Any Hong Kong people?

有香港人嗎？

A couple of us.

我們幾個

Awesome, man.

真棒

For you guys that haven't been following the news.

對於沒有關注新聞的人來說。

Hong Kong is a part of Japan.

香港是日本的一部分。

I'm joking obviously, but I said the same shit in Kansas City and people were like, "Really? Wow, we learned something new today, Bill."

我顯然是在開玩笑，但我在堪薩斯城也說了同樣的話，人們都說，哇，我們今天學到了新東西。比爾

I did a show in Kansas City. I don't know why either.

我在堪薩斯城做過一場演出。我也不知道為什麼。

People are very nice in Kansas City.

堪薩斯城的人都很友善。

I'm not gonna say like they're racist or anything like that, but they're just like, curious.

我不會說他們是種族主義者或諸如此類的東西，但他們就像，好奇地看著我，就像在看一集《國家地理雜誌》，一包 Raft 剛剛跑過，他們就像，哦，我從來沒有在現實生活中見過這種東西。

Like they're watching me like they're watching an episode of National Geographic and a pack of giraffes just ran by,

and they're like, "Oh, I've never seen one of those in real life. Looks majestic."

看起來氣勢磅礴。

This one kid in Kansas City came up to me after the show.

演出結束後，堪薩斯城的一個孩子來找我。

Very nice kid.

很不錯的孩子。

This is what he said.

他是這麼說的。

He was like, "Jimmy, I thought you were really funny, man. I don't mean to offend you."

他說，吉米，我覺得你真的很有趣。我無意冒犯你。

That's when you know you're about to get offended.

這時候你就知道自己要被冒犯了。

Like "I don't mean to offend you, but when I first saw your poster, I thought you were going to play the violin."

就像我無意冒犯你一樣。但我第一次看到你的海報時，還以為你要拉小提琴。

I was like, "I do motherfucker. Just not right now. Shit."

我當時就想，我願意，操你媽的。

"Keep it a secret."

只是現在不方便保密。

See, I got to say I got some of the nicest crowds in the business.

你看，我得說，我在這行裡有一些最棒的觀眾。

I rarely ever get heckled.

我很少被人嘲笑。

And one time I was talking about how I used to play the violin.

有一次，我說起自己以前是如何拉小提琴的。

(An) old Chinese lady sitting in the front just stood up and screamed out, "First chair or second chair?"

坐在前面的中國老太太站了起來，大聲喊著 "第一把交椅 "還是 "第二把交椅"。

And I was like, "Thanks, ma'am. Fifth chair actually, fifth chair. It wasn't very good."

我就說，謝謝夫人。第五把椅子 事實上，第五把椅子並不好坐。

It wasn't good.

情況不妙。

It wasn't good.

情況不妙。

I grew up very stereotypically in Hong Kong.

我在香港非常刻板地長大。

I grew up very stereotypically in Hong Kong.

我在香港非常刻板地長大。

Like my real name is not even Jimmy. That's my English name.

比如我的真名不在吉米。這是我的英文名字。

My real name is Man Xing. In Cantonese, Man Sing.

我的真名是 "邢"，廣東人的 "邢"。

It stands for 10,000 success.

它代表著一萬次成功。

Yeah.

是啊

Yeah.

是啊

Yeah.

是啊

Yeah.

是啊

Yeah.

是啊

Yeah, I have very ambitious parents and now I'm telling dick jokes and doing Tai Chi on stage.

是啊，我有一對雄心勃勃的父母，現在我卻在講雞巴笑話。我在臺上打太極

Jimmy was just kind of like an arbitrary English name that just sounded easy.

所以吉米只是一個聽起來很簡單的英文名字。

And my dad, he named himself Richard.

我爸爸給自己取名理查德。

I was like, "Dad, why did you name yourself Richard?"

我當時想，爸爸，你為什麼給自己取名理查德？

He was like, "Because I want to be rich."

他說，因為我想發財。

It makes so much sense.

這太有道理了。

And then they named my older brother Roger after the James Bond actor Roger Moore.

然後他們用詹姆斯-邦德的演員羅傑-摩爾的名字給我哥哥取名羅傑。

Yeah, but my brother hated that name.

是的，但我哥哥討厭這個名字。

He was like, "Man, it makes me sound like an old white guy."

他說，夥計，這讓我聽起來像個老白人。

So eventually he changed his own name to Roy.

於是，他最終把自己的名字改成了羅伊。

So now he sounds like an older white guy and now his full name is Roy Roger, which is the oldest white guy to ever white."

所以現在他聽起來像個上了年紀的白人，現在他的全名是羅伊-羅傑，有史以來最老的白人。

I finally saw the Hunger Games.

我終於看到了《飢餓遊戲》。

I'm not pretending this.

我不是假裝的。

I really finally just saw the Hunger Games on ABC Family.

我真的終於在 ABC 家庭臺看到了《飢餓遊戲》。

Um, I really, you guys are right. It's great.

嗯，我真的，你們是對的。太棒了

I, and I didn't read the books or see it for any reason.

我沒有因為任何原因不看書或不看電影。

Like I'm not, and I just didn't, and then I was, in Saint Louis.

就像我不是，我只是沒有， 然後我，呃，在聖路易斯。

And by the way, if you haven't been to Saint Louis, you needn't.

順便說一句，如果你還沒去過聖路易斯，那就不必去了。

It's a, it's a little bit, a little bit worse for the wear.

它的磨損有點嚴重。

John Hamm is from Saint Louis, but he's not there now.

約翰-哈姆來自聖路易斯，但他現在不在那裡。

So I can't think of a reason to go to Saint Louis.

所以，我想不出去聖路易斯的理由。

Don't meet me, don't meet anybody in Saint Louis.

在聖路易斯不要見我，也不要見任何人。

But no offense, Saint Louis, Josephine Baker, she's not there now either.

聖路易斯的約瑟芬-貝克現在也不在了。

So, you know, Scott Joplin, I think.

斯科特-喬普林 我想聖路易斯有個拱門這座雕塑是通往中西部的門戶。

There's an arch in Saint Louis. That is a sculpture that is the gateway to the Midwest.

If you see it, just go, just start walking the other way.

如果你看到它，就走吧，從另一條路開始走。

No fence.

沒有圍欄

The good news is, I was in a hotel in Saint Louis, going around the horn.

好消息是，我在聖路易斯的一家酒店裡繞著喇叭轉了一圈，我知道你又不看電視了，但總有一天你會被關進 RP，不允許喝酒，你會，你會，你會看電視的。

And I know you, again, you don't watch television, but one day you'll be in an RP and not allowed to drink and you will, you will, you will watch television.

But I was waiting to do a show there in Saint Louis and I was going around the horn as you do.

但我當時正等著在聖路易斯做一場演出，就像你做的那樣繞著 "號角 "轉了一圈。

And on ABC Family was the Hunger Games and I guess it was gearing up.

在 ABC 家庭頻道播出的是《飢餓遊戲》，我猜它正在熱播。

I want, I'm not gonna pretend it just, it happened.

我想，我不會假裝它只是，它發生了。

Right before the last movie of Hunger Games was released, which I haven't seen yet because it was in theaters and I can't go to theaters.

呃呃呃，就在最後一部《飢餓遊戲》上映之前，我還沒看過，因為它是在影院上映的，而我不能去影院。

One of the reasons I can't go, sometimes somebody says something kind of funny during a trailer and the audience around him or her laughs and then they start becoming intoxicated with it and they go in again for the next preview.

我不能去的原因之一是，有時有人在預告片中說了一些有趣的話，周圍的觀眾都笑了，然後他們開始陶醉其中，下一次預告時他們又會進去。

And I'd like to say, please just quit while you're ahead.

我想說的是，請見好就收。

Just don't, don't, don't, don't I understand the need to be validated by you know, all in sundry clearly.

不要，不要，不要，不要，我不明白你需要得到 呃，你知道，所有的人都清楚地驗證。

Look, I'm doing this.

聽著，我要這麼做

Look at me clap for me, but I believe it's tempered with my self loathing.

看著我，為我鼓掌，但我相信這是我自我厭惡的表現。

I feel like it, it evens it out with a self loathing and second guessing and all that.

我覺得我喜歡它，它能讓我平復自我厭惡和猜疑之類的情緒。

So I was watching the Hunger games.

我在看飢餓遊戲

Fantastic.

太棒了

And then I got back to New York and I demanded the ones I could.

然後我回到紐約，要求得到我所能得到的。

Now, I haven't seen the final one.

現在，我還沒有看到最終版本。

I've heard what happens to Prim Everdeen to which I say good riddance to bad rubbish.

我聽說過 Prim Everdeen 的下場，對此，我想說 "垃圾去死吧"。

Hear me out, good.

好好聽我說。

She was an Albatross, Prim Everdeen, an anchor, an anvil around cat.

她是信天翁，是 Prim Everdeen，是錨，是貓身邊的鐵砧。

She was the, she was the inciting event for the whole pickle Kani was in, in the first place and the mother was a cipher. Forget that.

她是卡尼陷入困境的罪魁禍首，而她的母親則是個密碼。

Pram Everdeen. What a pill.

忘了那輛艾維丁嬰兒車吧什麼藥丸？

Did she ever say thank you?

她說過什麼藥？謝謝。 我從來沒聽過，從來沒聽過。

I never heard it, never heard it.

Now, granted, I hadn't seen the, I haven't seen the final one but I very much doubt it.

當然，我還沒看過最終版本，但我非常懷疑。

And also in one of them, she goes to look for a cat when President Snow is about to send bombs and drones.

在其中一個故事中，當斯諾總統準備發射炸彈和無人機時，她去找一隻貓。

Why are you looking for your cat now?

你現在為什麼要找你的貓？

Why now? Prim Everdeen, why are you looking for your cat now?

你為什麼現在才來找你的貓？

And the thing is this cat is, is too, too, too easy on her, too soft.

問題是，這隻貓對她太好太好，太軟弱了。

And we treat people how to, we, we teach people how to treat us. Guy Fairy said that.

我們教別人如何對待我們自己。

But katniss went and got Prem's cat almost died in the process and she was really kind about, we gotta get tough, we gotta get tough with these people.

仙子是這麼說的，但卡妮去救了普瑞姆的貓，在救貓的過程中她差點死了，她真的很善良，她說，我們得強硬起來，我們得對這些人強硬起來。

Now, I would not delight in the demise of a young girl. Was she not fictional?

現在，我不會為一個年輕女孩的死亡感到高興。

Asset.

她不是虛構的資產嗎？

But listen, we gotta get tough in this culture.

但聽著，我們必須在這種文化中變得強硬。

We gotta get tough with Prim Everdeen, the Everdeen's of life, war criminals, Racists and hoarders.

我們必須對 prim 下狠手。永遠 有史以來最原始的院長、戰犯、種族主義者和囤積居奇者。

Why are we always so gentle with war criminals, racist, hoarders, do they have a very delicate constitution?

為什麼我們對戰犯總是如此溫柔？種族主義囤積者的體質是否非常脆弱？

Why are we always walking on eggshells around these people?

為什麼我們在這些人面前總是小心翼翼？

There's a show called Hoarders too.

還有一個節目叫《囤積者》。

I don't know if you, if you've seen it but you will one day.

我不知道你是否看過，但你一定會看的。

There's a show called Hoarders.

有一天，有個節目叫《囤積者》。

And, um, I don't know what the definition of hoarding is.

還有，我不知道囤積的定義是什麼。

Apparently they cast a very wide net.

顯然，他們撒下的網非常廣。

Um, there are some people that, yes, they see there seems to be a method to their madness.

嗯，有一些人，是的，他們看到他們的瘋狂似乎是有方法的。

They're collecting things about.

他們在收集關於

There's a organized chaos if you will in their home.

如果你願意的話，他們的家裡一片混亂。

Does that make sense? You know what I mean?

有道理嗎？你明白我的意思嗎？

Like, there's, then there's others that are defecating in a plastic bag and dropping it next to the one chair they can still sit in, uh amidst a sea of uh styrofoam containers.

比如，還有一些人把糞便裝在塑膠袋裡，然後扔在他們還能坐的那張椅子旁邊，呃，在一片發泡膠容器中。

Feral cat bones, shale rock sediment.

野貓骨頭、頁岩沉積物。

No.

不

Indoor plumbing for the last 17 years.

在過去的 17 年裡，我們一直在使用室內管道。

Is it hoarding something's wrong?

是囤積居奇出了問題嗎？

Australia?

澳洲？

Great country to visit if you're concerned that you have a drinking problem.

如果你擔心自己有酗酒問題，那麼這個國家是個不錯的選擇。

Like, I don't know if you are aware of this.

比如，我不知道你是否知道這一點。

An Australian is just an Irishman who's been left out in the sun for too long.

澳大利亞人只是一個在陽光下晒得太久的愛爾蘭人。

That's, that's how they make Australians.

他們就是這樣造就澳大利亞人的。

They don't have babies like the rest of us.

他們不像我們一樣生孩子。

You take an Irish person, you just airdrop them in the desert without sunblock in like six weeks.

你把一個愛爾蘭人空投到沙漠裡，六週內不塗抹防晒霜。

Just like, 000, they sort of melt into Australia.

就像，000，它們有點像融進了澳洲。

It's a strange phenomenon, but it was nice to go to Australia because there's no pressure to speak a second language.

這是個奇怪的現象，但去澳洲的感覺很好，因為沒有說第二語言的壓力。

I was in western Australia where a lot of people don't even speak a first language.

我在澳洲西部，那裡很多人甚至不會說母語。

I don't know what weird sounds are coming out of your mouth, but I refuse to believe information is being conveyed at all.

我不知道你嘴裡發出的是什麼奇怪的聲音，但我拒絕相信你在傳遞信息。

Alright, mate.

好吧，夥計。

I don't know those weren't words, there was not one consonant where you just said this is a string of vowel sounds.

我不知道這些是不是單詞，沒有一個輔音，你只是說這是一串元音。

You weirdo.

你這個怪人

I think Americans catch too much shit from other countries for only speaking one language.

我認為美國人因為只會說一種語言而受到其他國家太多的指責。

I was talking to a guy from Belgium recently and I complimented him on how well he spoke English and got very snotty.

最近我和一個比利時人哈拉，我誇他英語說得很好，他卻涕泗橫流。

He's like, well, I speak three languages in Europe.

他會說，我在歐洲會說三種語言。

We all speak multiple languages only in America.

只有在美國，我們才會說多種語言。

You speak one language.

你們只說一種語言。

Do you know why you speak three languages?

你知道自己為什麼會說三種語言嗎？

Because you live in Belgium and you fucking have to, right?

因為你住在比利時，你他媽的必須這樣做，對嗎？

I don't want to sound like an imperialist.

我不想聽起來像個帝國主義者。

But let's be honest here, Belgium, a very petite nation and I say petite because I don't know the Flemish word for small because I'm American.

我說 "嬌小 "是因為我不知道弗拉芒語中 "小 "的意思，因為我是美國人。

Everyone not laughing.

大家都沒笑。

I was like, what the hell is Flemish?

我當時想，弗拉芒語到底是什麼？

I thought they spoke Belgian.

我以為他們說的是比利時語。

Belgium is a small country.

比利時是一個小國。

America is a big country.

美國是一個大國。

We should not have the same rules, right?

我們不應該有相同的規則，對嗎？

Like let's say you live in Belgium and you get into your car or as they probably say, right?

比方說，你住在比利時，然後坐進自己的車，或者就像他們說的那樣，對吧？

And you just start driving that country is so small, no matter which direction you go within three hours, you're gonna be in a completely different country with its own history and culture.

這個國家太小了，無論你往哪個方向走，在三個小時之內，你就會來到一個完全不同的國家，那裡有自己的歷史和文化。

It's not like that here in America, right?

美國不是這樣的，對吧？

What happens if this guy gets in his car and drives three hours.

如果這個人坐進車裡開了三個小時會怎麼樣？

What's he gonna see?

他會看到什麼？

Fucking that dude.

該死的傢伙

It's all the same.

都是一樣的。

It's just cheesecake factories and sunglass huts as far as the eye can see.

放眼望去，只有芝士蛋糕工廠和太陽鏡小屋。

So stop giving us crap world.

所以，別再給我們廢話了。

I'm sorry.

對不起

We're not surrounded by other cultures.

我們周圍沒有其他文化。

We only have two neighbors in America and they're a fuck of a distance from each other, right?

我們在美國只有兩個鄰居，而且相距很遠，對吧？

Like if you live near the border of one of them, you don't know anything about the other.

比如，如果你住在其中一個國家的邊境附近，你就對另一個國家一無所知。

Ok?

好嗎？

No one who has spent his entire life in Vermont knows how to make a good PICO de gallo and no one from San Antonio knows how to shovel a driveway.

在佛蒙特州生活了一輩子的人都不知道如何製作美味的 PICO de gallo，來自聖安東尼奧的人也不知道如何剷車道。

That's right.

這就對了。