I'm gonna go out on a limb and say, "No divorces in '99!'

But your divorce isn't even final yet.

- Just the one divorce in '99! - Yeah, baby!

You know what? I am gonna be happy this year; I am gonna make myself happy.

Do you want us to leave the room or...?

Every day, I am gonna do one thing I have never done before.

That, my friends, is my New Year's resolution.

Ooh! That's a good one.

- Yeah? - Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.

That's a good one, too, Pheebs, now all you have to do is find a plane load of people whose resolution is to plummet to their deaths.

Maybe your resolution should be not to make fun of your friends, especially the ones who may soon be flying you to Europe for free on their own plane.

She has a better chance of sprouting wings and flying up your nose than you do of not making fun of us.

In fact, I'll bet you 50 bucks you can't go the whole year without making fun of us.

Oh, you know what? Better yet, a week.

I'll take that bet, my friend.

And you know what? Paying me the 50 bucks can be the "new thing you do that day".

And it starts right now.

All right, my New Year's resolution is to learn how to play guitar.

- Oh! - Really? How come?

Well, you know those special skills I have listed on my resume?

Well, I would love it if one of those was true.

Do you want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher.

Oh, really? Who have you taught?

Well, I taught me and I loved me.

Oh, that'd be great.

Yeah, thanks, Pheebs.

Oh, look! Blair forgot her glasses.

And she's gonna really be needing these to keep an eye on that boyfriend who, from what I hear, needs to keep his stapler in his desk drawer, if you know what I'm talking about.

Hey, Rach, maybe your resolution should be to gossip less.

Wha⏤I don't gossip.

Wha⏤maybe sometimes I find out things or I hear something and I pass that information on, you know?

Kind of like a public service.

It doesn't mean I'm a gossip⏤I mean, would you call Ted Koppel a gossip?

Well, if Ted Koppel talked about his co-worker's botched boob jobs, yeah, I would.

They were like this!

- Hey. - Hey!

I just asked that girl out.

- Nice. - Nice, yeah.

Is that part of your resolution, your "new thing" for today?

Yes, it is.

See?

Elizabeth...

... Hornswoggle?

That's right, E⏤

Elizabeth Hornswoggle.

Horn...

... swoggle.

You okay, Chandler?

Is there something... something funny about that name?

No, no; I just think that maybe I've heard it somewhere before.

Oh, really?

Where?

Somewhere funny, I'll bet.

- Hi, Pheebs! - Hey!

Oh, guess what? I have a date with Elizabeth Hornswoggle.

Hornswoggle?

Ooh, this must be killing you.

- All right, see you later. - See ya.

All right, Pheebs.

I am ready for my first lesson.

Okay.

Oh, no, no, you don't touch the guitar.

No, no; first, you learn here, then you learn here.

Oh.

- Okay. - Okay.

Okay.

Lesson one, chords.

Now, I don't know the actual names of the chords, but I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them.

So, then, this is bear claw, okay, turkey leg, and old lady.

What an interesting approach to guitar instruction.

You know, some might find it amusing.

I, myself, find it regular.