Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles SpongeBob! SpongeBob! And why aren't you in uniform? It's about time you got here. Here you go, Your Majesty. -I can't drink that. -Why not? Are you blind? Just look at it! Here's your 20 bucks. -Here's your glasses. -Thanks. I'll take one executive treatment, my good man. Here's your executive treatment! Here you go. Oh man! That looks executively delicious! Carl, what are you doing standing around at a time like this? We're gonna be late for the big brainstorming meeting. [Crowd chattering] Save my sandwich for me, Squidward! Squidward! Ha! I'll save it, all right! I'll just put it here in the circular file. [Laughs] What are you doing throwing away a perfectly sellable sandwich? [Crowd chattering] Nooo! Oh, nooo! [Efforts] [Crowd chatteting] [Screams] [Bubble soaking] The bubbles are making me bigger! More bubbles! Argh! Ahh! Thank you, Squidward! I'm big enough to flip patties again! Whoooah! [Dramatic surprise] [Dramatic scream] [Crowd grumbling] Mr. Squidward call the fire department! No need to call them, Mr. Krabs. [Efforts] We'll be there in 5 minutes depending on traffic! Haha! [Screams] Ahhh! Yucks! I guess I gotta use good old-fashioned tentacle grease. [Strong effort] [Drilling sound] All better! That should seal up that drafty gap and kill the whistling, ha ha! Well, thank you Dr. Squidward! Say, without a gap, my voice sounds almost cool. Testing, testing... one, two, three... You know, with this voice I don't need whistling. Oh! I've got to sing! [Cheerful music] [Humming] [Snors] Where is that heavenly voice coming from? I must ...eh? [Continues humming] Oh! Blau fish! Does he has to ruin everything for me? What a dreamy voice? Wow! It really swings! [Continues humming] Hey everybody! Look! SpongeBob is cool now. I'm ready! You didn't Mr. Squidward, aren't you going to compliment my outfit? Ehm.. You look stunning! Oh! You're so sweet! -Where are my flowers? -Flowers? Oh! Well, they're... ...Did you drop your lip liner? [Glass breaking] [Smothering] I don't think that I dropped it... My Squidward, you should have! Oh but I wanted to! Oh! you really shouldn't have! I'm very...I'm very... [Sneeze] ...very allergic to tulips. Anyway, you're ready to go? -Yuck! Go where? -To dinner, silly! Oh, right! Dinner. I'll get my car. [Boat machine sound] -Hop in! -[Coughs] What? A gentleman always opened the door for a lady. Oh! We are my manners? [Seat belt fastening] Alright, so... [Efforts] Oh! Come on! -Could I help you with that? -No, I think I got it. Stupid thing. What are you... there! [Giggles] -Aha... Can we go now? -Yes! -Great! -Right after I can go... [Seat belt unfastening] [Belt ring] [Exhales] [Seat belt fastening] Oh, good thing I went. I dont think I would have made it to the restaurant. -Is something wrong Squidward? -No! -Just hungry. That's all! -Great! Well, I know a fabulous place we can go just head this way! Wonderful! -Hi Sponge Bob! -Hi how are ya? Good. Just anybody gets a drink. -Wonderful weather we're having. -It sure is. OK, See you around. Yeah! See ya! Ha ha! Oh my! [Water sipping] I could get used to this. [Classical music] [Keyboard typing] [Shooting sound] [Cash register sound] THREE WEEKS LATER... There you are, Sir. Oh! Yes, it's time again. I didn't meaning to say this but... I come to appreciate your demeanor lately. you know, it's a funny thing, Squidward. I smooth out the edges of my personality and the rest has followed suit. Now I am utterly normal. [Cheerful music] [Chewing] That ain't right. I'll never spend money here again. Never? Come on, guys. These patties ain't worth the paper they were printed on. Wait! Where are you going? Sponge Bob! What are you doing back here? You would expect the customers to eat this. And now, thanks to you, they're leaving in boatloads. [Crowd chattering] Really, this thing is out of ink. No, boy, you're missing the point. You can't make crabby patties with inking paper. You've got to put your heart into it, boy, Now get back to making them patties the right way and stop acting so dull. But you called dull, I call normal. Well, till you decide you start making patties the way only you can, I want you out of my place. [Crowd chattering] [Gasps] Oh! Hi, guys! Bob Sponge is that you? Who you expected? Tiny Tim? Wait, Wait! Big on me! Dude! you're ripped! Thank you! I've been working out. Excuse me a second. [Muscles stretching] Anyone for the... juicebar? Table for Hommina? I can seat you immediately. -How did you do all this? -It was easy. Once I cleared my mind. -What about Krabs and Patrick? -Taken care of. [Efforts] Right this way, please. Good evening, sir. From our menu type. Might I recommend that crabby Newberg? We take the finest cuts of aged, imported kelp. Stuffed them with herbs from our garden. Wrap them in parchment with our award winning shallot tapenade. Slow roast them for 6 hours in our wood fired playfield oven or kiva and served it with a garnish of Wilfred Koro on a mahogany plank. -This is fantastic! -Thank you, sir! Pinch me, I must be dreaming. Ouch! If you need anything else, just call. Sponge Bob, I can't thank you enough for all you're doing. Fine dining and breathing are all I know how to do. [Deep breathing] It worked! I can't believe it! Squilliam thinks I own a five-star restaurant. Time to rub it in his face. Well, Squilliam, I'm waiting. All right, I admit it. Everything is fabulous. The food, the atmosphere, everything is flawless. In that case, I need you to read this. -Squidward Tentacles... -And I need you to wear this. Oh! Squiward Tentacles has the fanciest- I'm sorry, one more time. Squiward Tentacles has the fanciest restaurant in Bikini Bottom. And he does not suck eggs. [Crowd cheering] Squidward, I must tell you... Oh! Thank you. What really won me over was your brilliant waiter. It's as if all he knows is fine dining and breathing. I must know your name. -My name? -Yes, your name, son. -Ehm...Beef Wellington? -No, your name. Ah... ehm.. The fork on the left? Heh. Stop joking. Tell him your name. My name? What's his name? I've got nothing on a name. Come on, baby! What's the name? [Panic shouting] What his name? Trust me, Squidward, I'm lookig for Bob Sponge. Hi! [Dramatic music] How are you? [Screams] Sponge Bob! You're back to your square shape. Wow! I guess Squidward normal look scared me back to my original form. Thanks, buddy! You saved my life. Wonderful weather we are having. It sure is, buddy. It sure is! [Laughs] Up, up and away! Up, up and away! Oh my! This purse is so big and heavy! Hold it right there, ma'am. I'll be taking that. Oh! Help, help, help! It's working! Why are you here to rescue little on me. Pain down. You could wait more made man, or when everybody's nap is disturbed. [Babbling] [Trembling] I won't give in your timeshare vacation scam. Then give it to my fists. [Effort] [Effort] [Growling] [Slapping] [Punching] [Efforts] [Kicking] [Twisting] [Punching] [Screaming] You're now in the soup now, Udon! Hey, look at what you did to me! You better fix my nose or you'll hear from my lawyer. Are you sure? Yeah... You'll be ugly again. Yes, I'm sure. Hmm...How to fix his nose? What if you turn the bottle upside down, maybe it will shrink it? Patrick, that's brilliant! Now, wait, don't... -Didn't work. -Well, try it again. Hmm. I think I'll just even him out. First, a bigger head. Stop! -Now his body is too small. -Right, too small. Arms are too short. Legs are too short. Other arm. Feet too small. Teeth. Belly button. Smack! Perfect! I look horrible! Ew! [Coughs] He inked! Well, pardon my anatomy! What's happening? All right! What did you do to me?! I know! I know! Um, made you a monster! And a giant. A giant monster! I don't want to be a giant lumbering monster! What will I do now? That's easy! Play giant lumbering monster tag! Yeah! Yeah! You chase us! And we run around and scream like crazy! Try and catch us, giant monster Squidward! [Laughs] SpongeBob, come back here! [Screams] This is really fun. [Screams] I know, We should do this more often. [Screams] A monster! [Tugging] [Screams] [Crown screaming] I'm ready! I'm ready- Ah! What is this? Curly tresses, goofy texture, itchy scalp... it's a wig! Hi Patrick! How do you like my new look? I'll save you! Pa... trick... what are... you doing? I'm saving you from that brain-eating alien that's attacking your... head! Patrick! the only thing attacking me is you. -Oh, sorry. -It's okay. [Bitting] Why did you do that? [Swallows and burps] I thought it was a new type of cotton candy you wear on your head. Well, it's not, but that's an excellent idea. -Then what is it? -It's my new look! -I'm wearing a wig. -A wig? [Laughs] Oh! Oh, I can't stand! [Deep breaths] Oh boy! Don't you think that's a little silly? [Phone rings] Oh man! It's time for my weekly condiment soak. [Pouring mustard] Do you mind? Nice wig! Thanks, I'm very fashionable today. Hey SquareFashion, nice couture! Why? Thank you! Nice 'do, SpongeBob! Yeah, where can I get one? [Laughs] Whoa-ho-ho! That wig really suits you. [Laughs] [Snors] -Hi Squidward! -Ah! Who? What? Where? How? Notice anything different about me today, Squidward! Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh... huh? -Nope. -I'm wearing a wig! Oh yeah! How could I have missed it? Can you believe I found it lying around in the street? Am...azing! If you want to after work we can go look for a wig for you. I can't wait. Wig away! Woo-hoo! [Hair scratches] Order up, Squidward! Mr. Krabs! I've served a lot of junk here but a hair patty? -SpongeBob! -Yes, Mr. Krabs! What in Davey Jone's locker is on your head, son? Oh, that's my new wig, Mr. Krabs! Well, take if off. The hair's getting into the patties. Take it off? But I can't, Mr. Krabs. My wig makes everyone so happy. Happy? Every since I've began wearing it, everyone I see gets a big grin on their face. I can imagine. Oh, please let me keep it, Mr. Krabs. Well, if it means that much to ya, you can keep it. But you gotta weat a hairmet. And if I see one more hairy patty, your wig goes in the dumpster. There you are, SpongeBob! Are you ready for karate prac...tice? I see you've noticed my new wig. Pretty impressive, huh? It's uh, great, SpongeBob. [Laughs uncontrollably] Glad you like it. I'll see you later, Sandy. Two Krabby patties and a side order of looking good. -Nice wig! -Like to keep in style, huh? You know it. Off to meet the queen, Sir Nedlaroy? My name is SpongeBob and no, I am not meeting royalty. You must be referring to my regal appearance. [Stumbles] [Crowd laughing] Thank you all for your kind words. I wish I could give you such nice wigs. How 'bout a little off the top? Yeah, your wig's big enough to go around. This isn't good. Everyone's getting jealous. Squidward, I'll be hiding in the ktiche if you need me. Hide your shame, SpongeBob. Hide your shame.
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