RADIO OVER THERE IS ETHAN HAWKE, I ALWAYS LIKE WHEN YOU DOM ON

THE SHOW, ARE YOU BOTH AN ACTOR AND A MOVIE STAR WHO SHARES OF

HIMSELF IN INTIMATE WAYS THAT NOT EVERYBODY IS WILLING TO DO

WHEN THEY'RE ON PANEL. ARE YOU COMFORTABLE SHARING

YOURSELF WITH THE PUBLIC? >> IT IS EASIER SSES JUST TO BE

HONEST? >> JUST TO TELL THE TRUTH AND

LET'S JUST GO WITH IT. >> Stephen: ONE OF THE THINGS

I SUSPECT-- RESPECT ABOUT YOU. FOR AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE DONE

THAT, FOR AS MUCH AS YOU HAVE DONE, THAT WE NEVER TALKED FOR

MORE THAN SAY 12 TO 15 MINUTES AT A POP AND ST HARD FOR ME TO

TROWLY PLOM THE DEPTHS OF ANYONE, EVEN SOMEONE AS GOOD AS

MI. >> ARE YOU SMARTS.

>> Stephen: PLUMB THE DEPTHS OF COMEDY AT ANY LEVEL, PUT MY

DIP STICK IN AND SEE HOW MUCH OIL.

>> I'M GETTING UNCOMFORTABLE. >> Stephen: THAT IS WHAT I

MEAN, SHARING OF YOURSELF, THAT IS UNCOMFORTABLE.

HERE IS THE THING, YOU CAN SAY NO IF YOU WANT TO WE HERE AT

LATE SHOW LABS HAVE COME UP WITH SOMETHING CALLED THE COLBERT

QUESTIONERT. ST A SERIES OF QUESTIONS THAT

HAVE BEEN CALIBRATED TO AEROSPACE TOLERANCES TO

PENETRATE THE ARMOR AND THE PROTECTIVE PSYCHIC SHELL THAT

PEOPLE KEEP AROUND THEMSELVES SO THEY WILL NOT BE KNOWN.

IT IS A TRUTH-SEEKING MISSILE THAT FINDS OUT THE TRUE HEART OF

SOMEONE. ARE YOU WILLING RIGHT NOW IN

FRONT OF AMERICA, GOD AND EVERYTHING TO TAKE THE COLBERT

QUESTIONERT? >> YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK MY

MASK. >> Stephen: LET'S SEE.

>> I'M READY, WILLING AND ABLE. >> Stephen: BRAVE MAN, BRAVE

MAN. ETHAN HAWKE, THIS IS THE COLBERT

QUESTIONERT, HERE WE GO, FIRST QUESTION.

WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH? >> THE BEST-- GRANDMA BETTY MADE

A MEAN PB & J. >> Stephen: KEEP IT SIMPLE.

NOW OKAY. SO ARE WE TALKING SMOOTHER

CRUNCHY. >> I WANT SMOOTH BUT I USE GOT

CRUNCHY. >> Stephen: GRAD MA WAS

RADICAL, WHAT KIND OF JELLY, GRAPES STRAWBERRY.

>> STRAWBERRY. MY MOM GAVE ME THE HEALTHY

PEANUT BUTTER, THE KIND YOU STIR.

BUT GRAND MA WOULD GET THE GOOD STUFF.

>> Stephen: WHAT IS ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY

THROW OUT? >> ONE THING I OWN THAT I-- 97%

OF THE CLOTHES THAT I OWN, 97% OF THE CLOTHES I OWN I BOUGHT IN

1-9D 92. LIKE THIS SUIT IS NOT MINE,

OKAY. I LIKE IT AND I WISH IT WERE

MINE BUT I JUST KEEP WEARING CLOTHES FROM THE 90 ITSEE LIKE

I'M STUCK IN FOR MALD HIDE,. >> Stephen: HEUER WHAT IS THE

SCARIEST ANIMAL? >> DO INSIGNATURES COUNT.

>> Stephen: YES. >> A TICK, I HATE TICKS.

>> Stephen: YOU HAVE FOUND A TICK ON YOURSELF LATELY?

>> I FEEL LIKE THAT WILL MAKE ME UNRAVE IF I ANSWER AND PEOPLE

WON'T LIKE ME. YES.

>> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVE.

>> YES, I HAVE, I FOUND ONE ON MY STOMACH AND ON MY UNDERARM.

>> Stephen: YES CONDITIONS IT FREAKS ME OUT, I DON'T LIKE

TICKS. >> Stephen: NO, WHO DOES.

>> BUT I'M OKAY. I'M GOING TO BE OKAY.

>> Stephen: OKAY. YOU GOT TO FES.

>> I PUT THE SUCKER IN TAPE, YOU PUT IT ON TAPE SO IF IT STARTS

TO RING UP OR GET WEIRD YOU CAN TAKE IT TO THE DOCTOR AND THEY

CAN TELL YOU HOW POISON US OR RANCID IT IS, I HATE TICKS.

>> Stephen: GLAD TO KNOW, THIS IS INFORMATIVE.

>> SEE. >> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES?

>> APPLES OR ORANGES. I LIKE APPLE PIE SO GOT TO GO

WITH APPLES. >> Stephen: WELL DONE.

HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR AUTO GRAPH.

>> YEAH. >> Stephen: WHO?

>> I ASKED KRIS KRISTOFFERSON. >> Stephen: WOW.

AND DID YOU GET IT? >> I GOT IT.

I HAD, AN OLD LP OF SILVER TONGUE DEVIL AND HE WROTE TO

ETHAN, RESPECT, KRIS. AND I GOT IT FRAMED ON MY WALL.

>> Stephen: WOW. RHODES SCHOLAR.

>> RHODES SCHOLAR. >> Stephen: ETHAN HAWKE WHAT

DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?

>> YOU READY? I DON'T THINK WE DIE.

I DON'T THINK THAT WE HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE DIVINE

CONCEPT OF TIME. I DON'T STHI WE'RE ANY MORE

CAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING A CLOCK THAN A DOG.

AND I THINK SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER IS GOING ON THAN WE ARE

AWARE OF IN OUR DAY TO DAY ROUTINE.

I DON'T THINK HAVE I THE INTELLIGENCE OR THE DNA MAKEUP

TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION. >> Stephen: FAVORITE ACTION

MOVIE. >> DIEHARD.

>> Stephen: DIEHARD. >> Stephen: WHILE I GOT YOU,

WHILE I GOT YOU ON THE DIEHARD, IS DIEHARD A CHRISTMAS MOVIE?

>> YES, SURE, YES, YES, BEST ONE.

>> Stephen: LEGALLY HAVE I TO FOLLOW UP WITH THAT ONE.

>> I MEAN DIEHARD, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST SO PERFECT IT IS JUST

A GREAT FILM. >> Stephen: WINDOW OR AISLE.

>> I'M A NAPPER SO I NEED TO BE BY THE WINDOW.

>> Stephen: OKAY. DOES THIS OR YOU DON'T WANT

PEOPLE TO GET UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

>> NO, THAT DOESN'T BOTHER ME, LITERALLY SINCE I WAS A KID, ME

PUT ME IN A CAR, I FALL ASLEEP, PUT ME IN THE PLANE, I FALL

ASLEEP. AND IF I AM IN THE AISLE, THEY

MY HEAD, THEY KICK MY LEG, SIR, PUT YOUR LEG BACK N I'M SLEEPING

AND THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND DID I JUST REVEAL TOO MUCH.

>> Stephen: NO, JUST ENOUGH. FAVORITE SMELL.

>> MY WIFE. THAT MAKES IT SOUND CORNY BUT

YOU KNOW THAT IS MY FAVORITE SMELL.

>> Stephen: LEAST FAVORITE SMELL.

>> MYSELF. >> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A

QUICK BREAK BUT WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE MR. ETHAN HAWKE,

EVERYBODY. STICK AROUND.