Hey there, welcome to Conan O'brien needs a friend.

We had a little bit of a mishap just now.

Gourlay tried to count me in.

I didn't know you were gonna count me in.

I never count, you never do.

And so I just on my own started to say, hey there and welcome to as you were counting me in and it was awkward.

Yeah, it's, you know, you're actually sitting quiet waiting for us to shut up, which I don't think I've ever seen.

You do I?

Well, sona is um she Jaber's, she's quite the jabber.

You you're a talker, you know that, I mean, I like talking to matt a lot about things, you know, and so you were gibbering away and you were babbling over here matt and I was just waiting for there to be a moment for me to start the podcast.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

So you're complaining that Sona and I have a cordial and conversational and work relations on the nose and you don't like that.

Well, I think when it's time to get down to business business, then, you know, it's time for me to crack the whip, but you weren't doing anything.

You were just sitting there.

So we just thought, okay, it's open season for chatting and I've seen you shoot remotes and sometimes you need an action like you need somebody to say, okay, you can start.

So I think that that's probably what you were waiting for.

It sounds like you know me better than I do.

So, I mean good for you.

You've observed me in the field, you've probably observed me over the years practicing my craft and uh you may know the real me.

I don't think I do.

Well, we've I think so far failed to find a good start.

I don't know.

We haven't even mentioned the show who we are and what we do.

So if that's what you mean by not off to a great start, I beg to differ you, I'm going to maintain that I'm not good at this.

I should have started right away by saying, Hey It's Conan O'Brien, welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend.

I didn't do any of that and I think we're 40 minutes in at this point.

I don't judge time very well.

You know what I do have I have an excellent sense of time.

I do, yeah, meaning I can wake up in the middle of the night and if you ask me to guesstimate what time it is, I'll say I'm going to say it's like 2 20 then I'll look at the clock and it's 2 18 because some part of your subconscious is always like one eye open.

It might be, but I do have that.

I'm able to guess the time and sometimes many times it's within 5, 10 minutes.

What time is it right now.

Well, I've been podcasting for awhile.

So I can't say, but let's see, let's see.

we started you see now don't look jesus christ, I shouldn't have looked, I looked right at the huge red digital clock and he followed my eyes.

If you put a gun to my head and say 203 and how many seconds?

Probably 35.

36 incredible.

Um Yeah, it's just you know, there's a giant digital clock in the room.

I know you were trying to test me just trying to keep a sharp bus.

I'm kato, I gotta come at you.

You know keep you sharp.

I like it.

I'm opposite with time.

I'll be like I up in the middle of the, I know you are, what time is it better than me?

It's four o'clock I wake up in the middle of the night I'm like that was a night, nice night of sleep and then it's midnight.

That's the worst.

Yeah.

I'm way off.

I think you might be way off though because you you get some pharmaceutical help at night.

Yeah you do the the edibles at night.

Not every night but yeah, a lot did you because it used to be de rigueur.

You always did, it always took edibles every night.

Then Mikey and charlie entered your life and to be a good mom, you probably can't have edibles right because you gave it straight to them.

Well no.

Yeah, I know.

Well when I was breastfeeding and then yeah, I think that there's a point where you're just kind of like go back to what I did before, but now they wake up sometimes you're listening to advice for new mothers, take a few gummies and funk it back with more advice to new mothers and new inmates soda.

So no.

So when did you decide to get back on the sweet sweet ganja?

I think immediately when I was done breastfeeding I was like okay, now it's time for the sweet ganj to get back into my life.

It's my thing, it's my advice you drink wine, I take edibles.

Would we ever do a segment where the three of us get high and it feels irresponsible, it feels like we're putting a message out there that you know, we think because it's a gateway drop you nerd.

I'm sorry, I can't have it, I can't.

I am the Jack Webb comedy reference is it?

I didn't get it just right through.

I was being ironic you you're a fan of the old dragnets, right?

They're hilarious.

It was a show um that's very much anti drug.

They're really funny, they're not intentionally but they're really funny and they're constantly um they're constantly yelling at hippies thing mankind has ever produced.

And and and and they will always um rattle off.

My favorite thing is trying to be educational, but the hippies were always over the top.

Comical and one of my favorite Jack webb, he did dragnet, I think he also did adam 12 and once the Adam 12 police, it was I'll never forget this exchange.

They pull over a was supposed to be a hippie on a motorcycle.

And the representation by these really square 19 sixties, you know comedy writers who are probably in their fifties of a hippie was he's wearing like a World War one german helmet and he's got a he's got a monocle and he's incredibly disrespectful to the police and reed and Malloy, the two cops are patiently trying to tell him, you know, he broke the law and he's like yeah you know pigs, I smell bacon.

All this kind of ridiculous nonsense.

And then at one point they say well we're gonna have to fill out an F.

I report on you and the hippie says if I what does that stand for?

Foolish idiot.

And Malloy a reed says to him in this case, yes.

And the hippie goes, huh?

And he's like Monica falls out like sick burn on the hippie.

I love the depictions of hippies by square comedy writers in late sixties and early seventies tv.

It's absolutely hilarious.

Did you just watch that episode?

No, no, that's burned into my brain.

There was a Jackie Gleason variety show where they were making fun of hippies and a hippie runs out and he's carrying a sign that says down with everything and you know everyone's tolerating and rolling their eyes at the unruly hippie and then I think they scare him by saying, look out here comes someone with a bar of soap and the hippie gets scared and runs away.

I mean come on, I swear to God, come on all this anti hippie stuff.

It just cracked me up a kid and it still cracks me up.

I'm sitting between the biggest hippie so no always high head in the clouds and then the biggest square Conan O'brien.

That's true.

That's actually very true.

You're not a square though but you're what's cool about me?

You know what?

I think you're a cool guy.

Seriously?

Yeah.

Name something that's cool about me.

Seriously.

Name some one thing.

One thing that's cool.

Don't don't don't think just by time what you said, you're a cool guy.

What's kind of cool about?

Can I tell you what I think is cool, That cool comedians think that your comedy is cool.

So you yourself, I don't know but like the people, the people you have inspired are cool and that's cool.

Right?

But you you yourself this is the assignment assignment, it shouldn't be an assignment.

You should just be just running off at the mouth about all the cool things about Conan O'brien right now, you know you just made the whole thing about dragnet, you make it very hard for me to think about this stuff.

I'm quite the ladies man the whole time.

I've I've worked for you, you've you've been in a lovely healthy relationship.

Okay what what about this?

True, guilty.

Yeah.

Which is which is cool.

That's cool.

I throw down with anyone.

You've seen me getting a few tussles in my day ever.

I think that we always talk about the one fight you've been and that's so cool that you got beat up.

You don't, you don't get into fights and stuff.

You're not like, man.

All right.

I'm in a stable relationship and I've managed to avoid any kind of turbulence or violence, you know, cool in the whole wide world.

Then Conan troubles around.

He's home matt sleep.

His wife made vegetables.

She's so appreciative.

Conan O'Brien.

Did you hear about the big trouble that happened downtown?

Yeah.

Where was Conan?

He was at home checking his cholesterol apparently at 25.

Not bad for a man.

His age.

Hey, did you hear what Conan is up to?

What's he up to?

He just read a book alongside his wife who was also reading a different book.

Then what happened?

They turned in early.

Conan O'brien.

You better watch out if you're in his house in his bedroom.

You might run into him.

That does sound pretty cool.

You are cool.

You are Commissioner?

Gordon just put up the Conan signal.

Did Conan show up?

No, he was at home with the windows closed and the shades pulled down.

I don't like a breeze.

It interrupts my sleep patterns.

You have 1000 leather jackets.

Whoa.

I just caused the Fonz.

I go to birthday parties for kids who don't even know who the Fonz is and I caused players someone they don't know.

I go, you watch barry.

He watched the acting teacher on barry.

Imagine him much younger in the leather jacket and I'm the font.

Okay.

And then they escort me out of the birthday party, which you weren't invited to, which I was invited to.

Anyway.

Sir, if you come up, if you show up at another bar mitzvah birthday party, you're in serious trouble.

We're talking to kona to the Fonz.