If you're forgetting to show up

for your four o'clock meeting,

or you forgot the actor who played Tony Soprano

in the HBO series 'The Sopranos.'

"Can't remember that guy's name, what is it?"

A lot of us tend to blame ourselves.

This absent-mindedness is a sign of mental weakness,

or a failing memory, or a lack of character,

but 99% of forgetting that happens to all of us,

is normal.

So there are things that we can do

to be less afraid, less panicked,

to have a better relationship with our memory today-

because forgetting is a normal part of being human.

My name is Lisa Genova.

I am an author and neuroscientist.

The name of my book is "Remember: The Science of Memory

and the Art of Forgetting."

So how do we reinforce our memories?

How do we make our memories stronger, resilient to time,

so that we can recall them decades later?

The first essential ingredient in creating a memory

that's going to last longer than this present moment

is attention.

If I put my glasses down

and don't give it a moment's attention

to notice where I've put this,

I can't remember where they are because I never formed

that memory to begin with.

Your brain will never remember

what you don't pay attention to.

Chronic stress is really bad for our memory.

Stress hormones mobilize your brain and body to respond,

to fight, to flee, to react quickly-

not to think.

Stress is meant to be an acute, quick,

on and off phenomenon.

So what happens in your brain and body

if you're exposed to chronic, unrelenting stress,

and how does that affect your memory?

Under chronic stress, your body will just keep dumping

adrenaline and cortisol, and it can't shut off.

This is bad for memory.

You are actually shrinking your hippocampus-

the part of your brain that's essential

for forming consciously-held memories

is going to be smaller.

You'll be inhibiting 'neurogenesis,'

the birth of new neurons.

The very good news about all of this,

because I've probably just scared everyone,

is that there are things that we can do to combat stress.

This is where things like yoga, meditation,

mindfulness, and exercise come into play.

All of these have been shown

to restore the size of people's hippocampus

who have been chronically stressed.

A quick word on meditation:

A lot of people are intimidated by meditation.

They sort of know that this is probably good for them

in lots of ways, but maybe don't know how to do it.

Here's a nine-second meditation

to help restore your cortisol levels,

and to help save your hippocampus

and your ability to remember.

Close your eyes if you can.

Breathe in through your nose to the count of four.

Hold it for a second, and then breathe out through your nose

to the count of four.

And notice how you feel.

Here's what's going on:

Stress response causes you to breathe like this-

By breathing slowly in and out through your nose,

you are telling your brain and body that you are safe.

We also wanna get enough sleep.

Sleep is not a state of doing nothing

where you're unconscious and it's a waste of time.

You're very biologically busy while you sleep,

and there are a number of super-important things

that are going on in your brain with respect to memory.

For example, if I got a horrible night's sleep last night,

I'm gonna wake up today and my frontal lobe

is gonna have a hard time dragging itself to its day job-

and one of its most important jobs is paying attention.

And if I can't pay attention to what's going on today,

what am I not gonna be able to do well today?

Form new memories.

Also, your hippocampus consolidates the information

you're learning into a lasting memory

that you can consciously retrieve while you sleep.

So what happens if you don't get enough sleep?

Your hippocampus might not have had enough time

to do the job, and so your memories

from what happened yesterday and the stuff

you learned yesterday, might not be fully formed today,

or they might not be formed at all.

Caffeine is actually good for memory,

because caffeine increases your attention.

So anything that's an attention booster

is gonna be a memory booster.

We know that sleep is super important for forming memories,

so caffeine's good for memory.

You just wanna be careful

that it's not compromising your sleep.

Our brains are not designed to remember people's names.

These are abstract concepts.

They live in neurological cul-de-sacs.

Ultimately, there's only one way into that house

that lives at the end of that street,

and there's no other way to get there.

So can we supply more associations to the person's name

to give us a chance?

In psychology, this is called the 'Baker-Baker Paradox.'

If I'm trying to remember your name

and your name is Mr. Baker,

that's really tough for me to remember-

abstract concept.

But if I were asked to remember the word "baker,"

I can picture him wearing an apron,

and he's got flour on his face and,

"Oh, I remember the bakery I used to love as a kid

and we used to get danishes there on Sundays."

So now I've got all of these associations in my brain,

attaching to that word "baker,"

and gives me a chance to hook into it.

For all of these memories, they benefit from repetition.

The more we repeat, the more we practice,

the more we rehearse a memory,

we are strengthening those neural connections,

making that neural circuit stronger,

and more likely to be fully retrieved.

One of the ways that we can repeat a memory

is by writing it down.

If I've experienced a certain number of things today,

and I keep a journal-

what I've chosen to write down

will become a stronger, more reinforced memory in my brain.

I will also have the opportunity to revisit

that memory by reading it later.

So many people come up to me, so worried, saying,

"If I don't write what I need to do later down,

I'm gonna forget to do it.

That's gotta mean I'm getting Alzheimer's."

And I tell all of them, "No, it's your prospective memory.

It's terrible.

It's not cheating to write it down.

It's actually good practice."

Airline pilots do not rely on their brains

and their prospective memories

to remember to lower the wheels before landing the plane.

They outsource the job to a to-do list, a checklist.

We should all write it down, put it in your phones,

put it in your calendar alerts, make to-do lists.

If you wanna remember to pick up milk at the grocery store,

write it down.

Another way to better remember this information

has to do with self-testing.

If I'm trying to consolidate something into memory,

and I'm only putting the information in,

I'm traveling one way on the neurons.

If I then try to recall the information,

I'm pulling the information out-

now I'm going the other way.

Going over those circuits in both directions

will help reinforce and make that memory stronger.

Okay, having a word stuck on the tip of your tongue

is a normal glitch in memory retrieval.

It's just a byproduct of how our brains are organized.

So looking up a word, Googling a word

that's on the tip of your tongue isn't cheating.

It will not cause digital amnesia.

It will not make your memory weaker in any way.

It frees you up.

We can Google anything that we can't remember

in a moment's notice, and then use that information

to continue thinking, to continue the conversation,

to learn more.

You have my permission to Google it and look it up.

What I would love for you to take away from all of this

is that your memory is amazing.

It is limitless in what it's capable of remembering

if you supply it with the right kind of information,

if you supply it with the

right kind of tools and associations.

And it's wildly imperfect,

and that's just the price of owning a human brain.

Forgetting is a normal part of being human.