Any Hong Kong people?

A couple of us.

Awesome, man.

For you guys that haven't been following the news.

Hong Kong is a part of Japan.

I'm joking obviously, but I said the same shit in Kansas City and people were like, "Really? Wow, we learned something new today, Bill."

I did a show in Kansas City. I don't know why either.

People are very nice in Kansas City.

I'm not gonna say like they're racist or anything like that, but they're just like, curious.

Like they're watching me like they're watching an episode of National Geographic and a pack of giraffes just ran by,

and they're like, "Oh, I've never seen one of those in real life. Looks majestic."

This one kid in Kansas City came up to me after the show.

Very nice kid.

This is what he said.

He was like, "Jimmy, I thought you were really funny, man. I don't mean to offend you."

That's when you know you're about to get offended.

Like "I don't mean to offend you, but when I first saw your poster, I thought you were going to play the violin."

I was like, "I do motherfucker. Just not right now. Shit."

"Keep it a secret."

See, I got to say I got some of the nicest crowds in the business.

I rarely ever get heckled.

And one time I was talking about how I used to play the violin.

(An) old Chinese lady sitting in the front just stood up and screamed out, "First chair or second chair?"

And I was like, "Thanks, ma'am. Fifth chair actually, fifth chair. It wasn't very good."

It wasn't good.

It wasn't good.

I grew up very stereotypically in Hong Kong.

I grew up very stereotypically in Hong Kong.

Like my real name is not even Jimmy. That's my English name.

My real name is Man Xing. In Cantonese, Man Sing.

It stands for 10,000 success.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I have very ambitious parents and now I'm telling dick jokes and doing Tai Chi on stage.

Jimmy was just kind of like an arbitrary English name that just sounded easy.

And my dad, he named himself Richard.

I was like, "Dad, why did you name yourself Richard?"

He was like, "Because I want to be rich."

It makes so much sense.

And then they named my older brother Roger after the James Bond actor Roger Moore.

Yeah, but my brother hated that name.

He was like, "Man, it makes me sound like an old white guy."

So eventually he changed his own name to Roy.

So now he sounds like an older white guy and now his full name is Roy Roger, which is the oldest white guy to ever white."

I finally saw the Hunger Games.

I'm not pretending this.

I really finally just saw the Hunger Games on ABC Family.

Um, I really, you guys are right. It's great.

I, and I didn't read the books or see it for any reason.

Like I'm not, and I just didn't, and then I was, in Saint Louis.

And by the way, if you haven't been to Saint Louis, you needn't.

It's a, it's a little bit, a little bit worse for the wear.

John Hamm is from Saint Louis, but he's not there now.

So I can't think of a reason to go to Saint Louis.

Don't meet me, don't meet anybody in Saint Louis.

But no offense, Saint Louis, Josephine Baker, she's not there now either.

So, you know, Scott Joplin, I think.

There's an arch in Saint Louis. That is a sculpture that is the gateway to the Midwest.

If you see it, just go, just start walking the other way.

No fence.

The good news is, I was in a hotel in Saint Louis, going around the horn.

And I know you, again, you don't watch television, but one day you'll be in an RP and not allowed to drink and you will, you will, you will watch television.

But I was waiting to do a show there in Saint Louis and I was going around the horn as you do.

And on ABC Family was the Hunger Games and I guess it was gearing up.

I want, I'm not gonna pretend it just, it happened.

Right before the last movie of Hunger Games was released, which I haven't seen yet because it was in theaters and I can't go to theaters.

One of the reasons I can't go, sometimes somebody says something kind of funny during a trailer and the audience around him or her laughs and then they start becoming intoxicated with it and they go in again for the next preview.

And I'd like to say, please just quit while you're ahead.

Just don't, don't, don't, don't I understand the need to be validated by you know, all in sundry clearly.

Look, I'm doing this.

Look at me clap for me, but I believe it's tempered with my self loathing.

I feel like it, it evens it out with a self loathing and second guessing and all that.

So I was watching the Hunger games.

Fantastic.

And then I got back to New York and I demanded the ones I could.

Now, I haven't seen the final one.

I've heard what happens to Prim Everdeen to which I say good riddance to bad rubbish.

Hear me out, good.

She was an Albatross, Prim Everdeen, an anchor, an anvil around cat.

She was the, she was the inciting event for the whole pickle Kani was in, in the first place and the mother was a cipher. Forget that.

Pram Everdeen. What a pill.

Did she ever say thank you?

I never heard it, never heard it.

Now, granted, I hadn't seen the, I haven't seen the final one but I very much doubt it.

And also in one of them, she goes to look for a cat when President Snow is about to send bombs and drones.

Why are you looking for your cat now?

Why now? Prim Everdeen, why are you looking for your cat now?

And the thing is this cat is, is too, too, too easy on her, too soft.

And we treat people how to, we, we teach people how to treat us. Guy Fairy said that.

But katniss went and got Prem's cat almost died in the process and she was really kind about, we gotta get tough, we gotta get tough with these people.

Now, I would not delight in the demise of a young girl. Was she not fictional?

Asset.

But listen, we gotta get tough in this culture.

We gotta get tough with Prim Everdeen, the Everdeen's of life, war criminals, Racists and hoarders.

Why are we always so gentle with war criminals, racist, hoarders, do they have a very delicate constitution?

Why are we always walking on eggshells around these people?

There's a show called Hoarders too.

I don't know if you, if you've seen it but you will one day.

There's a show called Hoarders.

And, um, I don't know what the definition of hoarding is.

Apparently they cast a very wide net.

Um, there are some people that, yes, they see there seems to be a method to their madness.

They're collecting things about.

There's a organized chaos if you will in their home.

Does that make sense? You know what I mean?

Like, there's, then there's others that are defecating in a plastic bag and dropping it next to the one chair they can still sit in, uh amidst a sea of uh styrofoam containers.

Feral cat bones, shale rock sediment.

No.

Indoor plumbing for the last 17 years.

Is it hoarding something's wrong?

Australia?

Great country to visit if you're concerned that you have a drinking problem.

Like, I don't know if you are aware of this.

An Australian is just an Irishman who's been left out in the sun for too long.

That's, that's how they make Australians.

They don't have babies like the rest of us.

You take an Irish person, you just airdrop them in the desert without sunblock in like six weeks.

Just like, 000, they sort of melt into Australia.

It's a strange phenomenon, but it was nice to go to Australia because there's no pressure to speak a second language.

I was in western Australia where a lot of people don't even speak a first language.

I don't know what weird sounds are coming out of your mouth, but I refuse to believe information is being conveyed at all.

Alright, mate.

I don't know those weren't words, there was not one consonant where you just said this is a string of vowel sounds.

You weirdo.

I think Americans catch too much shit from other countries for only speaking one language.

I was talking to a guy from Belgium recently and I complimented him on how well he spoke English and got very snotty.

He's like, well, I speak three languages in Europe.

We all speak multiple languages only in America.

You speak one language.

Do you know why you speak three languages?

Because you live in Belgium and you fucking have to, right?

I don't want to sound like an imperialist.

But let's be honest here, Belgium, a very petite nation and I say petite because I don't know the Flemish word for small because I'm American.

Everyone not laughing.

I was like, what the hell is Flemish?

I thought they spoke Belgian.

Belgium is a small country.

America is a big country.

We should not have the same rules, right?

Like let's say you live in Belgium and you get into your car or as they probably say, right?

And you just start driving that country is so small, no matter which direction you go within three hours, you're gonna be in a completely different country with its own history and culture.

It's not like that here in America, right?

What happens if this guy gets in his car and drives three hours.

What's he gonna see?

Fucking that dude.

It's all the same.

It's just cheesecake factories and sunglass huts as far as the eye can see.

So stop giving us crap world.

I'm sorry.

We're not surrounded by other cultures.

We only have two neighbors in America and they're a fuck of a distance from each other, right?

Like if you live near the border of one of them, you don't know anything about the other.

Ok?

No one who has spent his entire life in Vermont knows how to make a good PICO de gallo and no one from San Antonio knows how to shovel a driveway.

That's right.