You were at a very young age, weren't you?

A black belt?

Yes, I I don't don't be alarmed.

I I I've forgotten it all.

But I was lethal at at around 10, I had a black belt.

How do you get a black belt at 10?

That's hard to do.

Yeah, it took, it started when I was five, so it took it took about five years and but precisely.

Well, yeah, if you if you're into that whole matt thing.

Yeah, so uh so yeah, but I was always tiny.

I never, you know, I wore a double zero uniform and I was just this tiny tiny person.

And the thing was when you get a black belt, they have to bow, everyone has to bow to you in the studio, not in life.

I learned that the hard way, but they have, they have to bow to you and call you call me mr Helberg.

But the thing was was nobody respected me because I was a tiny little 10 year old with a black belt and there was an influx of these Russian kids that were tough, they were like tall.

It was they were like the Dolph lundgren's to my baby balboa.

And uh and and so they would just, I would come in and I'd be like, hello, hi, nicotine, Leopold Leonid or is it Leopold, Okay.

Anyway.

And they'd be like, well, well, well look at what we have here Simon Okay, well, first of all it's Mr Helberg, So and I'm gonna need you guys to bow, gonna have to get that.

Just get that out of the way before we spar and they'd be like what are you gonna do about it?

I am going to go tell my master on you, I'll be right back and I would go into the master's office and be like okay so and his name was Master Jacoby.

He was like a jersey guy and I'd be like master Jacoby.

Okay so it's the Russians again and they're not respecting my authority.

I earned a black belt.

I you know and he I know he was just trying not to laugh.

He'd be like okay go give give him a punishment would be like a punishment 20 knuckle pushups and I would go out like sergei come here, come here and they just they didn't ever listen to me at all and when we would spar it was no contact but they contacted me heavily and so you know when it's all about the graceful movements and things like that and they didn't care they would just wail on you.

Yeah I mean it was like and then you know they would like threat, they would work up a threat.

You know I would be like first of all there's no contact and I was like they're talking in an alien tongue.

Master JIA Kobe and I think there's threats on the horizon there beating you with a trash can and he's like okay 30 knuckle push ups.

I don't know.

Yeah so that that never served me well except it did.

I did.

I could do the splits.

Uh Yeah, the like with my legs to the side and uh and and that was like my big cheerleader, I was gonna say J.

C.

V.

D.

Jean, Claude Van Damme more.

Okay, I'm glad you spelled that out because I didn't know who that was.

Well, venereal disease.

I don't know.

So yeah, so that was my big things.

I would go to parties and I don't know, like I'm a little more insecure now, I don't want to show off and if somebody's like tell that story, I don't know if it comes out, but I somehow would work in doing this.

I would do the splits between two chairs at like parties.

And I don't know, I don't remember how I ever got into it.

Like how I would just be at a party and I'd be like, okay, well uh do you have another chair?

Oh yeah, yeah.

What do you do?

Oh no, no, no.

It's just just carry on and you know, and I just put one leg up and just be sitting there, just just sit in the middle of a party Hi.

Like I have no idea what the process of getting into.

People must have hated you.

I mean it's I do remember parents coming in being like, oh what the, like I'm just the kids sitting on two chairs like, oh yes, this I just, I'm a black belt and you know, you guys enjoy the party and I thought that was like my way into the late, like what I can do, look what's happening here, literally here, look what's hanging, I wish lower.

But yeah, the parents were probably afraid that a limbo would break out a very dirty limit I was new to, I guess that that might not have helped.