're really like.

  • And boy are we willing to fill in those gaps in our lives with lies.

  • On a given day, studies show that you may be lied to

  • anywhere from 10 to 200 times.

  • Now granted, many of those are white lies.

  • But in another study,

  • it showed that strangers lied three times

  • within the first 10 minutes of meeting each other.

  • (Laughter)

  • Now when we first hear this data, we recoil.

  • We can't believe how prevalent lying is.

  • We're essentially against lying.

  • But if you look more closely,

  • the plot actually thickens.

  • We lie more to strangers than we lie to coworkers.

  • Extroverts lie more than introverts.

  • Men lie eight times more about themselves

  • than they do other people.

  • Women lie more to protect other people.

  • If you're an average married couple,

  • you're going to lie to your spouse

  • in one out of every 10 interactions.

  • Now you may think that's bad.

  • It you're unmarried, that number drops to three.

  • Lying's complex.

  • It's woven into the fabric of our daily and our business lives.

  • We're deeply ambivalent about the truth.

  • We parse it out on an as-needed basis,

  • sometimes for very good reasons,

  • other times just because we don't understand the gaps in our lives.

  • That's truth number two about lying.

  • We're against lying,

  • but we're covertly for it

  • in ways that our society has sanctioned

  • for centuries and centuries and centuries.

  • It's as old as breathing.

  • It's part of our culture, it's part of our history.

  • Think Dante, Shakespeare,

  • the Bible, News of the World.

  • (Laughter)

  • Lying has evolutionary value to us as a species.

  • Researchers have long known

  • that the more intelligent the species,

  • the larger the neocortex,

  • the more likely it is to be deceptive.

  • Now you might remember Koko.

  • Does anybody remember Koko the gorilla who was taught sign language?

  • Koko was taught to communicate via sign language.

  • Here's Koko with her kitten.

  • It's her cute little, fluffy pet kitten.

  • Koko once blamed her pet kitten

  • for ripping a sink out of the wall.

  • (Laughter)

  • We're hardwired to become leaders of the pack.

  • It's starts really, really early.

  • How early?

  • Well babies will fake a cry,

  • pause, wait to see who's coming

  • and then go right back to crying.

  • One-year-olds learn concealment.

  • (Laughter)

  • Two-year-olds bluff.

  • Five-year-olds lie outright.

  • They manipulate via flattery.

  • Nine-year-olds, masters of the cover up.

  • By the time you enter college,

  • you're going to lie to your mom in one out of every five interactions.

  • By the time we enter this work world and we're breadwinners,

  • we enter a world that is just cluttered

  • with spam, fake digital friends,

  • partisan media,

  • ingenious identity thieves,

  • world-class Ponzi schemers,

  • a deception epidemic --

  • in short, what one author calls

  • a post-truth society.

  • It's been very confusing

  • for a long time now.

  • What do you do?

  • Well there are steps we can take

  • to navigate our way through the morass.

  • Trained liespotters get to the truth 90 percent of the time.

  • The rest of us, we're only 54 percent accurate.

  • Why is it so easy to learn?

  • There are good liars and there are bad liars. There are no real original liars.

  • We all make the same mistakes. We all use the same techniques.

  • So what I'm going to do

  • is I'm going to show you two patterns of deception.

  • And then we're going to look at the hot spots and see if we can find them ourselves.

  • We're going to start with speech.

  • (Video) Bill Clinton: I want you to listen to me.

  • I'm going to say this again.

  • I did not have sexual relations

  • with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.

  • I never told anybody to lie,

  • not a single time, never.

  • And these allegations are false.

  • And I need to go back to work for the American people.

  • Thank you.

  • Pamela Meyer: Okay, what were the telltale signs?

  • Well first we heard what's known as a non-contracted denial.

  • Studies show that people who are overdetermined in their denial

  • will resort to formal rather than informal language.

  • We also heard distancing language: "that woman."

  • We know that liars will unconsciously distance themselves

  • from their subject

  • using language as their tool.

  • Now if Bill Clinton had said, "Well, to tell you the truth ... "

  • or Richard Nixon's favorite, "In all candor ... "

  • he would have been a dead giveaway

  • for any liespotter than knows

  • that qualifying language, as it's called, qualifying language like that,

  • further discredits the subject.

  • Now if he had repeated the question in its entirety,

  • or if he had peppered his account with a little too much detail --

  • and we're all really glad he didn't do that --

  • he would have further discredited himself.

  • Freud had it right.

  • Freud said, look, there's much more to it than speech:

  • "No mortal can keep a secret.

  • If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips."

  • And we all do it no matter how powerful you are.

  • We all chatter with our fingertips.

  • I'm going to show you Dominique Strauss-Kahn with Obama

  • who's chattering with his fingertips.

  • (Laughter)

  • Now this brings us to our next pattern,

  • which is body language.

  • With body language, here's what you've got to do.

  • You've really got to just throw your assumptions out the door.

  • Let the science temper your knowledge a little bit.

  • Because we think liars fidget all the time.

  • Well guess what, they're known to freeze their upper bodies when they're lying.

  • We think liars won't look you in the eyes.

  • Well guess what, they look you in the eyes a little too much

  • just to compensate for that myth.

  • We think warmth and smiles

  • convey honesty, sincerity.

  • But a trained liespotter

  • can spot a fake smile a mile away.

  • Can you all spot the fake smile here?

  • You can consciously contract

  • the muscles in your cheeks.

  • But the real smile's in the eyes, the crow's feet of the eyes.

  • They cannot be consciously contracted,

  • especially if you overdid the Botox.

  • Don't overdo the Botox; nobody will think you're honest.

  • Now we're going to look at the hot spots.

  • Can you tell what's happening in a conversation?

  • Can you start to find the hot spots

  • to see the discrepancies

  • between someone's words and someone's actions?

  • Now I know it seems really obvious,

  • but when you're having a conversation

  • with someone you suspect of deception,

  • attitude is by far the most overlooked but telling of indicators.

  • An honest person is going to be cooperative.

  • They're going to show they're on your side.

  • They're going to be enthusiastic.

  • They're going to be willing and helpful to getting you to the truth.

  • They're going to be willing to brainstorm, name suspects,

  • provide details.

  • They're going to say, "Hey,

  • maybe it was those guys in payroll that forged those checks."

  • They're going to be infuriated if they sense they're wrongly accused

  • throughout the entire course of the interview, not just in flashes;

  • they'll be infuriated throughout the entire course of the interview.

  • And if you ask someone honest

  • what should happen to whomever did forge those checks,

  • an honest person is much more likely

  • to recommend strict rather than lenient punishment.

  • Now let's say you're having that exact same conversation

  • with someone deceptive.

  • That person may be withdrawn,

  • look down, lower their voice,

  • pause, be kind of herky-jerky.

  • Ask a deceptive person to tell their story,

  • they're going to pepper it with way too much detail

  • in all kinds of irrelevant places.

  • And then they're going to tell their story in strict chronological order.

  • And what a trained interrogator does

  • is they come in and in very subtle ways

  • over the course of several hours,

  • they will ask that person to tell that story backwards,

  • and then they'll watch them squirm,

  • and track which questions produce the highest volume of deceptive tells.

  • Why do they do that? Well we all do the same thing.

  • We rehearse our words,

  • but we rarely rehearse our gestures.

  • We say "yes," we shake our heads "no."

  • We tell very convincing stories, we slightly shrug our shoulders.

  • We commit terrible crimes,

  • and we smile at the delight in getting away with it.

  • Now that smile is known in the trade as "duping delight."

  • And we're going to see that in several videos moving forward,

  • but we're going to start -- for those of you who don't know him,

  • this is presidential candidate John Edwards

  • who shocked America by fathering a child out of wedlock.

  • We're going to see him talk about getting a paternity test.

  • See now if you can spot him

  • saying, "yes" while shaking his head "no,"

  • slightly shrugging his shoulders.

  • (Video) John Edwards: I'd be happy to participate in one.

  • I know that it's not possible that this child could be mine,

  • because of the timing of events.

  • So I know it's not possible.

  • Happy to take a paternity test,

  • and would love to see it happen.

  • Interviewer: Are you going to do that soon? Is there somebody --

  • JE: Well, I'm only one side. I'm only one side of the test.

  • But I'm happy to participate in one.

  • PM: Okay, those head shakes are much easier to spot

  • once you know to look for them.

  • There're going to be times

  • when someone makes one expression

  • while masking another that just kind of leaks through in a flash.

  • Murderers are known to leak sadness.

  • Your new joint venture partner might shake your hand,

  • celebrate, go out to dinner with you

  • and then leak an expression of anger.

  • And we're not all going to become facial expression experts overnight here,

  • but there's one I can teach you that's very dangerous, and it's easy to learn,

  • and that's the expression of contempt.

  • Now with anger, you've got two people on an even playing field.

  • It's still somewhat of a healthy relationship.

  • But when anger turns to contempt,

  • you've been dismissed.

  • It's associated with moral superiority.

  • And for that reason, it's very, very hard to recover from.

  • Here's what it looks like.

  • It's marked by one lip corner

  • pulled up and in.

  • It's the only asymmetrical expression.

  • And in the presence of contempt,

  • whether or not deception follows --

  • and it doesn't always follow --

  • look the other way, go the other direction,

  • reconsider the deal,

  • say, "No thank you. I'm not coming up for just one more nightcap. Thank you."

  • Science has surfaced

  • many, many more indicators.

  • We know, for example,

  • we know liars will shift their blink rate,

  • point their feet towards an exit.

  • They will take barrier objects

  • and put them between themselves and the person that is interviewing them.

  • They'll alter their vocal tone,

  • often making their vocal tone much lower.

  • Now here's the deal.

  • These behaviors are just behaviors.

  • They're not proof of deception.

  • They're red flags.

  • We're human beings.

  • We make deceptive flailing gestures all over the place all day long.

  • They don't mean anything in and of themselves.

  • But when you see clusters of them, that's your signal.

  • Look, listen, probe, ask some hard questions,

  • get out of that very comfortable mode of knowing,

  • walk into curiosity mode, ask more questions,

  • have a little dignity, treat the person you're talking to with rapport.

  • Don't try to be like those folks on "Law & Order" and those other TV shows

  • that pummel their subjects into submission.

  • Don't be too aggressive, it doesn't work.

  • Now we've talked a little bit

  • about how to talk to someone who's lying

  • and how to spot a lie.

  • And as I promised, we're now going to look at what the truth looks like.

  • But I'm going to show you two videos,

  • two mothers -- one is lying, one is telling the truth.

  • And these were surfaced

  • by researcher David Matsumoto in California.

  • And I think they're an excellent example

  • of what the truth looks like.

  • This mother, Diane Downs,

  • shot her kids at close range,

  • drove them to the hospital

  • while they bled all over the car,

  • claimed a scraggy-haired stranger did it.

  • And you'll see when you see the video,

  • she can't even pretend to be an agonizing mother.

  • What you want to look for here

  • is an incredible discrepancy

  • between horrific events that she describes

  • and her very, very cool demeanor.

  • And if you look closely, you'll see duping delight throughout this video.

  • (Video) Diane Downs: At night when I close my eyes,

  • I can see Christie reaching her hand out to me while I'm driving,

  • and the blood just kept coming out of her mouth.

  • And that -- maybe it'll fade too with time --

  • but I don't think so.

  • That haunts me the most.

  • PM: Now I'm going to show you a video

  • of an actual grieving mother, Erin Runnion,

  • confronting her daughter's murderer and torturer in court.

  • Here you're going to see no false emotion,

  • just the authentic expression of a mother's agony.

  • (Video) Erin Runnion: I wrote this statement on the third anniversary

  • of the night you took my baby,

  • and you hurt her,

  • and you crushed her,

  • you terrified her until her heart stopped.

  • And she fought, and I know she fought you.

  • But I know she looked at you

  • with those amazing brown eyes,

  • and you still wanted to kill her.

  • And I don't understand it,

  • and I never will.

  • PM: Okay, there's no doubting the veracity of those emotions.

  • Now the technology around what the truth looks like

  • is progressing on, the science of it.

  • We know for example

  • that we now have specialized eye trackers and infrared brain scans,

  • MRI's that can decode the signals that our bodies send out

  • when we're trying to be deceptive.

  • And these technologies are going to be marketed to all of us

  • as panaceas for deceit,

  • and they will prove incredibly useful some day.

  • But you've got to ask yourself in the meantime:

  • Who do you want on your side of the meeting,

  • someone who's trained in getting to the truth

  • or some guy who's going to drag a 400-pound electroencephalogram

  • through the door?

  • Liespotters rely on human tools.

  • They know, as someone once said,

  • "Character's who you are in the dark."

  • And what's kind of interesting

  • is that today we have so little darkness.

  • Our world is lit up 24 hours a day.

  • It's transparent

  • with blogs and social networks

  • broadcasting the buzz of a whole new generation of people

  • that have made a choice to live their lives in public.

  • It's a much more noisy world.

  • So one challenge we have

  • is to remember,

  • oversharing, that's not honesty.

  • Our manic tweeting and texting

  • can blind us to the fact

  • that the subtleties of human decency -- character integrity --

  • that's still what matters, that's always what's going to matter.

  • So in this much noisier world,

  • it might make sense for us

  • to be just a little bit more explicit

  • about our moral code.

  • When you combine the science of recognizing deception

  • with the art of looking, listening,

  • you exempt yourself from collaborating in a lie.

  • You start up that path

  • of being just a little bit more explicit,

  • because you signal to everyone around you,

  • you say, "Hey, my world, our world,

  • it's going to be an honest one.

  • My world is going to be one where truth is strengthened

  • and falsehood is recognized and marginalized."

  • And when you do that,

  • the ground around you starts to shift just a little bit.

  • And that's the truth. Thank you.

  • (Applause)

Okay, now I don't want to alarm anybody in this room,

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