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  • >>IT WAS MY DAUGHTER MALLORY. SHE ASKED US FOR A STOPWATCH FOR HER BIRTHDAY.

  • I NEVER SUSPECTED ANYTHING. >>MY SON MATT STARTED HANGING OUT WITH A NEW CROWD.

  • I THOUGHT THEY WERE GOOD KIDS, BUT SOON HE

  • STARTED WEARING SHORT-SHORTS AND T-SHIRTS WITH BAD PUNS.

  • >>WHERE DID YOU GET THIS? RUNNING NOSE.

  • >>I KNOW. >>EVERY YEAR 13 MILLION KIDS TRY DISTANCE

  • RUNNING FOR THE FIRST TIME.

  • UNAWARE THAT THEY'RE BEGINNING A LIFE OF CHAFFING

  • AND MALE THIGH EXPOSURE. >>YOU DR. SCHOLL'S?

  • >>INDEED I AM. YOU GUYS NEED SHOES?

  • >>YEAH. >>OH, BAM.

  • AND THESE RIGHT HERE. TRY THOSE ON FOR SIZE.

  • >>WHAT'S THIS GOING TO RUN US? >>IT'S 25.

  • >>GIVE IT TO HIM. >>YEAH.

  • >>OUR SON ADAM SAID IT WAS JUST A PARTY, BUT WHEN WE WENT TO GO ON CHECK ON HIM--

  • NO! IT WAS A 5K.

  • NO! I HAVE NO SON!

  • >>HONEY, STOP. >>I HAVE NO SON!

  • DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT COMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS! [CRYING]

  • >>ADAM! >>YOU ARE LITERALLY BREAKING YOUR MOTHER'S HEART.

  • >>SOON 5KS WEREN'T ENOUGH.

  • HE STARTED GETTING INTO MARATHONS. >>WHAT IS THIS?

  • OKAY! >>IT JUST KEPT GETTING MEDAL, AFTER MEDAL,

  • AFTER MEDAL-- >>AFTER MEDAL. HIS NECK...

  • >>SO MUCH WEIGHT, IT JUST DRUG HIM DOWN. >>EVERYDAY MORE AND MORE OF THESE HOODLUMS

  • ARE RUNNING THE STREETS. BUT WHAT ARE THEY RUNNING FROM?

  • WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO HIDE? WE GOT TO GET BACK TO TRADITIONAL VALUES LIKE

  • WALKING, SITTING DOWN-- >>I SHOULD HAVE SEEN

  • THE WARNING SIGNS. YOU KNOW, HE WAS RUNNING IN PLACE A

  • LOT AND USED GEL INSERTS. I MEAN, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE YOU FIND

  • THAT KIND OF THING. >>SUSPECT IS BEING CHARGED WITH DISTANCE RUNNING,

  • RUNNER'S HIGH, FREAKISH SCRAWNINESS-- >>HEY!

  • >>YOU KEEP QUIET. >>BUT AS THE RUNNING EPIDEMIC SPREADS,

  • PARENTS AND TEACHERS ARE POWERLESS TO STOP IT.

  • >>WE TOOK AWAY HER RUNNING SHOES HOPING SHE WOULD STOP

  • AND THEN WE HEAR ABOUT THIS THING CALLED BARE-FOOT RUNNING?

  • WAS THIS SOME SORT OF SICK JOKE? I MEAN, WHERE DOES IT STOP?

  • >>PARENTS, TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT DISTANCE RUNNING.

  • HELP THEM FIND BETTER HOBBIES LIKE VIDEO GAMES. >>COULD YOU STOP IT FOR MINUTE MATT?

  • >>NAPPING OR DIABETES. >>IF YOU DON'T EAT YOUR DONUT YOU CAN'T

  • HAVE BROCCOLI. >>NO, DAD.

  • IT'S GOING TO SLOW ME DOWN. >>I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

  • >>IN EXTREME CASES SEEK MEDICAL HELP. >>YOUR SON HAS TESTED POSITIVE FOR SHIN SPLINTS.

  • >>CHOP THE LEG. >>IT'S-- >>CHOP THE LEG.

  • >>DISTANCE RUNNING, IT'S A DANGEROUS AND SLIPPERY SLOPE.

  • SOMETIMES A HEALTHY LIFE IS WORSE THAN DEATH.

>>IT WAS MY DAUGHTER MALLORY. SHE ASKED US FOR A STOPWATCH FOR HER BIRTHDAY.

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