Ah.

By the all seeing eye, ye are worthy, we are not.

What are you two idiots doing?!

Secret ritual.

To inaugurate you as president.

Me, president of Bikini Bottom?

I knew the people would come to their senses.

No, silly.

Not the president of Bikini Bottom,

- even better. - Better?

You're the president of... the secret Royal Order

of the Good Neighbor Lodge.

The what?

Is this some stupid club you two made up?

[gasping]

[laughing]

Maybe.

[laughing]

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪

Figaro, Figaro, figa...

It's so beautiful.

♪ Ro ♪

♪ O-o-o ♪

That's the most wonderful singing I've ever heard.

[crying]

♪ O-o-o ♪

What's this? Can it be?

My lodge robes. I'm back in a lodge.

I gotta try 'em on. Huh? This can't be right.

These aren't my cephalopod robes.

[laughing]

They sure aren't.

They're your uniform for your new lodge.

Welcome to the first official meeting of...

the Feather Friends.

Feather Friends?

Somebody already had Feather Buddies.

Yeah, those Feather Buddies better hope

they don't run into us in a dark alley.

[chattering]

[everyone] Blah, blah, blah...

People, people settle down.

Okay, now, how many of you have played

musical instruments before?

Do instruments of torture count?

No.

Is mayonnaise an instrument?

No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument.

Horseradish is not an instrument, either.

Boat Smarts with Mrs. Puff.

This driving safety film is brought to you

by C.O.B.B.U.T.K.S.B.S. P.O.T.R.A.O.O.B.A.T.

Citizens of Bikini Bottom united to keep SpongeBob SquarePants

off the road and out of boats altogether.

Good day, future motorists.

I'm Mrs. Puff, state accredited driving instructor.

Today we'll be discussing the differences between a driver

with boat smarts...

Ripping good day for a spot of driving.

And a driver without boat smarts.

Hey, Squidward, look what I can do with my feet.

[groaning]

I can't believe I fell for such a phony!

Oh, well, time to move on. Guess I don't need

my Kenny the Cat Fan Club membership card anymore.

Or these getting Kenny the Cat posters.

Oh, Kenny, how could you? You were my idol.

You know, I should really talk about this with someone,

or I might get depressed.

[panting]

Welcome everyone to the Secret Anchor Arm Wrestling Club.

Oh, yeah! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Give it up, old man.

You're nothing but a soft shelled Krabs.

[screaming]

[cheering]

Yeah!

[phone chiming]

Yeah? Who's calling me?

Hey, Will, it's Patchy the Pirate

president of the SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club

in Encino, and I am throwing a little TV special for him.

Oh, really? Cause I'm president of the SpongeBob Fan Club

Tarzan a Chapter and I'm throwing a TV show, too.

So get in line.

What?! You can't do that.

Can't I? Well, guess what I'm doing.

I must know the secret.

For the last time, SpongeBob, no!

Come on, just a peek!

Never!

[gasping]

So, it's come to this.

And to think we joined the Best Friends Forever Club.

Well, I'll have you know that I am a member

of over 20 different exclusive clubs all across the sea bottom!

What did he say?

I don't know. Something about his nose.

Squidward, you and your nose will definitely not fit in.

Oh, what are you two zeros know about fitting in?!

Why, you should be begging me to join.

- Squidward! - Squidward, no, no!

- Stop! - Stop, please!

You can't join!

You can't join! You can't get in!

Well, this is stupid. There's no room up here!

That's what we've been trying to tell you.

We've been stuck up here for three days.

We told you you wouldn't fit in.

[groaning]

Man Ray.

The Dirty Bubble

[screaming, Dirty Bubble laughing]

And now playing for the dark side Barnacle Boy.

Barnacle Man!

Have been committing a series of crimes

throughout Bikini Bottom.

[laughing]

Shh.

[doorbell ringing]

[laughing]

I'll get you crazy kids!

These three have named their new alliance...

Otherwise known as EVIL. What can we do?

When will this crime wave end? How will we defeat the evil?

Why am I asking you all these questions?

Do you have a dirty shell and hate bath time?

[meowing]

Of course you do.

That's why I must tell you about our limited time offer

for not four, not three, but one luxurious night

here at Club Shell. A perfect resort for snails.

[meowing]

Don't try to pinch yourself. This could be...

[SpongeBob] Gary, the bath is ready.

...all yours!

Now I know what you're thinking, but I got you covered.

A temporary shell will be provided for you to wear

while yours is being cleaned.

And all of this is free of charge, of course.

[SpongeBob] Gary, the bath is ready!

[humming]

Hi, Mrs. Puff!

I'm not here.

Oops. My mistake.

Hi, Plankton! Hi, Bubble Bass!

Hi, Mr. Mailman!

[both] We're not here.

Maybe I need glasses.

Fellow Sponge sufferers,

the 431st We Hate SpongeBob Club will now come to order.

And now our motto.

we don't mean SpongeBob any harm,

We just can't stand him.

[whimpering]

I'll never forget my initiation ceremony.

[whimpering]

[cheering]

[both] Yeah! Way to go!

[gasping]

SpongeBob? Patrick? Did you follow me here?

- Hello? - Yes? Can I help you?

I'm here about the happiness. I'll be moving in now.

Are you alone?

No. I mean, yes.

There's nobody with me. Yes, peace and quiet.

Are you now or have you ever been a sponge?

- No. - What about a--

No, no starfish.

Just a regular, normal, peace loving...

[rumbling]

[creaking]

[music playing]

[laughing]

Heaven at last.

Krabby Patty?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, anything this fun and delicious can't be good.

What would this world be if everyone convorted

in such a manner?

Who are you with your tight lips,

raised eyebrows and conservative clothes?

I am Ms. Gristlepuss.

We are The United Organization

Of Fish Against Things That Are Fun And Delicious.

Or, T.U.O.O.F.A.T.T.A.F.A.D. for short.

And we are going to ban

these so called "Krabby Patties",

and close your restaurant forever!

[whistling]

Hey, what's everyone waiting in line for?

Ahoy, fair lass.

It'd be the line to get into the Salty Spittoon,

the roughest, toughest sailor club

ever to be built under the Seven Seas.

Only the baddest of the bad can get in.

You need to have muscles.

You need to have muscles on your muscles.

You need to have muscles on your eyeballs.

Ew.

[screaming]

The Elastic Waistband

Greet the hottest crime fighter in the country,

Professor Magma.

The illusive Miss Appear.

And the Pyrite Ponderer with his hairnet of knowledge.

Do we really exist?

Together we are

the International Justice Lodge of Super Acquaintances.

Appetizers.

Oh, boy, eats!

Yum, yum, yum.

And we also have milk and cookies.

Oh, are those chocolate chip cookies? Can I--

Hatch it! I'm sure you'd rather have

some Tetrazzini. We grown ups ordered, right?

Uh, yeah, Squidward.

I'm frankly shocked they serve

such elementary fair here.

Indeed.

[laughing]

Wow, they do seem blissfully brainless.

Oh, oh, oh.

We have to check your smart thingy at the door.

[clucking]

Huh.

Ooh.

♪ I have a head It ends in a point ♪

Look at that, Patrick.

[chanting]

Oh, you mean the angry mob with pitchforks and torches?

[laughing]

That's not an angry mob, Patrick. It's your fan club.

Fan club?

[chattering]

Yee-whoo!

We should sing them a song!

Who's responsible for that song on the radio?!

Why, he's right here. Patrick Star, Musical Genius.

[belching]

Let's get 'em, boys!

[screaming]

[screaming]

Patrick, look! Can it be?

Ice cream?

No, it's the Jellyspotters,

Bikini Bottoms premier Jellyfish Enthusiast Club.

[gasping] And their leader.

The coolest jellyfish enthusiast ever, Kevin the Sea Cucumber.

What's so great about a nerdy pickle?

If I could just touch the hem of his pocket protector,

then maybe some of his greatness would rub off on me.

SpongeBob, as a friend, I must say that's really geeky.

[gasping]

Oh, my gosh! Jeffrey Jellyfish!

Wait, Jeffrey, I have to touch you!

Hey! All right, science scouts, one last check on supplies.

We all need to be prepared for our camp out

on the moon. SpongeBob?

Six pack of Fizz Bomb Cola, bubble wand... mesh tank top.

[purring]

And I'm waiting on a Krabby Patty delivery.

Well, that's not what I had in mind

when I said supplies.

The Quickstir!

With the uncanny ability to run really... quick.

Wanna see me run to that mountain and back?

Wanna see me do it again?

Captain Magma!

Get him angry and he's bound to erupt.

Krakatoa!

[sizzling]

The Elastic Waistband, able to stretch his body

into fantastic shapes and form.

I can finally touch my toes.

And Miss Appear,

now you see her, now you don't.

Does this outfit make me look fat?

The International Justice Leage of Super Acquaintances,

a subsidiary of Viacom.

[cheering]

Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Fan Club members unite!