I took a CPR class

我去學心肺復甦術，

To save human life

要去救人用的。

That’s what makes me different from you. I have a certificate and everything

那我就和你不一樣啦！我有證照還有所有東西，

There’re four of us in the classroom. I was teacher’s pet.

我們班上有四個學生，我在班上很受寵呢！

So I’m gonna tell you what to do in case someone goes in to cardiac arrest

所以我要告訴你萬一有人心跳停止了，你要怎麼做。

Oh my goodness. They’re having a heart attack. – Okay, they’re having a heart attack

我的天啊！他們心臟病發作了。好，他們心臟病發作了。

But first I wanna tell you… You have to do…

但是我要告訴你的第一件事是…你必須要…

Okay, the first thing they told me to do is you have to appoint somebody to call 911 and go get an AED kit

沒問題，他們教我第一件事就是要指派一個人去打911，另一個人去拿自動體外心臟去顫器。

So that’s the first thing I’m gonna do.

所以那就是我要做的第一件事。

Go ahead. – So you! The guy in the Roots!

開始吧！你！穿Roots的男人！

Call 911!

打911！

You! Go get the AED kit! It’s by the register

你！去拿自動體外心臟去顫器！在通風設備旁邊！

So you need to give out information. Where the AED kit is

所以你要告知自動體外心臟去顫器到底在哪裡，

Just say you go to this, you gotta be very specific

就說你去哪裡哪裡拿自動體外心臟去顫器，一定要講得非常清楚。

Meanwhile, I’m doing compressions like this

同時，我要像這樣做按壓的動作。

You know, I gotta get up

你知道的，我要到桌上做。

Okay, doing compressions, you know, while I’m waiting for the kit

好，做按壓動作，你知道的嘛，我在等去顫器來。

I’m the best chance you’ve got to be alive right now

我是現在最有可能讓你活過來的人了。

Okay. It is. This is helpful

沒問題，的確是，真的非常有用。

This is helpful. This is helpful

這真的有用，這真的有用。

Now the AED kit, they’re like over 2,000 dollars

現在輪到自動體外心臟去顫器啦，它大概超過兩千塊錢。

This is worth 15 dollars. You should be ashamed

這只值15塊錢耶，你真該感到羞恥啊！

I’m sorry. This is the NBC. They’ve had this since…

我真的很抱歉，這裡是全國廣播公司，他們從…就有這個工具箱了。

Oh my god, you should be ashamed of yourself

我的天啊！那你更應該要覺得羞恥啊！

Jimmy? Hi, I’m on the show, yeah

吉米？嗨，我在節目上，對啊！

Oh my god, thank you for coming up. – No problem

我的天啊！感謝你來參加本節目活動。不用客氣啦！

Oh, it’s an iron!

喔，它是電擊器耶！

Okay, so you gotta place the… the kit’s gonna tell you what to do

好啦，所以你要把它放在…你看去顫器上的操作辦法就知道怎麼做了啦！

All you do is you open it up, it’s gonna tell you where you put these

你要做的就是打開開關，它就會告訴你該放哪裡。

Now they’re sticky. They’re like the size of crab cake. This is old school

現在它們非常黏，去顫器的大小就跟蟹肉餅差不多，這個是舊式的。

But you’re gonna place one here, or somewhere around there. And then one down here

去顫器一個放這裡，或放在附近，另一個放在下面這裡。

And then you’re gonna turn the switch on, and you’re gonna step away

然後打開開關，你就可以離開了。

Okay? You’re gonna step away and let the machine do its best. And you do its thing

可以嗎？你要離開機器，讓它好好操作，你要做的就是這樣。

Now, the guy could be a heroin addict. He could be drunk

現在，傷者可能是一個海洛因成癮者，也可能是喝醉酒的人，

So you wanna wait and see even if the stomach is moving. You see if you need the kit

所以甚至胃還在動，你都要稍微等一下、看一下，你要看看是不是需要去顫器。

So you wanna do that, or aye. You know, slap the mouth

所以你要這樣做，或是這樣，喝！你知道的，賞他兩巴掌。

I don’t know. I think that’s a little… -To make sure

我不知道耶，我覺得這有點…為了要確保

Okay, it’s to make sure hey, is this working, buddy

好，這是為了要確保，嘿，老兄，這樣有沒有用啊！

And then you know, keep doing that. Keep doing the compressions

然後你也知道，就繼續做。繼續按壓

And then he comes alive and you’re like oh my god!

之後，他活過來了，然後你就會，喔，我的天啊！

You did it! –And I’m like I love…

你做到了！好像我愛…

Whoa! Whoa! Hey

喂！喂！嘿！

You give him an extra pump in the end. –Yeah

你最後要再多給他按壓一次。對啊！

A little extra pump

小小的按壓。

Well, thank you. So that’s good. We learned that

嗯，謝謝你。那真是太好了，我們學會了。

But now, I have children. This is CPR for baby

但我現在有小孩了，這是給小嬰兒的心肺復甦術。

What if someone’s choking? Say, kids. They just grab something and put it in their mouths and they’re choking

那如果有人窒息了，該怎麼辦呢？像是小孩子，他們抓了一些東西放進嘴裡，然後他們就噎到了。

I’ll talk to you about choking victims

那我現在就來告訴你怎麼處理噎到的傷者

I’m gonna talk to you about choking victims. – Yeah, yeah

我現在要告訴你怎麼處理噎到的傷者。好的，好的。

Let’s say you go out to dinner for steak

如果你出去吃牛排，

And you go for a chicken dinner, okay

然後你點了一份雞排套餐。好的

You go out to dinner for steak and you get a chicken dinner

你要出去吃牛排，結果你點了雞排套餐。

Yeah, you go to steakhouse. – You make a last minute decision

對啊，你去牛排館。你是最後一分鐘才做決定啊！

Cracker Barrel. –Cracker Barrel?

最基本的餐。最基本的餐？

Yeah, you go there, you got the chicken mashed potato

對，你去那裏，你點了雞排和馬鈴薯泥。

You’re on the date, but what’s hazardous about that… -What’s hazardous about this

你正在約會，但你知道什麼危險的事情會發生嗎？這為什麼會危險

Is all this stuff you can choke on a chicken dinner

這所有的東西都是你在吃雞排特餐時會噎到的嗎？

Oh no. –You can choke on the bones. You can choke on the chicken gizzards

喔，不是啊！你會被這些骨頭噎到。你也會被雞胗噎到。

You can choke on the feathers. –Feathers. You can choke on feathers

你會被羽毛噎到。羽毛？你會被羽毛噎到。

Well, I’m gonna show you now what you’re gonna do

嗯，我現在要示範給你看要怎麼做

Is you’re gonna… For example, you’re gonna start with gizzard. – Okay

你要…舉例來說，從雞胗開始。好的。

You’re gonna play the gizzard. You put it in the victims mouth

你拿起雞胗，把它放進傷者的嘴巴裡，

And let me tell you, if you’re pregnant. – You put it in the… okay, sorry

我告訴你喔，如果妳懷孕了。妳把它放在…好，對不起！

If you’re pregnant or you’re chubby, you’re gonna get behind the person and go above their breastbone

如果你是孕婦或是肥胖者，你要坐在傷者後面，讓他們的胸骨靠在你的腿上。

But in this case, you know, we got old man of this sea here

但既然這樣，你知道的，我們現在就只有海上的孤獨老人。

So you’re just gonna really get that… Pump it up. Ah!

所以你真的要…按壓。啊！

It came out! Yes! It comes out

梗塞物出來了！太好了！它出來了！

Two pieces of gizzard. You okay there, buddy?

兩塊雞胗。老兄，你還好嗎？

They’re both alive and now…

他們都活過來了，而且現在…

Oh my god, it’s so stressful. –They somehow have feathers. This is unbelievable.

喔，我的天啊！壓力真大！還有羽毛耶。真是不敢相信。

They somehow both got…

他們都…

How would he know that… You didn’t think you could choke on this when you’re eating chicken

他怎麼會知道…你沒想過吃雞排的時候可能會被噎到嗎？

You go to a nice steakhouse and you get chicken, and you go, “feathers on, please.”

你去一間高級牛排館，然後你點了雞排特餐，然後你還說：「請給我帶羽毛的」。

Well, Pluck U Chicken

嗯，Pluck U Chicken

Pluck U Chicken, right. I appreciate it. Ready?

Pluck U Chicken，好，我欣賞那間餐廳，準備好了嗎？

Let’s take this… 1, 2, 3

準備囉，1，2，3

Okay, that’s fantasitic! And they’re alive

好啦，那真是太棒了！而且他們都活過來了。

That’s how you save a human life, and then you kiss him. Then you kiss him

這就是救人的方法，然後你就親他。然後你就親他。