You gotta make U-ey.

I don't know how to do that.

Stop this car!

Haley, honey, did you mean to send this text to your dad?

Text? What does it say?

I hate to spoil your golf game, but...

Uh, no, I didn't send that. Must have accidentally dictated when you and dad were talking.

Okay. That's weird. Well, while I have you on the phone, would you mind emptying the dishwasher and...

You're breaking up?

Haley, can you hear me now?

Nope. Bye. Got it.

Told you we'd get it. Now, just for a little creative editing.

Your mind is so brilliant. If you put this much effort into your schoolwork, there is no telling the things...

Why do you have to ruin everything?

I know. She's always talking about my potential.

Fore!

Do you think I hit her?

Eh, she's fine.

I'm sorry I'm so distracted today.

What's wrong, buddy?

Let me ask you something. Do you ever get the sense that your wife feels like she could have done better?

God, no. No. She's the luckiest woman on earth. I mean, if anything, I could have done better.

The noises that come out of that woman at night, it's like she's that black guy from police academy.

Oh, speak of the devil. Message from my wife. Not the black guy from police academy. Oh, that'd be so awesome.

That'd be neat.

Hey, it's Claire. I hate to spoil your golf game, but I'm pregnant. Let's talk as soon as you can.

I have to leave.

What? We're in the middle of a game.

I have to be with Claire!

Okay. We've been going over your story and it doesn't add up.

My purse was too high for you to reach.

He's tall enough to reach up here. He knocked over the baby powder, trying to get my stuffed animals.

I'm not buying it.

Look, you can see the footprints where he walked.

Walk? - Lily! Lily! Lily!

Joe can't walk.

He does for me.

So you have ways of making him walk?

Lily, just admit that you did it.

Come here, Joe. Like you did before.

Now you're embarrassing yourself.

Hey Joe. - He can't walk.

He's walking. The candles that I leaved work.

Look at the stride on him. He's as sure footed as a mountain goat.

Told you.

I'm so sorry that we doubted you.

Boy, did I get lucky.

I'm going to blame everything on him until he learns how to talk.

If I don't make it to Canada, your mom wins, and this baby ends up in the garage first thing in the morning.

Our garage?

I'm in charge of the recycling. I'm supposed to bring it from the garage to the curb by 6 a.m. Thursday morning.

I may have missed a few weeks.

Shoot.

Maybe more than a few weeks.

After a while, the pile just got so big I couldn't bring out the night before or eople would ask questions.

I don't need people asking questions.

Then you're right. You've got to finish. You'll never use this thing in the garage. It's too drafty.

That's why I'm going to Canada, buddy. To avoid the draft.

Okay. Your turn.

Oh. No way.

Do you want to get her attention or not?

That was amazing. Did you see the look on Miranda's face?

No, but you did good, Thelma.

Please stop calling me that. I hate that movie.

What movie?

Uh oh. Dead end.

You gotta make a u-ey.

I don't know how to do that.

Mind moving your thumb? Alexandra?

That's what that's short for?

So sweet of you to take them to the park. Just make sure there's someplace shady.

We'll do.

Fridgerator. No.

Say frigefrator.

Refrigerator. I need you to focus, kid. Fridgorfrator, where we keep the sandmiches.

People seem delighted by Joe, whatever.

But I had that fetching study partner coming over, and I realized I could use Joe's by the numbers cuteness to my amorous advantage.

Wow. Even for me, that was a lot of Manny.

But a sandwich.

It's like you're not even trying.

Okay. That's probably her. Look, just be cute, okay? For my sake. It's like when guys use puppies to attract girls.

Hi, Manny. - Olive, please come in.

That's my little brother, Joe. Don't mind his little pot there. What do you have in there again? Some kind of pasta dish?

Woof, woof. Oh, are you a doggy?

Yeah. He's always doing adorable stuff like that because I'm his hero.

I love that. Are you a good doggy or a bad doggy?

Oh, scary.

Adorable. - I know. So, should we head up?

Oh! Oh, my God, get it off me!

No! Joe! Joe! Joe! Let go! What are you doing?

He's biting me! Do something!

Bad joe. Bad joe!

Oh, that's making him bite me harder.

A person is not a sandwich, Joe! Joe, what are you doing? Joe! Let go!

We're leaving.

See? That didn't take too long. Thank you, girls. Now go and have a good time, all right? - Bye.

See, you don't need all the conflict. Note to Claire if you want intense family drama, rent Spy Kids.

They saved their parents lives. Do you think they would have done that if they got yelled at all the time?

Sweet and sour chicken!

Girls! Get back! Gotta fix that step. Girls!

Did he just yell? Drive! I'm trying!

You girls get back here right now!

Pretend you don't hear him! - I know you can hear me!

Oh my God, he's coming toward the car! - Stop this car!

We're sorry, Dad, we couldn't hear you. - No more lies!

You poked the bear, girls, you poked him!

We bribed Lily with all the soda she could drink and threw a party.

It was going great until someone set off the alarm because he just had to smoke his dorky pipe.

Dorky? Yeah, because Hugh Hefner doesn't get girls.

I love you too, mommy.

All clear, party people.

I told her we were baking cookies.

Dude, our oven's broken. My mom's definitely gonna get suspicious and check on us.

That means my mom's coming, too. I'll get everyone to leave. You get rid of the beer and your idea of a spread.

Wait, we're not giving up yet. The beer pong tournament just started.

The girls are laughing at all of our jokes, and they think we're friends with guys like Tommy Cudahy.

Great party. Lewis.

Thanks, Tommy.

From now on, I'm Lewis.

We're going to get caught if we do nothing.

What if we hide everyone long enough for my mom to check on us and then leave?

It's not worth it.

Guys, when do we play "Seven hours in Heaven"?

Moving the party upstairs, people.

Hi, Miss Pasternak.

I got to go meet some friends. I'll see you guys later? - Okay, Be careful.

Here. I brought by some more liquor bottles for Lily's project.

What project?

I don't know, I caught her going through my garbage and she said she needed liquor bottles. That's weird.

Anyway, tell her I'll have a couple more for her tomorrow.

Okay. Bye bye. Take care.

She can't babysit anymore.

What project? I don't know.

We've got a problem here. Look what I found under Dwight's bed.

Oh, yeah.

It's too bad he brought such a great energy to the house.

Mitchell. I just need a minute to process this.

Last weekend, Mom and Dad went to the Artichoke Festival in Monterey.

And Dylan's mom had the twins. So we took the opportunity to have a little party just to see if we still had it in us.

We did.

I'm checking the pizza. Got a pizza guy. Got a pizza guy. His name is Abraham. Don't forget the garlic knots. Garlic knots. Garlic knots.

This party is the goat.

Greatest of all time. I'm Doug, I'm across the street. Neighbor was just curbing my bins, heard the party noise thought I'd join up.

Want a refill on that?

There is no scenario where I accept a drink from you.

Nice to see the Dunphy's name still carries some party clout.

Oh, you know, we're running low on jungle juice. Just soak it up with a towel and wring it back into the cup. - Okay.

Cool. What kind is that?

Can I have one conversation tonight without someone asking me about my snake?

Oh, good Lord, what happened?

I slipped on that drink you spilled. Oh, hurt my ankle really bad.

I mean, I don't want to sue you, but I don't really see any other option. Do you?

So now I work for Doug.

Hey, everybody! Abraham.

Don't stare at it. Put it out.

We made some temporary fixes and scheduled repairs for today when Mom and Dad said they'd be at the beach.

Then they came home early.

It's just hard when you can't trust family members.