Too many crazy people, too many weirdos.

太多的瘋子，太多的怪人。

One time I went to this dive bar in a military town, San Diego, big military town.

有一次，我去了一個軍事重鎮的廉價酒吧，在聖地亞哥，是一個軍事重鎮。

I love my military.

我愛軍人。

Ok?

好嗎？

But I think sometimes, yeah, yeah, but I think sometimes military people get a little too passionate, you know.

但我覺得有時候，是的，但我覺得有時候軍人有點太熱情了，你知道的。

Thank you.

謝謝。

Thank you.

謝謝。

Exactly my point right there.

這正是我的觀點。

Thank you.

謝謝。

I love military but they're just too passionate.

我喜歡軍人，但他們太熱情了。

Like I was at a dive bar.

我在當地的一個廉價酒吧。

This one military brother came up to me.

一位軍人兄弟向我走來。

He was just like, "Hey man, I want to buy you a drink."

他就說：「嘿，兄弟，我想請你喝一杯。」

I'm like, "No, no, thank you. I can, I can buy my own drink. Thank you."

我就說：「不用了，謝謝。我可以自己來。 謝謝。」

He was like, "No, I wanna buy you a drink."

他說：「不，我想請你喝一杯。」

So at this point, I thought either he wanted to take a selfie or he wanted to fuck me.

這時候，我覺得要麼他想跟我自拍，要麼他想上我。

So I'm like, "No, sir, I think I can buy my own drink."

所以我就說：「不用了，先生，我想我可以自己買酒喝。」

And then he started telling me his whole life story.

然後，他開始向我講述他的整個人生故事。

He's like, "You don't understand.

他說：「你不懂，

I want to buy you a drink because I was stationed in Okinawa for four years and you guys have been nothing but nice to me."

我想請你喝一杯，因為我在沖繩駐紮了四年，你們一直對我很好。」

I'm like, "You guys? You guys? Okinawa's in Japan. I'm Chinese, sir."

我說：「『你們』？沖繩在日本耶。但是先生，我是中國人。」

And he's like, "It doesn't matter, man. It doesn't even matter."

他說：「老兄，哪有差。」

I'm like, "Sir, I think it does matter, alright?

我說：「先生，我認為有差，好嗎？」

I'm pretty sure the only reason you were stationed in Japan was to keep an eye out on Chinese people like me. It does matter."

我敢肯定，你駐紮在日本的唯一目的就是監視像我一樣的中國人。所以確實有差。」

He was like, "It doesn't even matter, man.

他說：「老兄，根本沒差。

I still love Pat Thai. Ok?"

我還是喜歡泰式炒粿條的。」

Maybe that guy run into BTS on his next door. Who knows?

也許那傢伙等下會在隔壁碰到 BTS。誰知道？

My point of saying all of this is Asian people we don't all look alike.

我說這些的目的是為了表示，我們亞洲人長得並不一樣。

We don't all sound alike, you know, we don't even we don't do anything alike.

我們的聲音也都不一樣，你知道，我們甚至連做的事情都不一樣。

We're just people, you know, right?

我們就是人，對嗎？

Like everybody's different.

就像每個人都不一樣。

Thank you white lady.

謝謝白人女士。

Thank you.

謝謝。

Thank you, one white lady.

謝謝你，一位白人女士。

Appreciate it.

謝謝。

Thank you.

謝謝。

She teaches (at) Magnet school down the street, a lot of Asian students.

她在這條街上的美國磁性學校教書，那裡有很多亞洲學生。

So tonight I want to offer you guys an advanced lesson on how to tell Asian people apart.

所以，今晚我想給你們上一堂如何區分亞洲人的進階課程。

OK?

好嗎？

Yeah, that's right.

是的，沒錯。

I'm so good at telling Asian people apart.

我很擅長分辨亞洲人。

I don't even need to look at you.

我甚至不需要看你一眼。

I can tell you what kind of Asian somebody is by the sound they make when they're disappointed.

我可以從一個人失望時發出的聲音看出他是什麼樣的亞洲人。

'Cause disappointment is our strongest emotion.

因為失望是我們最強烈的情緒。

Whenever you get disappointed, our ancestor just comes out and you can't hide that, you know?

每當你失望的時候，我們的祖先就會出現，你無法掩飾。

Like for example, I'm Chinese, I know Chinese people very well. Ok?

比如說，我是中國人，我非常瞭解中國人。好嗎？

When Chinese people get disappointed, we're just disgusted.

當中國人感到失望時，我們只會感到厭惡。

We don't even want to look at you.

我們甚至不想看你。

When you disappoint a Chinese person, they just like.

當你讓一個中國人失望，他們會這樣。

Like they just walked into a smoky room and they gotta clear it just like.

就像他們剛走進一個煙霧繚繞的房間，他們必須把它清理乾淨。

See that's Chinese people.

這種就是中國人。

Japanese people. When Japanese people get disappointed, they just want to know why; they ask you a question.

日本人。當日本人感到失望時，他們只想知道為什麼，他們會問你問題。

When a Japanese person gets disappointed, they just like.

當日本人失望時他們會這樣。

And that's it.

就這樣。

You then go to disappoint a Korean person; I wouldn't recommend that.

然後你去讓韓國人失望，但我不建議這麼做。

'Cause Korean brother might fuck you up. Ok?

因為韓國人會把你搞死，好嗎？

Korean people are intense.

韓國人個性很剛烈。

They're ready to fight, but they're my favorite type of people because they're very emotionally honest.

他們隨時準備打架，但他們是我最喜歡的一類人，因為他們在情感上非常誠實。

A Korean person will let you know when they're disappointed, they're real guttural with it.

韓國人在失望時會讓你知道，他們是真正的直腸子。

You know what I mean?

你明白我的意思嗎？

When you disappoint a Korean person, they're like.

當你讓韓國人失望時，他們會這樣。

But they're still very Asian, so they still real polite.

但他們還是很亞洲人，所以，他們還是很有禮貌的。

They'll thank you and they're like.

他們會謝謝你然後這樣。