I have to buy pain medication for my mother

我要為母親買止痛藥

so I get there with the script, the woman's behind the counter

所以我拿著劇本去了那裡，那個女人就在櫃檯後面

She's like, "Hi Sir, can I help you with anything?"

她說："先生，有什麼需要幫忙的嗎？"

I said yes, I need to fill this prescription please

我說是的，請給我開處方。

she goes, "Okay, let me just check here, that's for Mrs Noah?"

她說："好吧，讓我檢查一下 這是給諾亞太太的嗎？"

I said yes, yes.

我說是的，是的。

"Okay, hold on.

"好的，等一下。

Oh, I am sorry Sir. We don't have any stock there."

哦，對不起，先生。我們那裡沒有存貨。"

I said what do you mean no stock?

我說你說沒有庫存是什麼意思？

She said, "Yeah, we got nothing of that medicine"

她說："是的，我們沒有那種藥"

I said well, when are you getting more?

我說，好吧，你什麼時候會有更多的？

"Oh, we are not gonna get for a few months hey

"哦，我們幾個月內都得不到嘿嘿

there's a back-order problem"

有一個滯銷問題"

Okay, so what do you. My mom needs the pain medication.

好吧，那你怎麼做。我媽媽需要止痛藥

She's like, "Yeah, I'm sorry."

她說："是的，我很抱歉。"

Oh, well.

哦，好吧。

"Just joking!

"開個玩笑！

you should have seen your face, hey

你真該看看你的臉，嘿

I've also got jokes there Trevor, I've also got jokes."

我也有笑話特雷弗，我也有笑話"。

I'm like, you got jokes?

我想，你有笑話嗎？

my mom's in pain, she got shot

我媽媽很痛苦，她中槍了

you got jokes?

你有笑話嗎？

this is not the time for jokes, what the hell. It's not funny lady!

現在不是開玩笑的時候，管他呢。這不好笑，女士

It's too soon, it's just too soon!

太快了，實在是太快了！

it's too soon.

太快了

Ah, Hospitals.

啊，醫院。

I'm not a fan.

我不喜歡。

I had to go back for my surgery, voice surgery.

我不得不回去做手術，嗓音手術。

One of the most stressful days of my life.

這是我一生中壓力最大的日子之一。

I am there 5 o'clock in the morning, I'm sitting in the waiting area.

我早上 5 點鐘就到了那裡，坐在等候區。

There's this woman that checks you in for you surgery.

有個女人會為你辦理手術登記手續。

She's not friendly at all, she's not even trying to make people feel good.

她一點都不友好，她甚至不想讓別人感覺良好。

She's like, “next!”

她說："下一個！"

And you will come up, “next!”

然後你就會說 "下一個！"

It's my turn and she's like, “Name!”

輪到我了，她說："名字！"

Trevor

特雷弗

“Trevor”

"特雷弗"

“Surname!”

"姓！"

I said: “Noah”

我說"諾亞"

“Noah”

"諾亞"

“Noah?”

"諾亞？"

“Trevor Noah?”

"特雷弗-諾亞？"

I said: “yes”

我說"是的"

“Trevor Noah?”

"特雷弗-諾亞？"

I said: “yes”

我說"是的"

“The comedian?”

"喜劇演員？"

“The one who's making the jokes, he?”

"開玩笑的那個人，他？"

“Yes”

"是"

“The jokes about us when we are on strike, he?”

"我們罷工時的笑話，他？"

“No, not that one. This one.”

"不，不是那個。是這個

“It's another one, it's not me.”

"是另一個人，不是我"

She's like, “Yea!”

她說："耶！"

“Yea, you are here now, he?”

"是啊，你現在在這裡，他？"

“Hmm, it's not funny now, hey?”

"嗯，現在不好玩了，對吧？"

“No, it's not funny.”

"不，這不好笑"

She's like, “Yea, where's your jokes now?”

她說："是啊，你的笑話呢？"

“They're in the car”

"他們在車裡"

“What?” “No, nothing. Nothing.”

"怎麼了？" "不，沒什麼。沒什麼

“Hmm, funny guy. So what you doing here? You going to surgery?”

"嗯，有趣的傢伙。你在這裡做什麼？你要去做手術嗎？"

I said: “yes”

我說"是的"

“Why you talking like that, what's wrong?”

"你怎麼這樣說話，怎麼了？"

“I have got a thing.”

"我有一樣東西"

“Oh, the voice is broken, he?”

"哦，嗓子壞了，他？"

“Did you break something, what's wrong is it sore?”

"你摔壞了什麼東西嗎？ 怎麼了，疼嗎？"

I said: “yes”

我說"是的"

“Oh, I'm sorry. It's sore?”

"哦，對不起。疼嗎？"

I said: “yes”

我說"是的"

“You want the medicine?”

"你要藥嗎？"

I said: “yes”

我說"是的"

“okay, let me just check.”

"好吧，讓我檢查一下"

“Oh, they say laughter is the best medicine.”

"他們說笑是最好的良藥

“Yea, so why don't you just make a joke and fix it?”

"是啊，那你為什麼不開個玩笑把它修好呢？"

“Just make a joke on the inside funny guy.”

"就在裡面開個玩笑，有趣的傢伙"

“Even me, I can do it for you.”

"即使是我，我也能為你做到"

I can make a joke, I can fix that

我會開玩笑，我會解決這個問題

Knock, knock. Who's there?”

敲門，敲門。誰在那兒？"

“Nobody, yeah!”

"沒人，耶！"

“Funny, funny.”

"有趣，有趣"

“Funny, Next!”

"有趣，下一個！"

It's not funny

這不好笑

it's my life

這是我的生活

oh, welcome guys. Welcome.

歡迎你們歡迎你們

just in time

正正

just started the show

剛開播

did he just ask you what did I miss, what did I miss?

他剛才問你我錯過了什麼，我錯過了什麼？

why are you guys so late, what happened?

你們怎麼這麼晚才來，發生什麼事了？

Eish!

Eish！

Eish, see patience, patience

Eish, see patience, patience

"Eish, late, Eish"

"艾希，遲到了，艾希"

go away, go away

走開，走開

Luckily the voice surgery was a success

幸運的是，嗓音手術很成功

you know, I had a great doctor

你知道，我有一個很好的醫生

I was blessed enough to be able to heal

我有幸能夠治癒

and I can do the shows again

我又可以做節目了

most important thing though, is the tea

最重要的是茶

and as weird as it sounds, I have to drink it

雖然聽起來怪怪的，但我必須喝下去

it's a mixture of Rooibos

它是 Rooibos 的混合物

lemon, honey, ginger, sea salt and bicarb

檸檬、蜂蜜、生薑、海鹽和重碳酸鈣

disgusting, but it works

雖然噁心，但還能用

but it's great, I can do my shows in South Africa

但這很好，我可以在南非演出

I can do my shows in Southern Africa

我可以在南部非洲演出

which is fantastic, so I'm doing that

這太棒了，所以我正在這樣做

going out into Africa, have you ever been into Africa Sir?

你去過非洲嗎？

No, what's your name if you don't mind me asking?

不，如果你不介意的話，請問你叫什麼名字？

Gerhard, Gerhard. Never been out into Africa

格哈德，格哈德。從未去過非洲

No, the reason I said out into Africa

不，我之所以說去非洲

is because this is not Africa

因為這裡不是非洲

No, South Africa is not. This is Africa Lite guys.

不，南非不是。這裡是 "非洲之光"。

this is

這是

don't get it twisted, when I say Africa

別誤會，我說非洲

I mean Africa, like Africa, Africa. No jokes.

我是說非洲，就像非洲，非洲。別開玩笑了

No white people, nothing nothing.

沒有白人，什麼都沒有。

it's just you in the streets Gerhard, just you

街上只有你，格哈德，只有你

just you, if you see like one other white person

只有你，如果你看到像其他白人一樣的人

you're happy, yay!

你很開心，耶

it's your reflection.

這是你的反映。

I've started doing shows out there Gerhard, you know

格哈德，你知道嗎？

Places like Namibia, fantastic

那密比亞等神奇的地方

Botswana as well, beautiful

波扎那也很美

Wanted to go to Zimbabwe, but I skipped it

想去辛巴維，但我放棄了

No, because I don't want to die. That's the only reason.

不，因為我不想死。這是唯一的理由

You laugh but I mean this, you cant make jokes

你笑了，但我的意思是，你不能開玩笑

about Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe

關於辛巴維的羅伯特-穆加貝

if you do this, you get arrested

如果你這樣做，你會被逮捕

and get sent to prison for mocking the president, right.

並因嘲笑總統而被送進監獄，對吧。

so I know I would go there, and I wouldn't be able to resist

所以我知道我會去那裡，而且我無法抗拒

I would be like, "Hey, Mustache hey"

我會說 "嘿，小鬍子"

and then, I'm in jail.

然後，我就進了監獄。

which normally wouldn't be such a bad thing

這通常不是什麼壞事

because what would happen normally in an international incident like that

因為在這樣的國際事件中，通常會發生的情況是

is normally your president would just come there

一般情況下，你們的總統會直接過來

he would ask you to be released and taken back to your country

他會要求將你釋放並送回你的國家

but now, I don't know

但現在，我不知道

if that guy

如果那傢伙

will come and fetch me.

會來接我。

I can see him sending Mugabe the e-mail now

我現在就能看到他給穆加貝發郵件了

"It's fine, Rob"

"沒事，羅伯"

"keep him"

"留住他"

so I am not taking any chances.

所以我不會冒任何風險。