to the shouting on the interwebs, then it’s simultaneously too old, too new, too easy

to break, too slow, too confusing, too predictable, too melodramatic, and don’t get me started

on the blame heaped upon it for that whole “Compilation of Final Fantasy VII” nonsense.

I can’t really understand it. This game, which is apparently the worst thing ever,

still feels like the best thing ever. So much so that, with the mere whiff of a tech demo

re-creating the game’s iconic opening cinematic, the same internet that derided it so bent

itself into knots demanding a high-def remake. Instead, you get this, a moderately optimized

version of the PC port from 1998. And you can log into it via Facebook, for reasons

beyond my ken. That’s the kind of game this has become.

Let’s be frank: FFVII was a very, very buggy game. Even though some parts of the translation

are fixed, many - like this classic line from the first boss fight - remain incorrect. The

character behavior is still as weird as it ever was. And, in perhaps the greatest transgression

against the original text... mouths. Weird, blow-up-doll mouths on most of the supporting

cast and NPC figures. What you do get with the PC version, though, is 150 save slots,

cloud saves in case you need to continue on a different computer, and - perhaps the most

ridiculous of all - a button in the web interface that sets your party’s HP and MP to max

and hands you 50 million gil. I can’t make this up. I get that there are those who are

so afraid of grinding that they’d avail themselves of this feature immediately, but

the fact of the matter is it actually slows the game down. You blow up your max HP on

the first disc, and you will not use a limit break. Ever. I’ve done the math, right there.

Your limit gauge will fill at about a 25th of the rate it would if you’d just played

by the rules. Did I mention that of the 36 achievements, 18 of them are limit-break related?

How about a bit more diversity? Like actually doing that miserable tower-defense battle

on Fort Condor, or completing an Enemy Skill materia. Call it “Honorary Blue Mage.”

Quina would be so proud.

I realize that, by this point, everyone who’s wanted to play Final Fantasy VII has probably

done so. And they can say what they want, but even with a strangely-applied coat of

paint and a huge disconnect between the new, high-res polygons and the old, standard-definition

pre-rendered backgrounds, and despite an inane system of achievements and fully-legalized

cheating... to say nothing of the weird cropping issues and strange musical changes... regardless,

it’s still one of the greatest games ever made. Possibly the most powerful first three

hours of a game ever crafted. This isn’t a relic of a former era, it’s the living

moment where games learned cinematography, made available to you again in case you don’t

have a PS3 or the thirty-to-sixty-some dollars for your own copy. I’ll spare you my dissertation

on Final Fantasy VII as a filmic text... for now.